Disclaimer: It wouldn't be FanFiction if I owned it. And everything from this point onward is intended to be funny, if you find it offensive, well, you shouldn't take it seriously.

Reno, the sloppily dressed, loudmouth, womanizing, -- dyed -- red haired member of the Turks. Everything about his appearance screams rebellion.

But what most people don't know, is how much it costs to maintain it, sure the suits are free, and he's paid ridiculous amounts of money to do minor assassinations, or to collect some girl thats the last of her kind and who can lead ShinRa to some special place, but the shirts itch like there's no tomorrow, so he has to buy silk shirts, then he has to buy at-least sixty tubs of Pacific Number Five, Red Hair Dye, to dye his Natural green hair, red, I mean, who would want long Green hair? Thats just wrong!

But thats not all, no, after that, he has to buy tones of Hair gel, even more than Rufus ShinRa and Cloud Strife together, how else is he gonna keep his hair looking perfectly ruffled all the time?

If your haven't guessed by now, our Hero is very, very, vain. But how vain Reno is, isn't the point of the story, the point is, he spends alot on his appearance, so much in-fact, that he has no money for food or booze, now you may be asking, why wouldn't he save some money for food or booze? Well, if he wanted to eat, he could go to the Shinra buildings Cafeteria, and if he's up for a drink, just ask yourself, who is Reno always with when he go's to a bar? Thats right, everybody's favorite tall, muscular, Bald guy. Rude.

Now Rude knows the value of money, so unlike Reno, he doesn't spend all his money on Hair care products, because, well, he's bald, nobody knows if he shaves it to look like a bad mo' fo' , or wether he's just really bald, asking him about it, is just like asking a Homeless person last changed their underwear, it's just something you really shouldn't be asking about, and the fact that he'd probably pummel you into a bloody pulp just for saying 'bald' in his presence.

Anyway, as I was saying, Rude knows the value of money, so unlike Reno, he spends his money on really expensive, custom made shoes, the kind of shoes that if you saw them on the street, you'd think "Wow, those are really nice shoes." But they aren't just shoes, oh no, these shoes have Missile Launchers built in, and they're bullet proof too, so if he ever gets held at gunpoint, he can blow them up with his shoes. But he doesn't spend all his cash on shoes, nope, he also buys really expensive custom Sunglasses, suits, really cool looking guns and over-the-top Cars. Yes, Rude is a Bad boy playa'. But thats not the point, the rest of his money goes on booze, for himself, Reno and the Ladies.

So, you have probably guessed by now, that the Turks like to spend money, I won't go into Tseng or Elena, because I don't wanna, and they aren't in this story anyway, but I will tell you that Tseng has lots of Hair related products.

Anyway, you're probably wondering 'Why's he going on about how friggin' loaded the Turks are!' Well, it has alot to do with the plot actually.

You see, it all started a week ago...

Reno was in Rude's Apartment, sleeping, after a night of partying, and was lying in the bathtub, for some strange reason.

Anyway, here he was, sleeping in what looked like a very uncomfortable position, now according to the alarm clock, - - that was, for some reason, mounted on the wall, above the large mirror - - it was 8:30AM, which in Reno's world, was like 5:00AM, you see, Reno wasn't a morning person, and in-fact, he was very lazy, especially when it came to work, even more so for paperwork, which for some reason, they needed to do after they'd killed somebody, I mean, why would you keep records of your assassins kills? ShinRa sure is Coo-Coo...

So, here was Reno, happily sleeping in the tub, that was until a short, brown haired woman in a cleaners outfit walked in, now, this woman didn't speak a word of English, instead, she spoke Spanish, you'd wonder why Rude would hire somebody like that wouldn't you? Well you see, Rude spent alot of time in Costa Del Sol, while he was there, he learnt the native language and also picked up a killer sun-tan, so killer, that people think he's actually black, but we all know thats just stupid, because he doesn't use words like 'foo' or stuff Barett would say in one of those over the top FanFics he stars in.

Anyway, back to the woman, as she walked into the room, she began dusting the walls, why you ask, when she did it yesterday, and the days before? Hell, even I dunno. But she did, and she did a damn good job at it! So, when the Cleaner got up to the bathtub, she stopped, and stared at the Turk, unsure of what to do, she shook him awake. Now Reno, not being a Morning person, thought it was his alarm clock, and as a result, did what he normally did, that was smashing his Electro-Mag-Rod down on the cause of his annoyance, the woman slumped to the ground in Pain, and Rude -- who was already awake and working out, -- hearing the noise, rushed into the room.

"Reno what the hell?" The big guy shouted as he rushed over to his fallen Cleaner.

Ten minutes later and Maria Antonio Sherbet Gonzalez the Third, was up and about screaming and shouting at Rude, when she stopped, Reno looked up at him, expecting a translation.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What did she say?"

"Oh... Erm, she says she's suing us." Rude answered and absently rubbed the back of his neck, wondering why he was getting sued when it was Reno's doing and why they didn't just kill the cleaner and be done with it.

"So it took her five minutes of constant babbling to say that?"

"... It's a unique language... Don't be ignorant."

And with that, the short cleaner pouted and stormed out.

A/N: Is Rude bald or shaven? Why is this chapter so short? Will Tseng and Elena get a cameo? What's gonna happen next? Why was Reno in the bath tub? Will I actually continue this fic? And why the hell am I asking all these questions?

All these questions will be answered in the next chapter of Turk Olympics, well, maybe not all, but be sure to check anyway.