Hey, guys. This is the Fanatic again, writing yet another sappy story for y'all. I really appreciated the reviews that the last story, Angel, got. I'm glad you all liked it, even though it was pretty sad in the end. This one's kinda sad, too, but it ends well. I hope you like it, and thanks to everyone who reviewed, including Yunie Tidus, General Cloud, and Rinny Leonheart. Thanks so much to all of you! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, nor any of its characters or places. I only own the plot. Nor do I own the song Toki No Hourousha (Wanderer of Time). That is from Final Fantasy VI, and is also owned by Square Soft/ Square Enix.
Toki No Hourousha
by GundamWingFanatic90
5-24-05
Haruka tooku yoru o koete
Sabaku no umi o samayou
Crossing the distant night,
Wandering the desert sea.
I watched hollowly as Yuffie played with Marlene near the trees to my left, laughing slightly amongst themselves. I wasn't so lucky as to be able to be so happy. Only a month ago, Cloud Strife, my Cloud, had been killed by the evil scientist, Hojo. Cloud had been captured the day after our last night together, the one night of heaven that I was allowed. He had been held, tortured, and experimented on for over a month before we finally rescued him, only to have him die in my arms. I would never be able to get over his last moments. Never.
My heart ached at the thought of my lost lover. I listened to my surroundings, attempting to find Yuffie and Marlene with my ears to take my mind off of my dismal thoughts. However, when I couldn't hear them anywhere near where I was, I barely panicked, knowing that Yuffie could take care of both herself and Marlene quite well if needed, and I arose from my seat at the base of the tree, deciding to go for a walk.
The barren paths of Mt. Neibel were empty as I followed them along a familiar route, my thoughts again in the sapphire ocean of the sky. The clouds soared overhead and around me, white whales and other things alive in the atmosphere, which I was high up in. Finally, the path ended, and I found myself at the one place I had, a little over two months ago, wished I'd never have to see again. But right then, I needed all the consoling I could have.
"Mother..." I whispered, standing over the marble headstone. "I need your advice."
Kami no koe wa shinkirou
Wasurerareta hitobito
The gods' voices are mirages;
The forgotten people.
I could almost hear mom's voice on the wind as I knelt down in front of the stone monument. Mom, can you hear me? Can you sense my pain? Tears filled my eyes as a familiar ache filled my chest, and a light breeze ruffled my long hair as I looked out over the plains of the Eastern Continent. I closed my eyes, and leaned into the wind, savoring the sensation. It felt like Cloud's touch, caressing my cheek like he had done so many times as I slept. Like he had done on that night, when I allowed him to take me to the realm of the living and the kingdom of the dead, and all the places in between. I had felt like I was flying.
"Tifa..." I thought I could even hear his voice. I felt something around my shoulders, causing me to jump, and I whirled around to come face-to-face with none other than the ghostly incarnation of my dead lover. His eyes were sad, his expression the same way, and full of longing and pain as his glowing blue eyes took in my figure.
"Cloud...?" I asked hopefully, almost wishing it was true. A translucent finger over my lips silenced me, only to be replaced by his mouth a second later. Cloud, is it really you? Can you really be here, kissing me? These were my thoughts as the tears leaked out of my eyes. Cloud pulled back, staring into my own wine-colored irises, before he began to fade, stroking my cheek gently as he went. Soon he was out of sight, and I broke down again, sobbing into my hands as the rain began to fall on my shoulders and head.
Kage wa shiroku yurameki tatsu
Ima hitotabi no maboroshi
Shadows flicker palely, then stand;
For one moment, an illusion.
The power was out, the hour was late, and the thunder boomed overhead as I sat at my desk, writing a letter. The strange light of the candle at my left elbow threw odd shadows on the walls, but I didn't care as I re-read my final draft. It said:
My dear and most treasured friends,
I am so sorry for what I am about to do. I know that it may seem to have no reason behind it, but trust me when I say that there is. My words may seem like they are not my own, but they are.
My heart is broken,
it is bleeding on the floor.
My eyes are red and puffy
as I move out of the door.
I haven't been myself lately,
an empty shell of what I was:
The other half of my soul,
lost to an unimportant cause.
He died a cruel death,
leaving me alone.
To suffer through this life,
all on my own.
My soulmate he is,
alive when he was,
and my heart aches
whenever I think of our love.
I must leave, now,
I must go to him.
I know that he would not want me to,
but I don't go on a whim.
I have thought long and hard,
thought deeply on this,
and I'll seal my last breath,
with a cold, yet sweet, kiss.
I hope you do not miss me,
I hope you do not grieve.
Because I know
that I'll find
a better part of me.
I know that it is not easy to let go, oh, I know so well. I still haven't been able to get over him. I don't think I ever will. I must tell you all something, though, that I have been hiding for a long time: I am dying. I have been dying since the day that Cloud died. I feel hollow, and my spirit is slowly, but surely, departing for the LIFESTREAM. I just do not want to wait any longer. I hope you can forgive me, I hope so much. Heh, I've always been the optimist of our group, haven't I? I guess that I now have no hope left. My hope fled the day he died. My friend, my lover, my Cloud. I will see you all sooner or later, whenever you come to join me. Just please, do not let my death drag you down. I will always watch over you all from wherever I am going to. I know that you'll all probably be sad and miss me- that's just the way you are- but whenever you need someone to talk to, I'll be right there. Just call my name, and I'll come. I love you all, so much. You are all my family, my friends. Just know that I do love you, and that I would never try to hurt you. Goodbye.
From your loving sister, friend, and comrade,
Tifa Lockheart
"May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm on your face. May the rain fall soft on your fields. May you be in heaven for three days before the devil knows you're dead, and may God hold you in the palm of His hand until we meet again."
I folded up the letter, sealed it, and placed it on my desk for the others to find when they went to wake me in the morning. Then, I donned my black cloak and silently slipped out the door, picking up my dagger as I went.
Neibelheim was quiet in the dark, stormy night, and I crept through it, unnoticed, making my solitary way towards the one special place upon the mountain looming ominously overhead: the place where we buried Cloud's body. That was where they would find me the next morning when they went searching for me. They would find me with my love. I am sorry, everyone. Please do not blame yourselves or Cloud for this, as it is my own decision.
I finally arrived at Cloud's grave and, kneeling on the soft, wet earth, I held my dagger out in front of me. I am so sorry... but I need you, Cloud. I can't live in this world or any other without you. I am sorry. With these thoughts in my mind, I plunged the dagger into my heart.
I love you.
Aoku moeru yuusha no yume
Towa ni nemuru hitobito
A hero's dream, burning blue,
The people, sleeping forever.
I can only see white. All is blank and burning agony is in my chest. I cannot breathe, I do not need to. Tears slide down my face as I realize that I have just killed not only myself, but another life, as well, one whose spirit is still growing in my womb as it would in the realm of the living. I try to lay a hand on my stomach, but I cannot move. I am curled into a fetal position, just like my baby, Cloud's baby, would have been if it had still been alive. I am so sorry, little one. I did not know that I had you. My eyes clench shut, and I cannot measure the depth of my sorrow, grief, and guilt as even more tears escape my grasp. Then there are arms around me, and all of the pain vanishes, all of the negative emotions disappear, and I am filled with nothing but a soothing peace. I am able to move again, breathe again, and I open my eyes to see Cloud there, solid as I saw him the last day he was alive.
"Cloud..." I breathe. He smiles, but it the expression almost looks foreign on his face, forced, and I can see the sadness, concern, and heart-wrenching guilt that lies beneath the surface.
"Yes, Tifa. It's me." he says. He strokes the side of my face, allowing the smile to dissolve for me to see the raw emotion underneath: joy, love, grief, guilt- they are all there. I feel my eyebrows draw together.
"Cloud, what's wrong?" I ask. Tears fill his beautiful eyes, and he cups my cheek with his hand. I am now thoroughly confused, but he doesn't stop at my cheek. His rough, calloused hand slides down my neck to touch my collarbone, his fingertips butterfly wings on my soft skin, and then he gently brushes them down to rest over my heart. His eyes have followed his hand, I see, and they are so pained it hurts me to watch.
"You killed yourself..." he whispers. He looks up into my eyes. "Why, Tifa? Why did you take your life, and the life of our baby?" I feel tears threaten to spill again, and I draw a shaking breath into my lungs.
"Because I couldn't live anymore." I say just as quietly as he did. "You are the other half of my soul, Cloud Strife. You were my hope, my light, the one who gave me a reason to live. When you died, I didn't have a cause to remain there anymore. I did not know I was pregnant, so I took my own life, thinking that I would never be able to live on my own. Cloud, even if I had known that I was going to have a baby, I wouldn't have made it through the third month. My body was dying, as was my soul. You were my reason to live. When I lost you, I lost it." I am sobbing now, large, pearlescent tears cascading down my face as I close my eyes and wait for his verbal berating. But it doesn't come. Instead, he pulls me to him and lays my head on his shoulder. His hand strokes my hair, and I nestle into his embrace, still crying. It takes a while, but eventually I am quieted, though still shaking.
"It's alright, Tifa..." he says, but I shake my head.
"No, it isn't. I had no right to kill myself. I killed my baby, Cloud!" I exclaim, my voice trembling. His eyes suddenly turn fierce, and he pulls me away from him, taking me by my shoulders to look me in the eye.
"Teef, it was our child." he says huskily, his eyes sad and yet sincere at the same time. "I wish you wouldn't have killed yourself. I love you, Tifa, but you did not need to feel such pain." I cast my gaze downward, my face mirroring the motion, but a second later, his fingers on my chin tilt my head upwards again. "Tifa, I love you. You know that, don't you?" I give a small nod of my head. "Then you had all you should have needed to allow you to live. Teef, I was always with you, and I still am. Did you know that? I missed you dearly- good God I did- but despite that, I wish I could have waited many more years before seeing you again." I open my mouth to speak, hurt, but he silences me with a press of his mouth to mine. When he pulls away, he looks me in the eye, though our faces are still only mere millimeters apart. "I wish you would have found someone else, someone who wouldn't have hurt you so badly." He takes a deep breath, and I know that he is struggling to say these things. "As much as I love you, I wish you could have led a good, long, full life, a life I could never have had." His voice is choked, and I see his face contort slightly just before he buries it in my shoulder. I am shocked at first, but then I smile slightly and put my arms around him, gently stroking his back. His arms encircle me, and he holds me tightly in the void that we are floating in. As he draws a shaking breath against me, I whisper,
"And as full as that life may have been, it would have been empty." I lean over and gently kiss the top of his golden head. "Without you, I had nothing, nothing that could have made me happy or given me joy. Not even having our child or all of our friends surrounding me would have kept me from this fate." I feel a tear drip onto my shoulder, and he draws me to him even tighter. I do the same to him, crushing his body against mine as I rest my head against his own, gently kissing his neck beforehand. Finally, the first tears I have seen him shed in so long appear, but they are of joy, not sorrow, as I cry the same.
"I'm glad you're with me, Teef." he whispers, his voice choked. "Even though we're both dead, and we've gone through so much pain on account of each other, I'm glad you're here." I nod slightly against him.
"Me too, Cloud. Me too." A long time passes. Whether it is only several moments, several hours, several days, several weeks, several months, or several years, I do not know. But finally our tears subside, and my lover pulls away from me to look me in the eye.
"I love you, Tifa Lockheart." he says, and I smile.
"I love you, too, Cloud Strife." I reply. He takes me by the hands and stands to my side as the whiteness around us condenses into a small doorway in front of us.
"Let's go home, Tifa." he says. I nod, and he smiles, a true, joyful smile, the one that he would reveal only to me. Then we enter the light, and finally come home, our hearts healed and our souls united as one.
Well, this time I only got about 6 pages on here. Oh, well. I thought it wasn't as good as the first one, but then again, I was half-asleep when I was writing it. Epilogue is next, and then I'm off to bed. Thanks for reading, and please leave a review! Arigato gozaimasu!
Fanatic