Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.
Dedicated to my SW loving brother who will be insulted by this as sure as there are eagles on Proposal Rock.
Note: I'm not a Star Wars fan, so if I spell something wrong please help me, in fact, it would be VERY nice of you to send me all the spellings you can think of in a sweet little review. ;)
Scene, after Obi-wan finds that Anakin has joined the dark side.
"What? How could he do this to me? After all I've done!" Obi-wan brushed a few tears from his beard.
"What have you done?" a nameless Jedi asked.
"I've tucked him in every night, made him a pink teddy-bear cake on every birthday, gave him color crayons, called him my Ani-wanni-shmo-shmanny-fee-fi-fo-fanny-ani. I've been the perfect daddy –er- Jedi master!"
"Well, I think that's your reason right there." The nameless Jedi muttered.
"Say, what's your name? I don't reckon I've seen you before." Obi-wan said.
"I'm Jed, the new guy who never made it in even ONE of the movies. I'm a figment of the creation of a notorious PhantomPhan, the child of sarcasm and Broadway parodies. I would have been played by Michael Crawford, but he betrayed me for the part of Count Fosco, curse him." The nameless Jedi who wasn't actually nameless said.
"Uh, ok." Obi-wan replied, "What's a PhantomPhan?"
"You don't wanna know!" Jed answered, "So, what do ya intend to do about Ani?"
"Um, I don't know," Obi-wan admitted, "We seem to be loosing a lot of Jedi lately. If they don't join they dark side they die, and if they don't die they become Sponge Bob characters. Either way it's bad for us."
"Well, ya know what we gotta do?" Jed asked.
"Just keep swimming?" Obi-wan ventured.
"No! We have to recruit more Jedi peoples!" Jed cried.
"Recruit more Jedi peoples?" Obi-wan asked.
"Recruit more Jedi peoples!" Jed cried out again.
"Recruit more Jedi peoples!" Obi-wan exclaimed, Jed's vibrancy for the cause rubbing off on him as well.
"And Don Juan triumphs once more!" Jed sang.
"Huh?" Obi-wan asked.
"Ooops, sorry. Wrong story. I've been a nameless background character in more that just Star Wars you know. Sometimes my past comes back to me.
"O-kay?" Obi-wan said, "And who's Don Juan?"
"Oh, you know, that character from Spanish folklore, Lord Byron's masterpiece: -What hopes of man/ Old Egypt's King Cheops erected the first Pyramid/ And largest, thinking it was just the thing/ To keep his memory whole, and mummy hid... - and Mozart's Don Giovanni?"
"Uh..." Obi-wan racked his brain, but he couldn't remember ever hearing of Don Juan and all his extra knowledge that accompanied him.
"Oh, well, some Jedi you are. Don't even know that DON JUAN TRIUMPHS ONCE MORE! Oops, sorry, my bad." Jed was rambling now.
"Well, what's the plan my man?" Obi-wan asked impatiently.
"We find the Jedi, we see the Jedi, we feed the Jedi muffins, we bring the Jedi back, Don Juan Triumphs and we defeat the Sick!"
"You mean the Sith." Obi-wan corrected.
"I meant to say that." Jed apologized.
"Sick or Sith?"
"Sith, stupid!" Jed exclaimed, "Alright, now for step A in plan Jedi-find-Don Juan-muffin-X."
"What's step A?" Obi-wan asked curiously.
"We find potential Jedis on my palm-pilot." Jed explained.
"You, you have a PALM-PILOT?" Obi-wan asked, "I thought those were antique!"
"I don't believe in throwing ANYTHING away." Jed said as he rummage through all the garbage in his bag, looking for the palm-pilot.
"What in the world is THIS huge thing?" Obi-wan asked.
"That's a 1970s cell phone." Jed said, "Ah, here's the old palm-pilot." Jed pushed a few buttons and grunted to himself. Finally he said, "Get the ship ready, m' man! We're headin' off!"
Reward please? I'll take mine in reviews if yea don't mind laddies and lassies.