Take it Back

Disclaimer : I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh.

This is a long SetoxJoey one-shot about a choice, and if you had the chance to take it back. This is my first one shot ever, as well as YGO fic, so reviews would be appreciated.

God it hurt. The pain of taking a single breath, how could something so precious bear so much pain? I try and get up but it's useless. I look up at the ceiling hating it's pale blue hue. I hate how it resembles my eyes now. A pale blue, that use to shimmer, a bright cerulean that would pull you in. The glaze of age covered them, hiding their depths. I shut my eyes and pinch my nose. I never liked hospitals, especially their smell of all things.

I hear the chaos going on outside, deafening to my weak hearing. Everyday now I woke up to this, this silent nightmare, this icy hell hole if it makes any sense. How long has it been since I've been here? Is my mind slipping away already... he explained it to me... the Doctor of course. Mokuba was there with me, trying to fight back his tears. If it was one thing I had taught him, it was composure. If only I could go back, I wouldn't have ever have become so cruel towards the only thing I loved. Well one of the only things I loved. To think I thought I was invincible, yet such a common disease is killing me. Everyday I'm closer to dying . . . it's kind of inconvenient that Death couldn't atleast telling me when I'll die, that way I could schedule it in to my week..

Such a stupid sarcastic comment, but its what I'm good at. My defense.. I let out a dry hacking sound that might have resembled a laugh in another reality. I taste blood, or atleast I think it is... I think that sense has left me too. Footsteps approach, but I keep my gaze on the ceiling, counting the tiny cracks in the cheap plaster. They get closer, then stop. A warm feeling envelopes my right hand and I try to move my mouth into a smile.

"Seto. . ." Mokuba whispers, already having accepted that I was going to die. I want to scream, he's given up on me, which might as well have finished me off there. I knew that if I had ever given up, he would be there to shove me back on my feet, to make sure I kept on going. If he's given up on me, then there's no reason to keep on going... or is there?

"Niisama. . . I don't want you to leave." Mokuba ended his sentence with his face on my arm, crying into the hospital bed's comforter. God I want to just wipe those tears away and hold him like the big brother he deserved after all these years. "I don't care if you were horrible during those years, I know it wasn't you. I don't want you to die like this, and especially on these terms. Big brother, I love you..." He hugs me tighter, and I wrap a frail arm around him. It's what I needed to hear, forgiveness for my stupidity and inability to be nothing else but an asshole. Tears glide down my gaunt cheekbones.. the ice melting. Mokuba definitely acquired my intelligence, and he would be an incredible speaker. Too bad he turned down KaibaCorp for something well . . . more humane. I hate this, the fact that I've wasted the rest of my life, and here I am dangling on the edge... wishing it were different. He was right, he doesn't want me to die like this, and neither do I.

"Mokuba" It was the only word I could say now, but not without pain. It had taken away my voice, and I knew he desperately needed to hear it. He looked up, eyes scanning mine. After a minute he let go of my hand and left the room. I panic, the thought of never seeing him again washes over me, making me sick. Well, sicker than I already am I guess... Not to worry, he comes back, holding a box.

"I know you were working on this before you found out ... and I kept it going. Maybe because I needed to, or because you needed it... or just that I know you need it. It's the only chance you'll have, and I don't want it to be wasted. Big brother you can't forget about this.. I see it kills you everyday, even worse than what put you here.." Trailing off, he opened the box, and gently pulled out a disc shaped orb. Shutting the door to the room he moves to the side of the bed. "It has to be done.. it must be perfect.. after all it wasn't just built by a Kaiba, but by two." Smiling his old smile that made me want to give into anything he asked, he places the orb into my tingling fingers. "Use this chance Seto. I know you've regretted it... even if it's not to make up for your brothering, do it for him. You need this. And I know what your thinking, but don't. I know the risks, and they are worth taking." He did know what I was thinking... If the device worked, it could make me cease to exist and Mokuba, as well as anyone else for that matter... Either they become erased, or it works, and they reappear.. something about time travel.. physics or something... I couldn't even remember. I looked at the orb, mesmerized by it. I had been working on the latest of technology, the impossible theory of time travel. I was so close, then it hit. I stared at the orb, silently thanking Mokuba for his preservereness and love for me.

"Seto erase that regret. You know what it is I'm talking about." Oh yes, I did. That's one thing I would never forget. I envisioned it every day, it burned my eyelids when I slept. The one thing eating away at me, the one thing I woke up thinking about, and the one thing I fell asleep screaming over. The one thing that could have changed everything... that could still change everything.

Flashback

"See you after school big brother!"

I heard Mokuba call out to me, I could practically see the soft smile he was beaming at me. Yet I chose to ignore it. I knew he needed me to turn back, give a wave... even the tiniest hint of a smile. But being the selfish jerk that I am I didn't. I kept on walking away from the limo, reading KaibaCorp's latest data reports as I made my way up the steps. If only I didn't immerse myself in work so much I could have done it.. or atleast been warmer to him. If I wasn't so racked up about these feeling that kept popping into my head I could have been less preoccupied and paid attention. Maybe I should have just opened up for once, and I wouldn't have been so distracted. I would have stopped and waved, instead of heading towards someone with my eyes on my papers. I wouldn't have bumped into the one person that had been invading my thoughts and made me so damn lost in it all.

"Heya! Watch where ya going!" I look up and see him. The one thing that I've loved for so long, the one I had been denying myself of, the one I secretly knew I needed. I remember just realizing that I had fallen for him. I had so many arguments with myself during those few weeks, I had sworn I had gone crazy... It made me so restless. Should I tell him? Should I leave us at the 'Moneybags' and "Mutt' level? Why was it so hard. Looking back at him my eyes seem to drop even further in temperature as his honey ones falter. "Oh its jus you Kaiba. . ."

One thing I never saw was him shy away from me. Of all things, yell, curse, glare, even the occasional punch.. but to hide? Like a cowering puppy afraid of it's master. No, something wasn't right.

"Actually, This is good.. I mean not ya runnin inta me or anythin.. but I need to talk to ya." The way he said it convinced me he was serious. It made my mind rush, all of the possible scenarios of me and him running though my mind in the past few weeks showed up all over again. I felt it then, that empty space in the pit of my stomach, that seemed to be doing flips. Once again I don't think that's possible, but there had been some sort of tension around the honey eyed puppy for a week or two. Puppy, God I even had a little pet name for him...

I don't know how I managed my cool gaze, but it never faltered. My eyes seemed to burn into his, as he searched for words. "Kaiba. . .I mean S-. .. Ok this sounded much betta in my head..." He scratched his hair absently, the hair I wanted to just pull on. To curl those golden strands around my fingers as he whispers my name... It was too much, I couldn't take it. Joey Wheeler, that pathetic duelist that seemed to complete me... broke me.

"Puppy. . ." I let out in a harsh whisper, a desperate plea to tell him how I feel. How I wanted to hear his next words. . . but all I heard was silence. I had let my gaze fall to the floor, but when I raised my eyes to his I realized my mistake. A stupid coincidental mistake, that I made without thinking. I watched as his eyes hardened, those sweet eyes close any chance of getting in. I knew that he had misinterpreted the word, thinking I was just passing him off as another pathetic mutt. Right there, I could have done something, reassured him with anything but I didn't. I swear I knew he was going to say something I had been waiting to hear, but it scared me. I, the ruthless CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, couldn't take the risk. I couldn't open up to the one person I wanted to love, let him in and leave myself out there.

Tilting my chin up I scowled, having decided in that moment I didn't want anything to do with Wheeler again. God If I had known it would have changed me so much I would have taken back the next words I had said.. the final words I said to him. " Mutt. You're a waste of my time." Every word was forced out of me, pushing me away. Before I knew it, I was walking away.

End of Flashback

Remembering that last encounter, I squeezed my eyes shut. Every word I had said ate away at me, and the repercussions plagued me with nightmares. After I had left him there, I had gone to class silently cursing myself. I avoided him at all costs being unable to fight the weakness controlling my body. After that he asked out some new girl that boys had been chasing around Domino. We never interacted again, not even if it was with insults. I was dying, not from my sickness yet, but I felt my soul being ripped apart. Graduation came, and wanting to wash away any trace of him, I left Domino with Mokuba. I bought a new line of radioactive technology that increased sales by billions. The longer I went to work at my office, the crueler I became to Mokuba. I never struck him, but the physical meaning wasn't the only way that hurt. The final blow was when I had met up with Yugi again by sheer coincedence in America. His innocent sweet little manner never changed and he had greeted me like an old friend. It was from him that I heard that Joey had gotten himself married and had a family. Wither he was happy or not I never found out. It was too much, and I took the final step in my technological advancement. It was some sort of radioactive . . . control ... I can't even remember. All I know is that I had been overexposed to the radiation, due to my habitually long hours at work. Hence my now sick... correct that.. deadly condition. I'm snapped back into reality when I realize Mokuba was speaking to me.

"... one here. I don't know if you remember how you designed it to work, so I changed it a bit. I want you to be happy Seto. I need my big brother back." My brother kept his eyes on the floor, a cascading tear escaping his tender violet eyes. My own vision blurred as I gave in to my emotions, the last of the icy fortress cracking. There in the desolate bed of a hospital I had learned to hate, Mokuba and I shared one final hug. Gripping him tightly, I struggled to breathe as we held onto each other crying. It was a sight to see, the two Kaiba brothers trying to salvage the precious time they had lost with a single embrace.

Only God knows how much time I laid in the bed, frozen in Mokuba's hold. The agony of knowing it was now or never, wither it would work or not, just having to let go… the one thing I couldn't do before. Would I be able to do it now? Don't let this be a waste…

Letting go of Mokuba, I leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on his forehead. "Wish me luck." Once again he let out a brief smile, a glimpse of the happier times that passed. It was the last image that I let myself savor before I activated the orb… my last chance to take it all back.

Light. Blinding and pure. Once the orb was activated I was surrounded by it. The white stung my eyes, but once I realized it was all I could see it changed. The color became a piercing blue before fading all together. I sat there motionless, the agonizing impatience driving me insane. Frozen. I opened my eyes, just realizing that I had squeezed them shut in the previous moment. Or lifetime. The sight that met my eyes was extraordinary. I was able to see crystal clear again, my eyes darting back and forth between the busy scene in front of me. I was sitting on the hospital bed, actually able to sit up on my own without struggling. I was in the same room, but Mokuba was no longer beside me. . . I don't think he has been for a while. The hospital staff is all over the place, coming in and out of my room. Yet everything looks like a movie, a movie being rewound at high speed. Thank God for Mokuba…

It was all I could think about before I began to run through several ideas in my mind. The way the invention worked, how it must have been designed, what I had to do now. It must be working, I can think so clearly now, the way I used to… the way I needed to… Swinging my feet to the side of the bed, I gingerly placed them on the hospital floor. I couldn't feel the tingling feeling of the cold floor, which wasn't surprising since I was walking through time. I passed by doctors running to the E.R. and nurses scurrying towards their patients. I looked outside seeing the streets crowded with colorful blurs, the sun and moon racing each other over the dim sky. It seemed like ages before I reached the hospital entrance and took a step outside. The world, where I haven't been in over how long?

Each step I took filled me with an urgency, I needed to stop wasting time even if it was moving backwards for me. I broke out into a run, my bare feet pounding the sidewalks without the slightest hint of an echo…. Time began to move even faster, I noticed it as I ran even harder. I knew where I was going and as the world spun around me, I desperately needed to get there. I was close, so I slowed down as did the racing figures around me. Looking around I watched the sun rise slowly, and cars move a mile a minute. Looking behind me I spotted a very familiar looking black limousine. My gut wrenched around as I made my way closer. It's time… or it was the time… Damnit It is the time!

Once again time seemed to freeze as I stopped in front of the steps to Domino High School. I took one last look around, seeing the still glass figurines that would become the student body in a few mere seconds. Taking my final chance I walked over to the motionless figure that used to be me. I couldn't help but smirk at the unreadable expression I always kept, my cool gaze on the KaibaCorp reports. This is either going to be ridiculously easy or nerve-racking . . .

Taking my hand I placed it on my other's arm, hearing a thunderous pounding. It was only after I felt myself fall into a blackness that I recognized the pounding as my heart. Well that at least proves I have one. . . I smirked as I closed my eyes. Wait. . . Was I just reading data? Opening my eyes resulted in my looking at the data reports I had been studying when . . . This must have.. It.. How?

"See you after school big brother!"

I stopped in my tracks. It happened. My chance to take back everything that I had regretted was here, but the rest was up to me. I turned around slowly to see the beaming smile my young brother Mokuba had aimed for me. The smile that years ago I knew I would see…. One thing was for sure, I would never every deny myself to show my brother the weakness I had learned to call love. Not caring If I was late to class I walked… yes walked, for even If I was absolutely the most alive I had ever been in my life at that moment, I would still look cool. Oh to hell with it..

I covered the small distance in a swift jog, and before Mokuba could react I had him in a tight embrace. He let out a little 'Eep!' of surprise but was hugging me just as tight. "I can't wait." I whispered, before releasing him. He just smiled even wider as I ruffled his hair and turned back towards the school. It felt so right to show him what I hadn't so long ago and I wondered how I couldn't feel how wrong it had been. Making my way up the stairs I felt an absence. Joey…

When I had turned around for Mokuba I had changed my interaction with him. I had no longer been in the my spot to have bumped into him. I looked behind me and watched him walk over to the bench where he had apparently left his books. So that's where he had been heading. . . I wanted to go over to him and tell him everything I had meant to that day… this day… the day I was able to live though again. I knew I wouldn't regret anything now, but I didn't want to mess anything up either. I watched for another second or two as I watched him search through his bag before I made my way into the school.

The day went by quicker than it had before. I saw him in my classes, but I just kept typing on my laptop or reading the assigned textbooks. I wouldn't let my eyes meet his, not yet. I could feel his gaze on me at times, and once I slipped. I looked up at him, my eyes begging him to forgive me for what I had said. . . What I would never say. . . Wither he had heard it or not. I had returned to my reading, leaving him with quite a confused look on his face. The pup looked adorable when he was confused. . .

Lunch was uneventful, I didn't bother to stay, because I wouldn't have been able to trade any insults with him, even if they weren't meaningful. The final bell sounded, marking my completion of the hardest endeavor I would probably face…. But I knew it wasn't over.

I was thinking about what happened today when Mokuba came bursting into my bedroom holding the new dueling disk I had designed. His face was bright with eagerness, his smile warm and radiating. Standing up from my desk I went over to him and looked it over.

"Do you like it?" He nodded quickly, and words began to rush out of his tiny little mouth. I was able to catch a few of them and laughed. My first genuine laugh in a long time.

"Looks like you're going to be quite an inventor yourself Mokuba. Don't make that faced, I wouldn't be surprised if you designed something with a scientific breakthrough." Like a time machine of course. . . I hugged him again, and handed him the duel disk.

"Niisama. . . Are you ok? You've been acting strange. . ." Mokuba said 'strangely' quietly, as if it wasn't strange at all. I looked at him saddened for a moment. He was so used to me being so closed that a simple brotherly gesture was considered strange. How much did I need to repair?

"Can we play for a bit… I know you have work, but please!" He begged his normal plea, his puppy eyes taking their effect. I didn't let them work their magic long enough, for I surprised him with a simple answer.

"Sure. Let me just get rid of these papers and we will." The look on his face was priceless. He kept opening his mouth as if to say something, and his eyebrows were arched in question. He didn't ponder on my response to long because he flashed another smile and ran out of the room. I looked over some files on my desk, and checked a recent one sent to me. It was about a new technique in radiation. My eyes fell upon the increase in sales I could obtain. It was a huge profit, a new step towards a more advanced KaibaCorp. With a determined glare I ripped the folder and threw it into the wastebasket. Making a final call, I canceled any further contact with the new advancement. As I hung up the phone I breathed out a sigh of relief.

It was well into the night when Mokuba tired from dueling and had finally gotten to bed. I carried him up to his room, and tucked his already sleeping form into bed. That's almost everything. . . I had no sooner thought that when I head a knock from downstairs. The knock was strong yet so feeble. Leaving Mokuba I hurried down the stairs and to the front door. It swung upon, my hands out of control. I kept my gaze aloof, my eyes slick as ice.

"Heya Kaiba. . . I kinda wanted to talk to ya. Sorry, I mean I know it's kinda late an' all.. Damn I mean I don't even know what I'm doin here all of a sudden anyways…" Joseph Wheeler. Joey, the person I've kept away from yet so needed to be near for so long. I watched as he ran his fingers through his hair nervously, like he had done before… before I needed him. My eyes remained on his, as I stepped aside. I never spoke. Could I have trusted myself too? He took my invitation warily as he stepped inside the doorway. I shut the door slowly, our gazes intent on one another's. I could see his hands trembling slightly, his breath quickening.

"I shoulda told ya this … hell this ain't easy -"

"No it isn't." I cut him off, unable to keep quiet the feeling ripping that were screaming inside of me. He looked shocked, unable to say anything. Good… I needed to be the one to tell him.

"How can it be? To open yourself up and give everything you can to someone. To strip yourself of defenses and leave yourself wide open for the unbearable rejection that could just tear you to pieces. Or just giving in to the desires and falling in love with the one person that could complete you. . ." My voice had become barely audible, hoarse from the emotion trying to free itself from my sharp tongue. I couldn't look up at him.. I was scared of what I would see. No, I can't let myself be scared again… " Taking a chance is never easy Joey…"

I didn't see him look up at me, his eyes a little shiny. I couldn't tell that he was thinking back to when our eyes met in the classroom earlier, and he had seen something new in me. I could only feel the heaviness of time all over again, as I waited for him to move, breath, say anything. What I felt was his fingers tilt chin up so he could look into my face. The fingers that brushed the strands of my hair away from my naked eyes. My breathing stopped as he looked into my soul. How I wanted him to see me for who I was, and how I needed this.. It hurt. How could something as sweet as loving someone hurt?

I shut my eyes, needing to savor the image of his golden face. Just as I remembered to breathe again I felt his soft lips cover mine. Any last feelings of doubt left me as I felt my body shudder involuntarily. I leaned into the kiss as I felt him grip my shoulders tightly. When his lips finally let go of mine our eyes fell on each other again, both of us breathless.

"Seto…" He murmured it so softly. Our forehead's were leaning against one another's. I shook my head lightly, and held a lean finger to his lips. We were thinking the same thing…. No words needed to be spoken. It felt perfect, the two of us.. Finally.

He didn't stay for too long, but then again for that short time we weren't talking either. I made my way upstairs, feeling as if everything was going right. No regrets, just the way it should have been. I stopped right outside of Mokuba's door, and watched his body rise and fall from the soft breaths of sleep.

"Thank you, Mokuba." Smiling to myself, I shut the door.

The End