Coming to America!

Episode Eleven: What Do You Mean, You Don't Love Him?! Revealing Secrets to Be Lies!

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK: 6:02 AM, 3RD TUESDAY

"Oh my God. Oh my God…" Naruto moaned. He had been pouring over his Algebra review sheets since five in the morning, and he had to admit that he'd never been so frightened in his life before.

If I don't beat Penn, Tenten will end up with him. I CAN'T have that happen! Naruto thought to himself. He took another sip of the triple-shot latte he had bought at Starbucks not two minutes ago. It was almost half-empty. Naruto was pretty jittery.

"The Pythagorean Th-Theorem… erm… A-squared p-plus B-squared equals C-squared… so if-if we wanted to find A-squared, we s-subtract B-squared…"

Naruto scribbled something down on his worksheet. The floorboards creaked. Naruto downed another third of the latte. His eyes were practically bouncing back and forth in his skull. In the background, the television played a really bizarre music video featuring Sean Paul.

Whatever, Naruto thought. Sean Paul sucks as a solo artist. Why doesn't he just go back to the Black Eyed Peas or whatever that band was? Why am I even thinking about this? I should be focused on Algebra – ooh, look, the azaleas are – ARGH! FOCUS!

Naruto looked down at his Algebra book, but it was no use. Triple-shot was proving to be too much for his tiny brain to handle. Naruto's eyes darted up to the TV screen. Sean Paul was still there. Back to the book it was. But Naruto's eyes darted back to the television. The video was over and now the Feel Good Inc. video was on. Naruto found himself fixated. It was… mesmerizing. The bass… the lyrics… Naruto dropped his book on the ground with a clatter.

THUD.

Naruto shivered. Oh my God, it's only six o clock in the morning and I just dropped that book and it made a really loud noise and someone's going to kill me and I don't know what to do and this music video is really cool and why doesn't Sean Paul curl up and die and what if Tenten gets hurt and what if Penn's been studying too and what if I was to wear a green shirt to school and why is Hinata always in the back of my mind and what if Itachi is after Sasuke and why am I even thinking of Sasuke and why is that guy with the teal hair so good-looking and why is the world round and why am I ranting -?

"Naruto?"

Naruto looked up to see Kinsey looking at him, the latte, and the television in confusion. Naruto looked around nervously.

"Oh, hey, K-Kinsey-oka-san," Naruto replied. "W-What's up?"

"Naruto, did you drop your book?" Kinsey asked confusedly. She brushed a strand of long, red hair out of her face. "And you look all jittery."

"I-I-I've been up s-since three," Naruto answered quickly. "And I-I went out t-to get that l-latte…"

Kinsey picked up the near-empty cup. "Triple-shot? Naruto, what on earth are you thinking?!"

"I-I was f-falling asleep! And I-I can't fall a-asleep now! I h-have a m-math test first p-p-period and this r-really evil guy is c-competing with me and if-if I don't get a b-better grade than he does, m-my friend h-has to d-d-date him!"

Kinsey stared at Naruto with wide eyes. "…Naruto, this isn't going to help." She gestured to the coffee. "Now it's gonna be impossible for you to sleep."

Naruto's eyes darted back and forth between Kinsey and Feel Good Inc. Kinsey looked over. The floating windmill was passing before that teal-haired man's eyes.

"That windmill…" Kinsey murmured. "A symbol of our lost youth and the simplicity of a far-gone world." Kinsey looked down to the jumpy, fearful Naruto. "It would be nice if that windmill existed."

The video went back to the inside of the tower, and to one of the most infamous scenes in any music video ever. (If you've never seen Feel Good Inc., watch it. The ending scenes… they deserved the infamy, but I enjoyed them, personally… heheheh…)

"And then there's our actual world…" Kinsey sighed, watching the animated mayhem.

"K-Kinsey-oka-san," Naruto muttered in a twitchy voice, "w-what if I l-lose?"

Kinsey smiled. "You won't lose if you get a little sleep. That coffee'll go right through you."

Naruto nodded soundlessly. "W-What is up with th-this music v-video? It's s-so g-gross…"

Kinsey shuttled Naruto off of the couch and into his bed.

-

It was 7:53. Seven minutes until the dreaded Algebra 8 test. Neji was apprehensive, at best. Naruto had already crapped his pants. Shikamaru and Mari were trying to get him to calm down just a little bit, but even Desperate Housewives wasn't placating him. He just curled up into a ball.

Mari searched around for a relatively harmless topic. "Uh… did you hear the new Gorillaz single?"

"FEEL GOOD INC.!" Naruto yelled in a frightened voice. He curled up into an even smaller ball. Mari looked at Shikamaru.

"What did I -?"

"Hey, Naruto, I hear that Venture Brothers is back," Shikamaru interrupted. "Don't you like Venture Brothers?"

"…I TiVo it," Naruto answered bluntly.

"Have you seen the newer ones?"

"Yes."

Naruto was clearly not in a talking mood.

It wasn't long before Yokorin, Palin, and Dosu descended upon the group.

"What are you guys doing?" Dosu asked worriedly. Palin was scribbling something in Hiruma-chan, oblivious to the world. Today, she was wearing something a little feminine – a set of Japanese itako prayer beads. Neji eyed the beads nervously.

"Where did you get those?" Neji asked coldly.

Palin blinked before smiling and flipping through Hiruma-chan's battered pages. "Neji Lowenstein, isn't it?"

Neji nodded once. Just once.

"I got them from Penelope," Palin grinned widely. "She has all kinds of spiritual junk. She just got a new set of beads, so she gave me these ones."

Naruto was still shivering. Dosu sat down beside him.

"You didn't look good this morning, either," he remembered. "It's the test, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Naruto replied sharply. His eyes widened abruptly, and his knees locked. Yokorin, who, up until this point, had been relatively silent, turned in the direction Naruto was looking in.

"Oh, God," she murmured, clutching her backpack strap tightly. "The Scalpels."

"What?" Mari moaned, grabbing at Shikamaru. He flushed and said nothing.

Everyone else was in various stages of fear and shock. Neji grimaced and his eyes grew wide. Naruto grabbed at the back of the bench, trying to keep himself upright. Yokorin's feet refused to move, and she was murmuring gibberish under her breath. Palin pretended to be reading Hiruma-chan, but she kept scanning the same sentence as her face paled. Dosu grabbed Naruto's back and planted his feet firmly on the ground, ready to attack if he needed to.

And it wasn't just our little band of ninjas and school-goers that was frightened. Randall, who was not too far away, pressed himself against the wall, trying to avoid Penn's odious gaze. Penelope, who was walking along the opposite side of the chain-link fence that separated Longoria Casablanca from the rest of New York, felt the evil seep into her system and ran. Someone needed her help.

Kankuro walked out of the Art classroom just in time to see Penn and his gang of delinquents round on Naruto and his gang of random people. He, too, began to run.

"Are you ready to get your ass kicked?" Penn inquired with an evil sneer. Naruto's heart began to pound. Dosu glared at Penn angrily.

"Don't attack him," Dosu ordered. "Or you'll have to answer to ME."

Mari squeezed Shikamaru even tighter. "Will he be okay?"

Shikamaru didn't have an answer. He did see Penelope running towards them, but he kept that to himself.

"Really?" Penn said. He rounded on Dosu. "And what are you going to do to me, you pussy?"

"Ooh, name calling," Palin shouted over her shoulder. "How mature, Penn. Can't you just get a life and stop bugging us?"

"SHUT UP, DYKE!" Penn yelled back. Palin took a step backwards, offended. Her face contorted angrily.

"I AM NOT A DYKE!" she cried, dashing over to Naruto's side. She put up a fist.

"Ooh…" the rest of the Scalpels murmured. A particularly dense member of the Scalpels (who, for all intents and purposes, we shall call Albert) with flat platinum-blonde hair cocked his head and swooned.

"She's so pretty…" Albert sighed. Penn smacked him in the head.

"Shut up, Al," Penn demanded. Albert was on his back, trying to avoid staring at the sun.

Yokorin's knuckles had grown white from holding on to her backpack so tightly. She had figured out what to do, but she had to do it now, at 7:57, if she wanted to save anyone. Palin couldn't fight, even though, once upon a time, she had been a gang-banger herself – a member of the Red Butterfly Squad. Dosu could probably stand up to one or two of the Scalpels, but not all of them. Certainly not Penn. Because, from her angle, Yokorin could see the grill in his mouth and the brass knuckle attached to his thumb…

Yokorin screamed and threw her thirty-five pound backpack at Penn. It hit him square in the head. Kankuro skidded to a halt beside Naruto. Penelope ran up with her hands covering her face. Naruto unlocked his knees. And Penn fell, down to the ground, not unconscious, but scorned. A drama freak had bested him – and she was a GIRL, no less. Penn would never be able to live it down.

Albert got up off of the ground, dusted himself off, and looked down at Penn. He wasn't happy.

"Well, um… we could always go to class early," Albert offered.

"I'm going to kill that little – huh?"

Naruto and all of his friends had disappeared. While all the Scalpels had been distracted, Yokorin had grabbed her backpack and fled. She was followed by all of Naruto's friends, all the way around to the other side of the Art building – and directly in front of the Algebra 8 classroom.

The rest of the gang arrived in front of the cursed building right as the bell rang. Naruto's face clouded over and Neji shuttered. Penelope patted Naruto on the shoulder. Mari and Shikamaru ruffled his hair. Kankuro and Dosu punched him in the arm. Palin gave him a huge thumbs-up.

Naruto, Neji, and Kankuro all walked into the classroom; nervous and hoping that Tenten was safe…

-

"I can't believe you got food poisoning."

Tenten tried to hold her cell phone to her ear, but her arm was feeling rather limp.

"I know, it's so ridiculous," Tenten sighed weakly. "But it's really… URP…"

Dosu put a finger to the speaker on the pay phone to block out the sound. He put the receiver back on his ear.

"Shh," he murmured. "Don't talk. I just called to see if you had ditched… because Miss Perfect Tenten never ditches, EVER…"

Tenten growled. "I hate you!"

SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA: 4:15 PM, 3RD TUESDAY

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU, JERARD!" Sasuke yelled inside the hospital waiting room.

"Oh, I'm sure you can do it," Jerard reassured him. "You don't seem like the stage fright type –"

"THAT'S NOT IT!" Sasuke shot back. "I CAN BARELY PLAY THE DRUMS!"

Jerard snickered wildly. Sasuke gaped at him, afraid. The George-Clooney-Look-Alike Doctor, bless his poor overworked heart, stared silently at the two of them, waiting to ask about Liam's insurance policy.

"You are FAR too modest, dear Sasuke," Jerard explained. "When Mimi heard you play the other day, she thought that it was Liam. And Mimi is a good judge of -!"

"How did MIMI hear me play?" Sasuke inquired.

"I was talking on the phone while you were practicing," Jerard answered matter-of-factly. "But anyway, if you can fool my band, you could play at the concert!"

There was a very long silence shared between the two of them. Sasuke was trying to figure a way out of playing, and Jerard was now distracted by the movie playing in the waiting room. Sasuke wracked his brain, trying to think of any possible way to get a different drummer for Jerard.

But, much as I hate to admit it, I consider Jerard a brother, Sasuke thought. Definitely more so than Itachi, even though I would much rather travel with Liam.

"Okay, I'll –"

"Oh my God, that line gets me every time I see this movie!" Jerard laughed. "I mean, seriously, Rob Reiner's mom, saying the best movie line EVER… hah…" Jerard turned to Sasuke, tears in his eyes. "Oh, oh-kay, what were you saying?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "First of all, you've watched this movie thirty-seven times since I've known you; get over it. Second, I'll go with you."

Jerard blinked. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

There was another silence, but this was one of those about-to-explode kinds of silences.

"YAY!" Jerard cooed, jumping on Sasuke and hugging him. Sasuke grimaced, trying to push Jerard off.

What… a… WEIRDO…

"Um… are you aware that the IV is not covered by your insurance provider?"

Jerard and Sasuke turned to see the flummoxed doctor staring at them. Jerard immediately let go.

"Oh, of course," Jerard nodded. "And… uh… I'm not gay."

Sasuke made an irritated noise. He was NOT going to enjoy New York. That was certain.

THE LOSS FARM, KANSAS: 5:01, 3RD TUESDAY

Temari tied her hair back into one massive ponytail. She wanted it out of her face. What she was about to do would certainly anger the Loss family, her fellow ninja, the Hokage, and not to mention her dearly beloved siblings.

Kankuro… Gaara…

Temari adjusted the laces on her boots. She draped a red veil over her face and tugged on her coal-black earrings.

I only hope that you had more fortune than I did in America.

Temari felt the bell sleeves on her red dress flitter in the wind. She had to run away. There was no other solution. If she ran, she could live out life as an unassuming American – not a Sand Ninja, frightened and worried.

She tiptoed past Choji's room, past the bunks that Kin and Ino shared, and – a pang of sadness filled her heart – past Kiba's sleeping frame. Akamaru murmured in his sleep.

Temari shook her head wearily.

Why must it end like this?

Temari ran through the living room and out the front door. A vehement breeze, intent on chilling her to the bone, greeted her. Temari pulled the veil up a little higher on her forehead and, clutching her suitcase, began walking in a westerly direction.

Wearing the traditional dress of a scorned female Sand Ninja, she felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her conscience popped out momentarily.

"Hey, Temari, why are you wearing the dress of the scorned?" she asked, sitting on Temari's shoulder.

I am scorned, Temari thought.

"Is this about Darien?"

Of course it is, Temari thought with a sniffle. I finally find the love I've been lacking… but I get a stalker along with it.

"They say that if a Sand Ninja looks good in the scorning clothes, she will soon find happiness," Temari's conscience offered hopefully.

That's what they say.

"I think you look good."

You're my conscience, Temari sighed. You're supposed to say that.

"Oh come on. Your brothers would say that. Kiba would say that."

My brothers would ask why I was dressed like this. But I wouldn't tell them. I won't. Not until I reach Sacramento. That's where Gaara is, and if I find Gaara, I'll at least be with family again.

"So you really think that all this will be solved if you just bolt. You've as good as failed your mission, Temari," the conscience scoffed before disappearing.

Temari looked to her shoulder before sobbing. Now her only companion had deserted her.

"Why is it always me?"

"Because you are different."

Temari froze. She couldn't believe it. She didn't want to believe it. But there he was. Darien was standing right in front of her. Now Temari was truly scorned.

"Darien…" Temari couldn't even speak. She was at a loss for words.

It appeared that Darien was, too. His first words were confident, but now his utterings were shaky and disjointed. Temari felt her earrings hit her cheeks gently. Her veil moved slightly in the heavy breeze.

"…I'm… I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else," Darien stammered. "I'm… Mom…?"

Temari shuttered sharply. "…What?"

"Mom… is that you…? It looks… just like you…" Darien continued. "That ponytail… that veil… those shoes…"

Temari's mind was reeling. Everything was going wrong, and as soon as Darien found out that she wasn't his mom, she was as good as dead.

"…I'm not Mom," Temari said plainly.

Darien's eyes widened sharply. It was as if a knife had been planted into his back. Temari lifted her red veil to reveal that her mascaraed eyes were dripping with tears, carving twin black streams down her cheeks.

"I'm Temari… and I was trying to run away from you…" Temari admitted. "But you've won."

Temari's conscience reappeared. "What are you doing?!"

"This has to happen, apparently…"

"Temari, STOP!"

"…It's His will, you know? So… do what you must." Temari bowed her head. "I am already scorned. Nothing can bring me down further."

"…Temari…"

Darien looked at the utterly defeated Temari. Temari could feel him edge toward her, and felt the weight of her guardian angel on her shoulder, crying and pleading with her.

A hand ruffled her hair. It went askew and stray strands of hair soon flitted out of Temari's ponytail. Temari looked up confusedly. Darien looked blankly at her.

"I see it now… why I was so desperate to take you, as it were…" Darien clicked his tongue. "You… you look way too much like my mother. And my mom is the only thing I focus on these days. I want to find her… you see… I was… waiting for her…"

Temari blinked. "My mom is dead… she died for my brother… I miss her."

Darien, for the first time in a long time, gave a smile.

"Do you… want to look at the stars?"

"…Yeah. Maybe I will."

Temari's conscience grinned as well.

"Well, aren't you the handful. I see why you're such a sought-after ninja… you are truly gifted, Temari."

SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA: 10:15 AM, 3RD TUESDAY

Sakura couldn't believe it. She slowly fell to the ground, knees buckled.

Sasuke…?

In love…?

With Naruto…?

She grabbed her lip celeritously, forcing her tears back into her shaking body. How could that be possible? How could all her years of trying – all of EVERYONE'S years of trying – been all for naught, seeing as he wasn't even interested in girls?

Sakura desperately tried to keep her cool.

"Mmm-bop… bep-I-na-wop doo-wop… yeah aah…" Sakura sang softly. She had to be happy. She had to keep calm. She could break down later. Not now. Not during school. "Mmm-bop… Oh God, WHY?!"

Sakura couldn't do it. She buckled under the pressure and began to cry. Every time she felt like she could get over it, a fresh new wave of tears clouded her face.

Luckily, Jackie and Orohime rounded the corner a few minutes later. They were obviously looking for Sakura. Orohime, wearing her red dress shirt with yellow hibiscus flowers on it and regular blue jeans, and Jackie, wearing a peasant top and blue thigh-length skirt, skidded to a halt after seeing Sakura.

"Sakura, I have something import –" Orohime began before noticing how beaten Sakura appeared. "Sakura, did something happen?"

"…Yes…" Sakura spluttered out. She put a finger to her nose, trying not to gross anyone out. Her nose was running, her makeup had come off with the salty tears, and her eyes were puffy and red. Sakura looked up at Jackie and Orohime.

"You… you didn't ASK him, did you…?" Jackie wondered aloud.

"…He doesn't like me…" Sakura whispered. She broke out into a fresh new wave of tears.

Orohime flinched.

If Koku likes Rock Lee, and Sasuke doesn't like Sakura…

I think I failed my mission.

Jackie became livid. "It's that Koku slut, isn't it?! I'm going to break every bone in her impossibly skinny body -!!"

"It's not Koku," Orohime and Sakura corrected simultaneously. The two of them looked at each other confusedly.

Orohime cleared her throat. "…Well, I found out a few minutes ago that Koku and Lee like each other. And I realized that we made a mistake…"

"…He likes someone from his hometown…" Sakura murmured. A tear trickled down her cheek.

I can't believe it! Sakura thought. He likes Naruto!

"Kick Naruto's ass!" Inner Sakura demanded.

I can't do that. It isn't Naruto's fault. Naruto and Hinata are meant to be. He's started to realize that. But… Sasuke… and Naruto…

Sakura sighed, more tears lollygagging down her cheek.

"SAKURA!"

Sakura turned around. Lo and behold, it was Koku Reeves dashing towards her. Sakura's eyes widened, Orohime blinked, and Jackie crossed her arms.

Koku stopped to catch her breath. Koku WAS notoriously bad at Phys Ed. She looked up to Sakura and her two friends before giving a casual wave. Sakura hadn't noticed it before, but there was a very pained expression on Koku's face.

"Sakura!" Koku blurted out again. "Sakura, I am SO SORRY!"
"What?" Jackie spat.

"I thought that you were in love with Rock Lee!" Koku explained.

Sakura's lip twitched.

"And I don't know what it is, but I'm in love with him, and I thought you were just playing hard to get for him! I'm sorry about all of this! I didn't realize that you liked Sasuke…!"

Koku was in full-on groveling mode. Orohime found it rather interesting. Jackie thought that Koku was laying a trap for them.

Sakura was moved.

"…You don't like Sasuke?" Sakura mumbled.

"Oh God no!" Koku responded a little too harshly. Sakura's eye twitched.

Koku quickly did an about-face. "Not that he isn't good looking and all… I just see him as a friend! And not a very close one, actually. He's been acting sort of mopey today. And it's irritating the shit out of me."

Sakura had never heard Koku curse that badly before. She must have meant it.

Jackie blanched. "Koku, don't say stuff like that!"

"What? He's being a whiny bag of crap; it's annoying," Koku countered.

"No, you just cursed!" Jackie pointed out.

"Oh who gives a damn?" Koku countered with a smirk.

"I'm sorry that I was so weird to you then…" Orohime sighed. "I was trying to break up Sasuke and you."

"But we were never together," Koku said.

"I kind of missed that part, but whatever," Orohime shrugged. "And it's not like my mind works correctly anyway. I'm in love with a pervert who just might be my father."

Jackie, Koku, and Sakura stared blankly at Orohime. Orohime frowned.

"I was just kidding," Orohime added.

They still stared blankly at her.

"Oh you kids, with your music…" Orohime muttered.

"You're crazy, Orohime," Sakura finally said.

"Yeah, I guess so," Orohime shrugged. "I'm actually in love with one of my pen pals, in New York. He's really quite awesome. Even if he has more than a few screws loose."

Sakura's eyes widened.

"What's his name?"

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK: 10:13 AM, 3RD TUESDAY

"God I HATE Study Hall!" Naruto cried out. Shikamaru whacked him over the head with his Biology book.

"Shut up, Naruto," Shikamaru hissed. "You should use this time wisely, Naruto."

Naruto looked over at Shikamaru's desk. "You're passing notes."

"Exactly. I'm using time wisely. Besides, this is the only time of day where all the ninja and all of our new friends are together in one room."

"And your girlfriend!" Naruto grinned widely.

Shikamaru turned crimson red. "Yeah, well… she's… ah…" Shikamaru continued to mutter unintelligibly.

Yokorin, who sat in front of Naruto, turned around with a note in her hand.

"Hey, squirrel boy," Yokorin said. "This is from Mari. Give it to Palin when you're done with it."

Naruto looked around nervously. What would Mari want with him?

Oh God, what if she's… cheating on Shikamaru?!

Well, he IS kind of lazy. He should pull his own weight around more often.

Or maybe all she wants to do is show him the little bit of spine she's been saving for his mattress.

…Oh my God, did I just think that?

Naruto opened the note.

Shikamaru and I are going to the 7 Licks concert this week, it read. We're going to the Friday show. We were wondering if anyone else wanted to go.

(7 Licks is a punk-rock/alternative band. NO RAP.)

Naruto raised an eyebrow. Rap is all right… He continued to read.

Write your name down on this paper. You'll have to pay me back for these – I'm not paying for any freeloaders. And that means YOU, Penelope. They cost thirty bucks a pop. I already have about seven extra tickets – all hail my dad's work!  Mari

Naruto looked at the people who had written their names down.

Neji… Tenten… Penelope… Naruto smirked. Kankuro, but he's only going so he can ogle at Penelope… and Yokorin… So that equals five. If I go, that equals six. Would anyone else go?

…Whatever, I'm going.

Naruto scribbled his name down onto the piece of paper before handing it backwards to Palin.

"Psst," Naruto spat.

Palin looked up from her English homework. "Naruto, for the last time, I don't need any help with this essay."

"No, look in my hand…" Naruto whispered urgently. Palin looked in his closed palm. She surreptitiously stole the note out of his hand.

"Thanks."

"No big."

Naruto turned back to his own project. He was trying to draw a picture of Hinata, so he could show Vance what she looked like. Naruto was beginning to suspect that maybe Hinata was the right girl for him.

It was either Hinata or Sakura. Naruto was so confused anyway.

Vance was sitting to Naruto's right. Naruto looked down at his pathetic attempt to draw Hinata. He sighed.

"Shikamaru," Naruto hissed.

"What now?" Shikamaru asked irritably.

"Can you draw a picture of Hinata?"

Shikamaru turned bright red. "No way, man! I can't draw a picture of another girl! I'm dating someone!"

Naruto bit his lip. "Some friend you are."

"Bite me."

"Ew…" Palin murmured. Naruto and Shikamaru turned around.

"7 Licks?" Palin said aloud. "They're… weird. I like Fall Out Boy much better."

"But Fall Out Boy and 7 Licks sing the same kind of music," Shikamaru pointed out.

"Fall Out Boy is… sexier," Palin answered.

Naruto and Shikamaru blinked.

"…Sexier?" Naruto repeated dully before the classroom door slammed open.

"WHERE THE F IS NARUTO RINKER?!" the figure standing in the doorway yelled. He had long, dirty-blonde hair, brown eyes, and he was obviously a strange one. This figure was holding a stack of papers precariously in his arms. Behind him was another figure. This guy was a little more clean-cut, with black hair and green eyes. The other figure was wearing slacks and an Azumanga Daioh tee; the profane blonde kid was wearing beat-up jeans, a white wife-beater, and a short-sleeved flannel over that.

Naruto didn't want to stand up.

"Who IS that guy?" Shikamaru wondered.

"He's our new assistant director," Vance replied quickly. Shikamaru and Naruto cocked their heads. Vance sighed.

"You" (Vance pointed to Naruto) "were excused because you started hyperventilating and blacked out. You" (now Vance's finger traveled to Shikamaru) "were making out with Mari and didn't come back for an hour. And, by the way, we changed the wording for the line on page 37."

Shikamaru twiddled his thumbs and blushed.

"Anyway, that's our assistant director for Spamalot," Vance explained. "He never said his –"

"Jay?" Yokorin murmured to the blonde kid.

SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA: 3:46 PM, 3RD TUESDAY

"I can't believe it…"

Sakura lit an incense stick inside her bedroom. There were five of them, strategically placed around her room, in the shape of a pentagram. Sakura made the sign of the boar with her hands and focused. Suddenly her hands began moving rapidly.

"Sun, Moon, Earth, Fire, Water, Metal, Wood, Star, Air, Sun, Fire, Wood, Star -!"

Sakura stopped. Her fists were placed directly atop each other – the symbol of star.

The smoke from the incense sticks formed connecting lines. Each stick had what appeared to be string attaching them in a pentagonal shape. Sakura fists opened up.

"Sun!"

Sakura quickly made the sign of the tiger.

"Arte de Mañana!" Sakura yelled. The world around her froze in its tracks. The smoke connecting the incense sticks stopped billowing. Her alarm clock stopped blinking at her. Her computer was no longer filtering Zen music.

Sakura wiggled a finger. The Art of Tomorrow – Arte de Mañana – had worked. Sakura looked down at the circle she had drawn on the ground. She carefully lowered both hands into it.

"I am looking for someone," Sakura intoned clearly. "His name is Hayate Gekko. Bring him to me."

Sakura lifted her hands upward. A transparent body followed her hands upward. She spread them out. Gekko Hayate stood before her. He blinked before looking around.

"Oh… it's only you, Sakura," Hayate murmured. "I was afraid… no one's called for me in a while."

"It was months ago, wasn't it?" Sakura remembered.

"Yeah… but where are you, Sakura?" Hayate wondered. "This is not your room in Konoha…"

"It's my room in America," Sakura explained. "But that's not why I wanted to talk to you."

"…Okay, shoot," Hayate said.

"You know about Uchiha Sasuke, right?" Sakura asked. A tremor returned to her voice.

"…Yes. You like him very much, right?"

"I love him," Sakura corrected. "Well, anyway, today… he… he told me… he told me that he was in love with… with…"

"It'll be all right, Sakura," Hayate smiled, hugging her gently. Sakura pushed herself away.

"NO!" Sakura yelled. "IT WON'T BE ALL RIGHT, BECAUSE HE'S IN LOVE WITH NARUTO!"

Hayate's hand snapped. "…With Naruto?"

"Yes, with Naruto!" Sakura repeated before she started crying once more. She fell to the ground. "Hayate-san… I trust you more than any ninja in the world… what do you think I should do?"

Hayate was silent for a long time. He crouched down to Sakura's level.

"There's only one thing you can do," Hayate whispered. "You'll have to move on. There's nothing else that'll work." He wiped a tear from Sakura's cheek. "Your father trusted me very much. I'm glad to know that you trust me as much as he did."

"Is my father all right up there?" Sakura asked.

"He's very proud of you," Hayate responded. "He always has been. You're his little girl."

Sakura smiled. "Hayate-san, how does one go about… moving on?"

"One has to overcome the heartbreak. That will take time. Trust me. In your case, it may be years before you are completely over Sasuke."

"Years?"

"Sometimes. One of the legendary Sannin was in love, and their object of affection died. The Sannin still hasn't gotten over it."

"Even…" Sakura's eyes widened. "Even the legendary Sannin?"

"It's part of life, Sakura," Hayate said, ruffling Sakura's hair.

KONOHAGAKURE: 4:02 PM, 3RD TUESDAY

"WE CAPTURED ITACHI!"

"HOO-RAH FOR THE JONIN!"

"ITACHI IS IN CUSTODY!"

"DO NOT LIVE IN FEAR!"

Gai and Asuma glared at Iruka and Kakashi. They were acting like idiots, as always. Gai returned his focus to the magical Crystal Ball of America. He could see whichever ninja he wanted through it.

"How are our little chunin ninja?" Asuma asked, taking a sip of tea.

"They all seem to be going through the rounds," Gai explained. "For the first time, they are acting like true teenagers. Shikamaru is in a relationship…"

Asuma spit out the tea.

"Shikamaru?!"

"…And Sasuke is going to play the drums for a band."

Asuma was startled. "So they aren't acting like ninja at all. They're… normal…"

"WE GOT ITACHI!" Kakashi cried out.

"SHUT UP!" Anko, who was in another room, threw a television at Kakashi.

Asuma laughed before turning back to Gai. "What will Sandaime Hokage think of those two now?"

"Well, we have Itachi," Gai responded. "I guess that's a good thing."

"How did they catch him?" Asuma inquired, wiping his mouth.

"With some help from Konohamaru, apparently."

"Wow. Konohamaru appears to be maturing quickly."

"Now if only we could find Kabuto, everything would be perf – oh my God."

Gai and Asuma leaned close to the Crystal Ball of America.

"It's turning red!" Asuma gasped.

"Someone is using a ninja art," Gai glowered. "An actual ninja is using a true ninja art… and a powerful one at that…"

"But… when Ino tried to use a ninja art, she couldn't," Asuma spluttered. "Why is this -?"

"This ninja is very focused," Gai answered. "He – or she – purposely broke not only the rules, but the barrier preventing ninja arts in America."

"Which ninja is it?" Asuma asked breathlessly.

"I can't tell. The entire ball has turned red… it must be an extremely powerful art."

Asuma and Gai looked at each other before jumping up out of their seats.

"HOKAGE-SAMA!"

End Episode Eleven

A/N: I know it's been quite a while since you've seen or heard from me. This is partly because of a) a lack of internet, b) a rash of really bad relationships, c) writer's block concerning what I consider to be one of the most important parts of the story, Art of Tomorrow (oops, I let that one slip didn't I), and d) exams. I'm really working hard on Episode 12, seeing as it's a bridge to Episode 13, where we start a rather important Konohagakure arc, and we actually get to know some of the OCs better.

A/N 2: I rewrote the description of the story because I hated it with a passion.

DISCLAIMER: Hey, whaddya know, I don't own any of this shit. Seriously, do you think someone with my brain power would be able to get the rights to Naruto?

Preview of Episode Twelve

The entire story of what happened to Darien and Nancy's family is going to come out! Why did Darien stalk Temari? Why does Nancy have an accent? And what REALLY happened to Mr. Loss? Temari is about to get all the answers underneath the starry sky in the dress of the scorned!
In Sacramento, a day has passed since the fateful Sasuke-confession incident. Sasuke is leaving for New York in just one day, and Sakura feels the need to act. But sometimes the best advice comes from unexpected places…

Then, in New York, Yokorin is shocked by the appearance of ninth-grade slacker Jay and his best friend Bob. Apparently Yokorin and Jay go back a ways, and now guess who wants to go to the 7 Licks concert? But, more importantly, Jay has Naruto's Algebra test grade, and that has a lot more than just summer school riding on it… will Tenten be forced to go out with Penn? What will Neji have to say about it? WHY IS BOB NOT SAYING ANYTHING?!

Finally, in Konoha, Iruka, Kakashi, and the Third Hokage are interrogating Itachi, asking about his plans and what he's planning to do with the ninja in America. Itachi, however, is pretty smart, even if he has been driven insane. Therefore, Gai and Asuma's interruption puts the gears in Itachi's mind in motion…

The highly successful Coming to America has been picked up for another season! Don't miss what promises to be another exciting episode of everyone's favorite screwball-ninja-romantic comedy (ro-screw-nin com?)!

Next time: Coming to America! Episode Twelve: Just Because We Serve You Doesn't Mean We Like You – The Last Day With Sasuke!

Neji: Tenten, on my honor… I WILL NOT LET PENN DEFLOWER YOU!

Tenten: Eew. I think I can do that on my own…

Sakura: Wait… if Hayate's dead, but Dosu isn't… when does this story take place?

Kabuto: Yeah, when does this story take place?

Shikamaru: You know what, stop asking questions! (turns to Sakura) When did your dad die?