Author's Notes: "Veronica Mars" is the new "Buffy." Spread the word. And thanks for reading!
Summer In Hell
by Kristen Elizabeth
Time does funny things. It can move so fast that it seems like if you blink, you'll miss entire chunks of it. Knowing Lilly was like that. When you were with her, you didn't want to miss a moment. She captivated you with her smile, her laughter, her complete irreverence. Time flew when Lilly was around, as if she ordered it to, which knowing Lilly, she might just have.
But time can also drag so slowly that you think you might lose your mind. The year after Lilly's death felt like five hundred. And it was all I could do to keep going like she would have demanded of me. Life went on, just like it had when she was alive, but unlike then, minutes became hours, hours became days and days…well…you get my point.
It's only in the past month or so that time has begun to even out again. Finding out the secrets surrounding Lilly's death…it's brought closure of some kind, a peace that I never expected to feel again. There's still none of the passionate pace Lilly set, but things are getting better. I don't feel like there's weeks between when I get up in the morning and when I go to bed at night. Okay, early morning, but don't tell my dad. Life is settling into a new groove.
And it scares me.
Fingers snapped in front of her face jerked Veronica out of her thoughts. She blinked and focused. "Logan?"
The one-time bane of her existence gave her his patented smirk. It used to turn her stomach. It still did…only in an entirely different way now. "Welcome back. You were gone for a minute."
"I was thinking," she replied, closing her locker door with a metallic clang. "Was I not paying enough attention to you? The pet store said I only needed to feed you every couple of hours."
"Never let it be said that an Echolls is low-maintenance." Logan pointed to her forehead. "What's going on in there?"
How do you tell the guy you're quasi-dating…if dating is the same thing as having occasional clandestine make-out sessions…that you can't stop thinking about his dead girlfriend?
"Summer job," Veronica lied. "I'm applying for an intern position at the newspaper. I'm up against some steep competition."
"Can I do anything?"
The fact that he offered is sweet, right? It's not like he could use his father's affluence to secure me a spot…could he?
"Thanks, but I've got it covered." Veronica quickly changed the subject. "What are your plans for the summer?"
He looked around at the other students of Neptune High. The last day of school was always a bedlam of activity. Papers littered the hallways; the scent of cleansers was pungent in the air as lockers were emptied and scoured. They were a stationary island in the chaos.
"I'm thinking about spending some time in Cannes," Logan said, almost wistfully. "My mother loved it there."
"The French Riviera. Nice." She forced a smile. "Bon voyage, mon ami."
"You could come."
We haven't even gone on an official date yet, and he's asking me to spend the summer with him in a place that has nude beaches? Is he serious?
"Are you serious?"
Logan reached out to brush a lock of blond hair away from her face. "We could both stand to get out of this town for awhile."
"I agree. But I was thinking more along the lines of Tijuana. Not Europe."
"What do you say?" His eyes were intense as he waited for a response.
"I say…I'm going to have to think about it." The disappointment evident on his face prompted her to continue, "I have responsibilities here, Logan. This internship, helping out my father…prepping for the trial."
"The trial's not for months."
Veronica bit her lip. "It's complicated, Logan. I can't just drop everything and fly off to France with you."
"Lilly would have."
Of course she would have. She was Lilly. She was spontaneous and carefree. A true risk-taker.
"I'm not Lilly," she told him, coolly. "Don't try to turn me into her."
Logan frowned. "Is that what you think I'm doing?"
Yes.
"No." Veronica sighed and thought better. "I don't know."
"Well, I'm not." The hardness in his voice was painfully familiar; it was the same tone he'd used for months in order to hurt her just a little bit more, to beat her down without ever laying a hand on her. "I know you're not Lilly. You'll never be Lilly."
"Can you say that with a little bit more regret?" she snapped. "I think you missed bruising some of my ego."
Logan ran a hand through his short hair. "What is your problem today? I thought we had an understanding. That we're both moving on…and that we're doing it together."
What's my problem? My problem is this, Logan. Moving on means forgetting. Moving on means betraying people we both loved…and still love. We buried Lilly a year and a half ago, but now that her real killer is behind bars, we're burying her again.
We're forgetting her.
"My only problem today is that you seem to think everyone has the luxury of spending their summer vacation lounging on foreign beaches without a care in the world. Guess what, Logan? I don't have a trust fund to pay my way through college. I need to work to save up money." Veronica slung her bag, laden down with the contents of her locker, over her slender shoulder. "So my answer is no. Have fun in France."
It was a great exit. So why do I feel like I just stuck a sword in my own stomach?
Veronica ran all the way to her car. Depositing her bag in the passenger's seat, she started up the engine and roared out of the parking lot. It wasn't until she was halfway home that she allowed herself to give up a single tear.
Damnit. I'm going to miss him.
To Be Continued