When We Were Older
By Mewling
I. Syaoran
Syaoran is cold. He is beginning to think that she has forgotten again, and it makes him sad. He wonders if she has been found out, and is ashamed to find he feels more guilty than worried.
Even through his thick layer of clothing, Syaoran can feel the cold bars of the park bench as if he were naked. He doesn't like the looks people are giving him. Quietly, he admits to himself that although this is not a fling, it is not love either. He is not sure how he feels anymore. All he knows is he no longer feels as though either of them controls this relationship, but is controls them.
His anxiety evaporates like his breath as he sees a familiar dark head make its way toward him. He gets off the bench.
Syaoran doesn't like the way they meet in crowded places, because the guilt makes him uneasy. He knows she thrives off it, so he never says anything. She likes to touch and kiss him in places just borderline public, the adrenaline making her passionate, her face flushed and her breath hard as she presses against him.
He looks at her small pale face, an excited smile and a flashing eye. She pulls him down to kiss him in the eye of everyone. Syaoran pulls away quickly, glancing around at people who couldn't care less.
She just giggles, taking his hand, and leads him to a hotel.
Syaoran follows, his chest shifting with hate and disgust at the sight of her long dark hair in front of him. It makes him sick and guilty. He knows she loves the thrill, but he hates the fright and the lurch in his stomach whenever Sakura mentions her name.
But he follows anyway.
II. Tomoyo.
In the hotel room, the lights are off so the dim glow of the moon illuminates their bodies in a pale aura. The white of the sheets is clarified and the contour of his face and torso are highlighted a soft silver as she moves above him.
Tomoyo loves this unadorned sex, with the deep set thrill of infidelity burning in her abdomen. Tomoyo doesn't tell him, but she left the door open a crack. She moans loader than she ever has before, whimpering and calling his name.
These sounds are all the communication their relationship desires. Automatically, Tomoyo's hands move to cup her breasts in an attempt to bring his mind to her. But his eyes are still closed. Of course, Tomoyo is a veteran at this kind of stuff. A few moments later, his eyes open in a surprised gasp.
The moon is too bright for privacy, but she can't keep the grin that has nothing to do with sex, off her face. That familiar smug satisfaction engulfs her mind, and she falls to the other side of the bed.
They don't speak to each other as they lay there. Tomoyo follows his gaze to the door- which has opened more during the course of their love making- to her face. She looks right back without denial. For a few moments they stare at each other as they pant still, chests heaving.
As he rises to close the door she wonders why she began all this. Dominance, revenge? She licks her lips and confesses to herself it's probably jealousy. Tomoyo closes her eyes in preparation for the slap she knows is coming.
She is not disappointed.
Men are all the same, aren't they, daddy?
III. Sakura
Sakura sings softly over the sizzle of the pancakes. She is making breakfast for two. For some reason Yukito has been a round a lot lately. The first few times she knew he had been fighting with her brother, because they made up on a couch she hadn't the courage to sit on for quite a while after.
But lately he has been coming over at least twice a week. He always smiles and offers her some treat as he comes in. Then they talk about their childhood and reminisce, and most of the time he sleeps in the guest room.
Sakura worries because he has been having nightmares and needs to sleep with her lately. She hopes some extra pancakes will get his spirits up.
Sakura is not so naïve to think that it is not improper for a male –even a particular friend- to stay over in a married woman's house, let alone share a bed with her. But she can't turn a back on a friend, and she will be the first to admit she has been lonely for the past few months, and welcomes the company.
Her apron always makes her a little sad, because it reminds her to Tomoyo. She hesitates over calling Tomoyo her best friend anymore, as even Sakura can tell how Tomoyo has distanced herself from her. And Syaoran is rarely home anymore, as grateful as she is for how hard he works to keep a roof over her head. Before Yukito, Sakura had been in want of child, but never had the courage to bring the topic up with Syaoran.
Yukito says if he really loves her, he could find the time anyway. He said the nicest, most expensive house and things are ugly loveless. Although she reprimanded him at the time, she couldn't help wonder if it were true.
Yukito comes in to the room, still in his pyjamas and gives her a sleepy good morning kiss before helping her take the dishes to the table.
For a moment Sakura is lost in surprise and nostalgia, but then she just smiles. She thinks she really is very lucky.
IV. Yukito
The smell of pancakes wakes Yukito up, accompanied by the sound of Sakura's voice. For a second the smell of breakfast, the sound of her and the feel of her sheets causes a sort of surprised happiness, before memories overtake him and he feels a tinge of repentance at the thoughts that had entered his mind.
He thinks he'll lie there a while to savour the feeling, and in this time remembers things he tried hard to forget. One of them is Touya. The accusations and the discomfort of an uneven split. The second, more prominent thought is what he saw in a park the night before. He was surprised at how public it was.
He was shocked at Tomoyo, who was married, enough, but her lover surprised him even more. He wondered why these things happen and tried to pretend that he wasn't that happy.
Yukito realises that he isn't so different from them and the feeling disturbs him. It occurs to him that no one really wants a fairy tale ending, and even if they do they'll never get it. Insecurities and jealousies, lies and manipulation are woven into the roots of these relationships.
As Yukito wanders down the hall into the kitchen and kisses Sakura a good morning, he thinks that it really is true.
Matrimony really is the grave of romance.
Sakura smiles shyly at him as she hands him the sugar.
Well, at least between the married couple.
A/N: As a tribute to a story I read here, called Four Corners, not dissimilar to mine, which is a little longer, a little less well written and a little less optimistic.
I'm not really very happy with this, and it turned out a lot more sexual than I intended, hence to rating.
Originally, I had thought to put Eriol in instead of Yukito, and as Tomoyo's lover, but I decided against it.