A/N: It'd just a tester to see if I'm any good at parodies. I'm not to sure, butI got laughs out of Bubbad and my cousin. I hope you like it too, but what happens, happens.

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, I don't own Harry Potter, and I don't own Elisha Cuthbert. God willing, one day I will. She will be mine FOREVER! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, and yours, April. I'm sharing!

I don't recommend downloading the song and listening to it, because it will never leave. It's been in mine for two weeks, ever since I wrote this. I hate Aqua, I hate Barbies, and I hate the song. HATE IT! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

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Behold the Turtle!

Chapter I: Call Upon the Power of Yoda

Hermione thought she'd never have to witness this again. It was bad enough when he broke into spontaneous song and dance when he'd visited in the summer, singing Baby Got Back. Her parents didn't want her hanging out with him anymore. But this was too much. She made a mental note to hunt down the Aqua group and kill each and every one, slowly and painfully. Ron had run out at the first mad gleam in the idiot's eye. She should have gone with him.

"I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world

Life in plastic, it's fantastic

You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere

Imagination, life is your creation."

"Oh sweet nipples of Christ, make him stop!" Seamus yelled at her.

"You think that's possible?" she demanded as she adverted her eyes from Harry's dancing. He was belting out the tune in his prepubescent, cracking, uneven voice at the top of his lungs.

"Get down, Potter!"

"Fucking retard!"

"I'm gonna kick you ass if you don't shut up, Potter!"

"Take it off!" yelled Neville.

Of course it had to be Neville that he paid attention to. Hermione shrieked in horror as Harry's outer robes landed on her head.

"I'm a blond bimbo girl, in a fantasy world,

Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your darling

You're my doll, rock ´n roll, feel the glamorous thing,

Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky.

You can touch, you can play,

You can say, 'I'm always yours.'

Uu-oohuh!"

Neville squealed excitedly as he caught Harry's pants. Hermione looked up at the head table hoping to see the teachers coming to put a stop to this, but the first one she saw was Snape - Snape making spanking motions in Harry's direction. To which, of course, Harry responded.

For some Harry-is-retarded reason he'd taken off his pants first. Shaking his tighty-whitey clad ass he looked Snape strait in the eye as he sang and unbuttoned his shirt.

"Make me walk, make me talk,

Do whatever you please,

I can act like a star,

I can beg on my knees.

Come jump in, be my friend,

Let us do it again, hit the town, fool around, let's go party.

You can touch, you can play, you can say:

'I'm always yours.'

You can touch, you can play, you can say:

'I'm always yours.'"

Finally in a fit of rage Hermione grabbed the plate of bacon and lobbed it at Harry's head. It connected with a satisfying 'donk' and Harry fell off the table, out cold. The entire hall burst out in hysterical cheering coupled with standing ovation and Hermione stood and took a bow. She glanced back at the head table where Snape sat looking severely disappointed, as if Christmas had been cancelled.