Losing Innocence – Act I (of III)
By: Rissa
Rated T, for language and violence in later parts.
Genre: Drama/Angst
Disclaimer: Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto-sensei.
A/N: This is not AU. Thank you Ness-sama for betaing.
"..." - normal speech
'...' - Kyuubi thoughts
Naruto's inner thoughts are in italics.
Naruto's earliest memories are of yellow walls and the faint smell of pipe smoke. He doesn't recall how old he was when these images first became a part of his life; they've always been there behind everything, behind the present and his dreams for the future.
The butter yellow walls are the interior of a small room, his room, and there is a single window with pale green curtains that he is never quite tall enough to look out from without the help of a small wooden stool. A white door stands on another wall, always closed, with a tarnished metal knob that feels cold under his small fingers. Between them is his little bed that squeaks softly when he sits down on it, covered by a faded blue quilt that has little white spirals sewn into the fabric.
Before those memories of his small room, there are only feelings of a place that's cold, without warmth or light, and devoid of the soft presence of human touch. Hospitals remind him of those earlier feelings – with their white lights, empty halls, and the smell of antiseptic that lingers in the air. Naruto has never liked hospitals much, and he avoids all reasons to go there, short of being unconscious and having to be carried there by someone else. If it were up to him, he'd never set foot in a hospital again for the rest of his life. He doesn't understand the feelings they invoke in him; he only knows that he will do anything to escape ever feeling them again.
In the little yellow room, Naruto has a few things which are his and his alone. He has a small, brown, stuffed dog which sits next to his pillow, a gift from the pipe smoking oyaji before he even knew what a birthday was. There's a little table in the corner, perfect for his height, with a wooden stool that's scratched and stained from being stood on so many times to look out of his window. He has one picture on his wall, another thing put there by the oyaji, of a mountain with four faces carved on it. He likes to stare at the picture from his bed in the early morning, before his door is unlocked from the outside, thinking on how strong and important each of the faces look – eternal and majestic. He wonders what it'd be like to have his own face carved in stone someday.
Whenever he tells that dream to the oyaji, the old man always smiles in a sad and strange way, then pats his hair and tells him, 'Someday, child.' But he never says no, or that it's impossible, so Naruto keeps on wondering and dreaming.
Naruto isn't sure who unlocks his door in the morning. They're always gone whenever he opens it, and he doesn't particularly want to meet the person who holds the keys to his freedom. He might make them mad, or they might look at him the way everyone else does, like something dirty, so he stays in bed in the morning and counts to 100 before getting up to go to the bathroom.
No one has ever told him that 3 year olds aren't supposed to be able to count all the way to 100 yet.
The hallway outside of his room is carpeted in deep green, with a faded pattern of small brown leaves that runs down the edges near the wall. There are no windows in the hallway, only more doors, and at either end the hallway turns and continues out of sight. The place he lives in is big, bigger than his own room and hall put together. He's explored it many times, his curiosity always overshadowing the fear of being caught and locked in his room again, but he keeps going because he still hasn't discovered everything yet. There are many other hallways besides the one he lives in, and a whole additional floor below that. Only a few rooms are ever unlocked upstairs, and most of them are bathrooms or closets with things like brooms and linens inside, much too boring for him to bother with exploring further. That's why Naruto prefers to be outside, even if he knows to do so is inviting danger, and more of those looks.
But he loves it outside, the sunlight and the fresh air, and the trees which are perfect for climbing and swinging from. Where he lives, there are many buildings, all of which are surrounded by a high wall that looks tall enough to touch the sky. Naruto has only been outside of the wall a few times and only with the oyaji, but he loves the places outside the wall even more than the outside inside the wall. Naruto has tried many times to climb on top of that wall and bring himself closer to the streets and smaller buildings and people, but he's never made it all the way before he has to jump down and run when he hears someone coming. One day, he knows he'll get to the top of the wall, and then he'll be free.
Naruto doesn't think it's lucky or a privilege that he has his own bathroom; it's simply the way things have been for as long as he can remember. Nor does he think it strange that his room is secluded away from the rest of the building's residents, or that he rarely meets another soul walking this hallway. That's simply the way things are in his world. His bathroom is directly across the green hallway from his bedroom; that door is always unlocked no matter what time of day it is. Truthfully, some of Naruto's favorite moments are in the bathroom, because there he can talk face to face to his secret friend, the other Naruto in the mirror.
Naruto in the mirror is a lot smarter than normal Naruto. He looks the same and smiles at the same time Naruto smiles, but Naruto can hear his voice is deeper and much different than what it sounds like when normal Naruto speaks. It isn't like the oyaji's voice, which is always gentle, concerned, and feels to his ears like dry rice paper being rolled into a ball. Naruto in the mirror's voice is rich and deep, like how a moving river might sound – he knows it's an older voice because the same hint of wisdom is there like the oyaji's. Mirror Naruto knows a great many things regular Naruto doesn't, so Naruto listens to him carefully, and learns.
Naruto likes the voice that lives in his head. He always answers Naruto's questions and asks him many in return. Lots of times, he uses big words and says things which are confusing, or asks him silly questions that make no sense, even to a 3 year old, but Naruto likes having someone other than himself to talk to. Mirror Naruto has always been there, before the yellow walls and even before the cold place with no warmth; he knows this but cannot explain it, merely accepts it – because doesn't everyone have a voice they talk to in their head?
"Good morning, Naruto," he says to his reflection in the mirror.
'Good morning,' his reflection answers, and Naruto knows by now that mirror Naruto's lips don't have to move for him to hear his friend.
"It's the first day of school today. I really wanna go. Do you wanna go? I've never been to a school before. Do you think it'll be fun?"
'You ask so many questions so early,' the voice says, and it almost sounds like a yawn in Naruto's head.
The yawn becomes contagious and makes Naruto yawn, too, before he smiles again at the mirror. "I wanna make friends, lots of friends! Oyaji says I can make friends and learn lots of new things at school. I get to have a teacher, and friends, and I get to play every day. Oyaji showed me the playground, but he wouldn't let me go in to play. He said I have to wait until I go to school. Didya see it, too?"
'I saw it.' A brief image of the school playground floats through Naruto's mind, metal swings shining in the sunlight and a slide that stands as tall as a mountain. Mirror Naruto feels no excitement from the picture, but regular Naruto does, and he nearly dances in place with delight.
"That one that one! I wanna play there, just like all the other kids do." Naruto picks up his toothbrush with one chubby hand and wets it under the running water. "Don't you want to go to school?"
'No. I can teach you everything you need to know.'
"Mou," Naruto whines, and squeezes a generous amount of paste onto his brush. "You always want to teach me weird things. They're hard to remember. And oyaji always looks at me funny when I tell him the new things I learn. He says it'll be better that I learn things from school. That's okay, ne?"
Naruto can hear a faint touch of annoyance in the voice in his head. 'School is not everything. The old man just wants to put you some place to keep you out of his hair. We shouldn't go outside. It's dangerous.'
"Bwa ahwik hoie oohsy," Naruto complains with a mouth full of minty suds.
'What you like doesn't matter. Becoming stronger is important, not playgrounds and making friends. I can teach you how to run fast and fight those who want to hurt you. As long as we're like this, being outside is dangerous.'
Naruto frowns at the mirror before spitting loudly into the sink. "Bwah! Oyaji says I have to go. I want to go! I wanna make friends... real friends. Don't you want real friends, too?"
'I don't need friends.'
Naruto grins at his reflection, which grins happily back. "But you're my friend! You can't say no. You're my friend for life. My mirror friend and me ho ho, my ooonly friend ha ha, am I your friend ya ya..."
Naruto continues to sing as he hops off the step stool in front of the sink, completing his morning rituals of using the toilet and washing his hands. The voice of mirror Naruto has gone quiet, momentarily forgotten in his happiness over school and the rambling song which has preoccupied his thoughts. He's still making up words to a beat only he can hear as he opens the door and crosses the hall back into his room.
When he opens his bedroom door, the oyaji is there and waiting, looking out of the small window at the cloudy blue skies beyond.
"Oyaji!" Naruto exclaims, and runs to give the robed man a hug around his knees.
He feels cool, dry fingers pat the top of his spiky, gold hair, and a chuckle of amusement reaches his ears. "Good morning, Naruto. Are you ready to go to school?"
"Yes!" Naruto jumps in his happiness, tugging on the folds of the robe.
"Dressed like that?" the oyaji asks, his smile wry as he looks down at the pajama clad boy.
Naruto blinks and looks down at his sleep wear in dismay. "No! Wait! I have to get dressed!"
He darts away from the old man to the opposite side of the room where his dresser stands, pulling open drawers and tossing brightly colored articles of clothing on the floor. In record time he sheds his sleep shirt and pants, revealing a pale naked bottom that flashes through the room in his haste to gather his clothes off the ground. He struggles with the blue shirt before his head pops through the neck hole, and stumbles around on one foot when a pant leg gets caught around his ankle. His sandals go on immediately after while he dances in place, snapping the straps of velcro tightly across the top of his foot, then he grabs the small bag off the table which has been packed and waiting since the night before.
In a flash, he comes back to stand in front of the old man, smiling brightly with arms outstretched like a bird ready to take flight. "I'm ready! Do I look okay?"
The old man nods, his pipe smoking softly and filling the room with the smell of trees and something bitter, but familiar. "You look like you're ready for school, Naruto."
"Yah! School!"
Naruto runs to the bedroom door and throws it open impatiently. He is miles ahead of the oyaji and turning the first bend in the hallway before the old man is out of the bedroom. Naruto reaches the far door, where a black clad guard always stands, and does a quick about-face to double back and wait for the oyaji at the junction in the hallway. He doesn't like the way the guards look at him, like he's in trouble already before he's even done something. Mirror Naruto doesn't like them either, and always tells Naruto when there's a guard coming so he can get away to hide until they've passed. Times like those, Naruto listens carefully to the voice in his head.
When the oyaji meets Naruto in the hallway he takes his small hand into his wrinkled one, rough calluses rubbing against baby smooth skin, and to Naruto it feels like home. It's easy for Naruto to forget the looks, the frowns, the feeling of being cold and alone – like that place – when the oyaji holds his hand.
'You're being weak.'
"Am not," Naruto murmurs under his breath.
They walk together through the guarded doorway into another hallway, one that is much wider and warmer, with windows on one wall that let the morning light spill across the soft red carpet under their feet. The oyaji leads him down a flight of stairs and into a long room where Naruto and the house's staff have breakfast every morning. Naruto is a little surprised because the oyaji never, ever eats breakfast with Naruto.
"What would you like for breakfast, Naruto?" the old man asks, letting go of Naruto's hand so the boy can climb onto one of the taller stools around the table.
"Miso, please!"
A servant in a pale blue uniform seems surprised to see the oyaji there as well, but it takes a moment for her to leave the room and fill Naruto's request for breakfast. Naruto is glad the oyaji is there. Usually he never gets to pick his breakfast, or get it hot like everyone else. It's always rice and cold soup, and the rice is the sticky burned kind like it's been left in the bottom of the pot. Naruto knows because someone at the table once laughed at told another servant that, even though he pretended not to hear.
The bowl of miso he gets isn't as full as he would like, but it's hot for once, and Naruto is too nervous with happiness to care much about eating right now. He drinks his soup and whimpers when it scalds his mouth, so he blows across it quickly and drinks slower than before, but still quite fast.
"Thank you!" he says loudly when he finishes, remembering at the last moment not to bang his bowl on the table. The servants always hate it when he does that, and scold him by making him wash the dishes. He wants to go to school today more than anything, so he promises himself to be good, especially in front of the oyaji.
The old man is smiling, though, as he watches Naruto, which makes Naruto smile back before he slides off his stool. The servant takes the bowl away after a nod from the old man, and once she leaves the room, he takes Naruto's hand in his to lead them out. They pass two more men wearing black and green vests before they leave the building, who all nod politely to the oyaji, but do not look twice at Naruto. When they step outside the morning air is cool and smells like the jasmine bushes that grow nearby.
"It's a very nice day today," the oyaji remarks, leading them away from the building.
"Very nice," Naruto repeats, and he takes in a deep breath to show his agreement. "Oyaji?"
"Yes, Naruto?"
"Are you coming to school with me?"
The old man nods, his strange, conical hat moving with it. Naruto wonders if it ever falls off. "But school is where little boys go to learn. I can't stay with you the whole day, but I will take you there and bring you home. Is that okay?"
Naruto ponders this for a moment, blue eyes darkening with introspection. He grins up at the old man after a few seconds with white, baby teeth. "Yes. I have my friend with me, so I won't be alone."
Naruto immediately feels bad for saying that when the oyaji's smile fades and he gets that concerned look on his face. He never looks angry at Naruto, or like any of those other looks the servants and the guards give him, but it still makes Naruto feel bad and wish he'd said something different. Even though it was the truth.
"I want to talk to you about your friend, Naruto," the oyaji says, and holds his hand a little tighter as they near the large doors that will take them outside. "You've told me about your friend, but I don't want you to tell anyone else that you have one, or talk to him. Understand?"
"Why? He's my friend." It makes perfect sense to Naruto. Why couldn't he tell anyone about his other Naruto? Didn't everyone else have one too?
"I'm glad you have a friend, Naruto, but he's a special kind of friend. You need to make friends with children your own age, children you can play with and talk to and do schoolwork and practice being a ninja with. You can't do that with your other friend."
Naruto shrugs. "But, he does teach me things. He's really nice! He's not bad," he protests.
The old man stops then and lets go of Naruto's hand to kneel down next to him. He gives Naruto a soft smile, and he does not look angry, to Naruto's relief. "There are some things he cannot teach you, even if he says differently. He cannot teach you how to make friends with other people, or how to love someone, or how to care for their feelings. He wants to teach you how to be stronger and powerful, right? Like a ninja?"
Naruto hesitates, and then nods. "I wanna be a ninja."
"Those are all very important things you have to learn to become a ninja. But they're not everything. There is one thing above all that every ninja must know, and no one but real people can teach you that. Do you know what it is?"
Naruto looks upon the oyaji in wonder, his mouth slightly agape. "No," he whispers.
The old man smiles, making the dark lines around his eyes bend and crinkle. He stands and takes Naruto's hand again. "Go to school, Naruto. Make friends, and you will discover that which makes a true ninja the most powerful he can be. It is a far greater lesson than he can ever teach you. Do you understand now?"
Naruto nods, though he hasn't really understood, not completely. He's curious, because oyaji has said that there is something that makes a ninja very strong, and that he could find out what that is if he goes to school. But he hasn't said how he's supposed to know when he finds it. It's confusing, and new to Naruto, and he wants to be a ninja quite badly.
'School is a waste of time for us. Listen to me well, and you could become even more powerful than the old man.'
"No," Naruto insists aloud, suddenly determined. "Oyaji says I have to go to school to get stronger. I wanna go to school."
The old man squeezes Naruto's hand gently when he hears his declaration, and Naruto feels much better than he did a moment before.
They reach the gates and pass through them, several more guards with green vests nodding or bowing to the old man as they step through and enter the town beyond. Naruto walks closer to the oyaji, leaning into the folds of his robe, and keeps his eyes on the ground. He can feel the back of his neck burning with the looks the guards give him as they walk away. The other Naruto in his head makes an angry hissing sound. Naruto wants to growl too, but he doesn't dare, because it would make the oyaji unhappy. He just wants them to stop looking at him that way.
As soon as they leave sight of the large compound, Naruto lets go of the oyaji's hand and skips out in front, smiling once more. Naruto has only been to this part of town a few times with the oyaji, once just last week when he took Naruto to see where he would be attending school, but he remembers every step of the way like it happened only yesterday. The oyaji lets Naruto lead and walks at a steady, unhurried pace, but Naruto still has to work to keep up with his much shorter legs. He doesn't mind of course; he loves to run.
When Naruto catches sight of the playground, he laughs because he can, and skips a little faster so that he's ahead of the oyaji. "Hurry hurry!" he calls back.
There are no children playing outside, but Naruto knows they're around, because other Naruto is telling him how many children are inside the building and how many adults there are as well. It's a big number, and Naruto is torn between feeling nervous and feeling happy – adults always look at him in that bad way, but there are so many children just waiting to become his friends, too. So he feels quite a bit of both, and tells the other Naruto to stop worrying so much. They'll take care of each other; they always do, no matter what.
As they cross the courtyard to reach the school building, Naruto notices a wooden swing hanging by itself from a shady tree on the opposite side of the playground. He wonders why it's there, and why he feels lonely when he looks at it. Other Naruto says it's a silly feeling to have from looking at a swing. Naruto doesn't argue because it confuses him, too.
The oyaji walks up the steps and holds open the door for Naruto to enter ahead of him. Naruto gives the swing one last look before going inside, and suddenly the light is a lot dimmer, and it's hard to see. He feels the old man take his hand, and when his eyes adjust, he can see that they're walking down a long hallway with many sliding doors on either side. He can hear noises beyond those doors, children laughing, yelling, and talking to each other, and sometimes he hears the sound of an adult speaking over the noise the kids are making. It makes the butterflies in his stomach move around even stronger, but more than anything he feels excited and happy. He's going to school!
Together they walk into an office at the end of the hallway, where a lady wearing a green vest and a forehead protector around her neck stands up and bows to the oyaji. She gives Naruto one quick, cold look, but it quickly disappears into a smile towards the old man.
"Hokage-sama, it is an honor to see you. I was not expecting you yourself to come today, or I would have been better prepared. Please forgive me."
The oyaji nods his head in understanding, dismissing the apology. "Have we arrived on time?"
"Yes, yes. Please come this way."
Still holding Naruto's hand, the old man follows the woman into the hallway, and she leads them back in the direction of the many sliding doors.
"Hokage-sama," she begins politely, but Naruto can hear the strain in her voice. Or maybe the other Naruto does, and he only notices it because of him. She stops in the hallway and turns to give the oyaji a pleading look. "Is it possible that perhaps the... child... is too young to be attending school? There have only been a few circumstances where a child his age was admitted, and those were highly special cases. This... boy... will be behind the other students and force the sensei to match his pace so he can keep up. I worry that it will not be fair to the rest of the class. I mean no disrespect, but will you not consider having him wait two more years?"
"I realize it seems unconventional," the old man replies. "But I feel Naruto is ready to begin attending school. His age does not reflect his willingness to learn or his abilities. I assure you his sensei will have no trouble with this student." This last part he says a bit strangely, and Naruto learns a new word when the other Naruto thinks it into his mind. Authority.
The woman lowers her eyes and will not meet the gaze of the oyaji. "I understand, Hokage-sama. I meant no disrespect on your judgment. I am only concerned for the sake of the students and their sensei. These are very unusual circumstances, and I worry how others may react, especially the parents..." she trails off.
The oyaji releases Naruto's hand and instead places his hand atop his head. It's a gentle, affectionate gesture that makes Naruto feel safe. It makes the other Naruto almost laugh.
'She is no different than the rest of them. Consider yourself lucky, child, that he wants to protect you so much. This may become interesting after all.'
Naruto is puzzled. He looks up under the blonde bangs being pushed over his eyes at the oyaji and then at the woman whose eyes are still lowered. She has a strange expression on her face, a mix between pleasure and like she can smell something bad. He opens his mouth to ask the other Naruto a question, then remembers at the last minute not to speak to him that way. What's wrong with her?
'She hates you,' other Naruto replies. His voice is not cold or malicious, but simply stating a fact. Naruto knows it's the truth, and it makes his stomach hurt. The emotion of hate is still beyond his capability of understanding, but he has felt enough hints of it from the other Naruto to know that it is a dark and painful feeling. He does not like it.
"It will not become an issue," the oyaji says slowly. "The child is under my ward and care. It is of no concern of the parents when and where he attends school."
"But, Hokage-sama, please consider my position. The parents will surely complain, and I am only trying to think of the children and their training. That... child... should not be here, it will disrupt the classroom, he's nothing but a de-"
"Never speak that word!" the oyaji whispers furiously. Naruto feels the hand on his head trembling in his sudden rage. Naruto is immediately scared, even though he knows the anger is not being directed towards him. The oyaji is scary when he's mad.
'You are such a predictable child. Watch this carefully because now the fun will begin. It seems the old man has his uses after all.'
The woman looks shocked, surprised, and even more scared than Naruto feels. Her eyes are wide, and it seems as though she can't look away from the oyaji's intense gaze. Her face is also slowly becoming redder and redder with each passing second. "Hokage-sama, please forgive me, I'm so sorry, I didn't think-"
"No, you did not. I have forbidden that word ever spoken, whether in this child's presence or out of it. You will never speak of this again, or the punishment will be swift and with the full backing of my judgment upon the matter. Is that understood?"
She bows quickly, so fast that Naruto thinks she might fall over if she did it any faster. He giggles inwardly and is happy to feel that other Naruto is amused as well. "Yes, Hokage-sama. Perfectly, Hokage-sama."
"Please show us Naruto's classroom," the oyaji says, but it hardly sounds like a request. It is an order.
Naruto goggles a little at the oyaji when the woman turns quickly to comply with his words. He's never seen the old man speak like this, or make his presence seem much bigger than the hallway he's standing in. Just by the tone of his voice alone, it sounds as though he could move mountains. Naruto feels a swell of pride and admiration for the oyaji.
I want to do that. I want to be like the oyaji someday.
'There's more than one way to move a mountain.'
Really? Will you show me how? Will that make me as strong as the oyaji?
'Stronger,' other Naruto says. Naruto is beginning to like that word, strong. And the name everyone always calls the oyaji, Hokage. They're becoming one in the same to him. 'You must pay heed to me and listen to what I tell you if you wish to become strong. If you waste your time elsewhere doing useless things it will be pointless.'
Naruto pouts inwardly. I want to go to school.
He holds that thought in his head like a brick wall until the other Naruto seems to sigh and step back, giving in to Naruto's demand.
'Very well. We will do this school until you realize how meaningless it is in the long run. I can be patient.'
Naruto grins outwardly, pleased at having won his way so quickly. He realizes that he's alone in the hallway, and that both the oyaji and the mean lady are walking away from him. He runs to catch up, coming to a stop just behind the old man's white robes when they reach the door to a classroom. The woman pushes open the door and walks in, her sandals tapping across the hardwood floor. All conversation in the room quickly ceases after she enters.
The oyaji kneels in front of Naruto, just out of sight of the open doorway, and Naruto can just see a blackboard and the edge of a desk over his shoulder. Naruto turns bright blue eyes upon the old man's concerned face.
"Are you ready, Naruto?"
Naruto nods, smiling, but perhaps a bit too brightly. There are still butterflies in his stomach.
"I will come to pick you up immediately after school. Do not go with anyone else, even if they are a ninja and say I sent them. Wait for me in front of the school."
Naruto blinks at the serious tone, and the oyaji's face breaks into a soft smile that Naruto has only ever seen the old man give him. "I want you to enjoy yourself, Naruto, but I also want you to watch everything carefully. I will ask you questions after school about your first day, about your teacher and the other students. I want you to remember everything you can so that you can tell me all about your day. Do you think you can do that?"
Naruto nods immediately. "He always remembers everything," he confesses quietly.
The old man gives him a fond, wistful look, before patting one of his scarred cheeks with a weathered hand. With a groan of old age he stands up slowly and moves aside to let Naruto enter the classroom.
Naruto steps through the door, and feels the weight of two dozen pairs of eyes focus on him with an unnerving intensity. He still feels the presence of the oyaji watching from the door, just out of sight of the students, and it gives Naruto the confidence to walk to the front of the room where the mean lady and sensei are standing.
"Naruto, this is your teacher, Harumi-sensei. I am sure you will give her your complete attention and absolute obedience in class." The mean lady's voice is sharp and professional when she speaks, very different from the way she sounds around the oyaji. She nods to Harumi-sensei. "I leave him to you."
Harumi-sensei bows slightly in understanding, and the mean lady leaves the room. She closes the door behind her, cutting Naruto off from the calming presence of the old man. Naruto and the other Naruto are in agreement for once that the mean lady is someone to watch out for.
"Please introduce yourself," Harumi-sensei says.
Naruto looks up from the floor, taking a quick glance at his teacher. She has her forehead protector around her forehead, and short, light blonde hair that curls up on the ends. She looks wary, and isn't smiling.
"Uzumaki Naruto," he replies. His voice sounds unnaturally loud in the quiet room.
"How old are you, Naruto?"
"Three."
A murmur of hushed voices ripples through the room. Naruto looks up at the tiers of desks which hold three children apiece behind them. All of the kids look a little older than Naruto, and they all stare right back. Some of them look angry, some look curious, and some look at him in awe.
"Three is a very young age to be attending school," Harumi-sensei remarks. She steps away from Naruto and goes to stand behind her desk, leaving him alone in the middle of the floor.
"Can you show us what jutsus you know, Naruto?"
Jutsus?
'You don't know any chakra molding techniques. And neither do they,' other Naruto clarifies, speaking of the children who watch the unusual exchange in rapt attention.
Naruto shakes his head no.
"No?" Harumi-sensei echoes, her voice faintly reflecting surprise. "I'm surprised. To be at school so young, you must be extraordinarily gifted. But now I see perhaps you're not so special after all."
A few of the braver students snicker behind their hands. Naruto feels his ears burning in embarrassment.
The sensei's next words are dismissive and cold. "Find a seat in the back of the room. This is a school, not a daycare. Do not disturb the students, and remain silent throughout the class. I don't expect you to understand much of the material anyway."
Naruto walks up the long flight of shallow steps, his head hanging in shame. Some of the students he passes openly laugh or grin at him. One even goes so far to stick their leg into the aisle, trying to trip Naruto. Naruto narrowly avoids it by stepping to the side, only to have his back pushed roughly by a pair of hands. He stumbles a few steps and catches himself before he falls face flat on the ground, and realizes he's come to the back of the classroom. No one else is there but him, so he picks a seat on the far right corner near several supply cabinets, and tries his best to disappear in his chair. It isn't so hard in the end; his body is smaller than the other students, and his feet barely brush the ground.
'I said this was a bad idea. It's the same wherever you go. Do you still want to go to school that badly?'
Naruto, for once, stays silent, and listens to the sensei lecture about Konoha's founding ninjas.
Naruto learns a lot that first day in school. He learns that the mean lady's name is Togawa-sensei, and that she is the one in charge of all the other teachers at the school. He also learns that everyone in his class is at least two years older than him, and that Harumi-sensei was telling the truth when she said no one but geniuses were admitted at such a young age. Naruto doesn't feel like a genius, he doesn't feel special at all – especially after he spends his first day at school hiding from the other students in his class during recess and lunch. There have been no more attempts at tripping or hitting him, yet, but the looks and the sly grins have only seemed to spread among the children like wildfire. They are ruthless in their mockery, now that they know the lonely, little kid in their class is not being protected by the teacher.
By the time Naruto leaves class to meet the oyaji, he is hungry, and tired, and feeling very unhappy. He has made no friends today, and other Naruto keeps telling him it was bound to happen and to move on. He doesn't want to believe that; he doesn't want to lose hope that quickly. Naruto clings to the oyaji's robes with tight fists as they walk home, muffling his quiet tears against the pale fabric. As they pass the edge of the playground, the oyaji picks up Naruto in his arms and carries him the rest of the way back to the big gates, rubbing his back while Naruto cries and hiccups.
Naruto's face is puffy and wet when they reach the door to the building where he and the staff live, and he rubs his runny nose on the shoulder of the oyaji's robe. The old man walks them inside and stops by the kitchen, tapping Naruto on the back to get his attention.
"Are you hungry, Naruto?"
Naruto sniffs loudly and nods his head. "No."
The oyaji instructs a nearby servant to bring them both a light dinner. He sets Naruto down on a chair beside the table, and the smell of cooking food from the kitchen makes Naruto's stomach rumble. The old man takes off his hat and fixes his robes, making a small grimace at the tear soaked mess on his shoulder. Then he smiles gently and shakes his head as he sits down next to Naruto.
The food they are brought hardly looks like a light dinner – it's more food than Naruto has ever seen all at once in his whole life, and looks like far more than he could ever eat on his own. His tears and the reason for them are forgotten as he attacks his meal like a starving child, which isn't so far from the truth.
Some time later, with food in his aching stomach and the oyaji by his side, Naruto feels the dregs of exhaustion creep over him once again. He doesn't stop eating until the chopsticks in his hand fall limply on the table, and a loud yawn overtakes him.
"I'm done," he announces quietly.
The oyaji stands up and replaces the hat on his head. "Can you walk up to your room?"
Naruto shakes his head and raises his arms. He doesn't often get carried around or picked up by the old man, and something inside of him is aching for human touch and comfort for as long as he can get it. The oyaji smiles and lifts Naruto into his arms, holding him against his chest, and Naruto's head falls onto the dry shoulder opposite from the one he cried on before.
When Naruto wakes up he finds his thumb lodged firmly in his mouth, and his feet being set down on the floor of his bedroom. He blinks sleepily as the oyaji takes off his small backpack, coercing Naruto to release his thumb to get his arm out of the strap. Free of the obstacle, Naruto resumes sucking his thumb, and watches the oyaji crouch down to take off his blue sandals with half-lidded eyes.
'After all that, and you're ready to fall asleep so soon. The sun hasn't even set yet.'
Naruto shrugs weakly.
'A real ninja would be able to stay awake much longer.'
"Not a ninja," Naruto mumbles around his thumb.
The oyaji looks at Naruto curiously, still at eye level with the small boy. "Little boys need their sleep. You can stay up longer when you become a ninja, right?"
Naruto nods and smiles around his thumb. He gets a pat on the head from the oyaji, who then helps Naruto out of his clothes and into his pajamas. Naruto's bed is cold when he slides into it, but its soft and feels familiar. The oyaji brings the small stool next to his bed and sits on it, his pipe freshly lit and poised between his lips. The pipe's smoke curls through the room and wraps Naruto in its comforting smell.
"How was school today?"
Naruto shrugs under the covers and rubs at his swollen eyes.
"Did you make any friends?"
Naruto shakes his head glumly.
"Is that why you were crying when I came to get you?"
Naruto shrugs again and reaches for his brown dog. He brings the stuffed animal to his chest and curls up with the toy. "Same there."
"The same? How?"
"Look the same. At me." Naruto snuggles the stuffed dog. "They laughed a lot."
"When did they laugh?"
Naruto shrugs again. "Sensei asked hard questions. I didn't know anything," he admits unhappily.
"Did the teacher ask anyone else questions?"
Naruto nods.
"Was there anything you learned today in class?"
Naruto thinks back for a moment. "About, the founding ninjas. Sensei said their faces are on the mountain."
The oyaji turns to look at the picture on Naruto's wall. Naruto's eyes follow his gaze.
"Dunno which ones," Naruto confesses, looking wistfully at the painted scene.
The oyaji gets up slowly and walks over to the picture. His shadow on the wall is dark in the orange light of the setting sun coming through the window. He lightly taps the face of the far left ninja with a finger. "Which one is this?"
'Shodaime.'
"Shodaime."
The oyaji gives Naruto a look, like he knows that Naruto didn't get the answer on his own. "And this one?" he asks, pointing to the next face on the right.
"Nidaime?"
"Mhm. What about those two?" The old man points to the last two faces.
Naruto waits for an answer from other Naruto, but none is forthcoming. It almost feels like other Naruto is... sulking.
"He won't say. I dunno." Naruto looks a little annoyed with his friend's lack of cooperation.
"This," oyaji says, pointing to the last face, "is Yondaime. He died on the day you were born."
Naruto's eyes widen at this new information.
"And this one is me," he finishes, pointing to the middle face.
Naruto knits his eyebrows skeptically. "Doesn't look like you."
The oyaji chuckles and walks back to sit on the stool again. "No, I suppose it doesn't. It was carved when I was much younger. Less wrinkles, more hair," he admits, scratching at the gray whiskers on his chin.
"Why's your face on a mountain oyaji?"
"Because I'm the third Hokage: Sandaime. The people have honored me for leading them by putting my face on the mountain for all generations to see."
"What's a Hokage?"
The oyaji smiles and takes a long drag on his pipe. "A Hokage is a very important person. He is the symbol of strength for the village. The people look up to him for guidance and protection. He protects the people with his life, and would give his life even to save the smallest child."
He reaches over to ruffle Naruto's hair, which makes the boy squirm. Naruto pouts at the oyaji when the old man finally pulls his hand away.
"Is a Hokage strong?"
"The strongest," the oyaji answers immediately. "It is a title given to someone who has proven themselves strongest in mind, body, and spirit; someone who has the will to lead, and the desire to protect all life."
"And everybody likes him?" Naruto asks softly.
"Generally, yes. They respect him, and recognize his abilities. They know he will give his life to protect them and their village."
Naruto blinks slowly, a new and wondrous thought taking shape in his head. "Can I be Hokage?"
The oyaji gets a strange, half smile on his face. "If you work hard, train hard, go to school, study, and learn the most important thing to becoming a ninja – then yes, you could become Hokage one day."
Naruto grins happily. He squirms under the covers for a moment, rolling over onto his back and yawning loudly. He's still smiling as his blue eyes drift close, then open again to small slits. "Hokage," Naruto repeats softly, rolling the word around his mouth and his mind. He really likes the sound of it.
The oyaji gets up and brushes a cool hand across Naruto's pale forehead. Naruto snuggles deeper into his pillow at the touch, eyes closing completely as sleep overtakes his young body. The third closes the curtains at the window, dimming the light in the room considerably, and moves the stool away from the bed back to its place at the low table. He gives the sleeping boy one last searching look, before leaving the room and closing the door behind him. A soft click cuts through the quiet as the lock slides into place.
End notes: Part II is being worked on and is nearing completion. Thank you for reading.