I had wanted him from the first moment I laid eyes on him. He was just beautiful, that black wavy hair falling in his eyes as he talked, his dark eyes glancing around the crowded room, his smile both wicked and kind. He was a Pan, a trickster. He would cast glances my way but they were never more, he flirted with everyone in a skirt and I didn't feel any hope that I would be any more special then the other girls, especially since it never became any more then looks. He would pass me by and say something that would make me blush and then he would laugh at me and leave. I felt stupid, I felt like his toy.
That Friday night party at Bucks would prove to be different then the rest, though it started out just as all the others. I was upstairs on my way down from using the toilette; they were always cleaner up there. I was walking towards the stairs when I saw Curly come out of one of the bedrooms with a girl, it was obvious that he had fucked her, her skirt was in a mess as was her hair and Curly was just about to button up his pants as he saw me. I averted my eyes and stopped walking waiting for them to pass me by. The girl walked by me but Curly lingered on, standing just a foot away from me. He took a fast step forward and pressed me up against the wall.
"When will you be in my bed?" he asked in a low voice laced with mirth. I felt his hot breath against my face and my knees began to buckle. God, he smelled good, like pine and newly cut grass. I had to strain myself from throwing my arms around him and kiss his perfect smiling lips. Instead I managed to wiggle myself away muttering some excuse, as I walked of I heard his soft chuckles and felt his eyes on me. It was always like that him flirting and me turning him down.
Several hours later when I felt I had had enough of watching Curly flirt with every other greaser girl I decided to go home. I felt disappointed that I hadn't gotten anywhere with him at this party either and at the same time I was strangely content in a self destructive manner. I didn't get very far until I felt someone grab me and press me to the wall with his body. I heard him breath unevenly and I felt him grow hard against my lower abdomen. I wasn't scared since I knew the sound of his breathing and the smell of his neck against my nose, it was pine and grass. Curly. He kissed my neck with such force and lust that it blew me away. I wanted to push him away to say that this wasn't right but I couldn't instead my body betrayed me by pressing against his groin. He moaned softly and his mouth found mine as his hands wandered almost desperately over my breast.
"You're not gonna turn me down this time" he said in a low husky voice. I drew a sharp breath at his threatening tone and wanted to pull away but my body wouldn't obey me. I felt him draw my skirt up over my hips and heard him pull down his pants. As hepushed in to me he drew back his head to look at me, his eyes surprised. I silently cursed at my body for being so ready for him. His thrusts were deep and slow and I moaned loudly against his neck my fingers digging into his back as I felt myself get closer to the edge.
"Mmm…Curly…" I felt my breath get faster along with his movement and as I came I called out his name to the empty hallway. I slapped myself mentally for giving in so much as to call his name, but it was to late now. I felt him thrust in to me deeply one more time as he came without a word uttered, all I heard was his ragged breaths as he steadied himself with one arm against the wall. He tore away suddenly and fixed his clothes. He looked at me with surprise and wonder in his eyes, I wanted to look away but found I couldn't.
"You wanted me" he stated silently, almost whispering, he looked like that was the strangest thing that could ever had happened, he looked amazed. Somehow that childish look made me angry.
"Yeah, but not like this, like one of your other sluts!" I screamed at him and straitened out my skirt as I walked away.
"Wait…I…" I didn't stay to listen to what he wanted to say, I simply left furious with myself for giving in to him, furious at my body for betraying me.
I avoided Curly as much as I could the next couple of weeks and I think he did to but about a month after that party at Bucks my friends talked me in to going to some party at one of their boyfriend's house. I hadn't told anybody about what had happened between me and Curly, I had a feeling it would get out eventually anyway.
The first thing I saw as I walked through the living room door was Curly with some girl on his lap, he was kissing her neck and when he looked up and saw me he smirked evilly, his eyes looked so cold and detached, he looked nothing like that amazed boy he had looked like after we had sex that night. I felt crushed and small and tears began to run down my cheeks but I still kept his stare. He looked at me the smirk dying away on his lips and I felt myself starting to shake, I didn't even know why I was sad. Was it because of that girl on his lap or the emotionless look in his eyes?
I turned around and ran out of the apartment, down the stairs and out. I didn't get far until someone had ran up to me pulling at my arm to make me stop. I tried to get away but I couldn't and I felt myself being held against the wall of an apartment building. I didn't want to look up, I knew who it was. I saw him clenching his fist and automatically my hands went to my stomach. I heard him take a surprised breath and take a step back letting out a shaky breath he drew a hand through his hair.
"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" he hissed between his teeth as he connected his fist against the brick wall behind me, just an inch from my head. I felt my heart stop for a second at the crushing sound from the impact. He drew a sharp breath from the pain and when I looked up at his face his eyes were shut, his long black eyelashes casting shadows on his cheeks.
"Fuck" he said softly and looked at me, his eyes searching mine. "Mine?" he asked and I nodded while he looked at his bloody hand in amazement trying to clench it but not being able to. He looked so lost and sad and I wanted to scream at myself for wanting to hold him and tell him everything would be ok. I looked up at him as I heard him sigh and take a step back.
"Do you need anything…money or a doctor…" he asked in a soft voice looking around him nervously.
"I don't need your fucking charity Curly" I spat at him wondering how I could have ever liked him. He took a step closer to me again, shortening the gap between us.
"It's not fucking charity" he said softly and put a hand on my stomach lightly "This is my kid in there, mine…" he said looking at his hand in wonder. "…and yours" he said and looked up at my face leaning in and kissing my lips softly, barely touching them.
"You're so beautiful" he murmured his forehead against mine, his hand still on my stomach. I wanted to hold him to feel the safe of his arms around me but I wouldn't let myself go there again so a tore away from him and ran of. He didn't run after me or even call out to me and I was glad. I hated him so much. With tears streaming down my face I ran home.
Two days later when there was a knock at my door I didn't have any hope that it would be Curly but it was. As I opened the door he stood outside looking around him nervously while smoking. He put the cigarette out as he saw me and fixed his eyes on me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked in a cold voice and I thought I could detect a little hurt glimmer in his eyes which made a smile creep up on my lips.
"You weren't at school…" he trailed of and started fingering with the plaster on his right hand. He had been at school looking for me I thought feeling my heart jump.
"How's your hand?" I asked in that same cold voice. He looked up at me smiling slightly, it wasn't a happy smile and I felt a stab in my chest.
"It's fine" he said in an emotionless voice "How're you doing?" he asked his eyes looking intensely at my stomach. I felt myself get sick with myself and drawing a sharp breath I held the door open for him to get in.
"I'm getting rid of it tomorrow" I said my back turned to him as I walked in to the living room.
"What!" he spat at me, rounding me to stand in front of me his hand gripped my arms and he shaked me lightly. I broke free and stepped away from him.
"What did you think Curly?" I spat "Think I would give up my future to have a kid with a guy I hardly know?" He looked taken aback by that and he blinked slowly at me. "My parents would kill me…" I started to trial of my anger at him turning on myself. How was I ever to go through with killing my own child?
"Look if you hate me that's fine, but that kid is yours" he said in a strong voice looking at me sharply "It ain't its fault I made a mistake" his shoulders were slouching and he looked tired. I was tired to and I was mad. Mad at him for trying to make me change my mind and mad at myself for ever thinking I could go through with it. I felt tears running down my face and soon Curly had his arms around me hugging me tightly. I leaned my head against his chest crying silently. He didn't say a word I just heard him breathe slowly. Damn him for making me feel so safe! I started to laugh a sad little laugh.
"You know what's funny?" I said against his shirt "I wanted you so bad before it hurt just to be near you and now I feel sick just by looking at you" It wasn't true but I wanted to hurt him as bad as he had hurt me. He didn't say anything for a long time he just held me close stroking my hair with his broken hand.
"I'm sorry…" he whispered softly "...I didn't think... had I known I would've…" he was silent again for a long time and then he sighed deeply. "...I love you"
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