Finally! Another chappy! Keep those reviews coming, please!
Flames are even welcome.
I think... (Smirks)
Amy
AKA
RootbeerFloat
"Ferret."
"Prude."
"Ferret."
"Mudblood."
"Ferret."
"Pond scum!"
"Ferret!"
"Come ON, Granger. We're working on non-cliché one-liners. Is that all you can say? Ferret?"
"Its all my mind can come up with!" Hermione seemed exasperated, flung out on the floor of an empty classroom. Why there were so many empty classrooms in a large school puzzled Hermione, but kept her mouth shut in fear of another problematic cliché.
"Well try HARDER." Draco was trying to finish his potions essay as he listened to her.
"Okay... here we go... ready?"
"Ready."
"Ferret-BOY."
Draco rubbed his temples. "See, I don't think you're getting the point---"
Suddenly Harry and Ron rushed in, the invisibility cloak in one hand and the Marauders map in the other. Harry charged forward. "Hermione, we've come to rescue you! We saw your name and Malfoy's name in the same room and- - - wait a tick. Haven't we already done something like this?"
"Yes. Two chapters ago." Hermione nodded. "Tell me, whats another name for ferret-boy?"
"Shit-head." Ron grumbled, glaring a bit at Malfoy. Draco cocked his head to the side.
"Excuse me?"
"Erm... what Ron means is... sorry, Malfoy." Harry hit Ron upside the head.
"Ow! 'Arry, that hurt!"
Another person burst into the room, this time by apparation. Lucius Malfoy smirked.
"Excuse me!" Hermione protested, "But you can't just apparate into Hogwarts -truly! You honestly can't do it. I don't know why people have you burst into the room like that..."
"Oh... excuse me a moment, then." Lucius was gone with another POP, and appeared in the doorway. "This better?"
"Quite." Hermione smiled triumphantly.
Lucius strolled in. "Draco, what are you doing with this mudblood --- why are Potter and Weasley here?"
"Dad!" Draco cringed, "You're embarrassing me!"
"Am I in the wrong cliché again?" Lucius looked around.
"Just mix them all together," Hermione suggested. "Saves time."
"Fine." Lucius agreed, "Draco -you can't be serious! This – This-- FILTH? This sexy, problematic filth that could put shame to the Malfoy name? Oh, and have you defended Potter? -Say no, son."
"No!"
"Very good. --Yes you have, you brat! I shall disown you! -Now, I take you back with a message. The Dark Lord and I require that you must be wed by the first of next week -and it is either to be to Pansy Parkinson and have that Granger girl as your mistress, or to that Granger girl and shag her senseless after gaining her trust and admiration -then you shall have a child and call him some muggle name like Tyler or Billy."
"Daaaaaaaaaaad. You're embarrassing me still!"
"Heed me, Draco! Or else you shall have Hell to pay!" Lucius pulled out a book and read through it a moment. "Aha. Evil laughs. --bwahahahahahahahahahaha!" Hermione pulled the book out of his hands.
"101 ways to be evil and sadistic -the actor's guild?" She read aloud.
"Leave me alone." Lucius snatched the book out of her hands and stormed out of the room dramatically, but not before shoving Harry out of his way. Harry fell to the floor, his elbows scuffing in a sickening sound.
"Potter! Are you okay?" Draco fell to the ground next to Harry.
"Fine, Malfoy..." Harry growled, trying to stop the slight bleeding from his arm.
"Harry, Ron, we need to figure out who's causing all of these randy and illegitimate clichés before something bad happens. Can you help us?"
"If you need someone to stand around all day and complain that we're never gonna get it done, I'm with you, Mion." Ron piped up.
"Don't call me Mion, Ron. That's soooooooooooooooOOooOOooOo... degrading!"
"Can I call you Herms?" Harry asked politely.
"No! No Mion, no Herms! I am Hermione or Ms. Granger!"
"Or Queen of France..." Ron snickered.
"And you're the queen of the poofs." Draco sneered.
"Its poufs." Harry corrected. "Not poofs. -Honestly, Hermione. I thought you would have caught that before me."
"Sorry, Harry. I've been so busy trying to figure out all of these clichés."
"Since when do you know how to spell poufs, Potter?" Draco questioned, feeling a twinge in his guts. "Why would you need to know? Need to go off to a fairy convention?"
Harry simply put his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "To be truthful, Malfoy, I'm not about trying to hate you anymore. I've gotten so used to you hating me, I'm comfortable with it. I've got better things to deal with – like Horcruxes-"
"HARRY!" Hermione and Ron both gasped.
"-And defeating Voldemort. You're really not all that a big deal to me." Harry took off his glasses and polished them neatly.
"Well... fine..." Draco sounded rather disappointed. "The reason I pick on you is because... well... because..." He couldn't do it. Not now.
"Its okay." Ron put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm gay too."
"You are?" Draco turned his head to the side.
"Ha! No! --But that was hella-brilliant!" Him and Harry high-fived each other.
"Brilliant, mate." Harry grinned.
"Fuck both of you!" Draco growled.
"No thanks, Malfoy," They said together.
"I'm not gay!"
"You just keep telling yourself that!"
"I tell you, I'm not gay!"
"Suuuure, Malfoy..."
"I'm not!"
"Not yet, anyways." This voice came from a disgruntled Ginny Weasley, standing in the doorway. "Hermione! OMG I HAVE SO MUCH FREAKIN NEWS TO TELL YOU I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK LIKE A MUGGLE TO TELL YOU GIRL YOU LOOK SO DAMN GOOD HAVE YOU GROWN BOOBS?"
"Umm... Ginny?" Hermione asked.
"Shit, they've got her too." Draco grabbed Hermione's arm. "Come on. The lot of you. Lets go!" Hermione grabbed Harry's arm, who in turned grabbed Ron's, and they all made a train out of the room and into the hallway, where a vivid show of cliché-driven student zombies stood.
"Join us. Join us." They chanted.
"Shit! What do we do?" Draco gasped.
"Did you just gasp?" Ron smirked.
"You just smirked!" Draco gasped again.
"Come on!" Harry grabbed his friends and placed them behind him, then shouted - "Expecto Patronum!" They managed to make their way behind the clear white stag and out of Hogwarts itself. "Run for the Forbidden Forest!" Harry shouted behind him. The four took off at a sprint down the steps of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The zombies lingered behind, shaking and twisting in a violent way, some screaming, "Fuck her, Draco!" And others, "Slap him, Hermione! Make him twist your hand behind your back!"
They weren't sure how long they ran, but finally trees surrounded them and they fell to the ground, panting.
"That was close." Draco groaned, holding his side.
"I tell you," Harry said, his wand at the ready, "Its only going to get worse."