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This chapter is short. I'm sorry!

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Fifth of Fall

I couldn't finish my last entry…do you know how taxing it is on my mental sanity to drag an unconscious man to the doctor, knowing that I was the one who caused his pain? It physically hurt me to see the dried blood caked beneath my fingernails and then looking at the scratches along his arms. In that moment that night fell (Yes, it did take me that long) and I was lying him down before Dr. Hardy's house, I did what I had pictured in my mind and had wanted to do. I just knelt there over him, as though his stationary figure were actually not alive, and I just sobbed. It was so uncharacteristic of me, considering my calm manner, but I couldn't contain it anymore. He had hurt me so much, but I doubt even now that he had deserved such a thing.

And looking back on it, he had bribed those men to refuse my possible proposals because he had wanted me to ask for his hand in marriage. But he was too afraid to ask because of my unfeeling demeanor, so he had to resort to more conniving methods. I wish it wasn't so, but it's not like I can change that.

But eventually I wiped away my tears and had to knock on the doctor's door. I couldn't leave him outside, bleeding, in the cold and unconscious.

I doubt that after seeing what a mess I had made the doctor would ever offer me anymore skin creams for my summertime plights, and I deserved that punishment as well, and much more. He just shook his head, telling me that it was betraying his conscience to not report me to higher authority, but he said that since Jack had been messing with your affairs to begin with, he'd restrain himself.

I wish I could've been put in handcuffs. It would have alleviated the burden placed on me by knowing that I was getting what I should've gotten, even for a few scratches.

But nevertheless, the first thing I did when Jack recovered was to go wash my hands and remove the crimson, dry blood that had been gathered beneath my nails. It wasn't becoming, and I knew it would probably confuse and traumatize him to see his own lifeblood on my hands. It was a disgusting sight, having to scrape it off my hands and watch it flow down the perfect, disinfected sink that Dr. Hardy had, but I had to do it. I probably would have been psychologically ill if I had to face seeing it more, smelling it whenever I cupped my face in my hands, feeling as though I could taste it whenever I drank water and saw it through the glass. It took all of my courage to walk out of Dr. Hardy's place and retrace my steps back to Cody's small abode, hoping that there wouldn't be bloodstains there.

Most unfortunately there were, so I took care not to walk there the rest of the day to decrease the rate at which my heart beat. I was tired of the rush of excitement and dread I received whenever I came close to that spot. But I was comforted that the next time it rained, it would sink into the ground and be no more.

I was surprised to know today that Jack was doing okay and that he had decided to stay at his farm's side instead of involving himself in other people's business, as well as the fact that not very many people knew about what had happened the night before. I hadn't slept since. I sat by Jack's side the whole night at Dr. Hardy's while he was being bandaged without even knowing why I had done it. I don't know if it was out of sympathy, pity, or if I did feel something for this manipulative man.

But Chris, being Chris, knew about it. She worked in a place where talk circulated easily, therefore they heard about my midnight rendezvous with Jack, that, twisted by rumor, started out romantic until I started to get violent.

Sometimes I wondered what went through people's minds sometimes. This was the first time I had ever displayed any signs of rough, physical actions, yet they insisted that I had started mauling Jack for no reason. At least, that's what Chris claimed when she encountered me and started giving me tips on romance. I personally didn't fancy being a walking billboard, shamelessly marauding about the townpromotingviolence against lovers, as that definitely wasn't the way I felt.Thank god that not everyone had heard about it, but considering the fact that Chris worked in a large city nearby and the news had reached there somehow, it was only a matter of time.

I was tempted to point out that her marriage hasn't been going so well, either, so she shouldn't be giving tips, but I kept my mouth shut. I didn't care if I had enemies, but insulting someone who was trying to help wouldn't make anything go in my favor, much less anyone else's.

Naturally, her lecture consisted of tips on how to be patient in the face of intensity, learning to listen to the side of the other person, and everything else that a counselor would have told me. But I paid heed to these directions, since I'd probably need them soon.

More or less because tomorrow, I'll force myself to face both Jack and Gustafa, in hopes to get answers, and furthermore, understand the truths that they both withheld from me.