I'm starting fifth year? I feel like I'm fifty, Ginny thought. From across the room, a mirror reflected her image. Her long, red hair hung carelessly down her back, thrown into a sloppy ponytail. She was wearing a tank top and shorts that belonged to Hermione, whose house she had been at since the end of the school year. Everything was too big on her. Not only was she three inches shorter than Hermione, she was also considerably smaller chested. A big, ugly scrape sat on her knee from a failed attempt to ride a Muggle bicycle. Owing to years of dealing with adult problems while still in Hogwarts, Ginny's face was set and serious. She had been through too much to walk around smiling all the time. What a mess my life has become.

Hermione walked in, carrying a stack of folded clothes. She had reveled in playing host to Ginny, Ron, and Harry all summer. None of them could handle staying in 12 Grimmauld Place, and it was still too dangerous to be at the Burrow. She had done the best to make it a great summer, but none of them were up to it. Harry walked around like a zombie, mourning Sirius. Everyone else was still shell-shocked.

On top of that, Ginny was secretly trying to get over the hidden romance she had been having all of fourth year. Right before she had left school for the summer, she had broken it off. She told him that everything was too much, and that it was not working out. She said she needed time to think, and that the last thing she needed was another person to worry about. All of it had been lies. The worst part was, she could not tell anyone about it. They would not understand it, and they would not listen without judging.

As much as she tried, she could not deny it. She was in love with Draco Malfoy.

"How is the packing going?" Hermione asked cheerily. She put her laundry into her trunk, stacking it neatly.

Ginny shrugged. "Not bad." So far, she had one robe and a quill in her trunk.

"We're going to have dinner outside tonight. Mum's busy making us so many things, it should be wonderful."

The room was suddenly making Ginny claustrophobic. She needed to get fresh air and have some time to think. "I'll be there. I'm going to go on a walk."

In the hallway, she saw Harry, exiting the guest room he had been sharing with Ron. She smiled at him, and he smiled back. "What're you doing?" he asked.

"I don't know, going on a walk." There was an awkward silence. "Want to come along?"

"Sure."

Silently angry, Ginny walked with Harry down the stairs and then out the front door. All she wanted was some time alone, and she could not even get that. She had become well aware over the course of the summer that Harry was falling for her. Since she was ten, she had been waiting for the day that he would love her, too, but she didn't care. But, it wasn't because she didn't want Harry anymore. The fact was, nothing mattered to her anymore.

With Harry, she walked through the shady suburban streets of Hermione's neighborhood. Without a doubt, she felt safe here. But still, she didn't feel happy. They rounded a corner and saw a large, black dog in a yard, sitting and staring at them. Ginny's heart dropped at the sight. Next to her, Harry sighed loudly and turned his head the other way. Instinctively, Ginny tok his hand into her own and walked past the house quickly.

"How are you doing?" she asked gently. Ginny, from her own traumatic experiences, knew how she would have wanted the questions asked. They never had been, of course.

Harry did not answer right away. More houses passed as they continued in the silence. Ginny knew that she would wait. The grip on her hand grew tighter.

"I don't know. I still feel like he's not dead. That sounds so crazy, I know it does. I still feel like I should have known to do something. I feel like it's my fault. I can't help it."

Ginny squeezed his hand. Turning to look him in the eyes, she said, "You know that it's not."

Harry stared back at her, his green eyes full and sad. "I know."

Deciding not to press any further, Ginny walked along with Harry without another word. When they arrived back at Hermione's, she could see her and Ron setting up for dinner. Harry stopped and so did she. He looked at her, a small smile on his face. Ginny tried to smile, but she knew it wasn't working. "Are you doing okay?" he asked quietly.

Ginny couldn't lie. She shrugged, and looked away from Harry's eyes. "I don't know," she said truthfully. "I really don't know."

He stroked her hand, and Ginny was suddenly extremely aware of how much she was leading him on. She did not know what she felt about it. "Do you want to talk?" She shook her head back and forth.

Harry stared at her. "If you ever need to, I'll be here."

Truly appreciative, Ginny smiled. "Thank you." She let go of his hand as they walked into the backyard.

It was a comfortably humid night, still warm without the summer sun. Ginny loved nights like this. The stars seemed to hang right above, at a stretched arm's reach. Everyone ate, talked, and laughed. Even Ginny, who had barely eaten all summer out of pure nerves, stuffed herself. There would be another feast in just a day, but they would not be free. Another year of school would consume them for nine months. Ginny felt so liberated in the summer air.

After the dessert, Hermione let out a satisfied sigh and pushed away from the table. "I think I will go upstairs now."

"Yes, I think I will, too," Ron responded quickly. Ginny looked down at her feet and smiled as they both hurried off. Hermione had confessed to her that they had become something more than friends the past winter. "But Harry must not know!" she insisted.

Ginny watched Harry's face flicker as the candle Hermione had lit danced in the light, warm breeze. She wondered what it would be like to fall for a friend. None of her romances had ever started like that. They were always sudden or, in Draco's case, completely unexpected and spurned from hate. There was a long silence. Then Ginny said, "Let's go down to the lake."

The moon was bright, guiding them easily through Hermione's backyard and through the path towards the lake. They hardly ever went there during the day. It was always packed with Muggle parents and obnoxious children. But at night, it was just quiet, calm, and beautiful. Neither one of them spoke as they slipped off their shoes at the edge of the beach, allowing the cold sand to run through their toes. Harry climbed onto the wooded dock first, putting a hand out to help Ginny. Once securely on, they both lay on their backs, looking at the stars.

For some reason, Ginny started to think about Draco. She wondered what he was doing, and what he was doing. She wondered if he could see this sky. With a pang of guilt, she wondered if he still loved her.

It was too much for her. For too long, she had kept everything a secret. All of it ate away at her. She was worried and sad all of the time, because she kept everything hidden. She needed to tell someone something, unless she would go crazy.

"Harry, do you know that I've been in love?" Immediately, she regretted it. She was thankful that there positions would not allow for him to see her burning cheeks.

"With who?" he blurted out. Both turned their heads until they were lying close, facing one another.

"I had a boyfriend last year. And I don't mean Michael Corner," she said quickly. He had been a cover for what was really going on.

"Who?" Harry persisted.

Ginny shook her head. "That doesn't matter. Anyway, it's over now, probably for good. I broke it off in June."

"Is that what has been bothering you all summer?"

"Yes," she admitted. "Nobody but me and him knew. Now, I don't know what to feel. I don't know how he's feeling about me. I'm so confused."

Harry nodded trying to understand. "Well, do you still love him?"

Ginny considered the question carefully. Millions of thoughts ran through her head. "I really don't know. I think I do. I know that I definitely did. I think I feel the same. Yes, I do," she decided.

Embarrassed at her openness, Ginny turned back to the sky. She was angry at herself for so easily letting go. One part of her said it was okay, because she needed to tell someone if she wanted to stay sane. The other part shouted, "Remember Tom, you stupid girl!"

A star whooshed across the sky. Ginny couldn't stop anything from coming out of her mouth once she had her mind on it, even though she knew she should stop. Harry gave her ears to funnel everything into, something nobody had ever given her before. She thought back to the day in the library in the spring. That day, over chocolate eggs and whispered words, she had nearly told him everything. Luckily, Madam Pince had stopped that. Now, she had no rules holding her back.

"Have you ever been in love, Harry?" she asked, throwing the question out into the air.

"No," he responded mildly. "I could be one day, though." Ginny turned, and they were face to face. From their close proximity, Ginny could feel Harry's warm breath on her lips. It was maddening. Shocked at what was happening, Ginny felt wavy butterflies move through her stomach. For Harry?

"Let's go swimming," she said, standing suddenly. What had just happened (or almost happened) had sent her into a tailspin. If she had not moved, they would have kissed. It would be too wrong. She loved Draco.

Right? Or maybe this is what it takes to let go…..

Quickly, Ginny pulled off her shirt and shorts. leaving them them carelessly on a pile on the dock. She tried to kignore Harry watching her, propped up on his elbows. "Come on!" she urged.

He stood and slipped off his clothes. They stood together on the edge of the dock, looking down at the black water.

"One….."

"Two…."

"THREE!"

Simultaneously, Ginny and Harry leaped into the lake. Water submerged her, running through her hair as she paddled to the surface. Harry resurfaced a second after her, gasping loudly as he took in air. He was smiling, truly and widely. Inside, Ginny felt warm. That smile had been missing since before that night at the ministry. Everyone had missed it. Now, she was the one responsible for bringing it back to the surface.

Ginny beamed back at him as they both treaded water. "Ginny….. I feel so good," he confessed.

"I know. I am so glad."

"You know what. I am so glad that you're happy, too. It's good to see you happy.

Giggling, Ginny splashed Harry, He was right. She was so happy there. He splashed her back, laughing. Both splashed each other, moving through the water. They ended up in the shallow part, where they could both stand. While trying to run in the water, Ginny stumbled on the sand. Laughing, she landed in Harry's arms.

She looked at him, and suddenly wasn't laughing anymore. To her dismay and pleasure, they were back in the same position they had been in when they were on the dock. Now, there was nowhere for her to go.

Slowly, Harry reached up and moved a piece of wet hair from Ginny's eyes. Staring intently, Harry allowed his hand to longer on her cheek.

"Are you sure you love him, your mystery man?" His whisper was so suggestive, Ginny fell hard for his words.

"Not at all," she muttered.

Tilting her head to the right, Ginny moved closer to Harry. Under the water, her hands found his hips. Harry automatically moved his other hand to her other cheek. He moved closer, too, and then, there was contact.

Ginny felt like she was flying as she kissed Harry. Oh, God, I'm kissing Harry, Attempting to put all of the weird feelings away, Ginny threw herself into the moment. Harry kissed differently than anyone she had ever kissed before. He was gentle, yet still used some force, moving through her mouth rhythmically. Ginny tightened her grip on his hips.

The moon shone brightly over the two of them as they kissed in the water for what turned into an hour. When they grew cold, they moved back onto the dock they had nearly started on, kissing in the moonlight. Ginny fell hard for Harry, but could not help but feel slightly guilty. There was someone else in her life. As much as she wanted to forget him, she could not help but feel that she was being unfaithful.

Before they knew it, the sun was coming up. Harry and Ginny separated themselves from one another, breaking the magic that had existed between them. Awkwardly, they redressed, suddenly coming to realize what had gone on. Quickly, they went back to Hermione's, hoping they would not be find out. Harry would not be breathing by nightfall if Ron knew.

"I still have to pack," Ginny admitted, trying to break the awkward silence. Harry laughed. "Me too."

Upstairs, Hermione was sleeping. Ginny quickly threw her few items into her trunk, and flopped down onto her bed, crying.

This can't be letting go. It hurts too much. More than ever, she wanted to be back in Draco's arms. She didn't care who knew anymore.