This is kinda illegal, since this isn't in "story-form". But this'll give you a laugh:) I got the idea from Blue Collar TV, with Jeff Foxworthy and his funny Redneck jokes, so these are parodies of them. I'd want some advice too, if you could think of something!
A. Silver
Disclaimer: The word "Ottophile" was invented by a good friend of mine, The Trickster.I did not make it up. If you're not an Alfred Molina or Doctor Octopus fan,I suggest you ignore this fic. Spider-man & Doc Ock are property of Marvel comics!
If you memorized Alfred Molina's phone number by heart, but you forgotten your own home address...you might be an Ottophile.
If you paid extra on your license plate just to put in "Doc Ock"...you might be an Ottophile.
If you watched Spider-man 2 for the 6 hundred thousand ten zillion kabillion krillion times in your life...you might be an Ottophile.
If you had a looney tunes clock and you torn it apart to replace the looney tunes picture with a picture of Doc Ock's face in it...you might be an Ottophile.
If you were in a rock concert and you managed to get on stage and the only words you said was "I love Alfred Molina and Doctor Octopus!" guess what...you might be an Ottophile.
If you remembered the day Spider-man 2 came out worldwide in theatres but forgotten your mother's birthday...you might be an Ottophile.
If you had one chance to meet Alfred Molina and all the words you could say to him was "...", you might be an Ottophile.
If you collected all Spider-man comic books that contain Doctor Octopus in them...you might be an Ottophile.
If you made a fan movie with just your Spider-man toys and Doc Ock toys...you might be an Ottophile.
If you had a female cat named Rosie and a male dog named Otto and you tried to get them together...you might be an Ottophile.
If your room has nothing but Ock, Ock, and more Ock pictures and faces and merchandise...you might be an Ottophile.
If you wrote a book about Doctor Octopus and wanted to get it published...you might be an Ottophile.
If you spent your whole art class time in the pottery project trying to mold a ceramic version of the tentacles...you might be an Ottophile.
If you mentioned the words "swimsuit" and "sexy" and the name "Alfred Molina" in one sentence...you're an Ottophile.
If you mentioned that you like Alfred Molina in front of your friends (who like Usher and Nelly a lot)...you might be an Ottophile.
If you decided to make a miniature version of the fusion reactor as a science project...you might be an Ottophile.
If you memorized T.S. Eliot poems and you thought they were harder than advanced science...you might be an Ottophile.
If you fancy guys in tall brown trenchcoats...you might be an Ottophile.
If you fancy guys in red and blue tights...you might be a Spider-fan.
If you decided to live in a rat-infested pier out in the Hudson river...you might be an Ottophile.
If you said that science was your favorite subject next to poetry...you might be an Ottophile.
If you had the hots for a guy who said he thought Doc Ock was cool in the movie because he was scary when he spotted your picture of him in your math notebook...you might be an Ottophile.
If you, as a gay guy, thought that Alfred Molina did exceedingly well in the movie "Prick up your ears" and you thought he'd look better in Spider-man 2 if he was wearing a dress and mascara on...you might be an Ottophile.
If you thought Alfred Molina would look cuter in a suit...you might be an Ottophile, and even a Smith-addict.
If you tried to draw Otto in Goku's muscular body when then you thought he'd look sexier if he was fatter...you might be an Ottophile.
If you collect music that mentions "Rose", "Octopus", "Sun", "Suicide", and even "paranoia"...you might be an Ottophile.
If you hosted your very own comedy show and all the jokes you performed was these Ottophile jokes...you might be an Ottophile.
If you had a beefy, brown curly haired cute science teacher and you accidentally called him Otto...you might be an Ottophile.
If you decided to take over the world with a wrench...you might be a redneck.
If you tried to talk Sam Raimi into making Bakudon's "A New Dawn" into Spider-man 3...you might be an Ottophile.
If you made a Doctor Octopus movie alone like the way they did with "Catwoman" and "Elecktra"...you might be an Ottophile.
If someone says you are addicted to Doc Ock...you might be an Ottophile.
If you say "FCK YOU" for anyone who disagree your liking of the Spider-man 2 bad guy...you might be an Ottophile.
If you hate Harry Osborn...you might be an Ottophile.
If you think everything isn't fair with society talking and gossiping about stuff, making lies and fake photography...you might be an Ottophile.
If you saw "Law and Order SUV" on Tuesday May 2nd at 9/8 C just to see Alfie guest star, but turned out to act as a rapist in the episode...you might be an Ottophile.
If you call Alfred, "Alfie"...you might be an Ottophile.
If you call Alfred, "Fred"...you must be spending too much of your fanfiction writing time trying to research all Alfred Molina quotes.
If you try to mix chili powder in your hot chocolate...you might be an Ottophile (Chocolat!)
If you spotted the movie "Species" at Gamestop in the movie's section and begged your mother to pay 12 dollars for it when you were supposed to buy Dragonball Z Budokai III...you might be an Ottophile.
If you mix Sonic character art with Otto Octavius...you must be Gab the Panther.
If you invented the word "Ottophile"...you're an Ottophile.
If you seen Alfie play "Fiddler on the roof" on Broadway...you might be an Ottophile.
If you thought Alfred was cute when he was acting and screaming like he was scared in the beginning of Indiana Jones: Raiders of the lost Ark...you might be an Ottophile.
If you asked your wife her phone number...you're drunk.
If you, in your late teens or in your twenties, pretend that you have Otto as an imaginary friend at such a late age...you might be an Ottophile.
If you named your new puppy "Rosie" and found out that she was impossible to house-train and is nothing like Otto's wife...you might be an Ottophile.
If you spotted a Spider-man shoebox at JC Penny's and you took the shoes out and stole the box as a collection to your Spidey/Ock collection...you might be an Ottophile.
If you found a Dr. Pepper can back when SM2 came out in theatres and you saw Otto's picture on it, and you saved it as part as your Spidey/Ock collection...you might be an Ottophile.
If you spent a good $50 bucks on this book "celebrity black book" to find Alfred's address when just a few days after you paid money order did you find a fansite containing a way on how contact him...you might be an Ottophile.
If you actually lived in a world where Otto existed, and you attended one his college lectures of physics, and all you could do was stare at his face dreamily while you had no idea what h3 + h2o4 h5o4...you might be an Ottophile.
If you struggled most of your science units with a C until you've been getting an A on the Universe and the Sun...you might be an Ottophile.
If you hate SM2's screenplay writer for killing Otto...you might be an Ottophile.
If you listen to Metal Music...you might be an Ottophile.
If you're celebrating Alfie's birthday on May 24th, 2005...you might be an Ottophile.
If you think big, fat, brown-haired and eyed, science geeks are cute...you might be an Ottophile.
If you memorized every Doc Ock line from SM2...you might be an Ottophile.
If you're a fan of John Dykstra...you might be an Ottophile. (uh...the tentacles' real daddy?)
If you love Jazz music because you read Alfred's interview in the Hispanic magazine...you might be an Ottophile (he's a fan of Jazz music, people!).
If you read every Doc Ock fanfiction in this website...you might be an Ottophile.
If you told Stan Lee that Otto was "hot, and I give you thanks for creating him"...you must be out of your mind. (Just kiddin'!)
If you're going to dress up as Otto this Halloween...you might be an Ottophile. (I know I am! I had this hand-me-down Trenchcoat I had no idea where I got from, and then I got these plastic scrunchie things and I wrapped them around with aluminum foil...then I got a little bag or whatever that goes around the waist, and I wrapped those in aluminum foil too...I'm really am an Ottophile, am I?)
If you found a babyish Spider-man coloring book at Dollar Tree, and you found that they had those cute Doctor Octopus stickers inside them, and you had no money, so you sneakily took the stickers and stuck them on your hands and hid your hands on the pockets and ended up putting the stickers on your CD player...you might be an Ottophile.
If you printed out a picture of Otto or Alfred and taped it on your CD player or cell phone...you might be an Ottophile.
If you looked through your city phone book to try and find anyone with a name of "Otto" or "Octavius" or even Alfred Molina (if you live in LA, that is)...you might be an Ottophile.
If you made a Doc Ock keychain...you might be an Ottophile.
If you named your first son 'Otto'...you might be an Ottophile.
If you knew Alfie's going to be a grandfather soon...you might be an Ottophile.
If you're celebrating this year's anniversary of the day SM2 came out...you might be an Ottophile.
If you brought the Spider-man ultimate guide book...you might be an Ottophile.
If you read the 'Boy Genius' comics...you might be an Ottophile.
If you hate people who insults Rosie's or even Alfred's wife...you might be an Ottophile.
If you ever told Alfred Molina about this website and showed him some of the Ottofics...you might be an Ottophile.
If you showed Alfred this Ottophile fanfic...you've dugged up your own grave pal.
If you've created an Otto shrine...you might be an Ottophile.
If you played the Sims pc game and you made up a character named Otto Octavius...you might be an Ottophile.
If you were mumbling in your sleep the word "Otto is hot"...you might be an Ottophile.
If you included Otto in your homework...you might be an Ottophile.
If you wear a trenchcoat to school...you might be an Ottophile.
I'll stop for now. Review!