He's finally asleep, Kakashi thought as he lifted his hand slowly from the mass of dark hair lying beside him. Sitting at the edge of the bed, Kakashi casts a weary eye down at the second Uchiha son sprawled in a sort of fetal position on the sheets. His cheeks are still damp from the tears. Without thinking, Kakashi brushes the back of his palm against the young man's face to dry it. Sasuke stirs at his touch and raises an arm to bury his face in the sleeves of his shirt. "You don't have to run anymore," Kakashi whispers again in the darkness. He halfheartedly tries to untangle the dark hair near Sasuke's now hidden face. His heart sits heavy in his chest with the guilt of having not been there for the boy all those years ago. Things might have been different then. Less painful... for everyone. "From now on, I'll take care of you. I promise." Kakashi lifts his head up to the clear night sky and allows himself to drift into a distant memory.
The stars were out in full tonight. Lying casually on a low branch on one of the old trees just outside the Uchiha compound, Kakashi yawned and raised both hands over his head in a stretch before tucking them behind his head. He had removed the standard issue ANBU katana from his back a while ago and left it to dangle precariously over the side of the tree along with his mask.
He turned a lazy eye towards the approaching figure below him and let out a sigh. "Just when I get comfortable," he muttered, pushing himself up to a sitting position. "You're late," he greeted.
"I'm sorry to have kept you waiting," the apology came with a low bow of the head. Long dark hair fell over narrow shoulders. "I was... detained."
"Well, I guess we're lucky you're the captain then." Kakashi grabbed his things and leaped down to stand beside the young Uchiha. "Was it your brother again?"
Itachi nodded once and began walking towards the village. Kakashi fell in step beside him. "He wants to be with his big brother all the time," the white-haired boy observed thoughtfully. "That makes him your biggest fan, doesn't it Ita-kun?"
A warning glare from the corner of the Uchiha's eye made Kakashi chuckle. "I know. I'm sorry. But Uchiha Itachi taking time to play big brother -- it's cute, that's all."
Itachi stopped suddenly and cast his eyes heavenward. Kakashi also stopped and watched as a troubled, faraway look appeared on his companion's face. "Sasuke... is trapped by his love," the Uchiha sighed.
Kakashi raised his brow curiously. "That is a strange way of putting it."
Itachi closed his eyes as a gust of wind swooped down between them and carried a handful of leaves up and into the darkness. Something about the young man's composure under the pale moonlight disturbed Kakashi. "If something should happen, would you take care of him?"
His eyes widened in surprise. "Itachi!" he exclaimed.
The Uchiha opened his eyes and turned to face Kakashi. The expression on his face was deadly serious. Kakashi shook his head in dismay. "Your father --"
"Forget about him," Itachi dismissed. "I'm not interested in the clan right now. I'm interested in you."
Exhaling deeply, Kakashi regained his cool and nodded. "Of course."
"Is that a promise, then?"
A hand clapped onto the younger man's upper arm and squeezed. "I will do what I can," Kakashi vowed. Their eyes locked and held for several seconds before Itachi turned away, satisfied, and continued walking towards the village.
"But I don't understand," Kakashi called after him. "Itachi-kun, what are you thinking about?"
The Uchiha turned back in profile, a rare grin on his face. It's unnatural presence unnerved Kakashi. "The first step to avoiding a trap," Itachi spoke just over a whisper. "Do you remember it?"
"The first step is to see it," the white-haired young man recited with a frown on his face. Seeing the trap, one can then proceed to go through the various ways in which it can be avoided, choosing the one in which the most desirable result of the mission could be achieved. Itachi's grin stretched into a full smile then. It was the only smile Kakashi had ever seen on the younger man and would ever see again.
"It's you."
The words broke Kakashi from his reverie in time to see Sasuke curl his hand into a fist and rub at his eye with it. There was a childish innocence in the simple gesture. "Whenever I wake up," the young Uchiha mumbled sleepily, "it's always you I see." He pushed himself up to a sitting position and ran a hand once through his unruly hair. "Why is that?"
No words came to Kakashi, so he spoke none. He merely stared at the boy - no, young man - for a moment before getting up to retrieve the damp face cloth he'd left in the basin earlier. He sat back down at the bedside and reached towards Sasuke with it, but caught himself halfway and put it in the Uchiha's hand instead. The young man looked both embarrassed and grateful. He quickly wiped his face and neck clean of the dried tears, using his now damp hands to restore some semblance of order back to his hair. Kakashi took the used cloth from him and tossed it back into the basin. "How do you feel?" he asked softly.
"Better," Sasuke replied, his eyes still wandering shyly around the room at everything but his former teacher. "Thank you." A shift in the weight distribution on the bed alerted Sasuke of the heightened proximity of the jounin, who'd taken the initiative to close the gap between them. There was barely an inch keeping their legs from touching. Kakashi's eyes narrowed on the young man before him. There was something different about him, something he couldn't quite place.
"Sasuke," Kakashi's voice was heavy with the tone that meant he wasn't going to ask twice. "Look at me."
Reluctantly, Sasuke obeyed. But he found it hard to meet and hold Kakashi's gaze. Though the eyes themselves were softened by sympathy and what resembled familial affection, something else stirred within the red and black irises that made Sasuke feel like he'd been put under a microscope to be examined.
He did not like the feeling.
After a few seconds he broke away, no longer able to contain the memories such intense scrutiny brought back in him. "I should go," he mumbled apologetically as he made to get off the bed and leave. A hand latched on firmly to his right arm to stop him, and instinctively Sasuke swung his left arm back with intent to permanently severe the hold.
You won't EVER touch me again.
The counterattack was so quick, Kakashi didn't see the fist come towards him. Not to say, however, that he didn't expect it. After all, he'd learnt the hard way a few nights ago the consequences of catching the young Uchiha by surprise at night. A sharp metallic sound broke the silence in the room as Sasuke's left hand connected hard with the metal basin. Kakashi let go of Sasuke's arm when he heard the young man scream in pain and frustration and lowered the basin - now with a gaping hole where its base had once been - to the floor. "I'm sorry," his voice was filled with sincere regret. "I did not mean to hurt you."
"What do you want?" asked Sasuke sourly, rubbing his left hand with hurt indignation. He made a mental note that though they were probably equals now when it came to jutsus, the speed in which Kakashi caught on to his defensive attacks and how to combat them these past few days was proof that there was still a technique or two the white-haired jounin could teach him.
Kakashi scratched his head for a moment before propping up his pillows and lying back, legs stretched out in full on the bed. He stared down at Sasuke still sitting at the bottom half. "Stay the night."
Sasuke's eyes narrowed on the dual meaning of the request. "Why?" Do you think I'll run away again?
"Because..." Kakashi's eyes squinted up playfully. "I'm lonely." And because you look lonely too.
Sasuke rolled his eyes, but made his way over to lie on the other half of the bed. He owed the man this much for saving his life. A comfortable silence fell between them as they both stared at the hospital ceiling lost in their own thoughts. Sasuke was surprised at how pleasant it was, this amicable silence. To have such companionship without the need for talking or action. He'd given up on ever experiencing any form of peace in his lifetime.
An image of his brother flashed suddenly in his mind, as it always did when he was about to touch on a kind of hope or inner tranquility, reminding him that happiness was not meant for them. Their fates had been set a long time ago. Sasuke's lips parted and a voice that sounded more cracked than he would've wanted asked, "How did you meet?"
Sasuke watched from the corner of his eye as Kakashi exhaled deeply and closed his eyes. "His ANBU initiation. I was assigned to the mission with your brother."
Kakashi turned his head to face Sasuke, a kind of sadness in his voice. "Itachi had requested me specifically for his team. The clan disapproved." He paused to smile weakly at the young Uchiha's confusion. "I had a face like that too. His first words to me had been, 'Why have I not met you before?' "
The Uchihas do not want their first son associating with an... abomination.
I see. The sharingan must stay within the blood line.
Kakashi winced with the pain of remembrance. "He reached up and touched the scar on my eye. I didn't pull away. Then he asked me who the boy was."
His name was Obito. He would've been your cousin.
And you cared deeply for each other. Like brothers.
In the end, yes.
"I remember how he'd stepped back and, just looking at his face, I knew he'd come to some final decision. He said, 'Then you too are my brother.' "
Obito cared enough to trust you with his eye. Your life is now bound to the same fate as my own.
A cool, slender finger touched Kakashi's left brow where the scar began. He frowned initially, but when the pressure did not lighten on his forehead, he relaxed and did not open his eyes. Permission thus granted, the finger traced the knife wound down Kakashi's face, over his eyelids, and across his cheek ending just before the jawline. Kakashi felt the weight distribution of the bed shift once more as the young man beside him sat up to look down at him. A smooth, cool hand pressed boldly against the side of his face. Kakashi lifted an arm and cupped the hand with his own. "Sasuke," he breathed sleepily. "What are you doing?"
The jounin's eyes snapped open and locked onto Sasuke's so suddenly that the latter attempted to withdraw his hand. It slipped from Kakashi's face, but the jounin's hand captured it once more and held it possessively over Kakashi's heart. Sasuke frowned and averted his eyes. "I don't know."
Kakashi bent his knees and leaned forward to try and catch the Uchiha's eye again. Sasuke attempted again to free his hand, failed, and turned away even more. As much as he could, in a very child-like gesture. Kakashi understood then what it was that was different. There is still one more thing you haven't told me. You want to, but there are no easy words for it, are there? Would it help if Sasuke knew he'd already figured it out from listening to him sleep these past few nights?
Sasuke made another attempt at freeing himself from Kakashi's grasp. He pulled harder, angrier now, doing the one thing that ever felt safe to him. He was turning his discomfort into something useful - powerful. "Let go," he growled through gritted teeth, the faintest hint of the sharingan about to be activated swirling in the dark circles of his eyes.
Kakashi bowed his head forward ever so slightly and sighed. "Sasuke..."
Using the element of surprise, Kakashi's free arm shot up and grabbed Sasuke by the nape and pulled him forward with all his might, stopping just a hair's breadth away from butting heads.
"What the hell!" Sasuke hissed angrily as both hands found Kakashi's chest and pressed against it. The jounin closed his eyes and closed the gap between them, pressing Sasuke's forehead against his own. He felt the dark chakra emanating from the hands on his chest and he gripped Sasuke's neck tighter in warning. "Sasuke, please..."
His free hand reached up to join the other on Sasuke's neck, but was careful not to fully encircle it. "You don't have to say any more," Kakashi whispered with a strain of urgency, wincing as the dark chakra began to grow hot against his chest. "I know about Orochimaru! Sasuke, I know."
Kakashi felt a sharp pain in his chest as the dark chakra emitted a small but sudden burst of heat, then simply disappeared. A groan escaped his lips and his eyes felt heavy beneath his eyelids. Kakashi continued to cling to Sasuke's neck, this time for support instead of restraint. Slender hands that had moments ago tried to burn him for the second time that day climbed up his chest and onto his shoulders, helping him stay upright. "You don't have to say anything. It'll be okay," Kakashi gasped, feeling drops of sweat trickle down the side of his face. "You don't have to run..."
"I'm sorry," he heard the young man whisper. "You must be disappointed."
In response, Kakashi pressed his forehead harder against Sasuke's and lifted one hand from the Uchiha's neck to cup his face. He frowned slightly when he felt a tear slip down the side of the face and onto his hand. Kakashi's other hand released Sasuke's neck and rolled down the young man's back, resting somewhere in the middle of the spine. "You don't have to run anymore," Kakashi repeated, feeling entirely drained. With the last of his strength he applied pressure on Sasuke's back, pushing him even closer, and sealed the promise with a kiss.
It was a chaste kiss. It was a deliciously forbidden kiss. It knocked the wind out of Sasuke and slipped the world from under him like that tragic night so many years ago - mad and terrifying and pure. But unlike that night and the many dark nights that followed, this felt right. Overwhelmingly, perfectly right. And in the briefest of moments that it took for two kindred spirits to brush lips, Sasuke felt complete.
For the second time that day, Kakashi slumped into Sasuke's arms. The young Uchiha cradled the unconscious jounin for a minute, holding him possessively to his chest. He leaned forward, his face brushing against the side of Kakashi's face. "Thank you," he whispered. Then Sasuke lay him down gently onto the bed and climbed off. He pulled the blanket up and over Kakashi's body up to his chest, retrieved the face cloth he had used earlier and dabbed it with water from the jounin's canteen. Kakashi had had it on him that morning when he went out to search for the Uchiha. Sasuke placed the cloth on Kakashi's forehead and ran his hand through the thick white hair.
What they had transcended any truly physical need. It was stronger than blood, but just as complex and inescapable. It had been there all along, he realized, simmering just under the surface. All the things that had happened in the past few days -- there really were no words to describe such a bond. But if in fact it could be summed up in a four letter word that probably appeared in every other page of the jounin's favorite books - then it by no means conformed to the conventional definition of the word. Sasuke climbed back onto the bed and lay beside Kakashi. He stayed near the edge, far from touching the man but just close enough to feel... connected. Safe. There was something about Kakashi's presence that unlocked a kind of freedom for Sasuke: a liberation that could only come from finding someone willing to share the burden of his tragedy, and from whom he felt no need to keep secrets. Relief - it was a comforting feeling.
When I wake up, it'll always be you.
Sasuke studied the profile of Kakashi's face for the remainder of the night, until the lull of sleep stole him, too, from the waking world.
"What the hell happened here!"
Sasuke opened his eyes slowly to the sight of Kakashi being lectured by a very angry Tsunade-sama. "An entire ANBU squad who was supposed to be watching you, ended up chasing a missing-nin all night! They didn't catch him, but you knew they wouldn't, didn't you? Because he came here to visit YOU!" Kakashi shot him a weary, apologetic glance as the Fifth continued on her angry tirade. Sasuke turned over onto his back and saw from the corner of his eye two familiar heads of blonde and pink hair standing near the door. In Naruto's hand was a tray that looked like a cereal breakfast for one. Sakura was holding a bouquet of flowers with a Get Well card tucked into it. They were both staring at him, Kakashi and Tsunade-sama in stunned silence. "... then I come in expecting to RELEASE you, and you look more dead than you did yesterday with that boy sleeping beside you!"
Sasuke sat up and hopped off the bed without a word. He shoved his hands in his pockets and nonchalantly walked around his two former teammates, oblivious to their curious stares. "Naruto," Sasuke called in a hushed voice, though he could feel the heated glare of the Fifth on the back of his head. "Come with me."
He left the room before he could hear whatever snide remark Tsunade-sama had likely made before returning to giving Kakashi the third degree. If the white-haired jounin knew what was good for him, he'd continue to sit silently. He'd have a better chance of being treated if he managed to weather the Fifth's anger without interruption. Besides, Sasuke did not want to be around when Kakashi had to explain the new bruising on his chest.
They stood in front of the hospital gates facing each other as they had often stood before: on opposing ends. Sasuke was leaning back casually, one leg bent against the wall. His hands remained loose at his sides and in his pockets. Everything about his demeanor radiated coolness, an ability excercised effortlessly by the Uchiha and that Naruto had always envied. Dark eyes descended from whatever distant thought Sasuke had momentarily retreated to and fell onto Naruto's blue. "The past few years were hard on you," he said.
The laugh came easily to Naruto's lips as he folded both hands behind his head. "It wasn't that bad. I mean, Ero-sennin pushed me hard, but --"
"You never stopped wanting to come after me," Sasuke cut in, his eyes fixed with an intensity that made Naruto blush and look away.
"Well, you were being an idiot. Of course I wanted to --"
"Naruto," Sasuke silenced him once more. He pushed himself from the wall and took two steps towards the other young man. "I'm not apologizing for what happened. Just stating it."
Naruto tried to keep a straight face, but it was hard to mask the crushing disappointment at that moment. Sasuke continued without pause, "I've been cruel and hurt you more than anyone else." Save myself, he added silently. "In the future, I'll probably hurt you again."
A sharp, needle-like pain stabbed through Naruto's heart. He clenched his fists and cursed the Uchiha in his head. Sasuke turned sideways and stared at him with what appeared to be mild curiosity. Cruelly, a smile appeared on his lips. "So I thank you, Naruto."
The blonde blinked back tears. "What?"
Sasuke closed the gap between them in three quick strides. "For being a stubborn fool," he replied calmly, their faces now inches from each other. "And... my friend."
"Your only friend," the bitter retort came out before Naruto could stop himself. A second passed, then two. In the third, they both broke into a chuckle. The light of the moment, however, was fleeting and faded fast from Naruto's eyes. "You're going to leave again," he realized.
Surprised by the blonde's insight, Sasuke took a second to choose his next words. "Not anytime soon."
"But you will." Blue eyes pleaded with black. "Why can't you ever stay?"
"My future is beyond these walls," Sasuke shook his head sadly.
Conviction hardened Naruto's voice. "I'll come after you."
The Uchiha bowed his head, long dark hair effectively masking his face. "There are nobler causes," he spoke cautiously, baiting. "Dreams to pursue."
"No, I don't believe that!" Naruto snapped angrily. He grabbed a handful of the other boy's shirt in his fist, a growl emanating from his throat. "There was a time, Sasuke, when even a selfish bastard like you chose a friend over his dream."
A smile formed slowly on lips beneath the long dark bangs. "Then we're both fools, aren't we?"
"Yo!"
They both turned to see Kakashi hobble out of the hospital towards them with the help of a crutch. Sakura was at his side, one arm disappearing behind the jounin's back, the other carrying his vest and other belongings tied in a neat package. Kakashi waved at the young men, his eyes squinted up in a smile. "We're not interrupting anything, are we?" he teased.
Naruto let go of Sasuke and pushed away abruptly. Sasuke smoothed out his shirt and shot the blonde a quick glance before making his way over to the jounin. Kakashi nodded an "okay" to Sakura, and she left his side to walk towards Naruto. As he approached Sakura halfway, Sasuke thought of how difficult he had made her life as well. She stopped before him and shyly held out Kakashi's things. Sasuke caught her eye and offered her a small but genuine smile before taking the package. Sakura blushed instantly and forgave him for all the tears she'd cried. Sasuke's smile faltered as she brushed by happily towards Naruto. You should not be so easily forgiving, Sakura, he thought as he took his place beside Kakashi.
He looked up at the man and unconsciously bit his lower lip, where it still tingled from the night before. Sasuke then turned to watch his two former teammates - his friends - standing at the gates.
"I am not my brother," he spoke softly, the words meant for the jounin's ears only. The anguish those words cost formed a small frown on his face as he raised his hand in farewell to Sakura and Naruto, who were headed on their own way.
Kakashi looked down in surprise and placed his free hand on Sasuke's shoulder, stroking the back of his neck reassuringly with his thumb, out of sight from any ANBU who may still be watching them. "I know who you are," he replied.
Sasuke's body yielded immediately to the touch. He cast his gaze heavenwards and let out a deep sigh. His destiny was out there. He felt it as clearly and deeply as the bonds that tied him to these people who had stood before him mere seconds ago. Destiny called out to him constantly and left a restlessness in his heart. But for today, for however long Fate chose to let this period of his short life last, Sasuke felt his place was here. His eyes wandered back up to the white-haired man with awe and deep, unbinding affection. Don't worry, Naruto. I'm not going anywhere yet. "Come on," he said, slipping an arm securely around Kakashi's waist. "I'll take you home."
THE END
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