In my defence at such a long absence (well, at least it wasn't a year) I've been busy with college, and writing other stuff- I wrote a pyrate story for my friend's birthday, and another chapter of that has been ordered. But I wrote this instead. Some people know I had this written a couple of weeks ago… I got delayed typing it up because of lj. Blame the people on the community tgs :waves:

Remus POV

I pull the plate towards me. This is the first time in ages that I've been able to even contemplate eating a proper meal, and I know the others will be happy. I've noticed that they've been watching me- after all, they haven't had as much practice as me and therefore aren't as good at hiding it. I know what's made me able to eat again too.

I smile, and inhale the bacon as though I can eat it purely by smelling. The aroma is almost tangible, and from this I can understand James and Sirius' obsession with meat breakfast products.

"Remus?" Lily slides onto the bench opposite me. She looks slightly worried, and I can hardly blame her for that. After all, out of all of them she probably knows the least. I love her, but couldn't tell her.

"Hey Lily." I smile, and although the expression feels strange on my face- I haven't smiled properly in a long time- it feels good too.

"How's ickle Moonikins this morning?" I feel the familiar hand ruffle my hair, and look up to see Sirius smiling down at me. I show him my plate.

"Eating."

"Good." He sits next to me, and I can feel our legs touching slightly. Just enough that I can get reassurance from the slight contact. I don't think I deserve Sirius. He's done so much for me over the last few weeks, even binding himself to me. I love him.

It's almost like old times again, except that I can still feel Sirius' legs on mine. And the touch isn't tormenting me, but comforting me. I can forget everything, just as long as he's near me. I look at him, only to find he's looking back at me. We stare into each other's eyes for a second, before dropping the contact and smiling down at our food.

I love him.

"What lessons are today?"

Sirius spears a piece of toast on a fork- I don't know why he doesn't eat properly- and considers it. "We all finish at 2, except Wormtail. He has Divination then."

Peter grimaces. "I hate it. But Padfoot, stop knowing everyone's timetable. It's scary."

"I can't help it. I have a good memory."

"What're we gonna do?" Lily asks softly.

"We should go flying."

James nods enthusiastically, mouth full of various foodstuffs. "And then-"

He's cut short by Dumbledore rising, face grave. The whole hall falls immediately silent, and yet he still claps his hands together. For once there's no twinkle in his eyes, and the tension is almost palpable. Everyone's afraid of what he's going to say. Has Voldemort attacked?

"I'm afraid I have some sad news for you all." Sirius is clutching my hand beneath the table, almost crushing my fingers. "Many of you will have known Matthew Stromboli, a fifth year Gryffindor." Something's happened to him. He's either gone from school or- something I can't say, or else Dumbledore wouldn't be using past tense. I glance back at Sirius. He promised me he wouldn't do anything. "He was found dead this morning."

Everyone in the hall starts whispering, including the teachers. Just our small group is silent. Sirius squeezes my hand, and I see that his face is paler than I've ever seen it. Maybe it's just shock at the death, but there's a traitorous part of me that thinks he knows what happened.

Dumbledore clears his throat, and the whispering dies away as quickly as it started. "He appears to have died of natural causes. Classes will be cancelled today, and there will be a memorial service tomorrow. I would like everyone to attend." He nods. "Thank you." And leaves, the school left in shocked silence.

Sirius. I need to know if he did anything.

I pull him out with me, not caring if anyone sees us holding hands. Let them think we're just comforting each other. After all, we did both date Stromboli. I drag him down the corridor to a deserted classroom. He can't resist- my werewolf strength is no match for him.

I pin him against a wall and growl up into his face. I'm angry now, so angry- first at the fact that I think he did something, and second at the fact that I think he did something. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," he hisses, struggling beneath my grasp.

"Sirius, he's dead!"

"What, and so I must have done something?" He laughs, a slight shake in it. "Gee, thanks Rem. Thanks for your faith in me."

"Did you do something?" My voice is softer now. I need to know though. I need to be sure that he isn't a murderer.

"For the last time, no." I release him, and he runs a shaky hand through his hair. "I wouldn't do that to someone."

"You nearly did before," I say quietly. "You nearly killed Snape."

He grabs my shoulders and pulls me closer, staring into my eyes with so much intensity it scares me. "I promised I wouldn't do something like that again, and I swear to you I didn't. I wouldn't hurt you like that."

"Promise?"

"Promise." He kisses me quickly. "I've got to go up to the dorm. Where will you be?"

"The library." Where else, on a day that's so dark? He smiles slightly, a mere quirk of the lips, and leaves. His stance is different to normal. He's hunched over, hands in his pockets, and looks like he doesn't want anyone to talk to him. This has hit him hard.

I don't know if I believe him.

God alone knows how much I want to, and yet I find it all too easy to believe that he could find a way of killing someone and leaving no trace.

I set off for the library, thoughts running a million miles through my head. Foremost among them is Stromboli's face. I know I hate- hated- him, but I didn't want him dead. At least, I don't think I did. Probably on some deep level, the level where the wolf is all that I am, I would have liked nothing better than to stand over him and watch the breath leave his body. But not consciously. Even though he was quite ready to kill me, taking life is abhorrent to me.

Something moves in my stomach, and I have to clutch hold of the library door to stop myself from collapsing in the doorway.

He's dead.

There's a part of me which is happy at that, and that makes me feel worse.

"Remus?" My elbow is held, and I look up through eyes that are suddenly blurred to see the familiar shape of Peter. "What's wrong?"

"I-I'm ok." I stand up, perhaps placing more weight on Peter than I should, by the way he winces.

"Is it Matt's death?" Sirius and James never give Peter half the credit he deserves. He is perceptive.

"Yeah." But not for the reasons you think, Peter. You think I'm upset because I was dating him until a few weeks ago.

He smiles. "I'll stay with you."

"Pete, you don't have to-"

"Shut your noise." He guides me in, across to the table we always sit at. "You can help me with Charms."

This is why I spend so much time in the library. It's not too quiet, you can hear people talking in the distance, but you can sit in your own little bubble of silence. No one bothers you. You can let all your troubles float away.

Probably why everything builds up on top of me until it's too late- I never confront problems.

Peter's working opposite me, making little noises every so often as he works something out. I'll read over his work a bit later, make sure he understands the Charms work. I don't understand all of it, but I'll try. I'm reading over what we did a few lessons ago. Theory we'll need for our exams later in the year. Well, not really. James, Sirius and I found the book while on a midnight raid. The charm looked like it would be useful in our exams, so I made them copy it down.

"The Malindrem charm is highly specialised, and as such is not listed as an Unforgiveable curse by the Ministry of Magic (see The Debates On Curses 1563)." Ah yes, reading the Ministry debates never fails to amuse on a wet Saturday afternoon. There are some depths even I won't go to."Great force of will is also required in order to perform the charm correctly. It cannot be performed for selfish reasons- only if the performer has no feelings towards the victim. Once the incantation is spoken, it will take several days to take effect. The victim appears to die of natural causes, and only the performer will know it was their action."

Natural causes.

I slam the book shut and stare at the leather bound cover, my heart pounding in my ears.

"Moony? What's wrong?"

"Malindrem…" I breathe.

"Remus, you're scaring me."

I look up at him, and he looks scared. His eyes are wide and his cheeks pale. I know I must be too, as my breathing is now getting faster and faster. I don't know if I'll be able to control myself when I see Sirius. It must be him, it must be. He killed Stromboli with the Malindrem curse, and he swore to me he wouldn't.

I leave my books on the table and run from the library, ignoring Madam Pinch's calls. Sirius said he'd be in the dormitory. Even if he isn't there, I can steal the map from James' trunk and find the bastard.

I cannon into the room, and find it empty of Sirius. James is sat on his bed, and as I fall into the room he looks up at me.

"Moony? What's up?"

"Sirius." My voice comes out at almost a growl. "Where is he, James? I need to see him."

"Remus, what are you going to do to him?" He stands and comes towards me warily. Can't blame him for that.

"I'm going to kill him."

"Why?"

"He swore to me he hadn't hurt Stromboli. He promised me!" My voice is rising again, and I'm getting more agitated. My arms are moving randomly, and if he gets any nearer I'll probably lash out at him.

"Remus, what makes you think he did?" His voice is calm, reasonable. I can't take that.

"Malindrem."

His face pales instantly. I know he knows what it means, that Sirius knew about the curse. "Remus, you're jumping to conclusions."

"Who else could it have been, James?" I'm yelling now, the words torn from my throat. It hurts so bad that my Sirius killed someone. "The curse was in the Restricted Section, it was only us three that knew about it!"

"Anyone could have sneaked in, and you know that."

"Who else has a motive?"

James snorts, his eyes still locked with mine. "Just about anyone he's ever come into contact with. Listen, Stromboli was a bastard. No one really liked him. I was talking to the fifth years the other day, and they said even Stromboli's mother wouldn't mind if he were dead."

My rage is starting to disappear now, leaving me sagging and empty. "I think he did it, James. He looked so… something was wrong."

James puts his arms around me, drawing me into a tight hug. "Sirius loves you, Remus. And that's why he couldn't have done the Malindrem. Stromboli hurt you, and so Sirius hated him for that. Yes, probably hated him enough to kill him. And that's the trick with that curse. If you want to kill them, have the hate to kill them, you can't. Not using Malindrem."

I nod slowly. It makes sense. But still… Maybe Sirius was just upset because of his and Matt's history. Pulling away slowly, I smile at James. "Thanks."

"You ok now?" He looks closely at me. "Don't feel like killing any Animagi?"

"No." I sit on the edge of my bed. "I think I'm going to read for a bit."

"Cool." He smiles. "I'm going downstairs, need to talk to someone. See you later."

He leaves, and I slump back onto the soft cushions. James… without him, Sirius and I would have died a long time ago.

You lot have to thank hedgewytch for this. She was being nice to me on lj, and actually gave me the motivation to finish this. Phew. Bloody long, this chapter…

Oh, and I'm 17 now! My birthday was yesterday :feels proud: and I got Beatles magnets, and a Rocky Horror poster, and a butch lesbian duck (don't ask) and now I'm angling for the James May book! Woop!