When had life become so lonely? He thought he wanted peacefulness and privacy; to be alone without worries. He didn't have to deal with what others wanted. No worrying about stepping on someone's toes, or making them angry. Now it was starting to get old. After close to a year of being alone he was longing for someone's toes to step on. For someone to yell at him for being late, for not dressing correctly; for anything really. Time and time again he found himself alone.

He had left his father's house after the ground thawed that winter looking for peace and time to himself. At first it was nice, but after a few weeks of traveling alone and no one to talk to except the occasional kind stranger he come across in his travels, he knew what he was looking for. What he was missing. There had to be that one perfect person for him out there. That one person that took away the loneliness. He really hated being alone. It wasn't at all what he thought it would be. In fact it was everything he despised. However, that didn't prevent him from keeping to himself and staying that way.

He had met the love of his life once. It seemed so long ago now. Another world even. The only way he was going to find her was if he went to her. So far, he hadn't worked up the courage to do so. He knew where she was and what she was doing, but he didn't have the nerve to go to her or even to call her.

He was closer than he was two months ago. At the moment he was lying on a Carolina beach looking up at the night sky and listening to the waves crash against the shore line. Maybe in a week or so he would make the one hundred mile trip south to Charleston, South Carolina and try to find her. For now he was actually trying to convince himself to go or let go. He was in a sleepy little vacation town with nothing to do but think.

The beach was a deserted place after dark when families and couples went to dinner. He didn't expect to see anyone there. That was part of the appeal. Being alone was a like a double edged sword. It hurt to be alone in the world, but it also felt good not to have to deal with things in front of others, or to even have to deal with others. Even strangers had taken to asking him if he was okay. Apparently it was clear to everyone that he wasn't exactly happy with his life. Some commented on how he looked like he had just lost his best friend in the world. What they didn't know was that they were right. That was one reason he preferred to be alone no matter how much it hurt. At least when it was just him, he didn't have to try to conceal the constant pain.

Looking up at the stars, listening to the waves, he was beginning to dream again of finding love. Maybe there was someone out there for him to love. Maybe it was time to let go of what could have been and move on. Yes, he decided that was exactly whet he was going to do. It was time to move on. Time to leave the past in the past and let go of the pain.

Hawkeye sat up fully expecting to be alone. He sat there on the sand dune looking at the most beautiful sight he had ever seen; it took his breath away. The moonlight was cascading over the water and the shore line. A gorgeous woman stood alone in a bikini top and a sarong wrapped around her waist. She had her back to him and the wind was blowing in a northerly direction causing both her hair and her sarong to blow to her left. She was looking at her bare feet mixed in the sand and the water. He couldn't see her feet or her hands at the moment, but he would bet that they were both freshly manicured and pedicured.

He had decided that it was time to move on, and this looked like the perfect opportunity. He looked around making sure that there wasn't another man somewhere that she belonged to and then he stood to his feet brushing the sand off of him. He was wearing a pair of loose fitting khaki shorts, a whiter under shirt, and a brand new Hawaiian shirt over that, unbuttoned. The wind blew the shirt around as he bravely walked down to the water feeling the sand between his toes.

"Excuse me," he said carefully so as not to scare the woman. She turned and looked at him ready to fight. She wasn't there to be hit on. She was there for privacy; to be alone and he was interrupting that. Hawkeye gasped suddenly when he saw her face. "Margaret!" Her eyes were more stunning then he remembered.

"Hawkeye! Oh my God!" She threw herself into his arms without a second thought. He closed his eyes holding her tight, his hands on her bare back. She felt better than he remembered. Her skin was warm and soft. He felt his heart speed up at her contact; it was really her. Hawkeye breathed in her scent remembering the sweet smell of her shampoo mixed with her perfume.

"Oh God, Margaret," He breathed. "I missed you so much."

She felt his warm breath on her back and a chill went up her spine. "I missed you." She could hear the pain in his voice when he said that, but what she didn't know about that pain was that she made it all disappear.

Hawkeye didn't want to let her go, but he didn't want to scare her away by holding on so long. He pulled back reluctantly, still holding her hands in his. "What are you doing here?" He had been closer to Charleston than this before and had never seen her. He assumed he wouldn't see her this time either.

"What are you doing here?"

He smiled at her. "I asked you first. Why is a beautiful woman like yourself out here after dark all alone?"

She smiled brightly. He had always been one to compliment her. "I'm just here on vacation. I don't really know anyone."

"And you didn't come with anyone?" He had to ask. If he didn't ask he would be kicking himself for the rest of his life.

She shook her head. "Where did you come from? I thought I was alone out here."

He pointed up to one of the sand dunes. "Right there."

"Are you alone? What are you doing here?"

"I'd never seen the Carolina coast before, so I thought I'd see it. What are you doing in Myrtle Beach? I thought you lived in Charleston. That's not very far to travel for a vacation."

She wondered how he knew where she lived. She'd have to be sure to ask him that later. "My parents, well I guess my mother now, owns a beach house here. I needed a little break, so here I am."

It looked like fate had led the two of them together. "I'm glad you're here. You looked better than I've ever seen you."

"Thank you." Had it not been so dark out he would have seen her blush. "You look good. Healthy."

"I've changed some of my old habits."

"Oh?"

Hawkeye just nodded. He looked her up and down, never before had he seen her in a bikini. Her body was all that he thought it would be. Unfortunately he didn't know what to say to her.

"You're so quiet."

He smiled. "I told you. I gave up some of my old habits."

"I highly doubt that you've actually stopped running your mouth."

"Okay, maybe I didn't. It's been almost a year. I'm not sure what to say to you."

She removed her hands from his and placed a hand on her hip. "Well you could ask me what I've been doing."

He already knew the answer to that. "I could."

"Well, aren't you going to?"

"Where's your house?"

"I live in Charleston." Why was he changing the subject? Did he have that little interest in her?

"No. I mean, where's the house that you're staying at here?"

"Oh. It's up there." She pointed. "Where are you staying?"

"Ah… I suppose it's about three miles north of here."

"How did you get down here?"

"I ran."

She smiled. "You ran? As in exercise?"

"That's right."

"I'm impressed." The last she knew he hated any form of exercise. Actually, he hated anything that was healthy for him. She looked him over once again and could tell that through the thin material of his white under shirt he had become toned. She only wished she could see him better. "Would you like to come up to the house with me?"

"I'd love to." He had been hoping for that. It was pretty obvious, but he didn't care.

"I don't have any beer or anything, but I've got some water. That must be better after a run like that."

He picked her hand again and pulled her from the spot she had been standing. She had been there so long that her feet had sunken into the sand. "Water sounds fantastic. I gave up drinking anyway."

She wanted to ask him more about that, but chose to leave it alone for the time being. "It's just as well. No good really comes from it anyway."

"No."

Hawkeye let himself be directed to a beautiful two story beach house. The house was on stilts, as were all along the coast, so they walked up the flight of stairs to the main deck. There was a small spigot coming out of the wall and he watched as she turned it on to wash the sand off her feet. He couldn't help but smiled when he saw the two perfect pedicured feet complete with the most stunning shade of pink he had ever seen. Now that they were standing in the porch light and not just the moonlight he saw her French manicured hands too.

She stepped to the side keeping the water on for him. "You turn."

Hawkeye rinsed off his feet and then turned the water off. Margaret was holding the door open inviting him in. "Ladies first." He took the door and let her go in ahead of him.

That was a change from the Hawkeye Pierce she knew. She couldn't count the number of times he walked through a door before her just to piss her off. But, then there were many more times that he held the door for her. "Thank you," she smiled.

"Nice place." The screen door shut behind him and he closed the other door. "Your parents used to live here?"

"Not exactly. They bought this house when I was a kid. They used to take my sister and I here on vacations. My father spent a lot of time in the south east. This was a close family getaway. We used to come here every chance we got."

"Sounds fun."

"It was. The only time we were really a family."

"Ah."

"Let me get that water for you. Have a seat."

Hawkeye sat down on the couch and looked around the room. It was a very nice place. He stood up when he spotted some pictures on the wall. He had never seen a picture of Margaret as a child and was very interested.

He recognized her immediately. She looked to be about five years old with long wavy hair. He couldn't really tell in a black and white picture, but her hair seemed to be a dirty blonde color. He had always known that she wasn't a natural blonde. Her shade had changed too many times over the course of three years for anyone to believe that. It was those lips and that unmistakable smile that gave her away. In one picture she was in her father's arms and they were both pointing out into the ocean. Neither seemed to realize that they were getting their picture taken. In the frame next to that one they were both smiling at the camera. He imagined her mother was the one who took the pictures.

"Oh no."

Hawkeye turned around when he heard her voice. "What?"

"You found the family photos."

He smiled and sat back down on the couch. "They're cute."

"You're being too kind."

"No. They're fantastic." He accepted the water she handed him and took a sip.

Margaret took a seat next to him leaving just enough space between the two of them to feel comfortable and not awkward. That had always been an issue of theirs. Margaret looked him over for a moment hoping he wouldn't notice. This was the first time she was able to get a good look at him. She could tell that under that thin shirt he had done more than just tone his muscles. She could see that his body had become hard. Even his forearms told her that he had been working out.

"Margaret, you still with me?"

"Yeah," she smiled. Her curiosity had run away. He brought her back to reality. "What have you been doing?"

"I was looking at the pictures."

"No." She looked into his eyes. "Since the war ended. Where have been? I sent you a letter once and it was returned."

"You did?" That was news to him. "When?"

"About a month ago."

"Ah," he nodded. "My father must have sent it back."

"Are you going to tell me what you've been up to?" She sat back and looked at him. Her foot brushed his leg as she curled her legs up underneath her and sat looking at him.

"It's not that interesting."

"Well you don't seem to care what I've been doing, so I want to hear about you."

"I never said that, Margaret. You're putting words into my mouth." He smiled at her. "Besides, I bet I can guess what you've been up to."

"Oh?"

"Yes. You work at an Army hospital Charleston, you live in a small apartment off base…"

"Post," she corrected.

He smiled. "Off post, and you're on the road to getting engaged to a man you've been seeing for months now."

She narrowed her eyes. He thought he was so smart. "Wrong. I just ended a relationship and broke off an engagement with a man that I was seeing for eight months."

That took him a little off guard. He didn't know that she was engaged, but was happy to hear that she broke it off. "I'm sorry," he lied.

She waved her hand. "It's no big deal. It just wasn't meant to be."

"What happened?"

"I don't really want to talk about it." How was she supposed to tell him that she came to the realization that she could never love another like she loved him? That no one ever measured up to him. No one was good enough. She may end up alone in the end, but at least she followed her heart.

"Well if you do, I'm here."

She smiled and nodded. "Thank you. Now, tell me what you've been doing. I spoke to BJ on the phone about a month ago and he said that you had stopped by."

"Yeah."

He wasn't being very informative. "Why aren't you in Maine?"

This was a change. Normally she was the one that was being grilled with questions. "Well," he sighed. "I left in the middle of March. I've been traveling."

"For three months?"

He nodded. "I saw most everyone from the 4077th. It seemed like the thing to do."

"How come you never came to see me?"

He wasn't expecting that from her. "I… I just didn't get there yet."

"Uh huh." She knew he was lying. They always had a love hate relationship. No matter how much she wanted him to visit; she would never expect him to. "You're hiding something from me."

"What do you want me to say?"

"The truth. You are not a traveler. I know you and you love your home."

Okay. He could be honest with her. She was the one person that he could talk to. "Home wasn't what I was looking for."

"What do you mean?"

"It's a nice place to be, but I couldn't live there anymore. Something was missing."

"So you just left?"

"Pretty much. I needed to see for myself what was out there. I really never left Maine growing up. Then I was in med school in Boston. I went on a couple of vacations, but that was it."

"Then you were sent half way around the world to Korea."

"Yes. I need to find where I belong."

Her heart reached out to him. Never before had she seen him look so lost. She wanted to tell him that he belonged with her, but she couldn't. She had to be careful. He would just push her away again and she knew she couldn't handle that. "I'm sure you'll find your way. Coming from where we did, it's hard."

"Were you okay?"

"After a while. When I was on R&R it was difficult. Its hard going from the world we lived in and then back here to the US."

"Sometimes I feel guilty about it… we have so much."

"I know. Once I started to get my life back on track it started to get better. Some of it anyway."

"I wish I could do that."

"What are you looking for Hawkeye?"

He smiled. "You're going to laugh at me."

"No I won't."

Why couldn't he tell her? It wouldn't hurt anything. What he said to her always stayed between the two of them. "Love. I'm looking for love."

"You!" She choked.

"Yes, me."

"So you decided to travel the country looking for love?" She grinned. He must have lost his mind.

"I shouldn't have told you. You're getting a kick out of this, aren't you?"

"Benjamin Franklin Pierce. The man who claimed himself a life long bachelor, avoided love at all costs, and pushed it way if it accidentally got too close."

She made him sound like a real jerk. "Yeah, yeah. I was wrong, but don't worry I'm paying for it now. I've never been more alone in my entire life."

"I know what you mean."

"You?" You've never been alone."

"What do you call this? I'm here alone."

"Yes, but Margaret you weren't alone. You were engaged. You had someone."

"Yeah, the wrong person again."

"He treated you badly too? Why are you attracted to those kinds of men? When are you going to learn?" He was getting pretty heated about it. More than he wanted.

"I… I… "

"I'm sorry, Margaret. I know it's not your fault."

"I've met that one right person in my life before."

"What happened to him?"

"He was one of the few men that didn't want me. At all."

He smiled. "It was his loss. You're better off without him if that's the case."

"I don't know about that." She looked at his empty glass. "Let me get you some more." Before Hawkeye could answer she was to her feet with his glass in her hand. The conversation had become a little too intense for her liking and she needed room to breathe.

Hawkeye stood up and followed her into the kitchen after a moment. He saw her standing over the kitchen sink looking out the window at the ocean. Bravely he walked over and placed a hand on her chin turning her face to look at his. "Margaret, do I know that man you're talking about?"

She wanted to say no and lie to him, but the look in his eyes held on hers made that impossible. "Yes. You've seen him."

It had to be in Korea. There wasn't another place that they had been together. Now all he had to do was figure out whom it was. "Scully?"

"No!"

He didn't know who it could be. "It can't be Donald."

"NO!"

"I don't know who it was."

She moved away from him so he was no longer touching her. Sometimes he got too close for comfort. There was a dangerous line between the two of them that they never wanted to cross. If they crossed the long they had the chance of finding true love or gigantic heartbreak. "Why does it matter? What interest do you have my love life?"

"I care about you."

She smiled at him. "Well, all that's in the past now. I don't want to think about it anymore. I'll have to settle for second best."

"Its not really fair, is it?"

"No, but I don't see how I have much of a choice." She looked away from him again. It was hard to keep things from him. She always told him more than she wanted. "I have some lemonade. Would you like that instead of water?"

"That would be great."

"I'll meet you on the back deck. There are some chairs out there." It was a beautiful night and being outside made her feel like she had more room to breathe. Margaret poured two glasses of lemonade and took her time getting to the deck. She had come so close to telling him that she loved him and she was scared he would eventually get it out of her. "Here you go." She handed him and drink and took a seat on the patio couch next to him.

"Thank you." It had been a long time since either one of them had been together without other people around. It was more intense than they were comfortable with. There wasn't another person to turn the conversation on to. "It looks like its going to rain."

Margaret looked up at the sky and could see the dark clouds moving in quickly. "Seems like it rains here every night in the summer."

Hawkeye nodded. "This house is beautiful."

"It's rarely used anymore. Since my parents split up no one has been here. Now for one week it's just me in this house."

"Better than a hotel. You have a lot of property here."

"Yeah. My parents bought a big chunk of land. This is like the south's little secret."

"I won't tell anyone."

She smiled. "Maybe you should stay here."

"Is that the invite I've always been wanting?"

"No. I don't want you out her running in a storm."

"It's fine. I've done it before."

"Not tonight. I'd kill you if something happened to you."

He laughed. "I'll stay with you in your room."

"You wish. There's another bedroom here."

"You know something?"

"What?"

"I feel better here with you than I have in years."

"I do too." Except for that awkward feeling that lingered between the two of them she was serious. It was better than being alone. "You think that means something?"

"Probably."

He sat there looking at her. The storm was picking up speed and blowing her hair around wildly. It was a darker blonde than she had it last time he saw her. It was perfect. The lightening was starting to flash in the sky now illuminating her face. He wanted to kiss her, to feel her in his arms. It would take away all the pain even if it was just for a moment.