The Mary Sue Chronicles
Author: Phishy chan
Pairings: everyone/OC (but not really)
Warnings: Mary-sue torture/death. Severe tone changes that may be confusing/incongruent. Cursing? Maybe. Pseudo-angst
Mary Sue Chronicles, Case File 2: Sanako of the Dunes
Victim: Gaara of the Sand
"You're WHO?"
It was Monday, and therefore it was Kankuro's turn at gate duty. The night had been relatively uneventful, sandy, a bit warm, and uneventful. Fortunately, Kankuro was used to that. Well, at least the warm and sandy part. He did live in the desert, after all.
The night was uneventful. Until…this… Sunedo, was it?
"It's Sanako. Sanako of the Dunes," the girl said, apparently able to read minds.
Oh. Sorry.
Until… "Sanako" arrived.
Sanako was a relatively short-statured girl. Her build was slender and graceful, not stocky or muscular, yet she didn't have an aura of fragility around her; it was obvious to see that her hands had immense physical power in them, and that she had reserves of rippling muscle and sinew to use when she needed. Her face was a gorgeous, pale, oval shape decorated with full, red lips and a cleverly-pointed nose. Her eyes were a brilliant aquamarine-crystalline blue that seemed to glow even in the dim light. Sparks of gold and a tinge of red rimmed her iris. Her eyes themselves were exotically slanted, and were rimmed with what seemed like mascara, but were really rings of insomnia(or were they?). Her hair was a shimmering orange-red, that seemed to flicker and move like fire. Dashes of iridescent bronze flashed through her locks as she moved, mesmerizing anyone that glanced at her. Strange, unusual marking snaked their way down her arms and legs, imitating two snakes slithering across her limbs. Most outstanding of all her features were brilliant silver disks wrapping around her wrists.
"Sanako? Of the Dunes? What business do you have here?" Kankuro asked her skeptically, just like a proper gate guard should.
"I am here to visit my foster-brother, Gaara of the Sand," she said monotonously.
The puppet-master had to stop himself from flipping over in surprise.
"FOSTER-brother? Foster BROTHER?" he asked incredulously. "Wait, then I would be your foster-brother too, and Temari your foster-sister…and we would've heard about you, or at least SEEN you…"
"You? My foster-brother? Do not humiliate me. I could never be in the same household with someone as normal or plain as you," she deadpanned cruelly.
Ouch. Poor Kankuro. You'd think she'd take a clue from those ridiculo….unique facial markings.
Ignoring her, Kankuro refused to let her through by squaring his chest in proper security-guard fashion. "Whatever. I don't believe you, and I'm not letting you in. Too bad."
"Imbecile," Sanako hissed. "I will drink your blood for this!"
She lifted a hand and a serpent of sand rose from the dunes and hissed, making its way for Kankuro. The sand annihilated him, and the puppeteer was killed instantly.
Of course not.
A pathetic wave of sand squealed and made its way upon Kankuro's shoe. He looked down at it blankly, then looked up at Sanako expectantly.
She gave him a strained sort of chuckle. "Heh heh heh… I can tell that you underestimate me. That will be your mistake!"
She raised her hand up and swiped it down like a cat swipes its claw down on a squeaky toy. A loud, dark, booming voice yelled "SUBAKU NO NEZUMI KAMPAI NO JUTSU!"
Because really. If Gaara never yells out HIS attacks, why should Sanako? They both have big, dark letters to inform the world of what they're about to do.
Kankuro, not really all that intimidated by the scary voice (after all, he lived with Gaara) stood there, waiting. Just in case, though, he had a hand on Karasu so that he could whip out his puppet friend and kill the opponent with poison gas and exploding kunai. If he needed to.
Turns out he really didn't.
Just as the jutsu name implied, a little mouse made out of sand poked its sandy head out of the sandy ground and made its sandy way to Kankuro's not-as-sandy foot. There, it exploded with a little "MEEP." And Kankuro died.
Actually, at that exact time, Gaara happened to come out to visit Kankuro at the gates. In reality, it was Gaara's turn to watch, and it definitely was NOT out of brotherly love for his puppeteer sibling. Kankuro shrugged and went home. He figured Gaara could figure out this obviously deluded girl for himself.
Sanako saw Gaara and gasped. She released her hand from her vise-like grip in the air (which, funnily enough, had remained gripped since she started her "subaku no nezumi kampai no jutsu") and bowed to Gaara.
Gaara, of course, did not acknowledge her presence at all. So Sanako walked slowly up to him and murmured, "I have missed you as well, Gaara onii-sama."
And with that she tenderly laid a hand on his forehead, pushed back his hair and planted a tender kiss on his tattoo.
Bad move.
Annoyed at being touched by a complete stranger (one with horrible fashion sense at that; Gaara hated shiny things) Gaara thrusted his hand out and summoned the evil voice of jutsus that said, "DESERT COFFIN!"
And a giant wave of sand jumped out from the dunes and swallowed Sanako whole.
"Insolent wench…," Gaara growled, rubbing the spot where Sanako had kissed him. "Someone better have some antiseptic at home… Or I'll kill them."
Feeling the burn of the kiss sizzling away at his tattoo, Gaara suddenly got the urge to go home. Then he remembered that it wasn't yet three in the morning, and he had two hours left until his shift was over.
"…Fook," he muttered. Gaara looked down at the pile of sand that was once a silly fangirl and scuffed it with his toe. "…She had better be dead."
Spoke too soon. As soon as he scuffed the sand, the ground shook and the form of Sanako slowly materialized in front of him. Gaara cursed every person he knew by name.
Sanako looked at Gaara with a distant, pained look in her eyes as a single, crystalline tear trailed down her face. It smudged her mascara.
"Gaara nii-sama… I understand… I understand your pain," she whispered huskily. "I can help you, Gaara nii-sama. This… This is love. I can give it to you, Nii-sama."
"Love?" Gaara spat. Then he stood thoughtfully and stroked his chin. "Love… You mean the feeling I get when I kill people, right?"
Sanako shook her head and advanced towards him with oustretched arms. "No, Nii-sama. This… This love is different. I once had the bloodlust mistaken for love as well, but… Nii-sama, it was you who showed me true love!"
Gaara stared at her warily, inching back as she slowly inched forward. "Love? For you? Don't be an idiot. The only love I have is for myself," he spat contemptuously.
"Don't be like that, Nii-sama! Please… Please, come back! Come back… The Gaara nii-sama that I once knew and loved…," Sanako murmured tearily. "Please…"
"Stay away…," Gaara snarled, now somewhat afraid. Scratch that, he was totally freaked out, but SHE didn't know that. Neither do you. "Stay away from me… If you come near, I'll…"
"You can't do anything to me, Nii-sama," Sanako purred. "I am protected b y the jutsu you laid on me so long ago. It uses neither chakra nor seals; just love, nii-sama. Do you see it? It is pure love that binds us."
Normally, when he was exposed to love of any kind, Gaara would get chronic headaches and migraines. This time, however, he was covered by a strange, unfamiliar, frightening sense. Was…this fear?
"STAY AWAY!" Gaara howled. "I'll kill you!"
Sanako gave him a tender look that had a hint of bitterness. "Nii-sama, you used to tell me that all the time, do you remember? You also… you also told me you loved me… all the time…"
Gaara closed his eyes and took a deep breath. What did he know? Nothing. This… person whose name he didn't even know… What did he know about her? Well, she was clearly off her rocker, and that scared him. But why did it scare him?
A memory swam in Gaara's view. He was a little boy in his house… Yes, yes, it was all quite familiar. There! Yes, that was exactly it! Gaara was only a few years old… Three? That was it. He could barely remember. While crawling around the house looking for Yashamaru, Gaara got lost in unknown corridors. He saw a door that was slightly open, and hoped that Yashamaru would be behind it. Upon opening the door… There was a horrendously loud sound! Lil Gaara toppled over and looked up in fright. A gigantic tin mask (a curio of sorts; Let's just say that the Kazekage had a shiny-curio fetish and kept random things in random closets located in random corridors) screeched as it brushed against another tin object. It came lunging down upon the poor, terrified Gaara, and that was all he could remember.
Gaara was scarred since then. Hence he hated shiny objects. Especially metal. After realizing this, Gaara gave a swift glance at the two huge bracelets that Sanako had adorning her wrists. The Kazekage's son's mind went onto a single thought: destroy.
"Nii-sama," Sanako gasped. "You… seem to remember! Do you know who I am now, Nii-sama? Do you know?"
Gaara shook his head and stood jerkily up. Veins pulsed in his head, and slowly, hesitantly, he looked up at her with bloodshot eyes. He lifted a slack hand, and then suddenly tensed it, summoning massive claws of sand to burst from the ground.
"I told you… I'd kill you," Gaara hissed.
Sanako was either very, very much in love, just very, very dense. Even with Gaara's sandarms of d00m, she smiled and took another step towards him. "Nii-sama… You can remember… All you have to do is try…"
Gaara's eye twitched as a slight glint from Sanako's bracelet beamed into his eyes. Jerking his hand to the side, he made the giant arms grab Sanako and lift her into the air. She looked down (in a somewhat undignified manner; her legs were dangling out of the sand, after all) and smiled again.
"I'll kill you," Gaara said again simply. And this time, he didn't need the voice to tell everyone his next move. The arms of sand engulfed Sanako and crushed the life out of her. Gaara lowered his arm and retracted the sand, and Sanako's remains, back into the ground. Then he glanced at the moon. It appeared that he had an hour and forty-five minutes left. Fook.
Elsewhere…
A shadowed figure sitting in an ominously large-backed chair steepled her fingers.
"Sanako… has been killed. I see," she murmured. "What is going wrong? Why are none of my kunoichi working? This is a problem…"
Another shadowed figure leaped out from nowhere and landed neatly at the first shadowed figure's feet.
"If you wish, I shall go next," she said.
The shadowed figure in the chair nodded slightly.
"I see. Yes. Go, Aoihime Uchiha."
A/N: OOOOHH! Preview! Preview! Now we all know who's next.D I figured I may as well shoot down the first three angsty kiddies. I'm not a remote fan of Gaara, but I figured his would be pretty fun to do. The tone for this one came out totally different from what I thought. Pseudo-angst, you could call it. After all, it was a totally random flashback I fabricated for him. And… Yeah. I figured this kind of Mary-Sue would be the most generic one for him too. D'you reckon I overdid this one? I have a feeling I did.
Still, I do hope you enjoyed it to a certain extent. Next one will be better. Maybe a mix of Neji's AND Gaara's mary-sues. OH NOES!
Translation notes:
Subaku no nezumi kampai no jutsu: Literally translated, I do believe it means something along the lines of "Exploding mouse of the sand"…no jutsu. Subaku no Gaara… Subaku no Nezumi. Kampai? I don't even know if it's actually the sound for explosion/"FIRE!" or if it's something people say when people say cheers for a drink. --;;; Feel free to correct me.
Aoihime- Blue Princess. Hah. WTF!
Thanks for you reviews! And your bullets! I love you all! shot again