Guardian Roommates: Chapter 1: Moving In
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. Everyone here belongs to Capcom. I figured there weren't enough MMZ stories, especially humorous ones about the guardians.
What can I say? I'm still a newbie here, meaning I didn't know the whole deal behind the "script format and get deleted" thing. Well, thanks for the heads-up, everyone! Hopefully this way this can stay up for people to read in the months to come.
It's been a month since Copy X MK II was destroyed by Zero. Before then, X had retired the guardians due to Harpuia's constant questioning of his master's decision to team up with Dr. Weil, the one responsible for the near-annihilation of the entire human and reploid race. After Zero ended the battle with Omega, the guardians have been looking for something new. Namely, a place to live.
Our little tale begins in the projects, a small apartment on the third floor. It's a typical apartment, as you enter you're introduced to the living room. Across from it is the kitchen, and inbetween is a hallway that leads to three rooms and a bathroom. (Do reploids even use bathrooms?) The place is empty, the door violently shaking, since it appears that no one can get inside.
Outside, Leviathan leaned on her scythe, angry as ever. "HOW can you possibly lose the keys?"
Fefnir kept struggling with the lock. "I don't know! Shut up!"
If there was one thing to do to piss off Leviathan, it was telling her to shut up. "You want me to throw you off this balcony again?"
Fefnir sighed and apologized. "Okay, I'll behave... But none of these keys will fit!"
It's been like this for the last half hour. After being denied an apartment throughout Neo Arcadia, due to each of the guardians' violent activities, they finally got an apartment in the suburbs of the city. The problem was, Fefnir couldn't get the door open.
Suddenly, he remembered something. "Oh! Wait a second! Now I remember! I told myself that becuase this is the house key, I'd hide it in a special place!" He put his hand down his pants, or whatever you wish to call them.
Leviathan's face turned blue. "Tell me that you're not..."
Before she could finish, Fefnir found what he was looking for. "Here it is!"
Leviathan couldn't believe it. "YOU HID THE KEY IN YOUR UNDERWEAR?"
Fefnir didn't care how disgusted Leviathan was. He just had a smug and confident look on his face. "Not just any underwear, my lucky underwear!"
In less than half a second, Leviathan grabbed her scythe, grabbed Fefnir from the neck with it and tossed him off the balcony, grabbing the key. "Men..." She already forgot exactly what she was holding. "EW!" She quickly opened the door, hoping to rid her hands of whatever virus might have been running through the key. She wasn't exactly pleased to see their new home.
"So this is our new home? sigh! Well, I suppose it's time to call Harpuia."
An hour later, the kitchen was almost done, the couch and TV were set up, but they were far from done. Leviathan appeared exhausted while Fefnir was watching TV and listening to it on headphones.
"Hey, Fef, I'm going to take a nap."
He wasn't even paying attention. "Mmmkay."
Leviathan's sarcasm wasn't hard to miss. "By the way, thanks for helping out with the kitchen..."
"Mmmkay," was still Fefnir's response.
Leviathan actually did everything while Fefnir was trying to hit on some college reploids outside. Unfortunately for him, he scared most of them away trying to show off his guns, pointing them at the girls from time to time. It had only been ten minutes until there was a loud knocking at the door. Fefnir couldn't hear it, and Leviathan was angry as it was. Five more minutes, still knocking, and no one opening the door.
Fefnir noticed something inside him starting to violently vibrate. "Damn it! Can't I watch TV without being interrupted! Fine..." He opened up his arm and grabbed his cell phone. "This better be good, because I was in the middle of a music video and I never heard the song before!"
"Come get the door." was the caller's response.
"Why?" Fefnir was never exactly a patient reploid.
"If you don't want me to shove one foot in your ass and the other foot in your mouth."
"What? Who do you think you are!" Threaten Fefnir and someone will pay.
"Come to the door and find out." Whoever it was wasn't afraid of Fefnir.
Fefnir finally approached the door, but something crossed his mind prior to opening it. "Wait a minute, I know who this is! Hi Grandma! Is that you? You sound different."
In a heartbeat, the door came crashing down on Fefnir. He immediately tried to get up, but the foot of a fellow reploid, who was holding several boxes in his hands, was pressing the door against him as hard as he could.
"How many times have I told you that I'M A MALE?" It was the green sky lord, Sage Harpuia, who had been mistaken for a girl ever since Zero's resurrection.
Fefnir could barely breathe. "Eh... sorry..."
Leviathan came out of her room, abruptly awakened by Harpuia's entrance. "You're late."
"Blame dumbass down here." Harpuia tilted his head to see the red guardian under the door.
Leviathan noticed Fefnir was being crushed by the door and Harpuia, and decided to get a closer look. "You know, if you decide to live down there, I could get used to this place."
Fefnir was still struggling to breathe. "Oh, be quiet..."
Harpuia walked up to Lev and gave her a box, which sent her crashing to the floor. "We don't have time for this. Let's get this over with."
That night, all three were trying to make themselves at home. Leviathan was trying to knit in her rocking chair, Fefnir laid down on the couch channel surfing, and Harpuia was trying to get comfortable in his new bean bag. Leviathan broke the silence between all of them. "It's only been five hours and I'm bored."
Fefnir sympathized. "And there's nothing on."
Harpuia didn't care. "So what are you going to do about it?"
Leviathan and Fefnir decided to give it some thought, while Harpuia continued trying to adjust to his beanbag. Ever since Phantom was defeated by Zero, Harpuia had to constantly put up with Leviathan's whining and Fefnir's complaining and attitude problems.
Leviathan came up with an idea. "Go watch a movie!"
Fefnir countered. "Blow up a car!"
"No, uh, go to a party!" cried Leviathan.
"No, light a fire and add some gasoline!"
"No, go find Zero!"
"No, let's find their resistance base and annihilate them!" was more of Fefnir's idea.
"No, go to their resistance base, wipe them out, and make Zero my slave! Muahahahahahahah!" Lightning struck as Leviathan laughed.
Both males stared silently at the female reploid with scared and annoyed looks, with a disturbing thought of a leather-clad Leviathan holding a whip and one foot on top of Zero.
Leviathan didn't shy away from what came out of her mouth. "Oh, come on. I'm sure you boys have had your fantasies."
Harpuia was already getting annoyed with his siblings. "Enough. If you guys want to do something, that's fine with me, but you'd better make up your mind. And no Zero."
Leviathan and Fefnir went into chibi mode. "Awww! Why not?"
Harpuia looked out the window. "It's Thursday night. Whatever Ciel has cooked for the resistance, it would be much worse than anything we can do to him."
An image pops into all their heads. A long time ago, when they were digging around of Phantom's room after he had been defeated, they found a new weapon that wasn't completed, a fake reploid designed to look like a resistance member. They decided to complete it in honor of their friend and put it to the test. There was only one problem, it was remote controlled and none of them could come to an agreement on who operated it.
A security guard, named Angel, was watching the area near the factory, annoyed at the new guy's attitude. "Will you stop dancing? What will Neo Arcadia think?"
The drone kept silent.
Angel continued. "Look, newbie, I can understand you being paranoid about Neo Arcadia, but c'mon, it's time to eat! I'll show you the way."
In a heartbeat, all three guardians stopped arguing as they made the drone follow the girl.
In a huge empty room, Ciel greeted the soldiers of the resistance. "Dinner!"
They quickly cheered.
"And it's Thursday, meaning that I cooked it!"
The response quickly went from a yay, to a nay.
It wasn't obvious to Ciel. "Don't be shy! You guys need a healthy meal for fighting an evil dictator! Who wants to eat first?"
All of the resistance members step back, except for the drone. Aware of their situation, it backs up, but it's too late. Ciel takes the opportunity to force feed what everyone believes to be a normal soldier.
"Nuh uh uh! Open wide!"
Ciel is about to shove the spoon in the drone's mouth when all of a sudden the transmission goes dead. At the same time, Harpuia, Fefnir, and Leviathan respond. "Crap!"
In the resistance base, a headless body falls to the floor and the room empties in a split second. Ciel looks confused, as Cerveau looks disappointed like a failed teacher. "I don't think a healthy meal is supposed to make their head explode."
Ciel sweatdropped. "Sorry! Who was that one again?"
Cerveau observed the dead drone. "It looked like, oh what's her name... Elpis... Elpizo?"
"That's his name! Oh, crap."
"Did someone call?" The real Elpizo came late to dinner, fortunate for him.
"Clean this up!" Not even bothering to look at the resemblance, Ciel was telling the janitor how to do his job.
"Yes, ma'am!" Elpizo tosses his lookalike in the trash can.
Ciel wanted to pat the kid on the head, except he wasn't exactly a kid. "Good boy. Keep that behavior up and you might be commander some day!"
Elpizo's eyes lit. "Yes, ma'am!"
"Now make us a real meal, son." Cerveau said not caring whether Ciel was in the same room or not.
Elpizo put on his apron. "Speghetti with meatballs and five pepporoni pizzas coming up!"
Cerveau wiped a tear from his eyes. "I love that damn kid."
Zero on the other hand was enjoying himself in the desert. "I love me some smores!"
Just the thought of Ciel's food made Fefnir feel uncomfortable. "Ieeee, you're right."
Leviathan got all worried. "Oh, my poor Zero-chan!"
An image pops up in Lev's head; Ciel force feeds Zero her food, blowing his head up, but she can't help but chuckle at the thought of switching places with Ciel. Maybe bad cooking could defeat Zero? Harpuia raises an eyebrow at Leviathan.
Leviathan cleared her throat. "Right. Sorry."
Harpuia sighed impatiently. "So, decide."
Leviathan turns toward Fefnir. "Rock-Paper-Scissors?"
Fefnir accepted. "Rock-Paper-Scissors."
Harpuia didn't bother to watch Fef and Lev's little duel over the kitchen table. He wasn't surprised when the words came out of Leviathan's mouth. "Uh, Fefnir? The middle finger isn't part of Rock-Paper-Scissors." That instant, Lev smashes Fefnir's finger with her 'rock' fist, with a huge smile on her face as he yells running across the room, holding his finger. "Rock beats finger, I win!"
Fefnir tried not to cry but chose to whine instead. "I should've asked for an arm wrestle!" But his eyes tear up as he looks at his finger. "Don't worry, Johnny. You will be avenged!"
Harpuia didn't think he heard what he just heard. "What was that?"
Fefnir didn't realize he said that out loud. "Nothing!"
Leviathan was still jumping and clapping her hands in joy. "Okay, okay, okay. Hmm... tonight... We'll go to a nightclub! One opened earlier this week on the north side of the city!"
Harpuia was reading the paper already. "That's at least an hour away. How are we going to get there?"
Leviathan and Fefnir both stared at Harpuia, Lev with puppy dog eyes. Harpuia sometimes wished he was an only child. "Oh, for the love of..."
The wind blows against all three as the moon shines on Leviathan and Fefnir. Harpuia, not visible at this point, wasn't afraid to show his grief. "Honestly, the both of you need to get a car or something!"
Fefnir shrugged. "I can't help it if my max speed is 10 MPH."
Leviathan gave both a smartass look. "And that a certain resistance reploid destroyed your brakes and steering. And stop whining, Harpie."
"Harpie?" Fefnir didn't laugh to everyone's surprise.
"Harpie?" Harpuia didn't want to spend another minute of the future with these two.
Leviathan changed her voice to sound twenty years younger. "You want me to call you 'my pwetty widdle airpwane?'"
Harpuia grumbled. "Harpie it is."
Harpie was in his powered jet form, with Leviathan and Fefnir sitting on each of his wings. He wasn't particularly fond of giving the two a free lift, especially like this.
Fefnir bobbed his head in all directions. "I don't recognize this route."
Leviathan only rolled her eyes. "Of course you don't, silly. We never had to travel from anywhere except, oh, let's see, the Neo Arcadia Capital where we once lived?"
Fefnir had already forgotten. "Yeah, thanks a lot, Harpuia." Leviathan stuck her tongue out at their ride.
Harpuia had heard it a hundred times already. "You want me to go up there so you can say that to my face?"
Leviathan wasn't intimidated. "Um, Harpie, you can't when you're an airpwane."
Harpuia forgot. "Oh, right... Hey!"
Suddenly the wind had picked up, taking Fefnir by surprise. "Hey, uh, Leviathan? You said we never traveled this route, before, right?"
"Yeah... uh oh."
Harpuia didn't like the sound of those words at all. "'Uh oh' what?"
Something was approaching them from ahead.
"A fleet?"
"No, it's..."
Harpuia's eyes glowed as he came to a realization. "Pigeons! Hang on!"
It was already too late. Harpuia had little choice but to fly through the flock of pigeons at full speed. The only thing he was concerned about was a bird flying into his mouth, which seemed to happen every time he turned into a jet and flew across Neo Arcadia. In about a minute, it was all over.
Harpuia seemed to be impressed. "Wow, not a single pigeon in my mouth!"
Leviathan looked back at all the falling birds behind her. "So, you're the reason pigeons are an endangered species."
Harpuia actually smiled for once, but where his head was, the other two couldn't see it. "Guilty as charged."
Leviathan returned to her previous position, but her hand slipped in something wet. "EW! Harpuia! One of those pigeons crapped on you! And it's on my hand!"
She was quick to rub it all off on Fefnir, who pulled out his guns, starting a fight. Harpuia's eyes turned red as he quickly turned around, returning to his default form, taking out his blades and yelling at the pigeons, most of which turned into jet kill. "NO ONE disgraces a former guardian of Master X! You will pay! You will all pay! Muahahah..." He turned to his sides, expecting his comrades to be right next to him. "Uh, guys?"
He looked down, only to find Fefnir and Leviathan's tiny bodies falling down into the city.
Fefnir yelled as hard as he could. "Harpuia, if I survive, so X help me, I am going to kick your ass!"
Leviathan had her fists in the air and her knees together. "You dumbass! We can't fly, remember?"
Harpuia shut his eyes as two small blasts of smoke came from the city below. He sheepishly grinned. "Oops.."
What will happen next? Will Leviathan and Fefnir survive? Will Harpuia get the crap off his wing? Will they ever make it to the nightclub? Find out next chapter!