Meeting the Specialists
"So, Mr. Troublemaker, what's your name?" the specialist asked Kiba.
"Kiba," he muttered.
"How coincidental it is that you chose to stand in front of the wolf's stall," the specialist said thoughtfully.
She suddenly leapt into the air, "YES! It must be DESTINY! Well, Mr. KIBA, my name is Desutini, and I will be your guide to the amazing animal known as the GRAY WOLF!"
"DESUTINI! CALM DOWN" came a voice from the intercom.
"This lady's weirder than Lee." Kiba thought.
"First of all, let me give you some statistics," Desutini began, "The gray wolf in the stall is a male, he ways approximately 160 pounds. He stands 36" tall at the shoulder and he's 14 years old. He's considered pretty old for a wolf. He's a pretty animal and likes to play with yarn."
"Whoa, I didn't get any of that, except the yarn part," Kiba said.
"I didn't expect you too, standard procedures you know. Plus, since DESTINY brought you two together, NOTHING can change your inevitable FUTURE."
"You're… really spazzy."
Sasuke stared at the specialist that came down to meet him. The man looked like he had been chewed up and spit back out. He was walking with a cane (his left leg was broken) and there was a bandage wrapped around both hands with dark stains that looked horribly like blood.
Unsympathetically, Sasuke said, "What's wrong with you?"
"Oh, you know. Taking care of the mon-, I mean the leopard is a little hard. Especially if no one else will do it and give you a break."
"TIMOSHI! STOP COMPLAINING!" came a voice from the intercom.
"Anyways, my name is Timoshi. I am the leopard specialist."
Obviously, Sasuke could put two and two together and understood quite clearly why the specialist looked like he had been run over by a tractor and lived to tell the tale. Of course, him being Sasuke, it only made him more eager to get the leopard.
"Standard procedures, I have to tell you about the mon-, I mean the leopard," Timoshi said with a defeated air as if knowing his broken state would not sit well with the client. This meant he was stuck being the caretaker of the "monster".
"The leopard in the stall weighs 178 pounds, it stands 30" tall at the shoulder, it's a male, it's 18 years old expected to live up to 23 years. It has an extremely fierce personality and is not recommended for those of a timid nature," Timoshi said the last part extremely quickly.
"Great, I'll take it," Sasuke said. He didn't really listen to the entire thing, too busy wondering if the leopard could eat Naruto whole.
"So you're the one interested in the little orphaned critter," a deep, heavy voice said from behind Hinata.
She squeaked a jumped, turned around, and looked up. She had to look up because the man stood from 7 feet in the air.
"A-ah, h-hello s-sir, U-um s-sorry."
"Why're you apologizin'? You ain't done nothing wrong. My name is Bairon, I am the specialist for the Black-tailed Jackrabbit."
"W-well, m-my name is H-hinata."
"Hinata. Nice name, I'll tell you some stuff about the poor little beastie behind you. It's an orphan, found it near the body of its mother, father must've been carried off by an 'awk. Siblin's all dead. It's a female. She's 5 pounds, three months old. She'll live up to 6 years if she's taken care of well 'nough. She's a sweet thing, takes her food with no problem. You'll like her. I do."
"T-thank you, s-sir, I a-am very m-much interested. I w-was w-wondering though. W-would she r-ruin a garden?"
Bairon stared down at her with a dark look in his eyes, "I'll tell you Hinata. That rabbit may eat the garden, but only if you let it. If you're the type of lass who keeps her pets up in the house and dresses it up, then by gawds I won't let you have her."
"BAIRON! DON'T BE MEAN!" came a voice from the intercom.
"N-NO sir, I didn't m-mean that. It's just my f-father m-might be w-worried."
Bairon's eyes softened, "I understand. Don't you worry, if you feed the little critter good food all the time, it won't have any problems with no garden. They've got a bad reputation, but those come from the wild ones who don't got much to eat. They're better than they're thought to be."
"I'll take her," Hinata said.
"HI!" a voice yelled from behind Naruto.
Naruto whipped around to come face to face with a girl his age. His face broke into a huge Naruto-like grin, "HI! Are you the specialist for the Arctic Fox?"
"Yep, that's me, and who are you?"
"The name's Naruto, who are you?"
"My name's Nikki, who are y- wait never mind. I'm supposed to tell you stuff about the animal in the stall behind you. His name's Kyuu, even though I'm not supposed to name him."
"I like Kyuu, HI KYUU!"
Sasuke winced as he filled out the papers for the leopard, too much Naruto, not good for health.
"Okey dokey then, Kyuu is a male, he weighs 6 pounds, and he's 4 years old. He's related to the gray wolf, coyote, and red fox. In the summer, the coat of the Arctic Fox darkens to a bluish-brown. The Arctic Fox is one of the world's widest ranging mammals. It feeds on anything it can catch or find, such as birds, lemmings, eggs, mammals, and berries. The mating season is February to May. It can survive temperatures of below -95 degrees F. Nearly 70..."
The man mentioned in the previous chapter groaned as he watched the Arctic Fox screen. "Nikki is always over exuberant," he told the teachers.
"… found across the polar regions of mainland North America and northern Scandinavia east to Siberia and nor-"
"NIKKI! JUST STOP!" came a voice from the intercom.
"Huh? OH right, well, that's all about the Arctic Fox. Hello? Are you sleeping? Naruto?"
Shikamaru sat next to the stall of the Giant Panda. His specialist had not yet come, but he didn't really care. The stall's occupant didn't seem to care either. He could hear gentle snoring sounds coming from inside.
His view of the clouds was suddenly obstructed by someone. Blinking, Shikamaru looked up to see an equally tired-looking man standing there.
"Yes?" Shikamaru said.
"I'm supposed to tell you about the giant panda. My name's Riam. Pleased to meet you."
"I'm Shikamaru. I don't really care about the giant panda. Could you skip in informing part and just let me sign the papers?"
Riam nearly danced for joy. Of course, he didn't, it was too much work.
"Ok, but we have to be discreet about it. I usually have to follow standard procedures."
"RIAM! DO YOUR JOB!" came a voice from the intercom. (A/N- I'll just freaking well copy and paste that phrase)
Riam groaned, "Standard procedures, the giant panda is a male, it weighs 260 pounds and it stands 23" at the shoulder. It's 17 years old. I'll get the papers."
Shikamaru could once again see the clouds.
"Hi, how are you?" sang a voice from behind Tenten.
Tenten turned around with a smile… and saw no one there.
"Down here."
Tenten looked down and saw a tiny girl who beamed at her.
"My name's Merodi the Sand Cat specialist, pleased to meet you," she sang.
"Umm, hi," Tenten said."
"I'm supposed to tell you about the Sand Cat. It's very cute," Merodi sang.
While Tenten was wondering why this strange little girl was singing everything…
"MERODI! STOP SINGING!" came that voice from the intercom.
"Got it bossman," Merodi said with a huge grin.
"Well, Ms. Lady, I have to tell you some stuff about the Sand Cat. We have a female, it weighs 7 pounds and it's 4 years old. She has the cutest little growl, except she eats nasty stuff like lizards and bugs."
"Uh huh," Tenten said, taking notes.
"I bet my specialist will be prettier than yours. She'll know everything about my widdle sugar glider," Ino said.
"Yeah right, my specialist will be as pretty as my Squirrel is cute," Sakura said.
Ino scoffed, "That's not saying much."
"Hello, hello, how are you two ladies?"
Sakura and Ino stared at the two men standing in front of them. Stars shone in their eyes. "My specialist is so cute!" they said at the same time.
They glared at each other.
"Mine's cuter!"
"Yeah right, mine's cuteness way overpowers yours."
The two specialists sweatdropped, "We're twins."
"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!" Sakura and Ino yelled, going back to their argument.
"Well anyways, he's Chip," said one.
"And he's Dale," said the other.
"MINE'S HAS A BETTER NAME!"
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME, MINE'S BETTER!"
Dale yelled over the babble, "I'm the specialist for the Southern Flying Squirrel."
Chip yelled, "I'm the specialist for the Sugar Glider."
Sakura and Ino stopped arguing and said together, "Isn't my choice so much better than hers?"
Dale started, "Well, the Southern Flying Squirrel and the Sugar Glider look pretty much the same,"
Chip ended, "But one is a marsupial and one is a placental mammal."
"CHIP AND DALE! SEPARATE!", came that ever-so annoying voice from the intercom.
Dale sighed, "Come on miss, over here. The Southern Flying Squirrel weighs 5 oz. It's a female and it's 5 years old."
Chip said, "The Sugar Glider weighs 5 oz. It's a female and it's 5 years old.
"SEE! I TOLD YOU MINE WAS BETTER!"
"HOW DOES THAT PROVE ANYTHING EXCEPT THAT MINE'S BETTER?"
… A catfight ensued.
"Hola Amigo, como estas? Como te llamas?"
"Munch. What? Munch. Repeat. Munch."
"Hohoho. Tu comas mucho. No es bueno para las chicas."
"ANDRES! ENGLISH!" came you-know-who, not actually Voldemort.
"Si, si, my name is Andres, I be your instructor. Is funny. I Spanish and I instruct on the AMERICAN bison."
"Munch. … Munch."
"You know say much. Just eat, but it ok. Now, that American Bison weigh 2,000 pounds. Much heavy. Like you I think sir. He is a he and has 18 years."
"Good meat?"
Andres smiled, "Si, good meat."
"YOSH! THE BURNING FIRE OF YOUTH! WHERE IS MY SPECIALIST?"
Lee was currently standing next to the stall of the white tiger. He had been standing there for thirty minutes. Apparently, his specialist had decided to abandon him.
Gai was making a great trail of destruction in the survey room. "WHERE IS LEE'S SPECIALIST? WHO WILL INSTRUCT LEE ON THE BEAUTY OF THE TIGER?"
"SOMEBODY HELP ME!" came a panicked voice from the intercom.
"Never fear boss, for ACE is here," said a voice from the doorway of the room.
The man swiveled around and said, "ACE, GET YOUR BUTT DOWN THERE AND HELP YOUR CLIENT!"
"Yessir. Butt down," Ace vanished.
Kakashi rubbed his chin, "He'd make a good ninja."
Asuma and Kurenai were trying to restrain Gai.
"IS HE THERE YET? IS HE INSTRUCTING LEE?"
"Heeellooooo. Ready for your lesson?"
"YOSH! PLEASE INSTRUCT ME! MY LIFE AND HEART ARE IN YOUR HANDS!"
Ace backed away, "Whoa now, that's going a bit fast. BOSS, HE'S SCARING ME!"
No reply. He's probably been killed by Gai.
"Anyhoo, the white tiger in that stall is a male. He's gonna be the uke, I pity him. He reaches sexual maturity in one year. He weighs 200 pounds."
Lee is flabbergasted… He does not comment…
In the control room, everyone is flabbergasted.
"That was interesting," Kakashi said at last.
"HE'S SCARRED LEE'S YOUTHFULNESS!"
The man rolled his eyes, "All our specialists have unique traits. That's what makes them all different, like our animals. They all have something that makes them special."
Kurenai sniffed, "That was beautiful."
Asuma, Neji, and Shinodo not get to say anything in this chapter.
A/N- REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW. Please don't punish me for getting this out so late. GOMEN NASAI!