Disclaimer: I do not own the original canon nor am I making any profit from writing this piece. All works are accredited to their original authors, performers, and producers while this piece is mine. No copyright infringement is intended. I acknowledge that all views and opinions expressed herein are merely my interpretations of the characters and situations found within the original canon and may not reflect the views and opinions of the original author(s), producer(s), and/or other people.
Warnings: This story may contain material that is not suitable for all audiences and may offend some readers.
Author's Note: This story is being updated as part of my effort to bring all my published stories as close to my current writing style as possible as well as standardize the format of my stories (again as possible).
Special Note: If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, talk to someone about it. Even if the first person does not believe you, others will. Do not be embarrassed or ashamed. They are your feelings no matter how dark they are or how against sociality's norms. If you need to talk to someone immediately and you are in the US, call the suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255. There is also the org of crisistextline; the org of teenlineonline; and the com of remedylive. Please do not make a permanent decision because of feelings that are temporary. And remember this as well: there are always someone who will miss you.
-= LP =-
In Death, There is Truth
Chapter 01: Belladonna's Blessing
-= LP =-
"My will was to live worthily as long as I lived, and after my life to leave that should come after, my memory in good works." -Boethius, c. A.D. 524
-= LP =-
Hermione's feet took her to Severus Snape's personal lab without her really noticing the trip. The room had its usually cold astrosphere and despite the professor's tenure of eighteen years, it still looked like the old Potions classroom. The man-in-question was hunched over a cauldron, stirring silently. The yellowish glow made him look like he was about to be sick. He didn't look up when she came into the room, no sign of acknowledgement that there was another human being in the vicinity. She stood rooted to a spot just inside the heavy oak door.
It was so cold.
Unable to function properly, her mind latched onto that circling thought. 'How was it that outside it was sweltering, but inside it was freezing? Did Severus keep it that way?' As if finally sensing Hermione, the potion maker finally looked up. Black eyes meshed with bright brown. She could see his lips move, but no words reached her ears. Had the cold froze her brain? This wasn't like her. She always listened to professors.
"Hermione?"
The word finally made it through the haze inside of her, for all the good that did. 'What is a 'hermione'? Would they be tested over it? Oh, I must pay attention.' A hand found her shoulder, almost shocking in its warmth. Another found her chin and tilted her head so that their eyes met again. All the customary masks had been stripped from his eyes. She could see the concern there, and the worry.
"Hermione, are you alright?"
'Oh, I'm Hermione. Why is it so bloody cold?' She clenched her fist and something crumpled. Hermione looked at the parchment dumbly. Severus lifted her hand. Carefully, as if she would break, he unfolded her fingers from around the letter. 'Letter—that's what it is. I got that letter as I was packing to go home. What did it say?'
Her mind came to life then. Traitor that it was, it informed her of Harry's death in gleeful tone. For a moment, she reveled in the fact that her brain was now working fine. Then the realization hit her like a train. 'Harry was dead. Harry. Was. Dead. Harrywasdead. Harrywasdeadharrywasdeadharrywasdead.'
"Harry's dead," she breathed. Her brain was now doing a figure eight instead of the circle of a few moments ago. 'Harrywasdead. It'ssocold. Harrywasdead. It'ssocold.' "Why is it so cold down here, Severus?"
"What did you say?"
"Why is it-"
"No, before that, Granger."
"Harry's dead."
'Oh, my god, Harry's dead.'
Someone started screaming. The lab echoed with it. The very sound of it scared her and she began screaming as well. The other person just grew louder. Dimly, some part of her knew that the screamer was only herself, but reality had become so muddled since Hedwig had shown up. Something slapped her cheek. The stinging did nothing to silence her.
Someone's fingers cupped her swelling cheek. Something cool pressed against her lips and poured down her throat. She choked for a moment. Acting on instinct, she swallowed. The screaming stopped. Severus' arms wrapped around her, enveloping her in his warmth.
"It's so cold, Severus," she managed after a few minutes.
"I know, Hermione."
"Why is it so cold?"
"I-" He started to move away from his student.
"Please, don't; you're warm."
He settled back against her. Together, they crouched on the dungeon floor. It was a long time before the tears started. Once they did, Hermione couldn't seem to stop. Severus just held her. His hands rubbed her back as the belladonna ran its course. It wasn't as good as a Calming Draught but it was the closest thing he had.
Minerva came in at some point. Their eyes had met over Hermione's weeping form. The old witch had said something about telling Poppy something. Then she had left Severus with the sobbing Gryffindor. It was all a blur except for Hermione's small voice. He knew the echo would be forever in his mind.
"Harry's dead."
-= LP =-
Dear Hermione,
I know that you will not understand why I felt that I had to do this, but please don't blame yourself. I've been in a very bad place for a long time now. Cedric died because of me. Sirius died because of me. Remus died because of me. My mum and dad died because of me. I nearly got you and Ron, my closest friends, killed several times. All that blood was on my hands, Hermione, and it wouldn't wash off. I can only hope that you can forgive for this.
I'm better now, Hermione. I'm with Sirius. My mum and dad are here. Perhaps someday you can understand that I'm finally happy. I held on for so long because I was the only one who could kill Voldemort. My purpose for living was over. It was time to move on. And I'm happy, Hermione.
Please take care of Hedwig for me, and yourself. And please let Ron down gently.
I love you, Hermione.
Until we meet again,
Harry J. Potter