Of Snape, Hermione and a Blond Slytherin

Hermione let out a tiny shriek when something wet and slimy hit her left cheek, as she was slicing her jellyfish eyeballs, which were the last to go into her Laryngitis Serum. She gritted her teeth and turned her face towards the culprit—slowly, for full effect.

Unsurprisingly, Hermione was met by the smug smirk of Draco Malfoy. He raised an eyebrow insinuatingly at her, before bending over his fuming cauldron, as though deep in thought. Beside her, Ron was already halfway through a Serpentine Tongue curse which was way beyond his capability.

"Finite Incantatem!" snapped Hermione, as she counteracted Ron's spell. Harry, being the wisest among the Golden Trio, had decided to drop Potions the moment he received his OWLs results. "For goodness sake, Ron! We'll deal with him later. Right now, I don't need another reason to summon Snape to our side-"

"Too late, Miss Granger," drawled a silky voice that dripped of pure venom. "I happened to have the misfortune of overhearing your foul intentioned, conspiratorial plotting, and as your beloved teacher, I am responsible for your behaviour. So there you have it, Miss Granger: detention after lessons. You'll be cleaning out my cockroach jars, as I now require them to store pickled leeches."

Hermione tried to shut out the sound of Draco's snickering—she'd always hated Double Potions with the Slytherins. Unfortunately, Draco had the sort of laughter that would somehow weasel its way past her self-control, making her furiously annoyed.

"Conspiracy, Professor?" she asked innocently. "Hardly. What proof—"

"Your own words are your undoing, Miss Granger. Do you deny the fact that you said, 'We'll deal with him later'?"

"I don't, but—"

"Thank you, Miss Granger. That'll be all."

Ron opened his mouth to protest on Hermione's behalf, but found that he was suddenly gagged by an invisible bundle of soft material that, out of the blue, appeared in his mouth. He bit hard into it, and was, in return, greeted by a nasty, bile-like liquid that oozed out of his gag.

"Laryngitis serum, Weasley," said Snape with a thin smile. "An excellent cure for students with a tongue hung in the air. You will find your voice returning in approximately….two days."

As Ron goggled speechlessly at the Potions Master, Hermione found herself drawn towards the stare that Draco was shooting them. The superior, triumphant and smug expression on Draco's face just made her want to walk over to that blond Prefect and—

Suddenly, a plan hit her. She rewarded Snape with a sweet, apologetic smile and nodded understandingly. "Yes, we're very sorry, Professor," she breathed sadly. "I—I guess it's all due to my mixed up emotions. You see, Draco and I….."

Draco's eyes bulged out when he heard that he was being address by his first name by a…Mudblood! The audacity!

Hermione sniffled a little, and took out a handkerchief from her pocket. Very, very swiftly, she dipped the tip of her handkerchief into her cauldron, before deftly folding it into a swan. Muttering a soft charm of flight, she sent her handkerchief bird fluttering towards Draco, and to his chagrin, it very pointedly shoved itself into his mouth.

"How dare you assault me with your filthy rag?" he raged at Hermione, his grey eyes livid with disbelief. "Is this a joke?"

Snape was about to deduct more points from his least favourite house, when Hermione rolled her eyes towards the ceiling for the hundred-and-fiftieth that day, while muttering, "Not enough. Needs a higher dose, that git."

"What did you say, Miss Granger?" snapped Snape sharply. By now, everyone was watching the mini drama with keen interest. "Did you just call Malfoy a git?"

Hermione sniffled louder, and rushed towards the alarmed Draco. He was so shocked when she reached up—he was a head taller than her—and wiped his lips with her handkerchief, that he failed to smack her hand off.

When he recovered, he opened his mouth to flay her with scathing insults that consisted mostly of 'Mudblood' and 'filth', but found himself unable to speak. Frightened, he looked at Ron, who winked at him before gazing at Hermione with obvious pride of a dying soldier who had lived just long enough to see his comrade turn the tides of the war.

"You see, sir," said Hermione meekly, "It's true that I plan to deal with Draco later, but it's not what you think. It's just my hormones running wild in my body, that's making me touchy and aggressive. Pregnancy does that to you, you know."

The class was so silent that Goyle could almost hear the cogs in his head turning. Draco, for one, was strongly convinced that the zooming sound in his ears was that of his reputation heading for the ground at breakneck speed.

Snape drew a breath, and leaned towards Hermione till his face was merely inches away from hers. She could see that even his eyelashes were greasy….

"Pregnant?"

At once, the whole class became chaotic, filled with excited whisperings, glares were shot at both Draco and Hermione and snippets of 'Scarlet woman' filled the air. Snape held a hand up imperiously, and things became dramatically silent.

"Who….do you know who the father is, Miss Granger?"

Hermione stared hard at the ground, and yawned a little so the a few drops of tears formed in her eyes. "I…I don't wish to bring shame upon him as well, sir," she said desperately. "He wishes to remain anonymous," she continued unhappily, as she clung to Draco's arm.

Draco, naturally, did his best to shake her off. He made frantic gestures at Snape to indicate that he had nothing to do with Granger's unexpected pregnancy, but Snape's eyes were only fixed on the brunette witch.

"Your willingness to keep his identity a secret is admirable but foolish, Miss Granger," said Snape harshly as he watched Hermione sobbing into his favourite student's shoulder. His soon-to-be-ex-favourite student, that is. "But causing a fellow student to become pregnant with child is a grievous mistake, and one with heavy consequences. He is in no position to deny his actions, and you should not let him off so easily!"

All the while, Draco's face was becoming paler and paler, and when Snape's speech ended, he looked ready to faint. Finally, Draco disregarded the shock looks of his friends, and pried Hermione's fingers from his arm before walking towards the door.

To his surprise and dismay, he found that he was frozen in position by a binding charm, courtesy of Snape.

"Nobody shall leave this classroom until Miss Granger divulges the name of the father of her….child," commanded Snape awkwardly. "This is not a trifle matter, as you all well know. Miss Granger, I can see you taking hold of Malfoy's arm yet again. Is he….?"

At that moment, Draco was truly terrified. He'd never been so afraid in his entire life, not even when he'd have to write to his father, telling him that Potter had won yet another Quidditch match. He was so frightened that he found himself actually trembling in Hermione's iron grip. That can't be, he insisted. When did we….? How….? I would never….

Out of desperation, before Hermione could reply, Draco snatched his wand out of his pocket and wrote the words, 'HOW DID THIS HAPPENED!' in bright green, in the air. By now, even his lips were blue.

Snape cocked his head at Draco and smiled grimly, as the entire class—with the exception of Draco, Ron and Hermione—burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"I am sure, Mister Malfoy," said Snape icily, "That you know how this happened. Are you trying to mock me?"

Draco's hand barely moved when Hermione let out a loud wail and covered her face in her arms. "Of course you know how it happened, Drakie!" she said shrilly. "You were there!"

Draco fell to the ground, his eyes imploring her not to do more damage. But Hermione ignored him, and turned to Snape. "He's going into denial, sir," she said sadly. "I guess that's better than asking me for a refund, which he casually did after we--"

"WHAT!" exploded Snape. "How dare--"

"But he did, sir," said Hermione earnestly, and she once again grabbed Draco's arm and held on to it as though for dear life. "He wanted twenty Galleons after I--"

"This is too grave a matter for me," said Snape in a hollow voice. "I shall send you both to Madam Pomfrey, then Dumbledore, and then you can…there're planning schemes for cases like this."

"Oh, I don't think it's necessary, Professor," said Hermione cheerfully, and she promptly dropped Draco's arm like a hot potato. "Getting him to replace me for detention will suffice, thank you very much."

Draco's heart skipped two beats; her sudden switch from depressed to cheerful made him plunge into utter shock. The class became even more silent than ever, if it were possible. Pansy, who had been quietly sobbing all along, looked up, her pug face wet with tears.

"Excuse me, Miss Granger?"

"I thank you for you good intentions, Professor," said Hermione kindly. "But I think that I might not be pregnant after all."

Snape almost choked. "You THINK!"

Hermione managed a tiny smile, but Ron could see that she was thoroughly enjoying herself. "Yes, I think. I mean, he did impregnate me with disgust—I felt as though there was a worm growing inside me—when we bumped into each other at the drinking fountain earlier. You see, he had disgusting drinking habits, with saliva dribbling down his chin and all."

Snape's flashing eyes was all she needed to go on with her story.

"And after I took my drink, he demanded that I pay him twenty Galleons, to compensate for the trauma he experienced after watching me drink from the very same source as him. I guess I shouldn't have said 'refund'. 'Compensation' is more like it."

"I guess I'm not pregnant…not literally, that is."

"How dare you?" asked Snape softly and coldly. "How dare you humiliate Malfoy like that?"

Hermione glanced at Draco, who was eyeing her with hatred, abhorrence, although very now and then, waves of relief kept breaking over his pale face. All the same, was it the ghost of…admiration that lingered on his features?

He mouthed the words, "That was sly, Granger."

Hermione turned away from Draco, and treated Snape to a knowing smile. "I dare, Professor," she said matter-of-factly, "because I'm an insufferable know-it-all, remember?"