TITLE: Torn and Tattered
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Shannon asks Sayid to take her to the plane that crushed her brother. Takes place after Born to Run.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.
Shannon awoke feeling as if she hadn't slept at all. She was tangled in her blanket, and images from the dreams that kept waking her flashed through her mind. She hated reliving Boone's death and the days that followed. She just wanted to find some peace, whatever that meant.
She lie still on her bed. She knew that Sayid would be waiting for her, but she didn't have the energy to move. She felt lethargic; the past two days drained her. But she also knew that she needed to see the plane. She needed to know where Boone had been hurt, to see it for herself.
Slowly she sat up, and pulled out her toiletries bag. She looked in the mirror and cringed. She looked horrible. She couldn't remember a time when she had looked so gross. Glancing down at her clothes, she realized they were the same ones she'd worn since the picnic at the beach. No wonder Sayid suggested she wear pants: he was too sweet to tell her she looked like crap. When she touched her hair and felt how greasy it was, she was disgusted that she had let it get that bad. A shower was in order. Sayid would just have to wait. How come no one told her she looked like death?
Shannon packed up her things to take with her. She searched through her clothes to find pants. Unfortunately most of her clothes were short skirts or shorts; the only pants she really had were for clubbing. Luckily, she was able to find her yoga pants. They would work to keep the branches from scratching up her legs.
She showered as quickly as she could, which really wasn't that quickly. She stayed there until she felt like the grime from the past few days was gone. She felt a little better now that she wasn't so nasty looking.
Feeling refreshed she went to Sayid's tent. Would he be there, or had he changed his mind about taking her? It would probably be weird to be with him in the jungle. Just the other night they had been together, but now they were nothing.
Shannon was surprised to find him standing outside his tent, with his backpack by his feet. When he saw her, he swung his bag onto his shoulder and motioned for her to follow.
They walked in silence. Sayid seemed to be waiting for her to talk, and she was perfectly content to be quiet. Although, it did give her too much time to think. She thought about how Boone used to be a real brother to her, when they were younger. She wished she had been able to get back to that, but doubted that it ever would have been possible. She had used him too many times. And now she would never have the chance to fix it. That's what hurt the most. Boone had died without knowing how sorry she was about everything.
She knew she had been a bitch to him. She tried to remember when it had started, when their relationship had started going down hill. She knew she had started ignoring him more after her dad died, but it wasn't until she had ran away to France that she had realized what he would do for her. At first she had thought it was just brotherly concern, but she soon realized his feelings weren't brotherly at all. She had been disgusted at first, until she had learned how to use those feelings to her advantage. Thinking now about what she had done, how she had manipulated him, made her sick. Hopefully, wherever Boone was now, he knew she was sorry -- and that she loved him, though not in the same way he had loved her.
She was so lost in thought that she hadn't noticed they had stopped. Sayid turned to face her, his expression serious.
"I want to make sure you're ready to see the plane," he asked softly, resting his hand against her arm.
She looked down at his hand. He hadn't touched her since the incident with Locke. He dropped his arm back down to his side. She wanted to tell him it was ok, but she couldn't find the words. She wasn't really angry with him anymore. Anger wasn't helping her heal.
"I'm ready," she whispered.
He gazed into her eyes as if to make sure. He nodded and led the way through the trees.
Shannon froze horrified at the sight in front of her. This was worse then what she had imagined. Her brother had been in there. Feet from where she stood, he had been crushed. She looked around at the broken pieces. She was afraid to move any closer, afraid to find Boone's blood staining the earth. She didn't want to imagine what it had been like for him. The pain he must have suffered. Her lip quivered and her eyes burned as she tried not to cry.
Sayid stood next to her, his eyes glued to her. Shannon reached out and took his hand, finding comfort in his presence. Maybe this is what she should have asked him to do for her in the first place.
"What did Locke tell you?" she asked, her voice trembling.
"He said that Boone climbed into the plane and tried the receiver. The plane was perched in the tree," he said, pointing. "Boone's weight caused it to shift and crash."
"Do you believe that?"
"Yes," he answered, squeezing her hand. "With the way the plane landed, it makes sense."
"Why didn't Locke do it instead?"
"He said he had a charlie-horse," he said, his voice betraying his mistrust.
"You don't believe Locke about that," she said slowly. "But you believe that Boone's death was an accident?"
"I believe what Locke said about Boone, but that does not mean that I trust him. He has kept many secrets."
She took in what he said. Boone's death had been an accident. And as she thought about it, just because Sayid believed Locke didn't mean that he had chosen Locke over her. The fact that he brought her here, and answered all her questions told her that.
She dropped his hand and took a few steps forward. Her body started to shake with sobs. She had thought her tears were spent, but she was wrong. Shannon dropped to her knees as it became too much. She wrapped her arms around her stomach as she cried.
She wanted Sayid to come to her and comfort her, but she knew he wouldn't. She had pushed him away before, and now he didn't know what she needed him to do. But she knew she needed him.
She turned to find him standing there watching her, uncertainty and pain in his eyes.
Tears streaming down her face, she said, "You asked if there was anything you could do for me."
He closed his eyes, as if he was preparing for what she had to say. He didn't respond.
"Hold me please," she whimpered.
She didn't need to ask him twice. Sayid moved instantly to her side. He knelt down beside her, and gently wiped away some of her tears. She leaned forward so that she was in his arms. She laid her head against him as more tears fell. She clung to him, never wanting to let go.
As she sobbed in his arms, she felt some of her burden lift, and she knew she could survive.
THE END