Just A Matter of Perception
Dawn broke and dappled the sky in a multitude of colors – pink, orange, yellow, peach, coral – all of them mingling with and pushing back the dark blues, grays and black of the previous night in an effort to herald the rising of the sun. The wind rustled the leaves of the few trees, as the birds that lived in them sang a welcome to the morning. In the next moment, that scene of blissful serenity shattered.
"Reduce those Autobots to atomic particles!" Megatron roared from his position in the air, as he dodged powerful laser blasts from Optimus Prime's rifle.
Starscream and the jets broke formation and opened fire, causing many of the Autobots on the ground to dive for cover. Prime, Prowl and Jazz ran back and forth, gathering scattered Autobots and herding them to the relative safety of larger groups, all while dodging and returning fire.
Sunstreaker watched the events as they played out around him, oblivious to the lasers that burst at his feet. He didn't move, didn't react, and simply didn't care. He had been through this same scenario so many millions of times throughout the course of his existence that he just couldn't be bothered anymore. He snapped off a few shots at any Decepticons that got too close, then went back to simply watching the battle. It was a stalemate, he knew, and wondered why the slag they couldn't just call it off already. He had better things to do with his time than wreck his finish by running around in the rubble. As it was, he frowned and fingered a tiny scratch on his forearm.
He casually side-stepped another blast and looked at the battlefield once more. Prime and Megatron traded fire and insults like they had been doing for millennia. Thundercracker chased down Jazz, who swerved away at the last possible second, flared his beacons and sent the temporarily blinded Seeker crashing into a rock face.
The yellow mech's gaze then stopped to linger fondly on the red version of himself. Sideswipe seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself as he jet-packed up and landed squarely on Starscream's back. Activating his pile-drivers, he laid into the jet's wings, and Sunstreaker didn't want to imagine the kind of dents being put into them. His wings in no shape to keep him airborne, Starscream unceremoniously collided with Thrust. Sideswipe jet-packed back to the ground, cackling mischievously. Sunstreaker smirked, quite proud of his twin.
He sensed a quick shift in the air, spun around and fired off a shot that hit Skywarp square in the chest as the black Seeker teleported behind him. With a cry of surprise and pain, the Decepticon teleported out again. Sunstreaker turned back as Prowl rushed past him, shouting out some orders about backing up a trio of Minibots. The yellow mech looked at the trio in question and saw then crouched behind a pile of rocks as Blitzwing fired on them in tank mode. He saw Sideswipe and Jazz advancing on the triple-changer from behind. For a moment he locked optics with Cliffjumper, then turned and walked briskly away.
No one saw Sunstreaker again till the battle was over and the Decepticons driven off. He emerged from behind Optimus Prime's trailer, where he had been talking to the Autobot leader. If looks could have killed, the dirty glances shot his way by Cliffjumper and a few other Autobots would have deactivated him on the spot. He ignored them all, even the curious look from his brother, as they stood side-by-side in front of their leader, waiting for the order to transform and roll out. when the order finally came, the convoy of Autobots drove back to their home in silence. They had won the battle, with few injuries, but Sunstreaker's behavior left many of them uneasy.
Back at the Ark tension was high. Those who had been on duty before the call to battle, now resumed what they had been doing earlier. Sunstreaker was called to speak with Prime, Prowl and Jazz almost immediately after they got back, which left those with nothing to do to gather in the lounge and gossip about what had just happened. Sideswipe sat alone in a corner, audios shut off to all the derogatory comments being made about his brother, and worrying about what was going to happen to Sunstreaker once the command element was done with him. He didn't have to wait long. Not even half an hour had passed since they had called him in, when the door to the lounge slid open and Sunstreaker stepped inside.
"You slagging bastard!" Cliffjumper roared, as he lept from his seat, ready to pounce on the yellow warrior, who was more than double his size. He probably would have, had Brawn and Windcharger not held him back.
"Watch your mouth, runt, before I give it a new home," Sunstreaker replied.
Cliffjumper struggled madly, wanting nothing more than to get his hands on the Lamborghini. "Let me go!" he yelled. "Lemme at him! I'll kill him! I swear to Primus I'll snap his neck!"
Sideswipe sat up, a pile-driver locking into place on his left hand, ready to jump in and defend his brother should anyone try to make good on the threat. Sunstreaker caught his optic and stopped him with a look. Then he turned back to the Minibot and gave him a malicious stare.
"Not if I snap yours first," he growled.
The red Minibot spluttered in rage as Sunstreaker stared him down. A long moment passed during which the lounge's other occupants watched in silence, waiting to see what would happen next. Brawn shot Sunstreaker a less-than-pleasant look.
"Just… go," he said. "You've done enough damage for today."
"What the slag are you talking about?" Sunstreaker asked. "I didn't do anything."
"Exactly," Brawn replied.
Sunstreaker's face was unreadable as he went further into the lounge to sit with Sideswipe. Cliffjumper however, wasn't done.
"You're a fragging coward!" he yelled. "You don't deserve to be an Autobot, you rat-slagging deserter! I knew you were a rotten slagger, but I didn't think you'd stoop so low as to walk away from a battle. How much did the Decepticons pay you to sit this one out huh!"
Sideswipe lept to his feet, optics blazing. "Take that back before I introduce you to my pile-drivers, you little red piece of garbage!"
"Leave it bro," Sunstreaker said as he calmly sipped his energon.
"Try it!" Cliffjumper yelled. "I'll take ya both on!"
"Stick a manifold in it, pig-slagger," Sideswipe replied.
"Or what? You're gonna leave me stranded next time, like that brother of yours did today?"
"The thought crossed my mind."
Sunstreaker drained his can of energon and slammed the empty container down on the table-top. Then he stood up and began to head to the door. "Lets go for a drive Sideswipe," he said, and walked out.
The red twin followed. Brawn and Windcharger let go of Cliffjumper.
"You're wasting your time Sideswipe," he said. "One of these days Sunstreaker's gonna ditch you just like he ditched us today. The slagger doesn't care about anyone but himself. You think just 'cause you're his brother, he's gonna love you? Sunstreaker doesn't love anyone except himself, not even you."
Sideswipe glared at him. "You don't know slag about my brother."
"Sideswipe, come on!" Sunstreaker called from outside.
The red twin cast one more heated look at the Minibot, then hurried outside after his brother…. As the pair walked down the hallway to the exit, Sideswipe glanced sidelong at the yellow mech.
"Don't look at me like that bro," Sunstreaker said. "Its bad enough to have everyone else look at me that way, I don't need you doing it too."
"What happened out there today?" Sideswipe asked as they stepped outside, but his question went unheard as his brother transformed and sped off. :Sunstreaker's gonna ditch you…:. With a sigh, he shook his head, transformed and raced after Sunstreaker.
The highway was thankfully deserted as the Twins tore along it at well over the speed-limit. They risked getting pulled over by the human authorities, but Sunstreaker simply didn't care, and he knew Sideswipe didn't either. They were sports cars for Primus' sake – they were built for speed. At this point, to Sunstreaker in particular, the feeling of liberation was exhilarating, as he heard the wind roar past him, and felt it rush through his air vents. Sideswipe pulled up alongside him.
"Feeling better bro?" he asked.
"I'd feel better if there was a carwash and body-shop nearby," Sunstreaker replied.
"Well, we could always drive to the city."
"Nah. I've had enough of crowds for one day."
"Y'know, you should've just let me pile-drive Cliffjumper through the floor." Sideswipe revved his engine angrily.
"He's not worth the effort."
"What did he mean though? About you deserting them?"
"Do you trust me Sideswipe?" Sunstreaker asked.
"Sunny, you're my brother, of course I trust you."
"Good, then follow me!"
Sunstreaker suddenly veered off the road and turned sharply onto a gravel path. Sideswipe swore, spun a 180 and turned after him, his tyres scrabbling on the loose rubble as he followed his twin. The lane was understandably not built with low ground coverage Lamborghinis in mind, and Sunstreaker cursed several times as loose rocks flew up from his tyres and hit his under-carriage, or when he hit his front and rear bumpers on a particularly deep rut.
"You're the one who chose this route so stop cussing," Sideswipe remarked. "If anyone should be cussing, it should be me, since I'm the one getting dirt kicked in my face."
"Be my guest," Sunstreaker replied.
"Where the slag are we going anyway?"
"You'll see."
"Why cant you just tell me?"
"Because I cant be slagged to."
"Like you couldn't be slagged to fight today?"
"Primus! Don't YOU start with me Sideswipe."
"I'm your brother, I can start all I want. Why wont you tell me what happened today?"
"Because there's nothing for me to tell that hasn't already been told."
"That's why you stopped me from pounding Cliffjumper? Because he was telling the truth? Because you left them?"
"Yes. Are you happy? Now let it go."
"No I'm not happy. I'm the one who has to sit around and hear things being said about you, and now since you said its true, I cant even defend you!"
"I don't need you to defend me. Those slaggers can say all they want, I honestly don't care."
"You don't seem to care about a lot of things these days Sunny. How long before you stop caring altogether? How much longer before you stop caring about me?"
The last question came out before Sideswipe could stop himself. It hadn't been the wisest thing to say, and he could tell that he had hurt his brother's feelings. Sunstreaker transformed and left the path, heading up a lush, grassy slope on foot. Sideswipe followed a step behind.
"Sunny, I… I didn't mean it."
"Then why did you say it?"
"It just slipped out."
"You were thinking it."
"I didn't mean to."
"But you did. You're starting to think of me the same way all those other fraggers back at the Ark think of me."
"I'm not!"
"Then why did you fragging say it!"
"I don't fragging know!"
"Frag you, Sideswipe."
"Frag you too, Sunny."
They reached the summit of the hill and Sunstreaker threw himself face-down on the grass with an angry grunt. Sideswipe sat beside him, and for a long while they remained in silence, gazing across the open plains below them. Finally Sideswipe changed his position and lay down on his stomach next to his twin.
"I'm sorry, Sunny," he said quietly.
"So am I," came the even quieter reply.
Sideswipe reached over and took Sunstreaker's yellow hand in his black one. "I'll forgive you if you'll forgive me."
Sunstreaker squeezed his brother's hand. "Forgiven."
Another moment passed, after which Sideswipe sat up again, turning his head up to look at the fluffy white clouds.
"Hey! There's a Lamborghini-shaped cloud!" he exclaimed.
Sunstreaker looked up. "Where?"
"Haha! Made ya look!"
The yellow twin frowned and sat up himself, trying to wipe off some grass stains from his chest-plate. "Moron," he muttered.
Sideswipe grinned. Sunstreaker shook his head and ran his fingers idly through the grass. Sideswipe watched him, his grin slowly fading and being replaced by a serious, thoughtful expression.
"I'm scared," he said softly.
"What?" Sunstreaker asked.
"That's why I said it. I'm afraid that you'll stop caring about me."
Sideswipe shifted uneasily and carefully watched his brother's face. Sunstreaker's usual 'I'm pissed at the world' expression melted away and was replaced by an expression the world rarely ever got to see – one of unconditional affection. Seeing that look, Sideswipe felt it safe to continue.
"I just… I… Its my worst fear," he said. "That one day I'll wake up and find out that you don't love me anymore."
Rather than reply, Sunstreaker wrapped his arms around his brother's shoulders and drew him closer, resting his head on his own shoulder. He gently kissed the black helm, then rested his chin on it.
"You're not just my brother Sideswipe, you're my twin," he said. "I will always love you."
"You promise?"
"Cross my spark and hope to rust."
Sideswipe put his arms around Sunstreaker's waist and hugged him.
"What's your worst fear?" he asked after a moment had passed.
"Losing you," Sunstreaker replied. "In every sense of the words. It'd probably kill me."
Sideswipe then pulled back from his brother's embrace and looked him in the optics. "Tell me what happened out there today, please Sunny. I don't believe you're a deserter or a coward. I have to know why you did it. I'm your brother, who can you tell if not me?"
Sunstreaker smirked. "Well, I had to tell Prowl, Prime, Jazz and Ratchet."
"They don't count. C'mon Sunny, you know what I mean."
The yellow twin sighed and lay down on his back, folding his arms behind his head.
"Well, I didn't desert them…."
Flashback
For a moment Sunstreaker locked optics with Cliffjumper, then turned and walked briskly away, ignoring the Minibot's shout of surprise and anger, trying instead to pin-point the source of the noise he'd heard just a moment ago. It was plainly obvious none of the other Autobots had heard it, what with most of them engaged in combat, so he just hoped that he'd be enough to take on the latest situation.
He broke into a run, pent up energy propelling him forwards and further away from the main battle. Finally he hopped onto a rocky ridge and looked down at the source of the noise below. The sight was enough to flare up his easily sparked temper.
With a snarl of anger, Sunstreaker lept off the ridge, arms out-stretched at right-angles to his body, and he ploughed straight into Dirge and Ramjet, knocking them away from their fallen Autobot victim. He regained his feet first and began firing on the dazed Coneheads before they knew what had hit them. They fired haphazardly back at him, but Sunstreaker dodged them easily. He would have liked to toy with the jets a little more, but there was the whole matter of the injured 'Bot leaking fluids onto the desert floor.
"Frag off", he growled. "Unless you'd like a taste of what you did to him."
The jets looked at each other, and knowing the reputation Sunstreaker had, thought the better of it and took to the sky. Sunstreaker ran over to where the Autobot lay and to his shock, found the mech still conscious, though barely. He looked up at the yellow warrior who knelt beside him.
"S-Sunstreaker… help… me," he said, and then went offline.
Sunstreaker cursed as he attempted to patch up the injured mech as best he could. He was no medic and knew only basic first aid, but that would have to do till they got him back to Ratchet. The field repair done to the best of his abilities, Sunstreaker hoisted the unconscious Autobot in his arms and carried him back over the ridge.
Noting that the Decepticons were on the retreat, he radioed Optimus Prime for immediate assistance, and the Autobot leader responded in minutes. After laying the injured mech in Prime's trailer, Sunstreaker spent the next few moments explaining to his leader what had happened, as the rest of the Autobots gathered….
End Flashback
"So that's what happened?" Sideswipe asked. "That's why you deliberately disobeyed Prowl?"
"Yeah… that's why I went to Prime's office after we got back, to tell 'em the whole story."
"So how come no one else knows about it?"
"I asked them not to tell anyone. It wasn't a big deal. I just saved a mech from getting fragged, nothing new there. Don't need everyone suddenly going 'yay Sunstreaker!' and thinking I'm a nice mech for it."
"Will he be alright?"
"Ratchet's repaired worse."
"I don't get it," Sideswipe said after a moment. "You want them all to think you deserted them. Why?"
"I want to keep them guessing. We cant always bet there for them Sideswipe, and they cant always keep relying on us to fight and win their battles for them. They have to start relying on themselves."
"But most of them aren't fighters Sunny, you know that."
"If they want to win this war, they'll have to be."
Sideswipe pondered this for a while, then shrugged and laid down on the grass next to his twin.
"And by Primus! The last thing I want is to have to keep saving them all the time," Sunstreaker muttered. "I don't think my paint job could take it."
The brothers headed down to the Medbay that night, a few hours after they returned from their drive. Sunstreaker still received hostile looks, mainly from the more fiery-tempered Minibots, but the yellowmech dutifully ignored them.
Ratchet met them at the door.
"I don't recall sanctioning visiting hours," he snapped.
"If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be having visitors at all," Sunstreaker retorted.
"How is he?" Sideswipe asked.
"He'll be fine. Good enough to be up and around by tomorrow. I've repaired worse on the two of you."
"So can we see him?"
Ratchet eyed the Twins skeptically. "If you even think of going in there to rile him up, I will…."
"We just wanna see how he is," Sunstreaker said. "No provoking or jokes at his expense."
"We promise!" Sideswipe gave Ratchet his most innocent smile.
The Medic sighed. "Alright, but make it quick."
The Twins entered surprisingly quietly given their usual loud and raucous nature. Brawn sat on one of the med tables, talking to a very battered Tracks, who lay on the neighboring flat. The Minibot looked up as the Twins neared, Sunstreaker slightly ahead of his brother.
"Come to gloat did ya?" Brawn asked. "Funny you should think of doing that when you were the one who walked away from the battle this morning."
"Give it a rest Brawn," Sideswipe replied. "You don't know the half of it."
"Sideswipe, shut it," Sunstreaker snapped.
"I know he's as yellow a coward as his paint job," Brawn said.
"Woah, hold on a tick," Tracks interrupted. "What are you guys talking about?"
"Sunstreaker's lovely display of cowardice and desertion," Brawn replied when the brothers remained silent, and he told Tracks what had happened that morning.
"I'm afraid you have it all quite wrong Brawn, my friend," Tracks said when he had finished. "Sunstreaker didn't desert you out of any malicious intent. I believe he left you to save me." And Tracks proceeded to tell his side of the story.
"Is that right?" Brawn raised an optic ridge in the yellow warrior's direction.
Sunstreaker simply shrugged. "Believe what you want to believe." He placed a hand on Tracks' shoulder. "How are you doing?"
"Well apart from some system and structural damage I took from being shot at and kicked around, and the ghastly state of my beautiful finish, I'm doing just peachy, thank you."
"Good, 'cause I'd hate to have risked MY paint job to save your sorry skidplate for nothing," Sunstreaker replied.
"Yeah, hurry up and get better ya pansy. We got some time off this week and we need someone to play pranks on," Sideswipe added. "C'mon 'Streaker."
And just like that, the Twins were gone again.
Sunstreaker slowly slipped into recharge, lying comfortably on his back, one arm draped across his mid-section, the other lying casually at his side. The glow of his optics dimmed to a low blue-black, but didn't completely go out. A soft purr filled the rooms as his systems powered down for the night of recharge.
Sideswipe stood at the door to their room and watched as his brother fell asleep. Sunstreaker looked so peaceful as he slept that it would have been hard to imagine he could skillfully rip apart another mechanism without so much as flinching. Sideswipe knew better of course. Yet sometimes, Sunstreaker did some things that completely caught him off-guard. That morning was a good example. Sideswipe sighed aloud.
"Tired?" a familiar voice asked. "I hear there's a bit o' a misunderstandin' about what ol' Sunshine did t'day."
Sideswipe looked at Jazz. "He may be my twin, but sometimes I just don't understand him."
"Ya ever think that maybe he ain't lookin' ta be understood. Maybe all he wants is trust. Just gotta trust him to do what's right."
"I do trust him, he's my brother, but sometimes I wish he'd just tell me what goes on in that head of his."
"Trust don't require no explanation," Jazz said. "Its like love. Ya don't need ta understand 'im ta love 'im. Likewise, ya don't need any reasonin' ta trust 'im. I think that's all he wants."
"That and a lifetime supply of wax," Sideswipe said with a smirk. "Thanks Jazz."
"Anytime Siders m'man. Y'sleep well a'ight."
"Yeah, you too, Jazz."
"I will, soon after I check in with Doc Ratch."
Jazz gave him a pat on the shoulder and continued down the hallway, and Sideswipe then noticed the slight hitch in the saboteur's step. He knew Sunstreaker was right in a way. They couldn't always be there to pull the other Autobots out of trouble all the time, he was starting to understand that now. He looked at his brother's sleeping form and smiled to himself, then went further inside the room and let the door slide shut behind him.
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