Disclaimer: Quite obviously the Phantom doesn't belong to me. Yet.

Summary:

A normal person who knows absolutely nothing about the Phantom of the Opera takes a tour of the Paris Opera House, and is freaked out by all of the phan-girls. (Humor)

The Grand Tour…

Reina Vandyke was touring Paris for the first time. She had been to all of the normal tourist sites, and so far each had been spectacular.

She looked down at her list. Next up, the Paris Opera House. Reina smiled—she loved music of all kinds, and was excited to see such a monumental place.

Her tour guide drove her up to a building that must have been magnificent, but had since fallen into disrepair. When he stopped the car, he turned and gazed at her with an uneasy expression on his face. "Are you sure you want to visit this one? We can skip it…" he looked hopeful.

Reina frowned. "Of course we can't skip it! I've been looking forward to this one. What could be so bad about it, anyway?"

"If only you knew." the tour guide muttered, then helped her out of the car and up the steps.

She noticed that there was a girl sitting on the steps on her way up. She had a disappointed look on her face, which was red as if she'd cried recently. Reina was about to stop and ask her what was wrong, but her tour guide, Derek, stopped her.

"You won't want to be doing that." he told her kindly, giving a wary look to the girl. "It might be… one of them."

"One of who?" Reina asked immediately.

Derek just shook his head and pulled her forward. "Let's just get this over with, please."

Reina shrugged and let herself be dragged through the two towering front doors.

The entrance hall was flooded with a gaggle of girls. "Wow, this must be a popular place to go to!" she shouted above the noise. Derek just grimaced in return and didn't answer.

As she looked around, she realized that most of the girls were wearing shirts that read "Project Phantom." She wondered what kind of organization it was. Maybe a school was visiting?

The girls all seemed to be chanting something. Something that sounded suspiciously like… Erik? Reina frowned. She didn't see anyone at the head of the crowd, and she wondered where this "Erik" was.

She was about to ask Derek who Erik was, but he stopped her. "Don't ask!" he hissed, "If one of …them… hear you ask who he is, you won't make it out of this place alive!"

Reina rolled her eyes. "Okay, Derek, I won't ask. You can cut the dramatics."

"I'm not being dramatic. I'm being truthful."

They walked up the stairs in blissful silence for a while, (well, you could still hear the chants of 'Erik, Erik!' from the entrance way, but that was only to be expected). Suddenly, however, they ran into yet another girl.

Derek didn't even pause to give her a second glance, but Reina stopped and watched her curiously. She appeared to be tapping on the wall, as if searching for something.

"What are you doing?" Reina finally asked.

The girl turned to look at her. They just stared at each other for a moment, before the girl whispered, "It has to be around here somewhere!"

Then she turned and continued tapping on the walls.

Reina didn't understand what she meant, but decided to try and start a conversation. Maybe this person could explain things to her. "So, what's your name?"

"Christine." The girl returned automatically. She didn't ask for Reina's name.

"So… um, what are you looking for, exactly? You didn't say."

The girl gave her an incredulous look. "One of Erik's trapdoors, of course!" she exclaimed, as if this were obvious. "I know there has to be one here somewhere…"

Reina raised her eyebrows as the girl continued down the hall, tapping away like crazy. She was about to go after her and pursue the conversation, but Derek came back and stopped her.

"Don't talk to them!" he warned, "It just provokes them!"

"It's not like they're wild animals!" Reina protested angrily, "They're human girls, just like me!"

Derek snorted, as if he really doubted that.

Next, he showed her the different kinds of seats. He sat down while she explored, with a last warning to take care of herself.

In one particularly dark seating area—one of the boxes, she thought Derek had said—she almost ran straight into yet another girl.

The girl turned and looked at her, then held a finger to her lips, silently telling Reina to be quiet. Reina watched with great interest as the girl proceeded to run her hand over the seats, then (to her amazement) began to kiss the ground.

"Er…just what are you doing?" Reina implored, unable to stop herself.

"Erik stepped here!" The girl announced with a sigh, then bent back down and continued to kiss the ground.

Reina tilted her head and watched. Who was this Erik guy! You'd think he was some kind of god, or something!

"So…what's your name?" she tried to act nonchalant, but the girl was really starting to scare her.

The girl stood and stared at her. "Why, it's Christine, of course!"

Reina laughed, "You know, it's kind of funny—I just met another girl named Christine who was—"

"There is no other Christine!" the girl shouted abruptly, "I'm the real Christine! ME! ME, ME, ME!" Each time the girl shouted "Me" she stamped her foot.

Reina backed away. "Okay, okay…I get it. You're the real Christine. Right."

The girl's face broke into a smile as Reina began to hurry out. "Oh, and make sure that if you see Erik, you tell him that his Christine is looking for him!" she called.

Reina ran into Derek as she made her escape. He looked up and read, "Box Five," then gave her a knowing look. "You really shouldn't have gone in there. I forgot to warn you. Box Five is his box."

"I kind of figured that out." Reina muttered, glaring at her tour guide. "Can we continue?"

Derek nodded and led her on to the backstage area.

He was beginning to explain the different props when Reina spotted another girl and stopped him. She ran up to the girl, who was staring upwards with a look of awe on her face.

Reina just stood and looked at her for a while. Finally, she decided that the girl wasn't going to say anything. She was about to leave, when suddenly the girl jabbed her finger up into the air.

"He's there… THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!" She proclaimed it in almost a sing-song voice.

Reina looked to see where the girl was pointing, but saw nothing. "What Phantom?" She asked politely.

The girl ogled at her as if she had suddenly sprouted five additional heads. "Erik, of course!"

Erik again. She should have known.

"Oh… So Erik is a ghost?" Reina inquired, completely and utterly confused by this point. The girl nodded and continued to examine the rafters.

"And…what's your name?" She almost didn't ask.

"Christine!"

Of course it was.

After a moment, Reina shook her head and turned to Derek. "Let's go."

They were almost out of the backstage area when she saw another girl searching through the props.

"What are you looking for?"

"The Torture Room!"

"The… torture room? You're trying to find a place called the 'torture room'? Why on earth would you want to?"

"Erik might be there!" a dreamy look came over the girl's face.

"You mean the ghost?" Reina asked, hoping she got it right.

"No, the man! Erik, you know!"

"He's a man? Someone said he was a ghost…"

"Oh, well, he's that too, I suppose."

Reina smiled weakly. "Great." This was getting more complicated by the second. "And, I suppose, your name is Christine?"

"How did you know?"

Reina winced. "Well, thanks." she hurried back to Derek.

"So, where are we going next?"

He sighed and opened a door. "This leads to the hallway where the dressing rooms are. Be careful, and watch for shattered glass."

"Shattered glass? … Nevermind." she figured she didn't want to know.

She walked down the hallway, marveling at the paintings on the walls. A moment later, however, she heard a crash and went to investigate.

To her surprise, it was coming from one of the dressing rooms.

Reina pushed the door open and an extremely odd scene met her eyes.

Three girls stood in front of a line of mirrors, and one was holding a sledge hammer. As Reina watched, she swung the hammer around and shattered the mirror.

There was a pause as she peered inside of the hole where the glass had once been, and then she announced, "Nope! This isn't it!"

Reina quickly closed the door and hurried away, not even bothering to find out what they were doing. These girls were violent.

Then another sound met her ears. It was someone trying to sing an extremely high note. She grimaced and opened the door to a different dressing room.

There was yet another girl standing in front of a mirror (which actually wasn't shattered), and singing. Badly.

"I hate to interrupt…" Reina began, "But perhaps you seem like the sanest of all of the girls I've met so far…"

The girl turned and smiled at her, eyes wide. "Can you hear him?"

Reina frowned. "Hear who?"

"My Angel!" the girl exclaimed, "The Angel of Music!"

"Oh." Reina looked nonplused. She was beginning to think this girl was every bit as creepy as all of the other ones. "And who is this angel?"

The girl raised an eyebrow at her. "What are you talking about? It's Erik, of course!"


(A/N: I was going to make this a one-shot, but it would be too long. Therefore it will be cut into about three chapters. Review if you want me to continue!)

Hilary –

(Yes, the girl from "For the Love of a Phantom," if you've happened to read that.)