Disclaimer:I don't own the Harry Potter characters. I never will! Everyone belongs to J.K. Rowling, except for Peter's girlfriend Grace. I'm pleased to say I own her.
WARNINGS: First, my typical, everyday warning - Sirius/Remus SLASH. Next: Expect AU, glittery goodness, bisexuality, underage drinking, sexual implications/situations, satin, and leather.
Summary: Kind of an AU look at life at Hogwarts during the Marauders' seventh year. Glitter and glam rock abounds, and our dear Marauders learn to cope with makeup, cross-dressing, and sex - a different kind of education than Hogwarts usually offers!
Glitter, Spice, and Everything Nice
Chapter 1 - The Makeup Chapter
"Oi, Remmie!"
Remus Lupin looked up from his book and twitched. Two of his best friends, one of whom also happened to be his boyfriend, had just entered the train compartment he had chosen to sit in. Sirius Black and James Potter were both dressed more outrageously than ever (at least, since the advent of glam rock - granted, glam had been around since before they started at Hogwarts, but Sirius and James had only just gotten into it back in fourth year) in tight bellbottom jeans and t-shirts so small they must have been purchased in the girls' section of the shops; but that wasn't why Remus was twitching. He was twitching because both boys were wearing makeup.
Not that Remus wasn't used to makeup. Sirius had always been fond of black nail polish and eyeliner, and to be totally honest, Remus thought boys in makeup was one of the most erotic sights imaginable. But maybe, just maybe, Sirius and James had gone a bit over the top. Sirius was wearing dark red lipstick, matching glittery nail polish, and had black raccoon-rings of makeup around his eyes. James was less extravagant - he had chosen to stick with pale pink lip gloss and a light application of brown eyeshadow - but it was still enough out-of-character that Remus had to blink and rub his eyes in disbelief.
"Siri? Jim?"
"Were you perhaps expecting Snivellus?" James asked casually, as he and Sirius closed the compartment door behind them and joined Remus; Sirius plopped down beside his boyfriend and kissed his cheek, and James sat across from them, grinning.
"No, it's just - that - you two..." Remus couldn't think of a tactful way to say that they looked like Barton Street prostitutes.
"I told you he was going to say something," Sirius pointed out to James. "Come on, Remmie... what's wrong with it?"
"Well -" Remus bit his lip. "You both look delicious, don't get me wrong - but... don't you think it's a little... much? What will the teachers say?"
Before either of them could answer, the door slid open again and Lily Evans stuck her head in. She was already wearing her Hogwarts uniform and robes, but looked gorgeous in neon-pink lipstick and silvery eyeshadow, her skin sparkling with glitter. All three boys raised their eyebrows at her; she tucked a stray lock of fiery red hair behind her ear. "There you are, James," she said.
James' eyes widened and sparkled almost as brightly as Lily's glitter. "You're looking for me, Evans?" Remus and Sirius watched in amusement as James sighed happily and clutched at his heart. "Oh - happy day!"
"I just wanted to see you and Sirius tarted up," Lily replied, her eyes shining. "You're both so - so - cute!"
James nearly melted. Sirius and Remus nearly died of shock. For six years, James Potter had been the bane of Lily Evans' existence, no matter how hard he had tried to impress her - usually making a prat of himself in the process, if not getting outright rejected - but she was looking for him? To see him tarted up? And she had called him... cute? It boggled the mind.
They just stared at her, openmouthed, like fish in an aquarium. After awhile, when it became evident no one was able to reply, Lily waggled her fingers at them (the nails were painted the same shocking pink as her lips) and departed. "Ta, lads."
Remus, Sirius, and James poked their heads around the edge of the door to watch as Lily headed for her compartment. Two of her friends, Grace Addams (Ravenclaw) and Karen Longfellow (Gryffindor) were leaning out of the compartment, calling her. When she joined them, Lily brushed kisses across the two girls' cheeks; Remus blushed furiously while James and Sirius drooled.
"Hi, guys." Three heads whipped around; the last member of their little group, Peter Pettigrew, was standing there, his arms and pockets laden down with all manner of sweets and pasties from the food cart.
"Hi, Pete," they echoed, withdrawing into the compartment and sliding back into their seats. Peter poured his load of candy out on the seat beside him, and the others helped themselves.
"What's with you two? Siri? Jim?" Peter asked thickly through a mouthful of Cauldron Cake after a few moments of eating in companionable silence. "Your makeup's worse than ever, Siri. And I thought you'd never wear makeup, Jim."
"Can't a bloke change his mind every now and then?" James asked amiably, while Sirius glowered at Peter. "Besides, it has its benefits."
"It does?" Peter asked skeptically.
"You better believe it," Remus said sweetly, looking at James. "Lily Evans stopped in to tell Jim he looked 'cute'."
"Well, you're better than Siri," Peter shrugged.
"Come on!" Sirius exploded. "What's wrong with me? I look hot, right, Remmie?"
"Just like Brian Slade," Remus said, fighting back a laugh.
"Nah, more like Curt Wild after a bad dye job," James contradicted him, and they burst into laughter. Well, except for Sirius, who tackled James and began tickling him.
"Surrender, Jim!"
"Never! Gerroff!"
"Now, boys," Remus reprimanded them lightly, "Watch out, I can report you for that."
Sirius shook back his hair and winked at Remus. "Sure. But I notice you've never reported yourself after all those snog sessions behind the greenhouses..."
James howled with laughter as Remus turned bright fuschia and Peter looked revolted. "Siri!" Remus cried in embarrassment.
"Saint Lupin you're not," Sirius teased, pulling a mirror from his pocket and checking to see if his lipstick was smudged. "But curse you anyway for being a prefect three years in a row."
"Can you - can you - can you imagine Remmie 'tarted up'?" Jim gasped as he struggled back to his seat.
"I have." Sirius replied. "And I think it'd be a sight hotter than the one we just witnessed in the hall."
"What scene?" Peter asked, while Remus closed his book and sat up straighter, trying to look intimidating.
"Sirius Black, James Potter - I don't care how hot you think I'd be in makeup, I really don't. You won't get me to wear it, I swear -"
"Oh, come on, Remmie!" Sirius put on his pleading puppy-dog look, the one that was infinitely difficult for his boyfriend to resist. Remus struggled to keep to his resolve. He wouldn't let it happen, no, no - he was a prefect, he was supposed to be providing a good example for the younger students - and yet, it didn't help that he was the best friend of one of Hogwarts' two biggest troublemakers, and dating the other. (Not that they hadn't tried to cover up their relationship; but Sirius kissing him in the Great Hall one morning at breakfast had ruined their charade.)
"Yeah, Remmie! Please?" James begged. He and Sirius looked nearly desperate; Remus wondered how many hours they had spent holed up in James' room that summer, giving each other makeovers.
"Just let us try," Sirius pleaded. "If you don't like it, you can take it off and we'll never, ever say a word about it again. Promise."
Remus doubted they would keep to that promise; but whatever got them off his back for awhile. And, if they were busy making him over, they wouldn't be wandering the train, hexing Slytherins (mostly Snape) just for fun. He sighed, resigned to his fate.
"Okay. But nothing too outrageous."
Sirius and James grinned at each other and dove for their trunks, rummaging around and yanking out their supplies of makeup. Peter and Remus stared, wide-eyed, as their friends lined up countless bottles, tubes, and boxes.
James and Sirius began muttering to each other, their backs turned. Finally, they turned around, smiling evilly. Remus gulped. Those were the grins he associated with imminent danger. But he had agreed...
"Sit tight, Remmie!" Sirius cooed, as he and James converged on the frightened-looking werewolf. "We've got what you need to be a glam beauty, love!"
"Glitter, spice, and everything nice," James sniggered.
After twenty minutes of enduring pawing hands, getting poked in the eye three times with a mascara brush, and feeling woozy from the smell of nail polish, Remus' makeover was complete. Sirius and James drew away, gawking at what they had accomplished. Remus fought an urge to bite his lip, so as not to ruin the lip gloss James had so carefully applied. His eyes flickered from James to Sirius to Peter, all of whom were staring at him. "It looks awful, doesn't it?"
Getting no response, he reached for Sirius' mirror and gasped. Staring back at him was a gorgeous, mysterious stranger - could that possibly the the Remus Jean Lupin looking back at him? This Remus was beautiful. A generous application of mascara had transformed his lashes into the long, dark lashes of a faerietale princess. The lip gloss James had used on him made his lips look luscious and kissable. Brownish-gold eyeshadow, courtesy of Sirius, brought out his hazel eyes, making them look more stunning than Remus would have ever believed. And a light, light layer of gold glitter made his skin sparkle.
He raised his eyes back to his friends. They were looking back at him, waiting for some kind of response.
"Er - is this - is this really me?" he finally managed. "It's just - I mean... it... I'm not this beautiful..."
Sirius sniggered. "Yeah, right. Remmie, trust me, you're gorgeous - it doesn't take an idiot to figure it out. Well, except in your case."
Remus punched him in the arm. "Shut up! Come on, you'd tell me if it looked bad, wouldn't you?"
"Of course," James said soothingly. "Siri's just a jerk. You know that by now, Moony. You look fab."
"Really?" Remus had to refrain from biting his lip again.
All three boys nodded. "It looks like... you look like... I don't know, but it looks nice," Peter said shyly, blushing. It was his comment that made Remus feel better; Peter could always be counted on to give an honest opinion. But still, Remus couldn't help but worry all the rest of the way to school, wondering what in the world everyone would say once they got an eyeful of his new look...
"Did you see, did you see?"
"Don't they look good?"
"Black and Potter, I'd expect - but Lupin ?"
"Wait. Remus Lupin?"
"Yes!"
Whispers and mutters swept through the Great Hall as the Marauders passed the Slytherin, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff tables to join the rest of the Gryffindors. Remus cringed; he was a very self-conscious person, and the stares he was getting were making him feel more and more uneasy. He couldn't tell if everyone thought he looked good, or bad, or if they thought he had gone stock raving mad. He sunk into a chair between Sirius and Lily Evans, wishing he could become invisible.
Lily glanced over at Remus as he sat down, did a double take, and turned 'round to gape at him. "Remus!" she gasped, as Grace and Karen leaned around her to gape as well. "You - you look -"
"Awful, right?" Remus said gloomily.
"No! " Lily shook her head emphatically. "You look - sexy," she said. "Not that I'm hitting on him, Sirius." (Sirius had quite a reputation for being very jealous over who was ogling his Moony.) "What happened?"
"Sirius and James were bored on the train," Remus said. "They begged me. I couldn't say no."
"Well, they did a fantastic job," Lily smiled, before turning back to her friends. Remus blinked; he hadn't expected that. James was beaming; apparently he was pleased at whatever compliment, no matter how small and insignificant, that Lily decided to throw his way. The Hall fell silent as Professor Dumbledore stood to give his welcoming speech, and even though Remus kept his gaze and attention focused on the headmaster, he could sense people all over the room glancing at him.
Dumbledore sat down at last and food materialized on the golden plates. Most students were starving after the long train ride and began gobbling down everything within reach; Remus however, could do nothing but poke at a baked potato. It was all right for Sirius and James, he thought miserably; after all, they loved attention and didn't mind getting stared at. But he hated all this attention. On the other hand, he liked looking nice for Sirius...
"Oh, bolloks," he muttered under his breath.
The next day started off with another makeover. Pleased by their success, James and Sirius would have gone farther than they had last night if Remus hadn't threatened to curse them. Unwilling to go up against Remus' excellent jinxing abilities, the two boys settled for the same look they had given to Remus the day before. Remus eyed himself nervously in the mirror. It was true that the makeup made him look dramatically different, in a good way; but he still wasn't comfortable with it.
Meanwhile, Sirius was grumbling under his breath as he got dressed. As they were back in school, he and James had been forced to abandon their tight t-shirts and jeans in favour of the neat grey trousers, starched white shirts, grey pullovers, and red-and-gold striped ties that were the school uniform. James muttered something unkind as he pulled his robes on over the lot; Remus just shook his head. Uniform or no, they'd find a way to tart themselves up.
And indeed they did. James painted his nails dark blue during breakfast; Sirius was wearing spangly purple eyeshadow, matching glitter, and black lipstick - a nearly horrifying combination, especially when they entered their first class, Transfiguration. Professor McGonagall nearly had a heart attack at the sight of Sirius - at least, standing next to his lover, Remus didn't feel so uneasy about his own makeup.
The bell had barely rung for break when Remus found himself the center of attention from several of his classmates, all of whom were fascinated. They kept asking him if he had done his own makeup, and where he had gotten his glitter - finally Sirius managed to chase them away. They retreated to a corner of the courtyard, huddling together in a vain attempt to keep any overenthusiastic females away.
"Hey Jim, look... it's Lily..." Sirius said softly, nodding across the courtyard.
Lily was standing on the other side of the yard, talking to Grace and Karen, but every now and then, she glanced towards the Marauders' corner. It also seemed like her friends were giggling a lot more than usual. Remus wondered what was up.
"Gonna ask her out, Jim-Prongs?" Sirius asked casually. "You've only got a year left, you know. If she doesn't say yes this year... flush. Down the toilet. But then, I'm amazed she even comes within fifty feet of you since that thing with Snape."
"Look who's talking," James snapped. "You were in it as much as I was."
"I'm not out to impress Evans, though," his best friend responded lightly. "I've got my Moony."
James glared, then turned sharply on his heel. He marched across the courtyard, heading for Lily. Remus and Peter stared after him, then whirled on Sirius.
"What did you do that for?"
"You know she hates him!"
"Easy, lads," Sirius drawled. "Let's see what happens, first, before you start ganging up on me."
They watched with bated breath. James and Lily had moved away from Grace and Karen, and stood talking for a couple of minutes. Then the bell rang, and James hurried to join them as they headed off for Potions. He refused to answer when they asked him what Lily had said.
"I'll tell you later, okay?"
Remus couldn't wonder for long over what James and Lily had agreed upon; Potions was not his best subject, so he needed to pay close attention to what he was doing. The solution they were working on today was simpler than most, but required several different simmering periods. While the potion simmered, Remus became almost painfully aware of the stares he was getting from the Slytherins. Even worse, he knew Severus Snape was watching him very closely.
Snape and the Marauders had never gotten along very well. He was always hanging around with a batch of Slytherins who were some of the worst of the lot - including Sirius' younger brother Regulus, and their older cousin Bellatrix, who had graduated from Hogwarts last year. After a prank Sirius had pulled on him the year before, a prank which almost got him killed, Snape's loathing of the Marauders seemed to have increased. So Remus could not understand why Snape seemed so transfixed at that moment.
He looked over at Sirius, who was glaring at Snape as he stirred his and James' potion. Snape hadn't said a single word to Sirius, hadn't even looked his way - so why was Sirius glaring like that? Usually, he and Snape chose to ignore each other. Remus glanced back and forth between the two, before comprehension hit him like a ton of bricks. That was it. His makeup. Snape was probably stunned by it, and was trying to come up with a particularly scathing comment; but Sirius, who was very protective (and more than a little possessive), probably knew that Snape was going to try and insult Remus. Yes, that must be it.
Keeping his head down, Remus resumed working on his potion. He frowned to himself as he tipped newts' eyes into the cauldron. He was going to have to put his foot down - no matter what Lily, James, or Sirius said, Remus knew he looked horrible in makeup. He vowed never to wear it again.
So no one was more surprised than he when several classmates complimented him on his new look when the bell rang to signal the end of class.
"Looking good, Lupin!"
"I wish I looked that good in eyeshadow..."
"I always envied Black for being your boyfriend..."
The Slytherins, of course, whispered all sorts of rude things, but Remus felt a trifle dazed and didn't pay attention.
Sirius, however, was in a towering temper as they entered the Great Hall for lunch. He kept glaring in the direction of the Slytherin table, and didn't even seem to notice as James set a large dish of steak-and-kidney pie in front of him. James waved a hand energetically in front of his face.
"Hello, Earth to Padfoot, do you read me?"
"What?" Sirius snapped, then blinked. "Sorry, Jim. What?"
James rolled his eyes. "You're staring at the Slytherin table. What's wrong, mate? Fancy one of them?"
"NO!" Sirius recoiled in disgust, putting an arm around Remus. "C'mon, Prongs, you know I'm totally devoted to Moony. But the thing is, I think someone else might be, too!"
Remus nearly choked on his pie. "Sirius! What are you talking about!"
"Didn't you see Snape staring at you during Potions?" Sirius asked. "You know, I always thought he fancied you -"
"Paranoid much, Sirius?" teased Peter.
"Can it."
"I'm not that good-looking," Remus said softly.
"If you say that again I'll hex you," Sirius warned him, waving a fork threateningly under his boyfriend's nose. "You're beautiful. And the makeup job only makes you look even better."
"So if I look so bloody good that Snape is staring at me, it's all your fault," Remus pointed out. "You and Jim are the ones who - how did you put it? - 'tarted me up'."
"But you look so good," Sirius whined, but before he and Remus could fall into a lover's quarrel, Lily Evans walked by, on her way to an empty seat. Not unusual - but when she waggled her fingers at them in a casual way, all four Marauders nearly tumbled out of their seats. They had always thought Lily despised them all - with the possible exception of Remus, who was in Charms Club with Lily and generally got along quite well with her - but never had they expected that. It also directed Sirius' attention back to the events of that morning.
"Hey, Jim - you promised to tell us, what did you and Lily talk about during break?"
James shrugged. "You know, the usual. Asked her how her holiday went..."
"Jiii-iiim..."
"All right, all right! So I asked her to come to Hogsmeade with me, okay?" James said defiantly, a flush spreading across his cheeks.
"And?" Sirius leaned forward, his shoulder-length hair brushing his cheek in an almost seductive manner.
"She said okay." James was bright red by now, but continued to look at them as if daring them to make a sarcastic comment. "And... she asked me to wear makeup when we go."
Sirius blinked rapidly. "She did?"
"Amazing," Remus said softly.
"Good things can come of wearing makeup. Do you see now, Remmie?" James asked.
"So do bad things," said Remus, glancing over at the Slytherin table. To his immense disquiet, Snape was eyeing him. He turned quickly back 'round. "I wish I had never let you make me over," he moaned.
"So do I, sometimes," Sirius replied, glaring at a few girls who were staring dreamily at Remus. "But only sometimes."
To Be Continued.
(A/N: Ah, the start of a new S/R fic. Of course this is mainly S/R-centric, but I want to throw in some James/Lily and other romances for interest. I don't see anyone complaining. (Of course not. There aren't any reviews yet!)
If you read the warnings at the beginning, you probably have figured that this will become an R quite soon. (Or an M, or a 16, or whatever the highest rating is on whatever damned rating score we're using now.) Keep that in mind! I would hate for anyone to lose track of the story. I'll warn you ahead of time, so you'll know when to start looking in the R categories.
Anyone who's read any of my other R-rated stories will know I'm not as graphic or "adult" as other authors. So if you're looking for detailed sex... sorry, can't help you! But please give it a try anyway! What do you say?)