Disclaimer: Do people still do this? Y'all know the drill

Author's (Okay, still just the Editor) Note: So, uh, hi. IT's been almost 5 years. We know. Between us, we've moved 5 times...I think. We've had a few years where we didn't see each other at all. Life's been super weird. Being an adult is hard. (I run a psych ward now! How did that happen?!) In good news, we've gone from being 1500 miles apart to only 900 miles! There will be future chapters. Eventually. We'll be writing this till either death or dementia. (Also I kinda slacked on editing this chapter, so if you see any terribly glaring mistakes, don't judge me. I've got Russian lessons and a renaissance faire to get to and didn't want to make you wait any longer.)

Thought we were gone, didn't ya? Well ya ain't that lucky, fool! This crazy train may go on hiatus for years but it ain't never gonna stop.

The Jedi Council Make My Teeth Hurt With Their Stupidity Part 21

Special Kitty 3: Moonbeam is Missing

Part 21? Does this mean the story can buy alcohol now? They grow up so fast.

Meanwhile down in the forest of the magical dawn, the chipmunks scurried as Gary the bunny peeked out of his hole. He watched as the rain fell in big drops from the gray clouds above and declared that he and his friends would have to find something fun to do inside today. But that was just fine! Rainy days are the best days for board games and puzzles and shadow puppets and….

Oops. Wrong story! Seriously where does this Gary the bunny crap keep coming from? Maybe I've got a virus on my wee little computer.

Enough of that soggy nacho slop. Real story time.

"And that Masters is why I believe lightsabers should be outlawed and destroyed entirely." Qui-Gon Jinn stated proudly as he finished his presentation.

The Jedi Council sat there, mouths agape. Every time they think Qui-Gon has said/done the stupidest thing ever he goes and outdoes himself again. Amazing really.

"Okay." Ki-Adi-Mundi took a deep breath as he gathered his thoughts and reigned in his annoyance.

The Council was recently forced to undergo some communication and sensitivity training after someone (who definitely wasn't Qui-Gon, I mean why would you even think that? How very dare you? When has the Council ever been anything but professional and dignified when addressing one of Qui-Gon's concerns…..okay so it was Qui-Gon) complained that they were all desperately lacking skills in the communication and sensitivity areas. Not that those are the only areas in which the Council are desperately lacking skills though. They suck at many other things too.

Remembering the training despite doodling all over the handbook and making sarcastic comments under his breath during the entire lesson, Ki-Adi-Mundi spoke as calmly as he could manage, "Qui-Gon, I understand and agree that lightsabers can be very dangerous in the wrong hands. But I feel that Jedi still need them as weapons to protect the galaxy and when used responsibly they can be very beneficial. So I do not think we should get rid of lightsabers."

Wow. How many "I" statements was that? No accusatory language either. Nice job, Ki-Adi-Mundi. Got some brains in that big ol' head after all.

"Yeah and we all remember what happened when you tried to force everyone to put those safety lock things on their lightsabers. Freaking Sith lord got away because of your stupid face." Depa added.

Wow. Zero "I" statements. And accusatory language much? Clearly someone remembered less than nothing from the training. Nice Depa. You make us all so proud.

"Masters, I feel as though the benefits of lightsabers do not outweigh the risks." Qui-Gon objected (did you really expect him to do anything else?), "So many Padawans don't take their lightsaber skills even the slightest bit seriously and I've seen so many of them getting treated for accidental burns which is undoubtedly raising the Temple's insurance rates…"

Now is the part where any ounce of professionalism or anything the Council learned about communication/sensitivity flies right out the window and lands somewhere near the bird bath in Gary the bunny's backyard.

"Is that what this was all about?!" Adi demanded loudly, "Insurance rates?!"

"The financial advantages of banning lightsabers are indeed quite considerable." Qui-Gon replied, "Safety is a concern but in the end it all comes back to money."

"I….I just…." Shaak can't make no words.

"Qui-Gon I don't think I've ever heard you sound so petty." Mace said, "And believe me, I've heard you sound hella petty."

"Banning lightsabers we are not. Get out of my face Qui-Gon will." Yoda decided.

"But Masters I have not…" Qui-Gon started.

"Did you bring your lightsaber today?" Plo interrupted, hopefully.

"Of course not! Who would bring a lightsaber to a presentation about banning lightsabers?" Qui-Gon replied.

"A complete idiot." Depa muttered under her breath, "Therefore you."

"Well we didn't know this presentation was going to be about banning lightsabers so we all brought ours." Plo continued, "Right, Masters?"

Seeing what he was planning, the other masters all drew and ignited their lightsabers. Qui-Gon suddenly looked a bit uncomfortable. Maybe a tad furdigflatchy.

"I suppose you Masters just need some time to think over my proposal." Qui-Gon swallowed, "I'll be back tomorrow to hear your response."

"I'm pretty sure we've voiced our opinion on the matter quite clearly." Ki-Adi-Mundi said, giving his lightsaber a cool little spin. So sassy.

"Well then. I will be back tomorrow to see if you have reconsidered." Qui-Gon replied.

"You'll be back tomorrow with something totally new to complain about because that's what you always do. Stormtroopers miss, banthas crap, Bothans die, and Qui-Gon complains. It's the natural order of the universe." Shaak said, putting her lightsaber away with a sigh.

Qui-Gon couldn't muster up a response. After 21 chapters you'd think he'd realize how the Council feels about him. But no. People in this story are nothing if not persistent. As you shall soon learn…

After Qui-Gon exited the chambers the Council members all put their lightsabers away and sat down.

"Can we call it a day?" Saesee asked.

"See why not I do not." Yoda replied.

The other members of the Council repeated the statement in their heads to make sure they properly understood it then rose from their seats and exited the chambers.

Mace entered his chamber and took off his robe. His outer robe that is. Mace doesn't usually perform a total strip-tease as soon as he gets home. Not saying it's never happened but it's not the norm.

As he was hanging up his robe, his four favorite kittens scampered over to greet him. Moonbeam Jr, Honey, Bunches, and Of Oats had all grown out of their adorable kitten phase and had now entered the teenage kitty phase. All four of them had been growing rapidly and were getting quite long-legged and muscular. And destructive. So so destructive. Cleaning up after and wrangling the cats was almost as tiring as dealing with Qui-Gon all day. Almost.

Mace greeted each cat as they mewed and rubbed against his legs.

"Are my precious kitty witties hungry wungry?" Mace asked. What I would give to hear Samuel L. Jackson actually say that. I'd need dialysis for the rest of my life but it would be worth it. (Editor's Note: Obligatory Captain Marvel plug. I mean, he may not say this exact thing, but you do have Samuel L. Jackson being adorable with a cat.)

It wasn't until Mace opened the closet to get the cat food out that he realized someone was missing.

Where was Moonbeam?

Quickly Mace counted the cats again and once again he came up short. Strange. Sure, Moonbeam wasn't usually as pushy for attention as her offspring but she would certainly come to the door to welcome Mace home every day.

"Moonbeam?" Mace called, a hint of worry in his voice.

Trying not to trip over the begging kittens Mace began checking all of Moonbeam's usual hiding spots.

Nothing.

Mace was getting frantic now. He reached out with the Force but still couldn't sense his faithful kitty anywhere. Then he saw it.

A note on the small dining table in the corner of the kitchen area. It was addressed to "Master Windu."

Mace picked up the note, unfolded it, and began reading.

"Dear Master Windu." He read aloud to no one really, "If you want to see your precious Moonbeam again meet me at the Psychedelic Wookiee tomorrow night. Come alone. Or bring some friends I guess. Tomorrow is Ladies' Night; all females get in for free. Cocktails are half off after 10pm. Live music from local bands. It's a good time. Be there around 8pm. Dress casual but not too casual. Like 'cousin's wedding dressy' but not 'your favorite cousin's wedding dressy'. Like you're there to be supportive or whatever but you don't really care that much and you're not trying to impress anyone but there's free food and an open bar so how could you have turned down the invitation? Does that make sense? I'm rambling aren't I? Anyway. Psychedelic Wookiee. Tomorrow night at 8pm. Get your cat back. Maybe try a Citrus Tauntaun. It's basically a screwdriver; orange juice and vodka but they add just a splash of cranberry soda and do this cool thing with dry ice so there's mist coming off of it. And like I said earlier cocktails are half off so why not? Okay. I think that's it. Yours truly, E.S." Mace flipped the letter over and could NOT believe there was even more writing on the back, "P.S. I forgot to mention parking can be a bit of an issue. There's some construction so some side roads are closed. You should probably leave early to make sure you get a spot. Otherwise you'll have to park in the parking garage and there's a fee."

Mace crumpled up the note (I guess you could call it a novel really. A short story at least.) and fell to his knees.

"NOO!" He yelled dramatically throwing his fists up into the air, "I have to get Moonbeam back but in order to do so I'm gonna have to PARALLEL PAAAARK!"

As he knelt on the floor, wide-eyed, still trying to process what he had just read, and not to mention getting screeched at by demanding kittens who still hadn't been fed, Mace heard a knock on the door.

Damn. Run-on sentence much?

Taking a deep breath to regain his composure, Mace pulled himself to his feet, tried not to step on or accidentally kick any of the kittens, and opened the door.

There stood Legolas. But he quickly realized he was once again in the wrong story and promptly sprinted off.

Behind Legolas was a confused Yoda.

"Who is that?!" The small Jedi master asked, "And how does he keep getting by security?"

"No idea but his hair is fabulous." Mace answered, "Why are you here, Master Yoda?"

"Sensed a disturbance I did." Yoda replied, shoving passed Mace to go pet the kittens.

The kittens (and their mother) adored Yoda and immediately swarmed around him, purring loudly and nearly knocking him over.

"Distressed you are, Master Windu." Yoda continued, "I am wondering what is wrong?"

"It's Moonbeam." Mace said, "She's…been taken."

"WHAT?!" Yoda screamed loud enough to wake the entire Temple, "Missing Precious Moonbeam is?!"

"Yes." Mace sighed, "Someone took her and left this note. Someone named E.S."

Mace handed the note to Yoda.

As the green Jedi was reading, Mace knew he had plenty of time to feed the kittens and thus get them out of the way. The kittens almost always crashed for a nap after dinner. As he finished filling the last bowl he heard Yoda make a "hmm" noise and crumple the note up again.

"Disturbed this E.S. clearly is. Very very disturbed." Yoda shook his head, "Rescue Precious Moonbeam we must. Even if parallel parking it means."

"It says I can't rescue her until tomorrow night." Mace said, pacing the room, "What am I supposed to do in the mean time?"

"Decide what to wear?" Yoda suggested, "Trendy club the Psychedelic Wookiee is. Look foolish you must not."

This is where most writers would insert a cheesy shopping montage with upbeat music and Mace trying on different outfits while Yoda shook his head or whatever. But…no. So let's just fast-forward to the next day.

The next day…

Mace got up early the next morning so he would have plenty of time to tell the other members of the Council what was going on. And invite them to go along of course. I mean it was Ladies Night after all. And half price cocktails after 10pm.

Currently the Council was in their chambers listening to Qui-Gon complain that he received a piece of Official Jedi mail with the stamp placed slightly askew on it.

"Masters I just feel that whoever is working in the Temple's mailroom needs to take more pride in their work and the Jedi Order." Qui-Gon stated, "Crooked stamps on an envelope are an indication of negligence and simply unacceptable. It is a dangerous path to start down. If we allow stamps to be placed carelessly, what's next? We start using postal abbreviations instead of writing out complete words like 'street' or 'avenue?' Disgraceful. We as Jedi need to be more fastidious about our written correspondence."

The Council is just done.

"Qui-Gon." Plo said calmly, "From now on I'm going to order the mailroom staff to put all of the stamps on your letters upside down! Just because I know it annoys you so much. Thank you. Now leave."

Qui-Gon narrowed his eyes and frowned as though he was trying to think of a rebuttable but thankfully he turned to leave. He had other matters to attend to. Obi-Wan claimed he and some other Padawans were attending a training lesson at a park downtown. But Qui-Gon sensed something fishy. As he does.

"Okay now that fifteen minutes of my life have been meaninglessly burned away, I need your help, masters." Mace spoke up, "Moonbeam was kidnapped from my chambers last night. The kidnapper left a note…er…I guess it was more like an essay…saying that if I want to get her back I have to meet him at the Psychedelic Wookiee tonight at 8pm. I was wondering if any of you…"

"Heck yeah! Tonight is Ladies Night at the Psychedelic Wookiee!" Adi cheered, "Count me in!"

"…how did you know that it…" Mace trailed off any shook his head, deciding he didn't care, "Anyone who wants to join me on this mission can meet me at my chambers at 6:00. Parking will be limited so we can all ride together in my speeder."

"Six?!" Shaak scoffed, "Why do we have to meet two hours early? Do you have any idea how long it takes a gal to get ready for a night out? I need to do my hair!"

"…but you don't have ha…" Mace once again trailed off, once again deciding he didn't care, "We have to leave early because the note said parking could be an issue. And we all know what that means when it comes to downtown…"

The face of every master went pale. Except Yoda. He already knows all this.

"P…pa…pa…" Depa stammered.

"PARALLEL PARKING!" Ki-Adi-Mundi completed in horror.

"Fate worse than death!" Yareal added.

Hey Poof. Kinda forgot you were here. Good to see ya. We'll try to give you more lines.

Before his colleagues could panic any further, Mace continued, "Y'all don't have to worry about parking because I'm driving. So make sure you're at my chambers at 6pm sharp so you don't miss the bus. Once we get there, let's try to spread out around the building so we can keep an eye out for anyone suspicious. Once we have located the kidnapper we will have to guard all the exits. Even if he returns Moonbeam unharmed, we can't let him get away to kitty-nap another day."

The other Jedi stared, unable to process more than two sentences at a time. Because idiots.

"I feel like the Mission Impossible theme should've been playing during that monologue." Adi said, "But I think I'm down with that plan. Heck, I'm down with any plan that could potentially result in me getting drunk."

The other Jedi were able to agree with that. The rest of the day went on without a Qui-Gon…er…a hitch I guess is the typical phrase. But I guess in this context "Qui-Gon" and "hitch" are interchangeable.

At exactly 6pm everyone showed up at Mace's chambers dressed in their best clubbin' clothes. They all piled into Mace's speeder (Mace drives the Star Wars equivalent of a Chevy Tahoe; bigger than necessary but plenty of seating. Frequently makes extremely poor decisions as a result of little to no depth perception. Always takes up three or more spaces when parking. You know.) and sped off.

And the fates were smiling at Mace that night. Perhaps they knew how distressed he was over his missing kitty? That's right; Mace managed to find a spot in a public lot and did not have to parallel park.

…okay so I didn't feel like writing a parallel parking scene. Get over it. No one is paying me to write this!

The Psychedelic Wookiee was PACKED, as they expected it to be. Ladies' Night and whatnot. The clubbin' music was pumping like the beginning of that Lonely Island song before Michael Bolton interrupts with his Jack Sparrow nonsense. Google it.

"This place is jumping." Oppo observed, "Do the kids still say that? Jumping?"

"Kids don't really say anything these days." Depa replied, "They just stare brainlessly at their phone screens*. Makes them excellent pick-pocketing targets…not that I would know anything about that."

*Seriously kids, put down the phone and look around every now and then. There's a big crazy world out there. You might see a severely sleep-deprived, grown-ass woman sobbing in a Salsarita's parking lot after she unintentionally bought TWO POUNDS of guacamole because she was too brain dead to realize how much sixteen ounces was and by the time she realized the employee had already started filling the container and he already seemed pretty annoyed so she was too anxious to ask him to stop so now she's gotta decide what to do with TWO POUNDS of guacamole and freaking garbage bag full of chips.

…not that this has ever happened to me…(Editor's Note: #FirstWorldProblems)

"I might need to disguise myself or at least hang back from the crowd." Ki-Adi-Mundi said, "I see some of my former…customers here."

He used to be a drug dealer, remember? Chapter 4? Go reread that. Reread it carefully.

"Good luck disguising yourself with that big ol' volcano head." Eeth cackled.

Mace was done with this ludicrous banter. His stomach was in knots as he anticipated his rapidly approaching face-to-face meeting with his precious Moonbeam's cat-napper.

"Focus, people." He commanded, "Remember why we're here. Oppo, Eeth, Depa, you guys cover the left side exit. Ki, Yaddle, Plo, you guys cover the right side. Yoda, Yareal, and I will cover the front. And Saesee, Adi, and Shaak will watch the rear."

"Oh I'm watching the rear alright." Shaak smirked as she watched an extremely attractive dude shake his buns of steel on the dance floor.

Were Moonbeam's life not on the line, Mace probably would've just decapitated himself with his lightsaber then and there. He ignored Shaak's perv-iness to continue with his plan.

"Everyone set your comlinks to channel 6 so we can all keep in touch." He said, "Anyone sees anybody who looks shady let me know immediately. I have no idea where this guy will be or what he looks like. As long as his freaking ransom note was, he couldn't even bother to tell me what he would be wearing."

"The Force is telling me that he's going to find you." Yoda spoke up, "If he has not already."

"Okay. That's hella creepy." Mace sighed, "I really need all y'all's* help with this. Please stay somewhat focused."

*My Kentucky is showing, ain't it?

"Somewhat focused." Eeth repeated with a roll of his eyes, "I appreciate the vote of confidence."

"Can't really say I blame him." Depa shrugged, "Most of us have a pretty crappy track record when it comes to staying focu…OMG they have Shady Corellian on tap!"

She scurried off to the bar.

The rest of the Jedi made their way to their assigned exits as unsuspiciously as they could manage, gazing around cautiously.

After about fifteen minutes, Mace was losing patience, "Where is this creep?!"

"Still look too on edge we all do." Yoda's voice said over the Comlink, "Except for Depa. Doing body shots off some shirtless guy she appears to be. Find some tables and order some drinks."

"Yeah I doubt this guy will approach you if it looks like you're surrounded by bodyguards." Adi agreed, "Let's stay alert but try not to look like we're alert."

"Are we just seriously gonna skittle over the fact that YODA just told us to order drinks?! This is EPIC!" Shaak cackled gleefully.

"Knew I would regret that I did." Yoda sighed.

Ten minutes later, the Jedi were all looking much more relaxed. They were lounging at tables near all the exits, drinking and socializing. Eeth and Depa were dancing to the live band.

Mace was still restless and would remain so until Moonbeam was safe.

"Where the hell is he?!" He muttered allowed to no one as he glanced at his watch for the trillionth time that evening.

"Hey bub." Came a throaty frog-like voice from behind him, "Don't think I've seen you here before."

Mace turned around and saw a familiar face. In a Kill Bill-esque fashion he had a sudden and alarming flashback of the individual in front of him offering to sell him death sticks and complimenting his wardrobe!

"You're that…that…Elan guy!" Mace managed to stammer.

"You remember me." The guy grinned, "Glad to know."

"Kinda hard to forget your borderline stalker." Mace replied with an eye roll.

All the pieces fell into place. Elan Sleazebaggano (yes that is actually the character's name) had flirted with him when he first found out Ki-Adi-Mundi was an illegal pharmacist on the side. I think he came back again at some point but I didn't have time to reread all the chapters so…I don't know?

In summary, it seemed like Elan had been fixed on Mace for quite a while. And as his initials were "E.S." he had no doubt kidnapped Moonbeam as a means to get to Mace.

He was hoping some of the other Council members might also recognize Elan and realize what was going on.

He might as well have hoped that a bunch of neon green ninjas riding giant hermit crabs riding hoverboards would glide through the door and throw under-ripe avocados at everyone in the club. It would've been much more likely to happen.

Yoda was leading a group of wasted college students in the YMCA. Shaak was straight up making out with some random Calamarian. Adi had managed to get behind the bar and was juggling bottles of vodka. Depa was dancing on the bar. Eeth, Saesee, and Plo were having a break dancing contest. Ki-Adi-Mundi was chatting with former clients from his previous side business. Yaddle was passed out on a table. Yareal had a lampshade on his head. And Oppo…appeared to be starting a strip tease.

"Wow." Mace sighed, "That became a total dumpster fire as expected. Way to stay on task, team."

Realizing he had to deal with this himself, Mace turned back to Elan, "Look man, you seem like a nice guy…actually you seem like a complete disaster…whatever you are, it's not gonna happen. Jedi ain't supposed to have relationships."

Elan looked over at Shaak and the Calamarian, then back at Mace, "Is that so?"

Mace forced himself to remain calm, "Okay so that rule has been totally fudged before. I guess I'll just have to flat out say it; I'm not into dudes. Nothing against people who are; I truly hope you find someone but it ain't me, pal. Now please give me my cat back. She's everything to me."

Elan no longer appeared to be listening. He was staring at someone across the bar. Mace turned to see who he was looking at.

"Hey Master Windu!" A familiar voice greeted, "Imagine seeing you here!"

"Obi-Wan? What the $*(% are you doing here?!" Mace couldn't keep the profanity in check any longer. It'd been a hell of a night.

"I told Qui-Gon I was going to go study with some other Padawans in the park. But we were coming here instead." Obi-Wan shrugged, "It's ladies' night you know."

"You two know each other?" Elan asked.

"Yeah. He's a Jedi apprentice. He has absolutely no business being here…why am I telling you this?" Mace wondered, then turned his attention back to Obi-Wan, "Obi-Wan, if Qui-Gon finds you here he's going to somehow make it MY fault and complain to me every day forever until I die. I suggest you go home now."

"What's the rush?" Elan wanted to know, eyes still fixed on Obi-Wan, "Let's chat a while."

"Yeah, let's chat a while!" Obi-Wan cluelessly agreed.

"Here's your cat back, Master Windu." Elan pulled a pet carrier out from behind the bar and shoved it into Mace's hands, his eyes never leaving Obi-Wan, "Sorry for the inconvenience. I'll never bother you again. Why don't you round up the other Masters while Obi-Wan and I have a chat?"

Mace glanced in the pet carrier and could not contain an audible sigh of relief upon seeing Moonbeam annoyed but otherwise unharmed. Mission accomplished.

…but he couldn't just leave naïve little Obi-Wan alone with Elan. He was planning how he would put an end to the situation when he suddenly realized he wouldn't have to.

Because someone had appeared behind Obi-Wan.

Someone named Qui-Gon.

Mace decided now would be an excellent time to get the hell out of this club, get his cat home to her kittens, and wash his hands of Elan Sleazebaggano forever. Gripping the pet carrier, he quietly slipped away from the bar to at least try to gather up the rest of the Council before leaving.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi." Qui-Gon's stern voice filled the club.

Alarmed, Obi-Wan spun around on his bar stool, "Um...hi, Qui-Gon! We finished studying in the park and uh decided…uh…to…"

There was no talking his way out of this.

"Chill out, gramps." Elan said the furious Qui-Gon, "Have a death stick."

Qui-Gon waved his hand, "You don't want to sell me death sticks."

"I don't want to sell you death sticks." Elan repeated blankly.

"You want to go home and rethink your life." Qui-Gon added.

"I want to go home and rethink my life." Elan said. And left.

"Obi-Wan we are going home this instant and you are grounded FOREVER!" Qui-Gon fumed.

"You mind-tricked that guy." Obi-Wan stammered, "You never do cool stuff like that!"

"Well unfortunately that particular mind trick only lasts about fifteen years." Qui-Gon said, "In roughly fifteen years that piece of scum will most likely be right back here trying to sell death sticks to minors!"

"I'm eighteen, Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan sighed, "And I wasn't going to buy death sticks." He then mentally added, "Pretty sure he would've given them to me for free."

Apparently he forgot Qui-Gon's ability to read his mind through their bond.

Witnesses would later say that Qui-Gon legit burst into flames. Others would say he melted into the floor, Wicked Witch of the West style. Some claimed he vanished in a flash of lighting.

Whatever happened, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were in the club one minute and gone the next.

…

Mace took Moonbeam home and reunited her with the kittens. There was lots of purring and rubbing and adorableness. Mace was so relieved to be rid of Elan. It was super scary having a crazy person so desperate for your attention (been there done that). Mace collapsed onto his bed and fell into a deep sleep, the cats all cuddled up around him. He completely forgot about the other Masters passed out drunk in his Speeder.

…

Shockingly, no one heard from Qui-Gon for an entire week. Obi-Wan said he had gone into some kind of near vegetative state and was muttering to himself and not blinking. Rage overload perhaps? Obi-Wan actually felt so bad for breaking his master that he grounded himself and decided to remain in the Temple only going to classes until Qui-Gon was coherent again. Well…as coherent as Qui-Gon could get.

The Council had been enjoying their break from Qui-Gon complaining and were actually able to focus on real Jedi matters.

Until…

"Masters." Qui-Gon entered the Council chambers with a bow, "I'm afraid I must take a leave of absence."

Adi pulled a small top out of her robe and quickly spun it on the floor. It eventually wobbled and tipped over.

"Okay, according to the movie Inception, we are not dreaming." She concluded, "I'll pinch myself to be sure." She did, "Ouch!"

"No Masters, I assure you that you are not dreaming." Qui-Gon said, "I understand most of my complaints to you have fallen on deaf ears."

"Most?" Eeth muttered to Oppo, "Pretty sure he means all."

"I feel at this time, my efforts might be better suited to combating the death stick problem plaguing the streets of our planet." Qui-Gon said.

"That is…" Ki-Adi-Mundi started, "An amazing idea."

"Yeah, if there's one person in the universe who can annoy someone out of doing drugs, it's Qui-Gon!" Shaak agreed.

"An excellent idea this is, Master Jinn." Yoda spoke up, "And an honorable one. Take as much time as you need."

"Yes, please do!" Mace nodded.

"Thank you, Masters." Qui-Gon bowed and left.

"How long do you all think it'll take for him to annoy the planet's drug problem to death?" Yareal asked.

"I'm betting three months." Depa said.

"I say two!" Yaddle called.

"Three weeks." Plo said, "The drug problem doesn't stand a chance."

Only time would tell how long Qui-Gon's war on drugs would last. If I had to guess I'd say he'll be back by the next chapter. So…ten years?

For now, Moonbeam was safely back home, Obi-Wan was behaving like a saint, and Elan Sleazebaggano was off of death sticks until the time came for him to appear in Attack of the Clones.

THE END