Chapter 9: Lessons and Liaisons

"Whoever invented detentions should be dragged out into the street and Avada Kedavra'd". Ron was once again complaining to his mates about having to attend another detention with Snape.

"Don't even joke about an Unforgivable, Ronald! Besides, it's your own fault that you have detention with Professor Snape." With the mention of her Potion Master's name, Hermione blushed, remembering just how well endowed the head of Slytherin was.

Ron and Harry looked on in irritation as Hermione gazed into nothingness with a dreamy smile on her face.

Harry broke into her reverie. "Gods, Hermione! Don't tell me you've gone batty over Snape! He's a nasty, greasy, git!"

Ron snickered. "Batty! Good one, Harry! Seriously, 'Mione. Snap out of it. It's rather sickening."

Hermione flushed and snapped at them. "I'm not batty over him, you two! It's just that…well…that's the first time I've seen a man…and…."

"Ugh. Let's not talk about it. I'll see you around, if the bloke doesn't kill me first!" With that, Ron headed to the dungeons, shaking his head. I'm never going to make any headway with Hermione at this rate. She doesn't even notice I'm alive. But, wait! She has noticed Snape. And I have detention with Snape. Hmm.

Ron didn't have time to think about Hermione once he reached the potions classroom. Snape was there and in rare form, even for him. It seemed that his gallivant through the halls had a lemon-like effect on his already sour nature. Just brilliant! Like he needs any more excuses to be a wanker. I shouldn't have joked about not coming back alive. It may turn out to be true.

"Mr. Weasley! If you're done gaping at me like that detestable toad of Longbottom's, get to work!" He pointed to a table in the corner of the room where a huge mound of shrivelfigs lay in wait. "When you're done skinning those, move on to the ginger root. And I need not remind you how important it is that everything is precise!"

It was probably a good thing that Snape turned his back at this juncture, because if he had seen the look on Ron's face, he probably would have hexed him into next week. As it was, he didn't, and Ron was safe for the time being.

Relative silence reigned as Ron carefully peeled the shrivelfigs and added them to another pile. Skin the shrivelfigs, Mr. Weasley, slice the ginger root, Mr. Weasley, kiss my arse, Mr. Weasley! I'd like to show him just what he could do with the shrivelfigs! Just because he's mad and embarrassed, he's taking it out on me. While lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice that his arm had brushed against the unpeeled pile and knocked several shrivelfigs to the ground.

"WEASLEY! Can't you even do this simple task without wreaking havoc? I don't know why I even assumed you wouldn't make a mess out of things! If you so much as mash ONE of those…."

Just then, a knock on the door interrupted Snape's tirade. With an extremely irritated look, he bellowed, "ENTER!"

He was as surprised as Ron to see Professor Hooch walk into the classroom. She'd better not be trying to recruit me for the Annual Hogwarts Alumni Quidditch Tournament. She knows I don't play, but every year, it's the same thing. She always calls me a pansy for not wanting to play and tells me to grow a pair of bludgers.

Ron quietly watched in fascination as Professor Hooch walked straight up to Snape and handed him a piece of parchment. As Snape looked over it, his face turned four different shades of red before settling on a crimson that rivaled Fawkes' bright feathers. I wonder what is making him so uncomfortable?

Snape practically choked on his own tongue when he realized what was on the piece of parchment. MOTHER OF MERLIN! She's replying to my ad? Oh, this is NOT good. One mental head slap later, he plastered a sneer on his face and looked the flying coach in the eye.

His face quickly changed to one of horror when Hooch plastered what she thought was a seductive look on her face and moved closer. In reality, it resembled nothing so much as a hungry hippogriff searching for food. Well, I for one AM NOT going to be the ferret that she feasts on!

Snape took several steps back. Hooch took several more forward. He stepped back again. She advanced. Snape tried to turn and run, but the desk got in his way. Blast and Damnation! Cornered! Think Severus, think! If only I had a Snitch to distract her with! If only we hadn't placed that blasted ad! If only Albus would lift the ban on Apparition from the school grounds. It would sure come in handy. I could be on a beach sipping a Fiery Salamander right now!

Hooch leaned forward and spoke. "Meet me on the Quidditch pitch at 10:00 tomorrow night, Sev. And, if you're lucky, maybe I'll polish your broomstick." With that, she winked, blew him a kiss, and turned, walking out the door.

Snape was left standing, mouth agape. He slowly sank onto the top of his desk, shaking his head. I honestly don't know if I can handle this. That woman is a menace to the wizards in our society. I've heard stories about her.

Ron couldn't contain a snort of laughter, but after a rather harsh stink-eye from Snape, he finished the shrivelfigs and started on the ginger root while trying to choke back his amusement. You know, I almost feel sorry for the bloke. I wouldn't want to take that on. Deciding to display some of the courage that he was supposed to have, being a Gryffindor and all, he swallowed and spoke quietly. "I've heard stories about her, sir."

Snape was so taken aback that the lad in front of him had spoken the exact words that he was thinking, that he replied without a retort. "So have I. That's what worries me." Blast and Damnation! I did NOT just say that out loud. I'm the dreaded Potions Master, the one that all students fear. Oh, who am I kidding? Over half the school saw me streaking, I have no dignity left. Rather dejected, he drooped over farther and put his head in his hands.

Ron felt a surge of empathy for the man in front of him. Snape seems so…human. And we all know what it's like to have woman problems. "Cheer up. At least it will be over after tomorrow night. It's not like you have to go out with her again, is it?"

Snape perked up a bit at this thought. Funny how the little rogue made me feel better. Maybe he's not so bad after all. "That is true." Standing once again, he moved to the table where Ron was sitting. "However, I don't think it's appropriate to discuss my personal life during detention, Mr. Weasley."

"Yes, sir. I just figured…." Here Ron trailed off, not sure if he should continue. He didn't want to anger his professor again.

"Do go on." Sweet Circes, am I actually encouraging the boy to speak? I have completely lost my touch. Crossing his arms, he tapped one foot impatiently.

Ron hesitated, and then threw caution to the wind. "Well, it's just that everyone is talking about your dating ad, sir. I mean, none of the Professors here have ever done one and no one thought you, of all people, would. And then with what happened in the halls, well, you're something of a phenomenon at this point. You might as well know what's being said, donchathink?" Could I possibly ramble on more? Gods, Ron. Just shut it!

"You make a valid point. It would be good to know what everyone is saying. Ten points to Gryffindor for the idea, Mr. Weasley." Snape gave a lopsided grimace that was supposed to be a smile.

He's gone completely mental. I'm in detention with a madman! And he's really not so bad after all. "Thank you, sir." He turned his attention back to the ginger root.

"Ahem. So, just what is being said?" Imagine, me, talking to a student about something like this. I fully expect for hell to be frozen over. Good thing I am a superb ice skater.

For the next hour, Ron filled Snape in on what rumors were being spread, how silly the girls were acting after seeing him naked, and even managed to throw in some of his own issues about how he wasn't making any headway with Hermione. At the end of the detention, the two had come to a new understanding. It was something akin to friendship, though neither would admit it. Who would have thought that the youngest Weasley male and a greasy git could have so much to talk about?

A/N:

Many thanks to Judy for the beta of this chapter.

Thanks to all of you who are hanging in there with this story. The normal excuses for late updating apply: new baby, work, no muse, yada yada. Anyway, I'm glad that you all are enjoying the story and I hope you like the update.

Disclaimer:

If I'm walking, I would hear: Not Mine. Not Mine. If I'm skipping, I would hear: Not Not Mine, Not Not Mine. (Thanks, PHOEBE!)