Barfight
At The V.G. Cafeteria
By C. Mage
Lara Croft walked into the cafeteria with a stem look on her face, her clothes in shreds and red claw-marks visible on all parts of her body, even her face and backside. As she picked up a tray and went to the cafeteria line, she saw David Connors waving to her from a table and the stem line of thin lips relaxed into a weary smile. She ordered the meatloaf, beans, toast and cherry pie for dessert, then walked over to where David was sitting. David got up and pulled out her chair, placing a pad of cloth on the seat. Lara sighed gratefully and sat down carefully, wincing a little.
"That bad, huh?" David asked. "What was it this time?'
"Those damn animals in the India levels. The Player just can't seem to get past that area without getting me clawed in ways too painful to describe, not to mention embarrassing. I envy you, Dave; you're just in the fan-fiction set. You're not nearly as famous."
"Flattery will get you nowhere."
"I'm serious." Lara began ladling beans on her toast. "Millions are playing TOMB RAIDER and I'm busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger."
David watched her spoon the beans and grimaced. "How can you EAT that stuff?"
"Don't start with me, you. I like the taste; it's how I'm made. Damn, I hate this part," she said as the wounds started closing and her clothes began to regenerate. "I always itch like crazy when this happens. In any case, David, you don't have to go through this sort of thing like I do. You only have to get into trouble when the Writer writes one of those stories. At least you get some rest."
"That's what you think. Since I'm connected to you, I get to meet all those guys in some of the other video games out there. Some of them aren't too bad, you know, Crash, Sonic, Aladdin, even that new kid, Mulan. Sometimes, I can never tell if it's a he or a she, she's on the Nintendo Game Boy and sometimes she comes out so damn pixilated it's hard to tell what gender she really is. Well, they're not too bad apart; when they're together, you can never tell if they're going to be buddies or whether they get into a fight because they're on different formats. Sega, PlayStation, PC, Dreamcast ... it's all so confusing..." His voice trailed off.
Lara paused between chews. "What?"
"It's happening again."
"Aw, no." Lara looked around for a mirror. David reached into his leather jacket and pulled out a small mirror, handing it to Lara. She grabbed it and looked into its reflective surface. "They got another life-model, didn't they?"
"Looks that way."
"And I was just getting used to the other face." Lara sighed. "Indecision is an awful thing, isn't it? Well, at least this face isn't too bad ... you know, come to think of it, I think I like this one the best."
"You always say that after you get a new look. At least your voice didn't change again," David added in a sour tone.
"Don't you have anyone else to have fun with?" Lara grinned. "What about Mace Daniels?"
"Nope ... she always has that scowl on her face."
"Red Lotus?"
"PLEASE ... I even LOOK at her and Mad Dog gets hostile."
"Delia?"
"You mean Miss-l-Can-Poke-Out-Both-Of-Your-Eyes-With-These-Things-Delia from DARK EARTH? I don't think so."
"Reiko Nagase?"
"She's a pretty face, but she likes to hang around cars a bit too much, even for me."
"Lian?"
"In case you haven't noticed, Gabriel Logan gets real jealous whenever anyone talks to her. Never mess with the friend of a guy who uses silenced weapons. Besides, she's got it bad for Gabe, but neither of them will ever admit it."
"Claire Redfield?"
"She likes Leon ... and besides, she always smells like something died on her. The woman must go broke trying to wash her clothes after getting zombie-stuff on them all the time."
"Aerith?"
"From FINAL FANTASY VII? She's too young and she's always mooning after Cloud. Plus, she keeps dying all the time."
"So do I when the new levels come up and the players don't know the route."
"Yeah, but that's because of the players. For her, it's in the script."
"What about the range of hotties from the next FINAL FANTASY?"
David sighed. "You've GOTTA be kidding me. Have you seen the animals that hang out with them? I think I'm allergic to Guardian Force fur. Face it, Lara Croft, you're the only one for me."
"You're a darling man..." Lara finished off the meatloaf and pulled the Cherry pie to the fore. "Make any friends with anyone else lately?"
"Tried talking to Alucard. Now THERE'S a moody guy. Had some fun at the club, that dance Crash created is really starting to catch on. Talked to some of the guys from ARMORED CORE, but they can't stop talking about 'core parts' and 'weight ratios'. Otacon isn't too bad a guy, but there are times..." David frowned slightly.
'What?"
"I dunno ... if you ask me, I think the guy's a little light in the loafers, if you know what I mean. Let's face it, a lot of the good guys are committed to their roles and act that way even when not on duty. And don't get me started on the bad guys..." David shook his head. "Now THOSE guys are driven. You should see the way the Pig Cops drive in the parking lot!"
"Road hogs?" Lara ventured between bites of pie.
"Cute. Real CUTE. They're making the bad guys with personality now, really advanced Als. More and more are showing up in the cafeteria."
"Are you prejudiced, Dave?"
"No ... but they can cause some serious trouble. They're the BAD GUYS, for crying out loud."
"HEY!" Lara and David turned to look at a zombie from RESIDENT EVIL 3 a few tables away. "I reshent that bigoted...!" At the word bigoted, three teeth flew through the air and landed in David's tray and dessert plate. He looked down at the untouched cherry pie, now with a tooth and four maggots crawling around on it. He slowly moved his gaze up to the zombie again.
"Shorry..." the zombie cop said apologetically, then went back to eating.
David ground his teeth together. "If it wasn't for the fact that I can meet you here on a regular basis, I'd order out!"
"Relax, David. Just try to enjoy the meal."
At that point David saw Duke Nukem walk into the cafeteria. "Oh, HELL..."
"What's wrong?" Lara followed his gaze to the muscle-bound blond entering, no, swaggering into the cafeteria. "I take it that you two don't get along?"
"That guy gives me crap every chance he gets! 'What are you doing here, you don't belong here, only REAL heroes are supposed to be here.' He hassles me in the halls, when I'm in the waiting room…you know, even the Pig Cops are coming up to me and asking me how I'm doing. Not that I have anything against them, but when the Bad Guys sympathize with me..."
Lara frowned as Duke looked across the cafeteria at her at grinned. "He was created as a macho manifestation of everything that is egotistical and primal about men, just as I was created to be everything desirable and unattainable about women. That's the role."
"Yeah, well, he plays the role too well for my tastes. I think he enjoys it."
Lara sighed. "Face it, David, that's how it is. At least in your conception, you weren't nearly as one-dimensional."
"Thank GOD. But it..."
"Hey, babe!"
David squeezed his eyes shut in mortal pain. "Duke," he acknowledged.
"Wasn't talking to you, sport." Duke leaned on the table, separating the two of them, focusing his attention on Lara. "So, honey, whatcha doin' later? LOVE the new look."
"Trying to stay unmolested. Could we perhaps talk later, Duke? I'm trying to eat."
"Sure thing, doll. When?"
"How about in a couple of decades?" David said testily.
"Bud, blow. Sweetcakes and I are talking." Duke's smile never wavered. "Maybe you and I can go somewhere and do something else besides talk, Lara?"
David suddenly knew how water felt when it boiled. "Buster, sell some of your hardware and buy yourself a clue. Leave."
"Hey, Lara, you hear somethin'? Sounds like a bee or a fly ... they outta spray this place for pests."
Ah, the pungent smell of testosterone in the air... "Duke, I hate to be the one to say this, but I would like it very much if you left. I've got a lot of things to do and I'm afraid," she said, not sounding afraid at all, "that you don't figure into them. Would you mind leaving us alone?"
"'... Us'? What us? You aren't including that fan-fiction dweeb, are you?" Duke stood up, his face losing its humored tone.
"Duke, you seem to have no trouble at all finding women who just fall all over you, yet you seem determined to make constant attempts to win me over. Why is that?"
Duke Nukem smiled. "Cause I want to see how long it takes for you to say yes. Always much more fun to chase the ones running away than the ones running at you."
"What on Earth makes you think I'll ever say yes?"
Duke just smiled. "'Cause you're smart and you want me. For some reason, you just keep trying to deny it to me and yerself."
David felt a near-overpowering urge to projectile vomit.
Lara smiled, calm and collected. "See you around, Duke." She picked up her tray and walked to the exit.
David grabbed his tray and strode away, joining Lara halfway to the door. "How can you stay CALM in the face of that guy?"
"Long hours of practice." She dropped off her tray and David did likewise. They walked together towards the door.
Five feet away from salvation, they heard Duke Nukem's final words: "I know the REAL reason, Lara Croft. YOU'RE SCARED!"
Lara stopped dead, her hand only three inches from the door handle. All conversation in the cafeteria ceased.
"You're just intimidated by me because you KNOW…no matter what, a fight or in the sack, you aren't woman enough to handle me!"
David's heart dropped three floors and made a slow roll to the left as he saw the look on Lara Croft's face. UH OH…! he thought as Lara turned around to face Duke from across the cafeteria. "What did you say?" she asked in a neutral voice.
"You heard me. If it came down to a fight, I'd wipe the floor with you. If it came down to just you and me in bed, YOU'D be the one to roll over and go to sleep before I was half-done!"
David took one look at Lara and his blood turned to ice water. "Ah, HELL..." he swore, scanning the area for cover.
Lara took two steps forward, then smiled coldly. "To quote one of your more interesting American icons...'FILL YOUR HANDS, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"' Lara went for her guns, Duke went for his and everything suddenly became extremely loud.
"Are you serious?" Meryl laughed, clapping her hands together. "Liquid and Sniper Wolf?"
"It's true." Solid Snake held up his right arm in a right angle, palm open and fingers extended. "I swear. I knew they were odd, but I had no IDEA they were that odd!"
"Just the thought of it…Sniper Wolf in a bunny suit..." Meryl opened the door to the cafeteria and the two entered yet another warzone. Solid Snake ducked reflexively as a bullet zinged over his head.
"What the...?!" he asked as battle-hardened instincts took over and he pulled Meryl behind a table.
"What's going on??" Meryl asked in shock.
"Trouble." Snake turned to the man next to him. "What's going…do I know you?"
"David Connors." He scanned the floor, finding nothing he could use as a weapon. "You?"
"Solid Snake. This is Meryl. METAL GEAR SOLID. What game are you from?"
David sighed. "I'm not in any game. Fan-fiction, TOMB RAIDER."
Snake looked mildly displeased. "A civilian?"
David looked heavenwards. "Why do I even bother?" he sighed. "Lara and Duke Nukem got into a fight."
"Do I need to ask who started it?" Snake asked.
"Think about it. Duke Nukem being his usual self and Lara being her usual self."
"Duke. I should've guessed. So what's the plan?"
"Plan?"
Duke fired another barrage with his shotgun, blowing holes in tables as Lara leaped to her side, firing her Colts with both hands. Her bullets hit the area around Duke Nukem and a few actually found their mark, but Lara was used to muddy ground, dim light and not having to land on other people. Speaking of which, many of them were starting to get into the act. The zombies from Resident Evil 3 had found some of their old compatriots from the first two RESIDENT EVILs and were forming a united front to get at both Lara AND Duke. Some of the Pig Cops were diving for cover, but the rest had overcome their dislike for the Good Guys to band together to join forces with Lara Croft in an attempt to defeat their common foe. Some of the players from Tekken 3, Mortal Kombat 4 and Soul Calibur had chosen sides and were now using the chairs and tables as lethal weapons. A few minutes later, the rest of FOXHOUND had shown up, fresh from METAL GEAR SOLID, and had gotten into the spirit of things by picking up trays of food and adding organic projectiles to the long list of inorganic projectiles now being used at frighteningly high levels.
Duke dodged an energy blast from Ryu, leaped over Cid from FFVII and landed in a slick of gravy, flying off his feet as a rain of arrows came in from above. He maneuvered himself underneath one of the few intact tables just in time, then threw a grenade towards the source to get as many of them as he could, friend or foe, it didn't matter. The grenade took out the south wall, alerting some of the other players out in the parking lot. The combat spilled out onto the main grounds like a black-and-white Blob coming out of a 50's theatre, attracting the attention of the vehicles from Gran Tourismo, Twisted Metal III, S.C.A.R.S., Carmageddon and Need For Speed III: HOT Pursuit. Unwilling to stay out of a fight they could not be accused of starting, the cars blasted into life, greedy to cause some damage. Machineguns fired, mortars launched, rockets sent into the air.
Utter pandemonium.
Inside the Command Center, red lights were going off all over the place. Technicians and administration staff rushed to their assigned seats, coffee breaks and water-cooler conversations long forgotten. Klaxons blared.
The Main Screens blared into life, showing only the Formats: PlayStation, Dreamcast, Nintendo64, and the PC. The screen for the PlayStation 2000 was still under construction and the Sega Saturn Screen was little more than a symbol covered by the snow of static. The screens for the NES, SNES, Sega Genesis and earlier systems were smaller, but still active. "WHAT IS THE SITUATION?" the PSX Screen asked calmly.
"Fights have broken out between Characters in the cafeteria, the lounges and the main parking lot. Use of heavy-caliber weapons have been reported, as well as mana, Materia, Guardian Forces and elemental powers. Containment has failed to hold back the assault; the Characters from Twisted Metal IV alone shut down the main fences."
The N64 Screen turned to face the PSX Screen. "AS I RECALL, THAT GAME WAS FROM YOUR PLATFORM."
Nonplussed, the PSX Screen asked, "HAVE YOU ATTEMPTED TO ASCERTAIN THE CAUSE OF THE FRAY?"
"Based upon audio reports, the main cause seems to stem from the Characters..." The tech pulled up a clipboard to make sure of his facts; incorrect reports to the Formats resulted in being re-assigned to pedestrians in Carmageddon. "…Duke Nukem and Lara Croft."
"LARA CROFT IS ALSO FROM YOUR PLATFORM, IS SHE NOT?" asked the Dreamcast Screen smugly.
"YES, BUT NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR LYING BLAME; WE CAN DO THAT LATER," said the PSX Screen. "THE POINT IS, HOW DO WE RESOLVE THE CURRENT SITUATION?"
"THE MAIN OBJECT AT THIS POINT IS CONTAINMENT. WE MUST GET THEM ALL INTO THE GAME PADDOCKS SO THEY CAN VENT THEIR STRESS IN SURROUNDINGS THAT DO NOT BLOW UP," said the N64 Screen wearily. "SUGGESTIONS?"
"I'm up for any ideas," David said as he pushed a table off his prone form. "I'm surprised you didn't get involved when the FOXHOUND guys showed up."
"In my game, I prevail by NOT getting into direct confrontations unless absolutely necessary. Still, I wish I had my camera."
"I agree," Meryl said, lying next to Solid Snake. "When Psycho Mantis made those spoons and forks dance on the tabletop just before the Nemesis fell on top of it…!"
"There's something seriously WRONG with that dude..." David looked out the gap in the wall, watching the carnage develop. "So what do we do?"
"Sell tickets?" Snake suggested dryly.
"Place bets?" Meryl added.
"You two are NOT helping, I want you to know that." David sighed. "I wish I knew how Lara was doing."
"Here." Snake handed David a set of night-sight telescopic goggles. "Never go anywhere without these."
"They're that handy, huh?"
"No, I get them even before I start my game."
"Oh." David raised the goggles to his eyes and scanned the carnage. "No…no…dammit, Lara, where ARE you?"
Lara emptied the grenade launcher, then tossed it aside as she drew her shotgun. Unalderated war raged around her as she faced Duke Nukem, both combatants showing the scars of the conflict. Lara's once pristine blue bodysuit was ripped and tom to near nonexistence, the laws of the ESRB the only things keeping more personal attributes from showing. Her shorts were ripped, one holster was hanging loose and her face was streaked with dirt and soot. Her boots were scuffed and worn, one with a shoelace hanging on for dear life.
Duke Nukem was by no means unruffled by the fight. His shirt was tom completely asunder, showing a tightly-muscled frame that bore shallow wounds from assorted gunfire and knives, not to mention a claw-mark or two from T'ai-Fu, just released for the PSX and more than willing to show off some of his moves. His pants were also dirty and tom, and his inventory cache was running low on medpacks and ammunition. "Make it easy, babe, give it up!" he yelled over the sounds of battle.
"If I had any thought of surrendering to you, Duke, it vanished the moment you called me 'babe' again!" She sidestepped a spray of bullets, aimed and fired her harpoon gun. Duke dodged it easily, but not as quickly as he did the bullets at the start of the battle. "You're running out of steam, Duke!"
"I'll outlast YOU, you big-titted Brit! Remember the little fight back in 1776, honey? That ain't gonna be NOTHING compared to what I'm going to do to YOU!" he said angrily, already past losing his temper and moving at a brisk pace towards blowing his top.
"Are you always this fond of bringing up the past, Duke?" Lara laughed, but she wasn't feeling as alert as she once was. The toll on her own body was building.
"Are you kidding? That's the whole theme of my latest game!" Duke grinned. "I've still got some bullets left, Lara. This ain't over yet!"
"For once, Duke ... I most wholeheartedly agree with you! Lay on!" She raised her Uzis, bullets spraying from the barrels like water from firehoses.
"There she is!" David pointed towards the carnage from the gap in the wall. "Geez, she looks like she's been run over!"
"Not surprising. Calypso's blimp is overlooking the war and I imagine the other boys and girls from TM4 are enjoying themselves."
"How many are left?" Meryl asked, shading her eyes to see better against the setting sun.
"Four, I think. Minion's still out there causing trouble, but he's occupied at the north end of the parking lot. The whole lot of them are starting to show some damage ... this may not go on for much longer. But it's still anybody's game, so to speak." David lowered the goggles. "This is crazy! I should be out there..."
"Doing what? This is between Lara and Duke." Snake moved up beside David. "As much as it's going to bug you, they're on their own."
David sat down morosely. "I know, but ... I hate feeling like this."
"Like what?" Meryl sat down on the other side of David.
David lowered his head. "Pointless. Useless."
"Don't let it get you down, David. Don't mistake inaction for insignificance." Snake stood up again. "But we should do something about all this. There's going to be hell to pay. If you want to help Lara, you're going to have to get her away from the battle before the Authorities intervene."
"The Authorities?"
"Yes ... they can shut everything and everyone in the entire area down with a thought. If Lara's in the area, she's going to get punished along with the rest."
"Punished? How can they be ... ?"
"DON'T ASK, David. Believe me, you're better off not knowing." Meryl shuddered.
"Forget I said anything. So what do we do?"
"I have an idea."
David looked at Solid Snake. "Okay, Mr. No-Shoulders, what's the plan?"
The ammo was gone now, all projectile weapons exhausted. The fighting was now down to hand-to-hand.
Duke let loose with a kick, but Lara leaped over his head and slapped the side of his skull. Snarling, he clawed over his head, but Lara was already behind him, slamming a roundhouse into his chest and a side kick to his shoulder, knocking him off-balance. He regained his footing, scanning the ground, looking for a gun he could use without sacrificing his defenses. "Getting tired, Lara?" he huffed.
"This is a normal day for me, Duke," Lara said, but she was bluffing. Fighting Duke as well as defending herself from the other fighters was more work than she'd ever experienced at once, even in her game. She was using the last reserves of her strength now. "I'm not even close to giving up."
"You're a damn liar. You're on your last legs and we both know it. Say you're sorry and I'll accept your apology."
"The only thing I'm sorry about is that I didn't use more accurate descriptions of what I think you truly are. But if you apologize..."
"Forget it!" Duke launched a barrage of punches and kicks at Lara, catching her in the midsection and legs. She fell back, momentarily stunned and Duke advanced, nearly tripping over the fallen and unconscious forms of the other videogame characters. Very few of them were still left standing, while many had quit the battle and returned to their quarters to recover and escape the Authorities. Even the battered, smoking bulks of the armed and armored vehicles were attempting to haul themselves away from the field of battle.
The number of battlers had dwindled back down to two.
Lara came back at Duke with a blistering hail of punches learned while working in the fan-fiction story Family Matters and perfected spending time with Jackie Chan while the game Jackie Chan's Stuntmaster was in the works. Duke, used to a more straightforward mode of fisticuffs, was beaten back in turn, his guard unable to deflect all of the punches. Lara relentlessly pursued Duke, never letting up, battering away at him until he tripped over a fallen robot, falling on his butt. Lara paused, fists raised. "Please tell me you're going to do the smart thing and give up."
"Nobody ever accused me of that," Duke said, cracking a smile with bloodied lips and rising unsteadily to his feet.
"What, being smart?"
"Nope. Giving up." Duke crooked a finger at her. "You ready to call it quits yet, Lara""
Lara's lips twisted into a snarl. "Not on your bloody life."
"Then let's finish this."
"Gladly." Lara stepped forward, gauging the footing in the area; there were a LOT of bodies lying about on the asphalt and she didn't want to make Duke's mistake. "Ready when you are."
"I was BORN ready, babe..." Duke stepped forward and that's when one of the bodies in front of him shifted. Duke looked down to see Raziel from LEgacy OF Kain: Soul reaver move to the side and a manhole cover being pushed aside. "What the ... ?!" he asked, raising his chin to look at Lara just in time to receive a fist across his chin. Duke staggered backwards, shaking his head…then fell forward onto his face.
"About time…I thought he'd NEVER drop..." Lara wiped her eyes and looked down to see Solid Snake rising halfway through the hole. "Snake??"
"Time to go, Lara. The Authorities will be here any second!" He looked up and grimaced as four chromed silver balls the size of stadiums flew over the battleground, pausing in their flight to hover directly over the area. "Correction: they're HERE!"
"Blast!" Lara watched as Snake ducked back into the hole. Without waiting to see if he had completely cleared the hole, Lara jumped down, landing hard when she hit the bottom. Snake reached up and pulled the cover back, then hopped down from the ledge into the main storm drain. Meryl and David stood at the bottom, Meryl holding a flashlight and David holding the semi-conscious form of Lara Croft.
"How is she?"
"'She' is fine..." Lara said groggily.
"Bull. You look like fifty miles of bad road. But let's discuss it later." David looked up as a red glow penetrated the cracks of the cover. The sides of the storm drain began to hum and glow red.
"Good idea. This way." Snake took off at high speed through the tunnel back the way they'd come, back towards the safety of the barracks and the anonymity that lay therein. Up topside, the game characters began to shimmer and fade, moved towards the Recovery Area by the Authorities who had some stem talking to do.
Meryl felt herself grow lightheaded. She raised her hands and saw them growing hazy. "David!"
"What?" asked David and Snake together, then Snake added, "Meryl, DUCK!"
Meryl ducked her head and felt the sensation pass. "Thanks."
Snake's eyebrows rose. "Don't thank me yet. Look!"
They all looked behind them to find that the glow was permeating the walls and threatening to envelop them! "Dammit! MOVE!!" David yelled. The rest ran even faster, David wishing that he had Lara's DASH technique. "It's gaining on us!!"
"Don't look behind you! Just RUN!" Snake checked his Soliton radar system, then swore as he realized that the limitations also remained true outside the game as well; the narrow passages were reducing his automapping functions to a field of static. "The exit's just up ahead!!"
"It bloody well better be ... !" Lara was recovering quickly and some of her strength had returned. "Let me down, David, I can run by myself, thank you."
"You really want me to stop long enough to let you down?"
Lara looked behind them to see the wave of energy following on their heels. "I retract the request," she said nervously.
"Nice grasp of the situation, Lara. You must be an archaeologist," David said playfully between huffs.
Snake stopped at a door, then reached for the keypad as Meryl came to a stop behind him. "Uh, David, I hate to rush you, but that glow is right behind us ... !"
David and Lara screeched to a halt right behind Meryl. "Uh, SNAKE??" David urged, turning around to face the glow, letting Lara down and pushing her behind him. "It's…HERE…!!!" He backed up and closed his eyes, pushing the two ladies backwards as the glow approached, lighting their faces and coming right up to them...
…and stopped just short. David could feel his body becoming hazy and a wave of dizziness passed through him. "Snake," he said, his voice coming out distorted.
"I've almost got it……there," he said calmly. The door hissed open and he pulled Lara and Meryl through. "David!"
David looked down at himself, unable to answer. He could feel himself discorporating, his muscles were refusing to obey his orders, he felt himself being observed, scanned, probed.
"DAVID!" Lara yelled in alarm.
Then her arms were full of David Connors. They fell to the muck on the floor of the drain, rolling over after the energy glow SPAT him out like a wad of bubble gum. Snake closed the door and sealed it, then turned to the couple rolling about on the floor.
"David, what happened?"
"I dunno…I guess it only like game characters. Fan-fic types must put a bad taste in its mouth..." David got to his feet. "Damn, my body feels like it's got an electrical charge roaming around inside me..." He stumbled as he tried to lean up against the wall.
"Meryl, take Lara. I'll help David. We've gotta get out of here, now, before the Authorities make a head count."
"No argument." Meryl took Lara's arm, Snake put David's arm around his shoulders, and they headed off into the darkness.
"A MASSIVE WAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CAFETERIA, SPILLING OUT INTO THE MAIN GROUNDS AND THEN INTO THE PARKING LOT. ALL OF YOU WILL BE OUT FOR A DAY DUE TO REGENERATION. THE COST FOR REBUILDING THE CAFETERIA, RE-LANDSCAPING THE AREA AROUND IT AND RE-SURFACING THE PARKING LOT WILL COME OUT OF ALL YOUR PAY, ALL OF YOU WILL BE ON PROBATION FOR THREE MONTHS AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WILL HELP TO REBUILD WHAT YOU HAVE DESTROYED."
The throng of beaten, battered and bruised Characters nodded.
"YOU GOT OFF EASILY, CONSIDERING THAT WHAT YOU'VE DONE WAS WITHIN YOUR NATURES AND ROLES ... BUT NOT ON COMPANY PROPERTY! I HOPE YOU ALL KEEP THIS IN MIND WHILE YOU'RE WORKING ON THE GROUNDS. DISMISSED!"
The group of game heroes and villains all exited the huge room as the four globes faded from view, re-appearing inside the Main Hall, where four people stood: Lara, David, Solid Snake and Meryl. "AS FOR YOU…YOU FOUR HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO. DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU WOULD ESCAPE US?"
"I'd like to say that..." David began.
"WE WOULD RATHER YOU DIDN'T," interjected the combined voices of the Formats.
David shut up.
"GOOD MOVE," said the PSX Platform. "NOW THAT WE'VE GOT THAT VOICE TAKEN CARE OF, THAT JUST LEAVES YOU THREE. SOLID SNAKE, MERYL SILVERBURGH, YOU ARE CHARGED WITH AIDING AND ABETTING A KNOWN VIOLATER OF PROTOCOL. LARA CROFT, YOU ARE CHARGED WITH INSTIGATING A FULL-BLOWN RIOT. DO YOU HAVE ANY WORDS TO SAY IN YOUR DEFENSE?"
Lara spoke up. "Only that I let my temper get the better of me. I started the fight with Duke Nukem."
"THAT GOES WITHOUT SAYING. HOWEVER, WE CAN'T LET THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ESCAPED FROM US, ALBEIT ONLY MOMENTARILY, BECOME PUBLIC. IT MIGHT UNDERMINE OUR AUTHORITY WITH THE OTHERS. HOWEVER, YOU WERE ACTING TRUE TO YOUR NATURES AND ROLES ... WHICH COMPLICATES THINGS CONSIDERABLY." The Platforms paused. "WITH THIS IN MIND, YOU THREE ARE ALL SENTENCED TO THE REPAIR DETAIL ALONG WITH THE OTHERS AS RECOMPENSE FOR YOUR ACTIONS." The three Characters nodded. The Platforms oriented on David. "AS FOR YOU, YOU ARE NOT UNDER OUR AUTHORITY, SO YOU CAN LEAVE."
"No."
An uncomfortable silence developed as Lara, Snake and Meryl stared at David.
"EXCUSE ME?" inquired the Dreamcast Platform.
"I'm not leaving. I'm staying here to help with the repairs."
"AND WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?"
"I helped the others, so if they're punished, so am I."
"YOU'RE NOT A CHARACTER. YOU AREN'T PART OF THIS," said the PC Platform.
"Maybe. But you said it yourself, I'm not under your authority, so I don't have to follow your rules. You can't make me leave."
"VERY WELL," said the PSX Platform tiredly. "REPORT WITH THE OTHERS TO CENTRAL FOR ASSIGNMENT. DISMISSED." The Platforms disappeared and the quartet found themselves outside the meeting room. Lara turned to David and smiled, walking over to him and taking his hands in hers. She squeezed them firmly, then turned as she left the waiting room, heading to Central. Meryl and Snake stared at David for a moment longer.
"What? Come on, we've got a lot of concrete to pour." David turned to the door.
"David?"
"Yeah, Snake?"
"Remember what I said about you being a civilian?"
"Yeah?"
Pause. "Forget I said anything."
David smiled. "Thanks."
"One thing, though. If you get me into one of your stories..."
"Hey, that's up to the Writer, I've got no control over anything," David said as the remaining three walked towards Central.
"...if HE gets me in, do me a favor. Try not to do anything embarrassing to me, okay?"
"Sorry, I've got no more control over that than you do over your clothes."
"Oh. Guess I'll have to hope for the best."
"Trust me. He's Writing about the most popular woman in video games nowadays. He'd have to start getting really desperate if he stopped coming up with original characters and started using somebody else's characters."
"True. Let's hope he never Writes about this."
"Yeah, that'd be REALLY tacky."
