AN: So I got tired of writing all angst, all the time…and came up with this monstrosity… Hopefully none of you will commit suicide from the sheer horror of it all, but be warned, it is the product of boredom and caffeine. Oh yeah, me no own. Me poor. No sue me.

That being said…LET IT BEGIN!

Bakura POV:

"Kura-kun!" An overly joyous (high-pitched) voice singsonged to me, cutting through the barriers of pillows and blankets like the proverbial hot knife through butter to reach my sensitive ears. I groaned, turned over and pulled the blankets even farther over my head, hoping against hope that the voice would leave. If I tried hard enough, I'm sure the annoying disembodied voice would disappear.

"Bakura-kun, that just won't do!" No such luck. The blankets and pillows were ripped away from me in a flash. "You need to rise and shine!" Hikari-mine's face obscured my entire (blurry) view. That was it. I was going to smite him. Smite him good.

"What the fuck do you want?" I growled, rubbing the sleep from my eyes angrily. The King of Thieves was no morning person and would kill whoever decided to wake said King up. Hikari-mine was very close to becoming my first victim of the day.

"I made you breakfast in bed! Happy Birthday, Kura-kun!" he jumped back, thrusting a tray into my face. The delicious scent of freshly baked pastry and (more importantly) freshly brewed coffee wafted into my nostrils. I almost smiled in anticipation…Wait. Birthday!

"I don't have a birthday!" I sat up, protesting.

"Ano…I decided that the day I got the Ring was your birthday…so Happy Birthday!" Now he was giving me the Look. You know, the one where he looks like a lost puppy and wants to be taken in, fed, and otherwise pampered? Yeah, that one. But it shall never work on me, for I am the dreaded Tomb Robber Bakura!

"I don't want your food!" I crossed my arms, trying to look intimidating. And I must say, I was doing a very good job of it too!

"Please?" Crap. The Look was back with a vengeance. Fuck.

"Fine! I'll eat it," I grabbed the tray and started shoving the food into my mouth. I paused for a second, realizing that the food was unbelievably good. Whoda thunk that Hikari-mine could cook. But I would never admit that to him. Ra knows how much shit I'd go through if it looked like I was softening up. I gotta maintain my badass image somehow. Do you realize how hard it is to look tough? You gotta be careful of what you say, do and even think! Let alone dress! It should be a career! Or at least a college course!

As soon as I started contemplating taking my wonderful idea up with the local university, I was knocked out of my musings by a shock of white hair in my mouth. It seems as if Hikari-mine got the idea that jumping and glomping me would put me in a good mood. So I did what anyone in their right mind would do.

"Off." I shoved him off the side of the bed, feeling rather satisfied at the nice thunk that followed the squeak which issued from Hikari-mine's mouth as he fell. I laughed evilly in my head. I was about to laugh evilly out loud (to match my mental laugh, of course), but Hikari-mine has a strange obsession with jumping up in my face, thus scaring the crap out of me and efficiently destroying any train of thought.

"You liked it!" Y'know, I didn't think it was possible for his voice to go any higher without kicking him in the balls, but it looks like I was wrong. And now he was bouncing up and down in anticipation.

"It didn't kill me, that's for sure," I grumbled. Ra knows that would have been a blessing.

Hikari-mine looked a little put out, but quickly regrouped and fired the next round of ammunition in the battle of Bakura's Birthday. "Let's go do something! Or better yet! A party!"

I opened my mouth to protest, but he was already out the door (tray in hand), singsonging to himself about how wonderful it would be to get the entire group over to celebrate the old geezer turning another year older. I could feel a vein pulsing in my head. I was really going to smite him.

Just as I was coming up with wonderfully wicked ways to torture Hikari-mine, a single thought flitted through my head. Pharaoh. The fucking Pharaoh was going to be invited. Fuck. No.