What My Mother Taught Me: The Jaina Solo Version

By Saber Girl Jaina

AN: This isn't so much a fic as a list of the kind of life lessons you'd get in the Solo household. It's based on a funny list Leia sent me, with things like:

"My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'"

Being me, I emidatly made a Jaina version. If anyone likes this, I may make versions for other characters.

Disclaimer: I didn't do it!

My mother taught me about DRUNKENNESS. "It's what happens when you put to many Corellians in the same room."

My mother taught me about PROPER LANGUAGE. "If your father says it when he's angry, it's probably a misdemeanor to say it on some planets."

My mother taught me about DIPLOMACY. "Its what you do until the other guy pulls out a blaster. Then you can shoot him."

My mother taught me about MERCY. "At least try to remember to set for stun."

My mother taught me about THE DARK SIDE. "If you don't get out of the kitchen this INSTANT I swear I am going Sith!"

My mother taught me about WEAPONS SAFETY. "Never, ever, stick a carrot in the end of your father's blaster again!"

My mother taught me about BASIC SHIP REPAIR. "Don't imitate your father's method. Yes, it works, but you'll also notice he has a few scars he didn't get in fights."

My mother taught me about EVADING PUNISHMENT. "Yes, Councilor Fe'lya, I know that it is a criminal offence for unauthorised personnel have access to this meeting. But don't you think the best security forces the galaxy has to offer should be able to find a five year old hiding under the table? And aren't you in charge of them?"

My mother taught me about LOVE. "Don't worry about it if your crush wants to murder you initially. In this family that's a very good sign."

My mother taught me about KITCHEN APPLIANCES. "... and this is why we never put thermal detonators in the dishwasher."

My mother taught me about THE PROPER WAY TO RECIEVE GIFTS. "If it's from one of your father's friends it's probably spiked with whiskey, if its from one of my friends I'll get you something less frilly later if you're very polite, and if it's from anyone you haven't known for almost your entire life it's probably a explosive device designed to cripple the workings of the Republic."