Don't get me wrong…I'm not a bad guy. I did love Rude. Did? I still do…

I couldn't face the truth, though. The truth…that I was also sleeping with Tseng while I was with Rude.

I know, I know…I'm an unfaithful bastard. Kick my ass if ya want, but it won't change they way I feel for them both…

Yes, I know Tseng is dead. But I still love him…Do you have any idea just how hard it is to live with the knowledge that you're in love with not one, but two men…both of whom you used to work with?! I just…I'm so incredibly confused. I had to leave before I ended up taking my confusion out on Rude. He was just…treating me too well, always concerned for my safety, looking out for me, babying me. I didn't deserve it.

I thought we were a perfect match and that we would be happy together. We were, for the most part. But with my guilty conscience, and Rude's overbearing nature…it just fell apart in front of me. I knew Rude was perfectly happy with me…but if you're not happy with yourself, there's no way you can be happy with someone else. That nasty coil of self-hatred will come and bite your ass every time…

Which it did to me on a regular basis. I felt terrible for the way I treated Rude. Tseng knew I was seeing Rude, but he didn't mind…I think I was more of a plaything for him than a lover. But I still loved him, no matter what he did to me, no matter how many bruises I'd wake up with in the morning.

I'm surprised that Rude, with his 'mother hen' nature, never noticed all the dark marks on my body. Probably just thought it happened through work…or that I was overly clumsy.

I left Rude because he deserves better than a used, slutty bastard like me. I know I've wronged him, and I have to change that…I have to make him forget me. All those nights we spent together in Junon…all those memories…they have to go.

Forget about me, Rude…I'm not worth the effort.

You won't, will you? You'll keep waiting for the day I come home, right? Day in, day out…damn you. Why did you have to fall in love with me, huh? You had to make things complicated…you had to let me fall for you.

~ * ~

You found me today…I never thought you'd look for me in Gongaga. It hurt me so much to see your face…those eyes, forgiving and inviting. I almost didn't drag myself away…

But I had to be strong. I turned tail and fled…

You called out to me, even pursued me…I should have confronted you, explained myself…but god dammit, I'm too weak…hmph. I wasn't strong at all when I ran from you…I'm a coward, Rude. You're in love with a coward.

You're knocking at my door now, begging, pleading…can't you see I'm not worth it? Look at me, Rude. Hiding myself away from you simply because I've been unfaithful, cowardly.

Maybe its time I tried to change things…I do love you, I know that much is true. I also know I have a lot of explaining to do, apologies to make, etceteras…

As I turn to look at the door, it opens. And there you are.

"Reno…" you say softly. I feel any strength I had built up empty from myself, and I begin to run, but you were expecting it…I should have known. You grab me by the wrist, and pull me in close, turning your confused, hurt eyes on mine.

"Let me go, Rude…" I whisper, pulling away firmly. But you simply tighten your grip.

"Why did you leave, Reno? Please…don't you realise I love you? I promise, I'll treat you how you want to be treated. Just don't…don't run from me anymore!" you beg.

I have never seen you so incredibly intense before…as though this moment sealed some funky kind of fate. I'm not one for superstition, or anything mystical…but I swear there was some freaky magnets that were drawing us together.

Our lips meet, and I feel exactly what you want to convey…desire, love…forgiveness. I slowly wrap my arms around your waist, drawing you close, knowing that I was lost now…I could never leave again. You had ensnarled me in your web.

"I won't…I won't leave again." I whisper, the promise sounding sincere, even to my own ears.

I don't think I've ever felt so bloody…complete in my entire life, just being back in your arms…

I can't believe I ever left. I can't believe that I didn't see past my own weaknesses, my own problems.

I should have been more sympathetic towards your needs, your wants. I realise that you need me. I'd known that all along.

What I didn't realise was that I needed you. That feeling of emptiness wasn't put there by Tseng's death…it was there because I distanced myself from you…the man I love, the man I need to fill the empty place all of us have in our hearts…

"I'm so sorry…" I mumble quietly into your chest. You kiss my hair, stroking my back soothingly.

"Why did you leave?" you ask, and I tense up immediately. I had some serious explaining to do…

"Can…can I tell you later? I don't wanna spoil this beautiful reunion!" I say, my voice taking on a tone of dry humor. You laugh, and hold me closer, obviously willing to accept that request. We kiss again, before searching each other's eyes, seeing the same thing reflected in both pairs.

Love and happiness.

"Let's go back to Junon…" you mumble. I take your hand, and together we walk out the door, back to the place where all our memories together began.

Junon.