As usual, the girls are friends of each other and so are the guys. I figured I should clear that up before you start reading this. Also, I'm a great fan of sasusaku and naruhina, so maybe that'll appear too. (I'm also a fan of Shikamaru and Ino, but I don't think I'll be able to make them IC, so they probably won't appear in this fic at least not much)
This is for a friend of mine: Tenten-kun; who makes me proud to be a writer and reminds me that there are people out there who read my proud and joy.
Why?
By Gasha Aisu
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
How did he do it? She wondered. How did he manage to be so cold, so distant? How did he manage to keep an unseen wall between him and his team mates, despite the things that they had been through? How did he get himself to concentrate only on his goal, his bitterness, and his destiny? How…how…did he…manage to be such a, such a…
Bastard.
Such a cold blooded bastard. And why did she even try? Why did she try to get close, to understand and heal him? Why didn't she just give up now? It would be so much easier; just to concentrate her training and Lee her close friend. Just to give in to the temptation of letting him rot in the wasteland he created in his mind. But she couldn't, she couldn't give up on him, not yet, not now.
What was so special about Hyuuga Neji that drew her in?
She sighed and looked at the bright blue sky above her. She was walking slowly, her hands behind her head. She had to meet her team mates and sensei in about five minutes, but Tenten didn't feel like hurrying.
Her brown eyes darkened in memory.
No, she was in no hurry at all.
"Neji, you've been at it for five hours now, take a rest! We can grab a meal or something," Tenten pleaded, as she watched her team mate train determined.
"No," Neji responded calmly, not taking his eyes of the piece of wood he was fighting. They where alone, surrounded by trees.
Tenten just stared at him, frowning slightly. That…wasn't very nice…
She crossed her arms and glared at him defiantly.
"Neji, you're coming, even if I have to force you. You do have to eat to you know!" she told him, and she meant it too. That boy didn't know what was good for him, and she was going to take care for him if he liked it or not. That meant that she wasn't afraid to use necessary measures, that involved tying him up, or blackmail.
Neji actually stopped this time, and looked at her calmly. She felt a shiver run down her spine. There was something in that cold look that got to her. Maybe because it was directly focussed on her. Neji rarely looked anyone straight in the eye when he talked. He liked to pretend (at least she hoped it was pretending) as if he thought he was better then you, and you where not worthy of being looked at. His arrogance, his way of making you feel bad scared people off, and that was exactly what he wanted.
But not her, she thought somewhat arrogant, nothing could scare her, or make her leave his side for that matter.
Or so she had thought.
"Forget it Tenten,"
Tenten blinked. Wow, he was really sensitive today wasn't he? (Insert sarcasm here)
"You don't take care of yourself Neji. You're lucky to have me around to do that for you, come on, I'll even let you pick the restaurant," she said, winked and waited for him to sigh and give in. It was just a matter of time before he-
"It's not the food Tenten," his ever so calm voice spoke, and he turned to the piece of wood again.
Again, Tenten blinked. That guy sure was full of surprises today. What was wrong with him anyway? A worried frown replaced her confusion.
"You alright Neji?" she asked softly, worry evident in her voice. Although Neji was a cold hearted bastard at times, Tenten was convinced that showing her own emotions had effect on the young guy. Maybe he would finally open up a little, after all, he did show her that seal. Maybe it was his father's anniversary or something…
"You just don't get it, do you Tenten?" he asked, and this time there was a small trace of irritation in his voice.
Tenten's mouth opened a little, but she closed it again. What was wrong with him today? Sure, Neji could be a real ass sometimes, but she considered him a friend. And she thought he felt the same way. The way he sometimes acted on missions, when he was worried about her, the way they trained together, and teased each other and Lee…It was teasing, right? He didn't mean what he said, did he?
Somehow, Tenten found herself really naïve…but…she wasn't, right?
"Wh-what do you mean?" she stuttered surprised. Great, now she sounded like his cousin, and he hated his cousin. Oh boy, she had a feeling this was going to get ugly.
Neji glanced at her, his piercing look going right through her. He was frowning at her, and Tenten had a hard time trying tolook into his eyes. Somehow she had the urge to hide somewhere, as far away as possible.
"It's not the food Tenten," he repeated, and directed his gaze at his training dummy again, "it's you,"
Tenten couldn't move, her eyes where widened and she felt like she was nailed to the ground. What did he just say?
She stared at him, confusion, hurt, and other emotions darkened her brown eyes. Neji ignored her and continued training as if she wasn't there. Had she…had she been wrong? Did Neji not need her at all? Was he just fine being alone? Weren't they friends anymore? Had they ever been friends at all? Did she know absolutely nothing about him? The questions kept going through her head, and all she could do was stare at him.
"What…"she whispered, "what did you say?"
She knew what he had said. And she knew what he meant too, before this she had even thought that she had him figured out. She couldn't be that wrong, could she?
No, it was not hard to figure out the meaning behind those words.
Neji didn't bother to answer her, and even if he had, Tenten doubted it would've been something different then: you've heard me.
Pain, searing pain went through her. And Tenten's hand found its way to her shirt, grabbing it for support. Tears filled her eyesbefore she narrowed her eyes. She forced the pain, the hurt, the confusion, every emotion that she had, she forced them into anger. Her hands tightened into fist, and the one grabbing her shirt went to her side. With both her fist clenched besides her in anger, Tenten tried to control her emotions. She was a ninja, she was supposed to be able to control her emotions. But…they couldn't expect of her to be able to control them now did they?
"Do you hate me?" she asked through clenched teeth. She needed to hear it from him before she allowed herself to attack him. Maybe she hadn't understood correctly. Maybe he just didn't feel like seeing anybody.
"That's your conclusion" Neji told her simply, and looked slightly to the side to look at her, "are you planning on attacking me? You know it's useless,"
That arrogant…Tenten's jaw tightened, as her fist trembled in anger. Blood fell down on the ground because of her nails digging in her flesh. Damnit, why did he have to talk in riddles now? Why couldn't he just be blunt, like he normally was?
No, she decided, she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of beating the hell out of her.
Slowly Tenten turned and walked out of the clearing. Her eyes where misted as anger slowly turned to pain again.
Why Neji? She thought. Why do you do this to me?
Why?
That question still plagued her, this following morning. Tenten sighed as she directed her gaze back to the road before her. She bit her bottom lip, as angry tears filled her eyes. How could he hurt her like this? And why?
Why would he want to hurt her? Why now? Why did it hurt so much? Why…
"Why?" she whispered softly and immediately got annoyed at herself. She was acting like she didn't have anything else better to think of! She was Tenten, not some weak emotional girl; she could handle things, a lot of things. It took someone really important to her to hurt her like this, to have this kind of effect on her. Neji wasn't…that….important.
Was he?
Frowning and now insecure of not only the situation but herself as well, Tenten didn't notice Sakura standing a little distance away.
"Hi Tenten," Sakura greeted happily. Tenten blinked and looked up; making sure the frown was of her face.
"Sakura, how are you?" Tenten greeted back, and halted. She was in no hurry to see…him…so she might as well have a little chat, right?
Sakura grinned at her.
"Great, and so is Sasuke," Sakura answered happily. Tenten chuckled. Sakura was probably the happiest ninja in Konoha ever since she and Sasuke finally hooked up.
Sakura's mood shifted suddenly, as she eyed Tenten worried.
"How about you Tenten? You don't look so happy," she asked softly. Tenten sighed and looked away, before answering.
"Neji was kinda cruel on me yesterday," she said vaguely and smiled bitterly, "I know I shouldn't be upset about it but…"
Sakura laid her hand on Tenten's shoulder, making the girl look at her. Sakura's reassuring smile reminded Tenten that they where friends now, and that she could open up more.
"Depends on what he has said," Sakura answered, redrawing her hand. Tenten sighed.
"You want the long, or the short version?" she asked, and her bitter smile didn't go away.
Sakura smiled back at her.
"Come on, let's have a drink. I doubt you want to train now"
Tenten nodded, and Sakura hooked her arm through hers, wondering what the Hyuuga did this time.
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"I wonder where Tenten is, normally she would be here by now" Lee mused out loud. Neji tensed slightly, but refused to open his eyes or change his current position.
He was meditating, he wasn't thinking about her, concentrate, the birds, the lake, Tenten…damnit. He frowned slightly, annoyed, before he forced himself to focus on his meditation. Not the way she looked so hurt. Damnit, concentrate Hyuuga! He breathed out steadily, and managed to sink into meditation.
Unfortunately he was rudely interrupted.
"What did you do?" surprisingly the monotone voice of Sasuke broke his concentration. Not bothering to open his eyes, already knowing who was there, Neji made sure his mask was in place before answering.
"You don't care" not a question, a statement.
He knew the Uchiha, and he knew he didn't bother himself with meddling with other people business. But then again, neither did Shikamaru, and he was there too. So was Naruto, but he wasn't that surprised that he came, after al Naruto liked to help people…and meddling in their business.
"Maybe I do, maybe I don't, what did you do?" Sasuke replied shortly, crossing his arms and glaring at the Hyuuga. Neji didn't bother to open his eyes, making them even more annoyed.
They got no response, as Neji concentrated on his meditation and ignored them.
"Damnit bastard, we want a answer!" Naruto finally cried out passionately, having enough of the mind games. He had seen Tenten while she talked to Sakura, he had heard Hinata's soft explanation, he knew Neji had hurt her, badly. They just wanted to hear it from him.
Lee turned to listen confused, what where they talking about? Even Gai couldn't help but frown slightly as he too paid attention. Gai knew his student well enough to have a gut feeling about what he did.
Neji opened his eyes and smirked at Naruto. Naruto grabbed his by his shirt, lifting him up. Neji just kept smirking at him, his eyes shining with a cold arrogance that ticked Naruto off.
"Naruto," Shikamaru said sternly warning him. Slowly Naruto released Neji, and just in time.
Tenten came walking into the clearing, her head lifted slightly in determination. She would bite back this time. Sakura stood a little back, her eyes uncertain. It was clear that she wanted to stand besides her friend, but Tenten would have none of it. The only thing she could do was stand back, and be a silent support.
Gai cleared his throat nervously, he could feel the tension between all teenagers. Except for Lee, the only thing coming from him was confusion…no, there was caution too.
"Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto, Shikamaru. We like to start training, if you don't mind" he said friendly, but somehow he didn't flash his nice guy smile. It wasn't fitted, which was strange, for as far as he was concerned it was always welcome. But the atmosphere didn't call for it, and that worried him.
"Meaning: Get lost," Neji stated, smirking coldly.
Naruto started to protest, but he was dragged away by Sasuke and Sakura, Shikamaru followed lazily. With one lazy glare from Shikamaru, the four where gone, leaving Gai and his team alone.
Neji clenched his fist and braced himself about what was to come. He knew he had hurt her, he also knew that he was going to hurt her even more. He had his reasons for pushing her away, and knowing her stubborn nature, he had to break her heart. He decided to ignore the fact that he would be breaking his own cold heart too.
"Well, I suggest we get started where we left off yesterday," Gai said cheery, attempting to break the tension that could be felt.
"I'll get my stuff, Sakura tried to take them from me," Tenten stated, her voice strangely monotone as she turned to grab her lunch and other things.
Switch of P.O.V's.
"You're done crying?" His cold voice greeted her the minute she stepped into the clearing again. Lee's eyes widened surprised as Gai frowned.
"Neji what was that for-" Lee started, but was ignored.
"I don't cry for no reason," Tenten responded icily, and grabbed her kunai's. Ignoring Neji, or at least trying to, Tenten walked over to the training dummies. Ignoring his eyes on her back and her shaking hands, Tenten forced herself to concentrate when she threw her weapons.
"You looked as if you where about to yesterday," Neji said. Tenten froze.
Was that…disgust in his voice?
Clenching her eyes shut, and breathing steadily to try to control her emotions, Tenten took a minute before she answered.
"Since when do you know what crying is?" she sneered back at him. That wasn't very nice…in fact that was damn cruel, she noticed. Normally she wasn't like this, but damnit, the bastard hurt her! She kept her glare as his gaze didn't waver.
"I know that it's useless, it doesn't change anything. Figures that you like to do something as useless and low like crying," he responded calmly, ice dripping of his voice. Gai and Lee stood in shock as Tenten whirled around to glare at him.
"And what exactly do you mean by that!" she questioned sharply, clenching her shaking hands around her kunai.
Neji slowly got up, ignoring her as he prepared to train for himself. His cold eyes left her as he ignored her.
"Neji!" she said warningly.
"You're annoying, stop talking to me," he responded calmly, and released his first weapons.
Tenten glared at him, once again ignoring Lee and Gai who just watched confused. The bastard didn't even bother to look her in the eye…
She snorted and turned sharply, releasing her anger on her training. Although she would rather have buried her kunai's in him, the training dummy would have to do.
For the first time in years, they where silent. For the first time, there was tension in the air that didn't involved rivalry.
00.0.0.0.0.0.0.00..00.0.0.0.0.00.0.0 at Tenten's home. 0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.
Tenten threw her door closed with a loud bang. That damn bastard, what did she do to him? She was always there for him she was always kind. Frustrated Tenten pulled her hand through her bangs, her shaking hand. Hell, she was shaking all over. Training was horrible, being with…well near him, was horrible. No, she wasn't with him anymore, he had shut her out, he had hated her. Hate…was that really what she had seen in his eyes?
Tears where threatening to fall as Tenten made tea to calm herself. She never cried…but then again, she never really had reason to cry. Sure, she got hurt, both physically as emotionally but never like this. If she wasn't careful he would break her…
"Who am I kidding?" Tenten whispered brokenly to herself, "He already did"
But why?
At that moment, the knocking on her wooden door broke her haunting thoughts. She opened the door to reveal a worried looking Sakura.
That minute, something broke.
With a sob she fell in the open arms of Sakura to cry on her shoulder. Heart breaking noises she didn't even know she was capable to produce, came out of her. Her whole form was shaking while Sakura hushed her and patted her head and back.
"Come on, let's talk," Sakura said comfortingly. Tenten released her, and nodded wiping away her tears. She let Sakura in, closing the door behind her. Sakura silently took of her shoes as Tenten went to get the tea. Sakura sat on Tenten's couch as Tenten set Sakura's drink in front of her.
"It just hurts so much!" Tenten suddenly burst, she couldn't keep this in anymore, "you know how we have spend the whole afternoon? Silent, that's how! We had never been uncomfortable with each other, we got along since the start! Sure, I did a little peace making, but we all do at times. Even GAI didn't dare to open his mouth! I just don't understand! Why…"
Sakura listened to her, and suddenly Tenten found that she couldn't look her in the eyes anymore.
"Why?" she whispered, looking down, her eyes reflecting her pain, "Why would he be so cold all of the sudden?"
Sakura put down her cup as she waited for Tenten to look her in the eyes. The minute her brunette friend did, Sakura smiled sadly at her.
"You love him," she stated.
Tenten stood frozen, unable to mask her shock, but unable to look away as well. Was that why ithurt so much? At least now she got a answer on one of her questions.
She… loved…him…
Stumbling back as if she had been stabbed, she slowly, shaking, took her seat again, staring at Sakura. Then finally she broke eye contact and stared at the ground before reaching out, grabbing her cup and taking a sip of her tea. She closed her eyes as she tried to get her normal control back.
"I know how you feel" Sakura's soft voice drifted to her and Tenten smiled a little.
"I know you do" she replied simply, her voice a little hoarse but she was back in control.
Slowly she opened her eyes to look Sakura in her eyes again.
"What now?" she asked Sakura, signing deeply afterwards. Sakura bit her bottom lip and frowned.
"Maybe if we talk about it we might understand him a little…I mean he's got to have a reason. There's got to be a answer to why, why does he do this?" Sakura pondered.
Tenten sighed and leaned back in her chair.
"Well, his life wasn't, isn't, easy for him, so he has this wall, a defence to the outer world, like Sasuke. You know what I mean…"Tenten looked at Sakura briefly to see her nod before continuing, "but I get through him at times. And even get him to show some sort of affection…"
She stopped, not really knowing what to say next.
"Maybe he's scared," Sakura suddenly said. Tenten looked up sharply, but then frowned, thinking it over.
"Now that I think about it. He has looked at me weirdly lately. Sometimes he would suddenly look straight at me, frowning as if pondering. And sometimes, his eyes would take on this vulnerable look…I even saw fear in them one time when we talked, I got really close. I even got him to share something of his past, and then I saw this flash of fear before he looked away…" Tenten paused for a second, "You think that can be it?"
Sakura was silent for a while before answering.
"I think it's not just fear of you hurting him. I think it's fear because of the trust he has in you. I've seen you train, you two completely rely on each other, and trust each other. I think your getting to close and it makes his uncomfortable. Maybe he's feeling to strong feelings and he pushes them away,in orderfight against his destiny perhaps..." she paused to look Tenten straight in her eyes making sure she gets the message before continuing, "I think he has really strong feelings for you Tenten. You can't give up now. I didn't give up Sasuke, and I don't want you to give up on Neji now. I know its hard, but trust me, it's worth it"
Tenten nodded, and her eyes replaced fear with determination.
"I'm going to talk to him, alone" she stated. And Sakura smiled at her.
"I think you should"
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It was ten o'clock, she was cold, and she was out of her mind, Tenten decided as she stood before the main gate. What was she thinking anyway? Yes, so she knew he was probably in his room right now. So, it was a good private space, so what? Why did she convinced herself to do this anyway?
Shaking her head and clearing her thoughts, Tenten decided to do it anyway. She was already here, and she really wanted to talk to Neji. She had missed him…
With her mouth in a grim line she reaches up to climb her way up the gate. Jumping over it, she makes her way to Neji's room.
His window is open, as if inviting her. She bits her bottom lip as she uses chacra to get to his window. Hauling herself up, she's surprised to find the room dark. Frowning Tenten looks around, she is sure he is here. She always had this strange six sense with Neji. There was just something that drew her in, that made her know exactly when he entered the room, although she had not seen him.
She knows he's here.
Finally she sees him, and is shocked at the sight. Neji's arms are around his knees, his head on his arms as his hair falls around him as if embracing him. Tenten frowns, she isn't used seeing Neji with his hair loose, she isn't used seeing him this vulnerable.
"Neji," she breathes, and he looks up. His milky white eyes seem haunted as he narrows his eyes.
"Get lost Tenten"
His voice was steady, but she heard some hidden pain, hidden desperation.
"I know why you push me away," she starts bravely, and takes a step in his direction.
"Really now?" Neji mocks her, "And why's that?"
Her frown deepens. His entire being seems to scream to her to get lost, yet she still find that little part of him that wants to embrace and accept her.
"You're frightened," she states softly, daringly taking more steps towards him.
A snort is her response.
"I won't hurt you Neji. I care about you too. Why do you keep shutting me out? Why do you hurt the both of us?" she asks him but then smiles at him, "You're frightened that's why. I'm just sorry I didn't realise it sooner,"
Neji snorts and slowly stands up, his eyes locking with hers. He looks away and crosses his arms.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he states in monotone. Tenten smirks, now she got him.
"Then why don't you look me in the eye when you hurt me?" Tenten asks, her smirk grows as his head snaps in her direction.
"You don't want to hurt me" she states bravely, "because you care about me. I care about you too Neji. You don't have to hide from me,"
"Feh, you act as if you know everything. You disgust me," is the cold response she gets, and Tenten feels her insecurities creep up. Until she notices his eyes are directed behind her, not in her eyes. She smiles softly.
"Then look me in the eyes and say you hate me. That's all it takes to get me out of your life," Tenten offers, hoping that he won't have the strength to do so.
Slowly Neji's eyes seek hers, he stares into her eyes, and his mouth opens. Unwillingly she stiffens and frowns worried. Neji seems to hesitate.
"I.."
Don't please don't Neji, she pleads him silently.
He signs as he turns away from her. With his back facing her, he looks over his shoulder.
"What makes you so special?"
His question catches her of guard, so do his eyes who seem confused, pained…
Vulnerable.
"I knowyou, Neji,"
She knows that it was the right thing to say, yet it doesn't seem to answer his question. He snorts and shortly looks away. Yet, he seems unable to look away for too long, as his eyes dart back to her.
"You will hurt me,"
It hurts her that he doesn't seem to question it. He just states it as if it is a fact. She frowns as her response slips out before she got a chance to think about it.
"Neji, do you trust me?"
Somehow, not thinking and acting on her instincts seem to work as Neji frowns in annoyance.
"You know the answer," he replies, unwilling to open himself to much. Tenten smiles, as he doesn't seem to realise just exactly how open he is, and was, to her.
"Say it," she orders. She feels more in control again, and everything is going the right way. Not the way she planned, but she was getting through him. With a little luck, everything could be back to normal tomorrow…or even better… She refuses to think it can get worse.
"I trust you," he admits, and Tenten, but only Tenten, can see he's nervous. Her smile is soft, as her eyes shine with emotion.
"Then trust me not to hurt you on purpose. I can't guarantee I won't hurt you, for I might on accident. But I swear to you Neji, I will never hurt you on purpose," she ensures him, and practically feels him opening up again. She isn't near him anymore, she's with him.
"I did," he mutters as he turns to face her again. Hyuuga Neji, does not turn away in shame. Yes, he did hurt her. Tenten smiles at him, showing him that she forgives him. Hell, she loves the guy, nobody can blame her.
"You where scared. I understand Neji,"
He seems to relax as he takes one hesitant step towards her. His eyes are now open to her as she can read him like never before. Yes, she reached and touched him. But she knows he won't stay like this, he will only open to her on occasion, and that's fine with her.
She walks towards him, she feels drawn to him. Neji looked away, somehow unwilling to face her. Tenten walks up to him, knowing that's she's closer then she should. Not even a half a meter is between them as Tenten slowly raises her hand. Neji just stands still, accepting what ever is coming his way.
Slowly Tenten places her hand on his cheek and softly pushes until his milky eyes meet her brown ones. For the first time since their childhood together, Tenten actually sees insecurity in them, and for the first time.
She feels accepted.
The end.
I hope you enjoyed reading this. Please tell me what you think? It took me ages to complete this. (Yes, that's one of the reasons why Hearts in love and denial isn't updated yet)
Bye for now,
Gasha Aisu