Author's note: I know nothing about Star Wars. Sorry. I'm writing this in honor of Bugzby, my brother. If I make a mistake please correct me. I'm not justb
"It's just Jedi, not Jedis." Obi-wan corrected.
"Shut up." Jed snapped, "We must be on our BAST behavior. We are going to meet the president of the galaxy!"
"Huh?" Obi-wan asked.
"No time for 'huh' –a word which here means a three letter sound that SOME people make when they're too stupid to say 'what' or 'pardon me'." Jed said.
Meanwhile, in the Jedi council (or is it counsel,) where many Jedi of whom I do not know their names are meeting, and Yoda, the Jedi whose name I DO know is there also –sitting on his flying disk thingy.
"My the council, (or is it counsel,) please come to order." Said Jedi 1.
"Order it has must be." Yoda stated.
"Yeah, like, what he said, man." Shaggy, from Scooby-doo said. (Why was he there? Oh, yes, there was an intergalactic buffet.)
"He doing here what?" Yoda asked.
"There's an intergalactic buffet." Jedi 4 said.
"Like, I'll have a liver ice cream, man." Shaggy said.
"Whatever." Jedi 3 replied.
"We are here to talk about why Obi-wan-whose-name-we-can-not-fully-pronounce isn't here to talk about why Obi-wan-whose-name-we-can-not-fully-pronounce isn't here." Jedi 2 proclaimed.
"Gone is he?" Yoda asked.
"Like, no monsters involved is there?" Shaggy gulped.
"I have a question." Jedi 1 said, "Why is this green-shirted, unshaved glutton aloud in a top-secret Jedi meeting?"
"Uh..." all the Jedi said, "THROUGH HIM OUT!"
After Shaggy was tossed back into the Mystery Ship and transported back to earth the Jedi could continue.
"I plead that we change our names from Jedi to a word that actually changes when plural." Jedi 4 stated.
"Here! Here!" Jedi 2, 3, 4, and 5 cheered.
"About Obi-wan is this meeting. Change name not." Yoda replied coolly.
After thirty minutes of strenuous force usage the Jedi translated the message.
"Oh, bummer." They moaned, "Hippy is such a cooler name. It fills us with peace, love and joy!"
"And patchouli!" Jedi 3 added.
"Quiet you must be!" Yoda shouted, "About Obi-wan we must speak."
"He left with a guy named Jed." Jedi 5 spoke.
"Jed!" they all gasped, "NOOOOOOO! Not that lunatic!"
"Is a lunatic a tick that lives on the moon?" asked Anakin, who was eavesdropping via the force.
"Yes, and the word for many ticks is 'politics'." The Dark Lord replied.
"And congress is the opposite if progress!"
"You learn well my your apprentice." The Dark Lord said proudly, "Reminds me of my old apprentice, Maul. Sniffle. Life will never be the same without that little, demonic guy hanging about. Seems just like yesterday I taught him to destroy people. Sniff."
Back with Jed, who by now you all know is insane, and Obi-wan.
The duo entered the space ship and underwent a serious transformation.
"Ooof." Obi-wan groaned, "I feel like a houseplant."
"Tell me about it." Jed moaned.
Suddenly they were turned into computers, high-heeled boots, Green Peace forms, caned food and finally themselves again.
"Such power this Jedi has!" Jed breathed in awe.
"I, I was inanimate objects!" Obi-wan gasped.
"Let us meet the president!" Jed shouted. They rushed through a door and crashed into a robot.
"Ooops." Obi-wan apologized, "I apologize!"
"Not that you mean it." The robot said sorrowfully.
"I do." Obi-wan reassured.
"No, you probably don't care what happens to a robot with chronic depression." The robot whimpered.
"Who are you?" Jed asked.
"I'm Marvin, not that you care." Marvin the robot sighed, stifling a sob.
"Could you show us the way to the president?" Jed asked.
"Not that it matters, but yes. I could give you some advice about seeing him, but you wouldn't like it. No one likes me either."
"Poor little guy!" Jed said, patting Marvin's shiny head.
"You don't need to pretend," Marvin grumbled miserably.
They followed Marvin through a series of doors that seemed to emanate happy sighs when they were opened.
"They are mocking me!" Marvin sobbed.
"Um, why did we turn into inanimate objects?" Obi-wan asked.
"Because of the probability button, not as if you care," Marvin muttered. They entered a white room. A television screen filled one wall. Watching it with a blank look was a man dressed in shiny shorts, a velvet coat, a beanie, high-healed boots, black fingernail polish, and a cravat. His hair was long and messy, and he had the appearance of someone who wanted to be totally hip and was failing miserably (but not knowing it.)
"This is the president," Marvin sighed, "Not much. There were others here, but they left for a honeymoon, and one went to a towel convention. I don't want to talk about them. They don't like me. They didn't invite me to come."
"Oh..." Obi-wan said, "Um, hello Mr. President."
The odd man at the TV jumped up and shuffled his feet, "Woa, like who are y'all?"
"I'm Jed the Jedi," said Jed, "And using my Jedi powers I know that you are Zaphod!"
Zaphod, who had forgotten that he was wearing a nametag the size of a dinner-plate, was impressed. "Dude! Teach me to do that! Ya know, I'm the president, I could order you to teach me –except apparently I have no real power."
"You really wanna learn, buddy?" Jed asked.
"Woa, like do I!" Zaphod exclaimed.
"Ok, come with us and be a Jedi," Jed answered.
"Ok," Zaphod said stupidly.
"I could tell you not to go, but you wouldn't listen. No one loves me!" Marvin wept.
The Jedi and Zaphod walked out and to Jed's ship.
"You really think that this man is a good potential Jedi?" Obi-wan asked worriedly as Zaphod stopped every few seconds to look in the mirror.
"Oh yeah!" Jed replied, "He has two heads and three arms!"
"Oh, that explains it," Obi-wan said sarcastically.
They got into Jed's ship and buckled up. NEVER DRIVE –or fly- WITHOUT BEING BUCKLED UP! –ok.-
"Let's rock!" Zaphod laughed. Then he sat down in front of Jed's TV and zoned out.
"Alright! On ward to MIDDLE EARTH!" Jed cried dramatically.
"Um... where?" Obi-wan asked.
"Derrrrrrrr... TV..." Zaphod said, drooling on the carpet.
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