Title: Death of a Ghost

Author: Angeleyez

Summary: When Jess returns to Stars Hollow to visit his mom, he discovers that Rory has erased him from her life. Permanently.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls or the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

A/N: All events up to and including Rory's disastrous dinner with the Huntzbergers happened. After that, it becomes AU, so no internship or Yale freak-out. This story is loosely based on Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. However, only the company (Lacuna Ltd.) is borrowed. For those of you who have seen it, don't expect a trip through Jess's mind – this story is different from the film. It doesn't matter if you've seen the movie though, all will be explained in the story. Questions, however, can be emailed to me.

>

The radio died somewhere back on I-95, so he was stuck with this white kind of noise, like crinkling paper mixed with genderless voices. The road was uneven, and every pothole sent him careening into the steering wheel, his chest mashing his fingers against the horn. The trip was absurd and while with a purpose, it held nothing for him, and these constant annoyances had already sent him over the edge. Next time Liz phoned him threatening to throw herself off a building if he didn't get his ass to Stars Hollow, he would wish her a safe flight and hang the fuck up.

It was nearly six when he rolled into town and pulled alongside Luke's. The sidewalks were empty besides the occasional business owners opening up shop, and no one was in the diner. Jess lingered outside in front of the window, wondering how long he could go unnoticed.

According to his watch, three minutes and seventeen seconds. Luke saw him as he exited the storeroom, his arms full of condiments. The ketchup and mustard didn't make a sound as they hit the floor, and spun into chairs, disappearing under tables. Luke, on the other hand, was thunderous as he demanded an immediate explanation from Jess despite the sheet of glass that separated them. Jess shrugged, just to be difficult.

"What are you doing here?" Luke repeated once Jess was inside. The question was void of the hostility that Jess had long ago become accustomed. Instead, it had been replaced with mild interest and a hint of concern.

"Liz has been harassing me."

Luke frowned. "I'm not sure you should be here."

"Liz wanted to have some kind of small party for her," Jess swallowed dryly, "'favorite guys'. She begged me to show up. So here I am… showing up."

"You came for Liz?" Luke asked, folding his arms over his chest. He was slipping into guardian mode, which put Jess on red alert. He hated when Luke's tone switched to authoritarian; it didn't fit their relationship. Jess had a bad habit of reverting to sarcasm and one-word answers, and the rest crumbled from there.

"Yes."

"This isn't about Rory?"

Jess glared, furious that his reappearance was so readily connected with a girl he hadn't spoken with in eighteen months. The anger shot through him like an adrenaline rush, leaving his blood bubbling with confrontation. He was struck with the sudden thought that nothing ever changed.

"I came here to see Liz. I'll be here for a couple of days, and then I'm gone."

"Look, Jess – " The apology died on his lips. Luke shifted uncomfortably, wondering if now was the time to tell him, or if he should wait. There was no right time to sit down and tell Jess; Luke had hoped that this was something he could keep from him, a destructive little secret that Jess never had to know.

"You staying here?" Luke asked. With Jess in the diner, there was some form of protection. He would be stashed away for the most part, leaving only to see Liz. Jess knew the drill. He would avoid everyone, including – Luke hoped – Rory.

"If that's okay," Jess replied through gritted teeth.

"I got rid of your bed."

"Okay."

"But the couch is still there. Right where it's always been."

"Great," Jess said.

"Yeah, great," Luke repeated. "Well, I have to, you know…" He gestured over his shoulder, toward the storeroom.

"Get back to work?" Jess supplied.

"Yeah."

"Okay."

Jess stood in the middle of the diner, listening to the muffled sounds of Luke ripping open boxes and rearranging jars on wooden shelves. He surveyed his surroundings and found everything to be the same. There were still tables for two dotted with napkin dispensers and salt and peppershakers, with identical chairs positioned on either side, the same cushions with the same tears he had taped when he was last here. He turned in a circle, touched a table. Being here was like stumbling through a rip in time, walking in on what his life used to be.

With nothing else to do, he shifted into busboy mode and gathered up the scattered condiment bottles and set them on the counter. He picked up each individually, judging which ones needed to be refilled and which would last another day. After separating them into two groups, he went into the kitchen, and grabbed the heavy duty ketchup and mustard containers and lugged them back to the counter. By the time Luke reentered, he had already refilled the bottles and was in the middle of setting them on the tabletops.

"You don't have to do that," Luke said.

"It's fine."

"Why don't you go get your stuff?" Luke suggested. "Take a nap? It's early and you must have been on the road for a couple of hours."

"I'm fine," Jess answered tersely. "I'll help you open."

Luke hesitated before conceding. It was early yet, and Lorelai and Rory wouldn't be there for hours.

"Maybe you'll save that nap for around lunch?"

Jess shot him a look. "You don't have to hide me, Luke. Just say the word and I'll disappear."

>

Between the hours of ten and twelve, Luke called Lorelai's house four times, her cell phone three times, and the inn twice. No one answered at home or picked up her cell, but Michel intercepted both calls to the inn, assuring Luke with an increasingly irritated tone that Lorelai was not there, and would not be for some time because she had taken the morning off.

(This was not good. Not good at all.)

The morning passed without conflict as Jess quietly helped around the diner as if he had never left. The town reacted relatively quiet to his abrupt return, saving their whispers and mumbles for outside. They even kept the staring to a minimum. In return, Jess curbed his sarcasm and infamous rudeness and everything progressed smoothly.

Eventually though, Lorelai and Rory would stop in for lunch, and Luke would have a very large problem on his hands. The fluidity of the morning would be shattered in favor of a chaotic afternoon, and Luke was not looking forward to the fallout. He had to tell Jess. There was no other way.

"I need to talk to you," Luke mumbled discreetly as Jess rang up a customer.

"Then talk," Jess replied. He slammed the cash register drawer shut and ripped off the receipt, handing it to the customer.

"I mean in private."

Jess frowned at his uncle. "It's the lunch rush, and you want to take me aside?"

"This is important, Jess."

The clatter of two plates slamming onto the steel counter startled both men. They turned and saw Caesar looking sheepish.

"Sorry," Caesar said. "I'm just trying to keep up."

"I got it." Jess grabbed the dishes and swung around the counter, serving the couple in front of the window. Luke followed close behind.

"Jess – " Luke cut himself off when he spotted Rory outside. "Oh, great." He grabbed Jess by the elbow and dragged him over to the curtain.

"Hey!" Jess protested. "Watch it!"

"Upstairs," Luke demanded.

Jess batted his uncle away. "I saw Rory and look, the world didn't end," he snapped. "She'll come in, she'll see me, she'll frown, but that's that. You're freaking out over nothing."

Luke saw Rory cross the street and gulped. "You need to listen."

"No, Luke, you need to listen. Sooner or later, we'll run into each other. If not now then tomorrow, or next time I visit. Just – "

"She's not going to recognize you."

"What?" Jess narrowed his eyes. He was pretty sure his uncle had lost it.

"She's not going to know who you are," Luke explained.

"What are you – "

Luke cut him off. "Just go upstairs. Let me serve her, and then I'll explain."

The bell rang and Jess turned, expecting to see a startled Rory. He could see it unfolding in his head: shock into anger into indifference. He expected cold acknowledgement and a quick dismissal with the turn of her head. But her expression didn't change.

"Hi, Luke." She looked at Jess, but said nothing.

"Hi, Rory." Luke was nervous. It wasn't often that Jess heard him so nervous. "This is my nephew," Luke introduced. "This is Jess."

There was no cataclysmic event. The sky didn't fall, the windows didn't shatter. Rory only smiled and offered her hand. "I'm Rory."

Jess opened his mouth to speak but couldn't make a sound. He studied her face closely, waiting for a sign of deception or amusement. He tried to return her formal gesture, but his movements were unsteady; his arm jerked as his hand slid into hers.

She squeezed his palm. "It's nice to meet you."

He watched as they shook, his fingers wrapped around hers. He said, "Rory?"

"Lorelai, actually." She let go of his hand but he didn't move. For a moment, his arm hung awkwardly, clutching empty air. "But my mom's name is Lorelai. And having Lorelai One and Lorelai Two would get really confusing. Especially with my great-grandmother having been a Lorelai too."

Jess didn't believe this. Not for one second. Rory was taking her habits of avoidance and denial a little too far.

"Jess, can we go upstairs now?" Luke asked. "Rory, I'll be right back down to take your order."

"Sure, take your time."

Luke pushed Jess through the curtain, and kept a hand on his back all the way up the stairs. Once inside the apartment, Jess snapped back into life.

"What the hell was that?"

"Jess – "

"'Hi, Rory, this is my nephew, Jess?'" He clenched his fists. "Is this some kind of game?"

"She doesn't know you. She has no memory of who you are."

Jess stared hard at his uncle, his stance rigid. "You're serious?"

"I'm serious."

"She hit her head? Get into an accident?" Jess shook his head, amused. "Or is this a serious case of repression? I guess dating me was pretty traumatic."

"Look, Jess, Rory had this…" He waved his hand, try to think of the right word. "This procedure done."

"Procedure?" Jess echoed.

"There's this company," Luke began. "It performs this procedure that erases memories of a person you want to forget. They make it like that person never existed."

Jess was stiff, lifeless. He touched his neck to remind himself he was real, but he couldn't find a pulse. "She…erased me?"

Luke wished he were somewhere else, anywhere else. "Yeah."

"She erased me." Jess laughed, snapping out of his momentary stupor. The sound was so unexpected and unfamiliar that Luke jumped. "That's good, Luke. Did Rory and Lorelai put you up to this?"

"Jess…"

"This is a good one." Jess wagged a finger at his uncle, chastising him. "You got me good." He strode past Luke, down the stairs, emerging in the diner to find Lorelai at the counter, beside her daughter.

"Jess." Lorelai tilted her head, her smile forced. "Wow, Rory said you were here and I didn't believe her. But look, here you are… here!"

"Just for a couple of days," Jess replied, looking at Rory.

"Only a couple of days? Gee, you can't stay any longer?" Lorelai was breathless, losing steam.

"Can we have a couple of coffees?" Rory asked politely. She was simple and direct, speaking in a formal tone to a waiter whose name she didn't need to remember. He was superfluous; he stared and stared and knew she was thinking that.

"Any town festivals this week?" he asked suddenly. He had to play along to gauge the situation. Rory was screwing with him and everyone was, of course, on her side. He had to turn this around, stop the game.

"Uh," Lorelai drew out the word, pretending to give it serious thought. "None that I can think of."

"No bid-a-basket festival?" He gripped the counter, waiting. "The dance marathon? That should be coming up."

Lorelai's mouth was a thin, hard line. Her expression was clearly a warning, a whisper of don't directed toward Jess. She said, "Make those coffees to go."

Jess turned and picked up the pot, the bottom warm, the aroma rich and fresh. "I have to make more," he said quickly, shoving the pot back onto the counter. "This is old."

"That's fine." Lorelai already had her hand in her purse, searching for cash. "We'll take it."

"It'll only take a few minutes."

"It's fine," Lorelai repeated. "We like old."

"No we don't," Rory spoke up. "If we have the opportunity for fresh coffee, we take it. It's a Gilmore rule."

"Well then, we'll go to Al's. He has fresh coffee."

As Rory and Lorelai debated the matter, Jess put on a new pot. He drummed his fingers against the counter, waiting for an opening. He pounced as soon as Lorelai paused.

"You go to Yale, right?"

Rory lit up at the mention of her school. "Yeah, I just started my junior year."

"Read any good books for class?" He caught her eye then, and the contact held, if only for a moment.

"Not really." She shrugged, disinterested. "I'm not a big reader."

He felt the shock, the rumble of inside nerves. He knew that everything Luke had said was untrue; he knew. In his junior year of high school, he pursued Rory Gilmore. In his senior year, he dated her. In the end, he left her. He could recite all the books they had read together and apart; he remembered the dates they had been on, all the movies they had seen, including the ones that were rented and never watched, instead left on the coffee table as he kissed her on the couch. He remembered the delicious feeling of falling in love with her; he felt it still, like a hollow wound, an old memory that can never be forgotten. He remembered the sharp violence of pretending to fall out.

"Really," he said, trying so hard to sound passive. He was growing pale; he could imagine the sight, the color pouring from his skin.

"I used to when I was younger," Rory explained thoughtfully. "And then I just… stopped."

"Rory," Lorelai broke in. "We have to get going. We have that thing."

"What thing?"

"That thing. You know." Her words were heavy with sincerity as if she really expected her daughter to recall the made-up event that would save them from this situation. Rory didn't even realize anything was wrong.

"But what about our coffee?"

Lorelai waved a dismissing hand. "It's just coffee."

Rory's mouth dropped open. "This thing must really be important."

"Yes, incredibly, life-altering-ly important."

Lorelai grabbed her daughter's wrist, half-dragging her to the door. She didn't pause to say goodbye to Jess. He was sure that both would leave without a second thought, until Rory turned her head. It was the subtlest of glances, the smallest of smiles, but in it, he caught the faint scent of a memory. He saw her walking with Dean but looking over her shoulder, trying to catch private acknowledgment in the form of eye contact. He saw her standing in the lobby at the Bracebridge Dinner as they shared that smile, hinting of things to come.

"Jess." Luke was by his side. "The company sent this to Rory's friends and family to, uh, make sure they didn't…" He stopped, too uncomfortable to continue. "Here, just take it."

Luke handed him a piece of paper; it was small and thick, identical to a subscription card of a magazine. It said:

Rory Gilmore has had Jess Mariano erased from her memory. Please never mention their relationship to her again. Thank you.

Lacuna Ltd.
610 11th Avenue, NY, NY

Jess tried to remember walking through New York City, down sidewalks, taking shortcuts through unfamiliar streets. Had he walked past this building? Had he been in New York when Rory came to get rid of him, steadfast in her decision that his existence was a bigger problem than his absence? This was worse than a disappearance, than a death.

"This is real." It wasn't a question.

"I saw Rory the day before she did it and the day after." One day Jess had been that weight, pressing in on her, and the next, he was gone. "They do it overnight. They – "

"I'm gonna take that nap now," Jess said.

Luke nodded, understanding. "Go ahead. I'll finish up here."

>

"What was that all about?" Rory asked, trotting to keep up with her mother's brisk pace.

"What was what?"

"The quick exit? The big thing we have to get to?" Rory grabbed Lorelai's arm in an attempt to stop her, but only succeeded in being dragged along.

"I'm just not comfortable around that guy."

"Jess?" At Lorelai's nod, Rory clarified, "Luke's Jess? You've met him before?"

"Uh, yeah, and believe me, he is not a guy you want to get to know."

Rory returned to the diner in her mind, sitting across from an attractive young man that appeared friendly enough. She thought he had looked interesting; maybe a little mysterious. "He didn't look all that bad."

"Well, you don't know him like I do." Lorelai may have been stretching the truth, but she knew she had to say anything that would keep Rory away from him. Jess was in the past. Permanently. A reunion now would screw up everything Rory had done to move on.

"What has he done? What makes him so bad?"

Lorelai cursed her daughter's inquiring mind. "He, um, he's very rude."

"Okay."

"His sarcasm is lethal."

"As yours tends to be," Rory pointed out.

"Yeah, well, he kicks puppies!" Lorelai wrinkled her nose, waiting for her daughter's reaction.

Rory stifled a laugh, trying to be serious. "Ah, now I see."

"Really. I saw him approach a puppy once and go, 'hey, watch out now, I'm going to kick you!'" Lorelai raised her voice in mock indignation, swinging her purse to emphasize her point.

"You're insane."

Lorelai sighed. Fine. "He's a high school dropout with nomadic tendencies and no direction in life."

Rory pursed her lips, considering this.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Lorelai was incredulous. "You flip out whenever someone says they're not going to college. I figured you'd crucify a dropout."

"Is he violent?"

"Not recently."

"Does he rob liquor stores? Beat up old ladies?" Rory's eyes were shining now, sparkling with amusement.

"Not that I've seen."

"Does he apply his gel with a switchblade?"

"Hey, that's never been disproved."

"Just because he's a dropout doesn't mean he's a bad person," Rory explained reasonably.

"I hate your humanistic point of view. One of these days, it'll change. I'll turn you into a cynic yet."

Rory rolled her eyes. "I'm looking forward to it."

"So, you'll be careful around him?"

"Hey, if I see him walking menacingly toward any puppies, I'll be sure to run."

Lorelai nodded. "Thank you."