What I Learned at Genkai's Temple
A few months ago, three girls by the names of Kit, Daphne, and Kai were forced under strange conditions to train under the psychic Genkai for their own safety. Koenma has asked them to make a tape explaining what they have learned in the past few months.
The three girls are sitting in a semi-circle facing the camera (on a tripod) when the video begins. On the right (stage left) sits a girl of about normal size with icy-blue eyes that seemed to glow and blonde hair that reached her middle back. She wore a baby-pink spaghetti-strap top with light-blue denim Daisy-duke shorts and pink platform shoes. Her name was Kit, the 'prep' of the group.
To her right sat the one called Daphne. Long platinum blonde hair and eyes of a silvery blue caught the attention of the on-looker. Unfortunately, most of the time, her superior punk-like attitude chased away many potential boyfriends. But she did look stunning in her tight black jeans, green halter top, and black sneakers, the slim aspects of her wrists enhanced by the bangles that jingled annoyingly every time she moved. At her neck hung a necklace with the silhouette of a dragon.
On the left side of the camera's view was Kai. A brunette that wore chains galore and black everything, sporting a biker-chick look and a black leather cap.
"So…what we learned at Genkai's temple," Kai stated.
"There are some things you just don't do," Kit said.
"And some things you learn along the way," Daphne added.
Kit started them off. "I learned that you should never watch an English fox hunt in front of a kitsune…" The others burst into laughter upon hearing this, but Kit didn't lose her calm composure. "Yeah…you just don't do that." (footnote 1)
"It's not a wise idea to throw a party and/or talk about love and kindness when the only one around is a fire slash ice apparition whose parents tried to throw him off a cliff when he was born," Kai told the viewers.
"Learned that the hard way?" Kit asked her.
"Yeah."
"Don't ask the ferry girl if she's on crack," Daphne advised, and the others couldn't resist a few snickers. (footnote 2) "And don't ask the Goth guy if his powers make him psycho. The word is psychic. Learn the difference. Trust me, it'll make your life a LOT easier."
"Use caution when messing with 'nature-boy's' lab test tubes," Kit commented, "especially the ones marked 'dangerous.'"
They once again burst into giggles in remembrance of that occasion.
"Also avoid reference to babies…" Kai supplemented. (footnote 3)
"That can be taken multiple ways," Daphne pointed out.
"Exactly."
"I learned the hard way not to be nice to idiots," Daphne informed them.
"I know," Kit sympathized. "I told Kuwabara 'hello' and now he won't leave me alone."
"Duh."
It was Kai's turn. "Always wake up at precisely 5:00 a.m. For two reasons. One…"
Kit filled in the blank, "Otherwise you'll get a rude awakening at 5:00:01."
"And two, when you go to breakfast, you'll find that what's left resembles a jungle floor after a stampede."
"Never, I repeat, NEVER," Daphne began, "ask an over-century-old lady her age."
"That'll kick-start your morning," Kai remarked. After a pause she got back on topic. "When approaching the guys' room, always carry a flamethrower."
"So true!" Kit stated. "Oh, yeah. A spirit gun has approximately 50 times the force of an actual bullet."
"Katanas are very sharp…" Daphne informed them.
"Never use the word 'fight' in front of the school punks," Kai cautioned.
"Demons under Koenma's employment have a reaction time of .000003 seconds," Kit said.
"It takes an estimated 5 minutes to run 20 laps around the temple when encouraged by a VERY angry apparition," Kai told them.
"Really? It only took me 40 seconds." (Kit)
"Weird. I clocked a minute and a half." (Daphne)
"Resist the temptation to touch the 'pretty flower'," Kit advised, using the quotation hand gestures.
"It's not a flower, it's a man-eating plant from Planet I-Have-No-Idea-What," Kai added. They all faked a panic for a few moments, then remembered what they were supposed to be doing.
"Pink is not Hiei's color," Kit commented randomly.
"However, purple is," Kai pointed out.
"Red nail polish enhances the red in Hiei's face when he's royally ticked off and wearing purple," Daphne finished off.
The three high-fived each other.
"There are at least 9,714 known steps in Genkai's temple," Kit told the viewers.
"Oh, yes," Kai recalled. "Do NOT wear skirts, no matter what length, in the presence of a certain black-haired pervert."
All of the girls coughed, sounding suspiciously like "Yusuke."
Kit had more advice to offer, "Don't tell the messenger that the salon worker really screwed up her hightlights."
Daphne added her own aphorism, "Every rose whip has its thorns…"
"And let's not forget…Mating season actually happens TWICE a year," Kai presented her discovery.
"A kitsune's digestive tract does not like chocolate," Daphne reported her findings.
"A sweet-snow-addicted apparition, however, does," Kit added.
"Sugar-high apparitions are scary," they all chorused.
"You can see the whole grounds when tied to a rope dangling from the roof," Kit told them. She paused. "It only takes 5 ft of rope to tie up an average-sized teenage girl."
"Ropes are surprisingly very durable," Daphne said.
"It is in this situation that a demon's response time becomes six hours," Kit continued.
Everyone on screen began to laugh.
"Somehow, I don't think this is what Koenma had in mind when he asked us to video-tape what we learned," Kit observed.
"Somehow, I don't think so, either," Kai noted.
"This is gonna be hilarious when they see this," Daphne thought aloud as she got up and turned the camera off.
THE END!
(1) This joke actually came from "Rules to Living With a Kitsune" by Descending Kitsune. We asked if we could use it in our fic, but never received a reply. So, DK, if you don't like it being used, just let us know, and we'll take it off.
(2) This came from Ugly Kitten's "Heal Me, I'm Heartsick", the first in a series of three awesome stories! She granted our request to use it, so give her a big round of applause folks! Whoo! (It seems the GGFs are becoming free advertisement...)
(3) As Daphne pointed out, this can be taken multiple ways. Such as when Yusuke (and Kuwabara, I think) first met Koenma...yeah. Then, there's also the reference to childbirth...
Kohari: Hope y'all really enjoyed that. Coming soon: the reactions...but only if you review!
Jacqie: So hurry! We want 5 reviews before we continue!