Kagome is a Goth and her best friend Sango is into the whole punk thing. They both work at Hot Topic and for a while their live seem to be going great. But when Kagome's life comes crashing to the ground quicker than she can think, who can she turn to for help?
Disclaimer: Not in the best of moods so I'll just get to the point. I do not own Inuyasha or The Used.
Confessions of an Untold Story
Chapter 1: Crashing Down
"Sango," Kagome called to Sango at the back of the store. "I'm leaving. My shift was over 10 minutes ago and the guy who always wears the black top hat still hasn't shown up for his shift."
Kagome had been working at Hot Topic for about a year now and was all ready a sick of it. With school, her mother and little brother, and work Kagome found it heard but at least it kept her mind off of life and her constant thoughts of suicide. All together she didn't think it wasn't a very bad place to work. She got to play loud music of her choice, she got discounts off of everything in the store, and almost everyone else who worked their were gothic like her self.
"Oh damn it!" Said Sango, dropping a stack of t-shirts. "I forgot to ask you if you could take over his shift tonight. He called in and said he wasn't going to be able to make it in."
"Damn him." Kagome whispered under her breath. "Um… No. Sorry Sango. My mom is working late tonight and I have to get home to take care of my little brother." Kagome said knowing that what she had just told Ami was a complete lie. "Do you think you'll be fine without me?" She said feeling a little guilty while looking around at the some what full store.
"Ya, It's not like this is the first time he hasn't shown up to help out." Sango said.
"Okay then," Kagome said as she made her way through the small and crowed room toward the door. "See you Monday at school."
Quickly, she made her way past the movie theater and out side the mall. Pulling on her long black coat she looked up at the moonless sky and wondered why Inuyasha missed one night of work every month. Brushing her thoughts a way she walked past the group of mainly gothic boys passing around a joint and to her car.
About 15 minutes later, Kagome pulled in to the drive way of the house she had lived in her whole life and parked her car next to her mothers. Slowly she got out of her car and walked up to the front door trying to think up of an excuse to tell her mother that she had all ready eaten dinner. She didn't really like to eat and thought of her self a little on the fat side. So to fix both problems she wouldn't eat and only did when her mother caught her lying about her not eating.
"Mother!" Kagome shouted as she stepped inside the house. "I'm home!" She heard the back door open and then shut and her mother stepped into her sight.
"Could you empty the dishwasher for me?" Said her mom. "I'll be right there. I need to use the restroom."
"What ever." said Kagome. She turned on the kitchen light and went to unload the dishes. Just as she started to load the dirty ones her mother came in, in her pajamas and smelling like lotion. She almost asked her mother why she had quickly told her to do something and then left with out a reply but on the last moment she changed her mind.
"Where is Sota?" Kagome said.
"He's spending the night at a friend's house." Her mother said walking past her and getting her self some dinner.
For a moment Kagome thought she smelled cigarette smoke but thought better of that. Her mother had quit smoking years a go and had promised her that she would never smoke again.
"Have you eaten dinner yet?" Said her mother as she went and sat down at the table with her own dinner.
"Ya," Kagome said hoping that her mom wouldn't find out that she really hadn't. "Sango and I got something to eat at the mall, that's also why I'm late."
Her mother gave her the I don't believe you but I trust you look and then said, "Well I bought some fresh fruit at the store today so if you get hungry you can have some. It's in the fridge."
Kagome finished loading the dishes and went over to say good night and give her mom a hug before she could ask her what she had ate for dinner. Just to make share she hadn't smelled smoke coming from her mother she took a deep breathe. Her heart sunk and with a soft thud landed in the bottom of her stomach. She was right; her mother was smoking right before she had gotten home.
Kagome pulled away from her mother and said good night. Before her mother could say anything back, Kagome was all ready down the stairs to the basement and in her room. Without even turning on the lights she shut her door and locked it like she always did. Going over to her bed, she lay down on her back and looked at the clock.
9:07. Kagome turned over on to her stomach trying not to think about what she had just found out. Things were not going to go back to the way they used to be. Kagome was going to make sure of that.
Thinking back to about three or four years earlier she remembered how it used to be wither her mother. Kagome had to support the family because her mother was going back to school to get a better job. During that time her mother started smoking and drinking a lot. Kagome didn't like what her mom was doing but when she tried to stop it her mom would hit her. Some times her mom wouldn't get home until 2:00 the next morning and when she did she would come in to Kagome's room and beat her. One day at school she told her best friend, Sango, that her mom had a drinking and smoking problem but didn't tell her that her mom was abusing her. She would never tell anyone about that. Sango had told a teacher and soon her mother was put into counseling for her problems.
After coming back to reality with her self, Kagome got up and went over to her desk. 'I should have stayed and helped out for an extra shift. Then maybe this wouldn't have happened.' She thought and she got out her The Used CD. Placing it in her boom box she skipped to the last song and hit pause.
Going over to her sink Kagome took of her black at shirt and looked at her self in mirror. If someone was to walk in they would see a fairly skinny and pale girl standing in front of her mirror in her bra and big, baggy, black pants. But when Kagome looked at her self she saw something different.
"I'm fucking fat!" She lied to her self. "I'm going to cut out breakfast and lunch and instead I'll eat a little snack to stay a wake. And when mom makes me eat I'll eat less and hopefully she won't find out."
Going back over to her desk she reached up to the far right cubby and right next to her make up kit, she pulled out a pocket knife. She went over and sat down on the edge of her bed. With hands shaking and heart starting to race she flipped the blade of the knife up. Grabbing her remote she hit play.
Small simple safe price
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets
The male voice that seemed to speak the truth of what Kagome was about to do filled her room. Slowly she placed the cold metal of the blade against her left arm right below the elbow.
This is not a small cut that scabs and dries and flakes and bleeds
And I am not afraid to die
I am not afraid to bleed and fuck and fight
With her palm facing up toward the ceiling she made sure that she wasn't going to hit and major blood vessels. Trying to prepare her self for what she was about to do, she took a deep breath.
I want the pain of payment
What's left but a section of pigmy sized cuts
Much like a slue of a thousand of unwanted fucks
Pushing the blade in to her skin she dragged it across her arm vertically. Slowly the blood seeped up from under her skin and down her arm. Dripping on to her sheets and leaving a big red stain.
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
Lifting the blade from out of her skin she moved down her arm a little bit and placed the bloody knife on her skin. This time, a little faster, she dug the blade into her skin and pulled.
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid
To fill and spill over and under my thoughts
The blood now freely oozed down her arm as the stain on her bed grew. Tears started to build up and soon found their way down her face and mingled with the blood on her arm. The salt in her tears stung her cuts but she continued on.
My sad, sorry, selfish, cry out to the cutter
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
Over and over again she cut her self until she couldn't any more. Eight cuts on her arm and three small ones on her wrist all now freely bled. With silent tears falling down her face Kagome reached over to her bed side table and grabbed some Kleenex.
Love is not like anything
Especially a fucking knife
Carefully she cleaned off the blood on the knife so it wouldn't rust and the placed it on the table. Slowly she climbed to the top of her bed and then under the covers. With the dry blood and tears on her shaking body she felt like a mess. Listening to the rest of the song, she slowly fell into a fitful sleep.
Some things are better left unsaid. I'm just glad I got that out of my head and onto what ever this is on. If I didn't I think I would have exploded. I know it may be boring but I think it will get better. I wouldn't know because like in my every day life I don't really think, I just go with it and sometimes it screws up and comes back to hit me. Then I've learned not to do that. Well, sometimes… Anyway I g2g I'll post soon.
Girl in the black dress