AN: This is the first in a series of one-shot ficlets on the theme of regret in the manga universe. The first one is the regrets Integral might have if she made a certain choice. SPOILERS for manga past volume 6. Usual disclaimers - I do not own own Hellsing or its characters.

Integral Hellsing pretended to sleep while she watched him get dressed. His back was to her so he could not see her watching. The choice she made last night surprised even her. Integral had always thought she would choose Alucard. He went by the name of Dracula or Count now but to her he would always be Alucard. She had not chosen him – however. Why had she chosen that damn Catholic? What could he possibly give her – but himself?

She had given up so much more then merely losing Alucard. Although she would miss him, he was expendable. Everyone was. That had been one thing her father had taught her before he died. Hellsing would carry on its mission with or without Alucard – just like it had when he was locked up in the basement. What she had lost was power. He would have gladly turned her into what he was - but now it is too late. She was no longer a virgin. Integral Hellsing had given up her chance to be a true monster – a Nosferatu and there was no going back now.

Regret. Integral Hellsing never dreamt she would be feeling this emotion after such an amazing night. Last night had been incredible – more then just sex. Their emotions had been raw, honest, brutal…so incredibly human. Integral chuckled at the realization that she had just answered her own question. The reason she had chosen him, Alexander Anderson, was because he couldn't give her power. Anderson was her choice because he was so undeniably human – just as she was.

Still she felt that damn emotion. Regret for so many things.

…For never knowing true power.

…For knowing she would die.

…For never knowing what it was like to be one with him – Dracula.

Although Integral knew it was so incredibly wrong, deep down she wanted him to sink his fangs into her neck and drink her blood. And for so many years she had wanted to taste his blood. That was impossible now and Integral Hellsing truely regretted it.

The man sat on the bed as he put on his boots. He smiled at her as he stroked her hair. Not an act of possession but one of love. "I'm sorry, Integral." He whispered.

She opened her eyes as she grinned at him. "Sorry – for what? I wanted last night to happen." Integral replied coolly.

"I know you must have some too, Integral. Regrets. I'm sorry if I caused you to regret anything." Anderson saw a far-away look in his lover's eyes. "It is okay Integral - I have them too." Alexander kissed her lips gently. "I will do my best to help you forget."

Integral took his hand. "Well, I hope so, Alexander." She could not help thinking that she would never forget all that she had given up in just one night. What was most surprising was how much it hurt.