Author's Note: As I was diligently concentrating on writing Chapter Four of "Returning Favors" this weird piece of fluff popped in my head so I decided to share it with you. I thought parts of it were pretty funny, but it's mostly bizarre. Some of it was inspired by a review requesting that Hilde be in my story, heck she was already penciled in for Chapter 6. And yes, the real Chapter Four is almost done!
The Great Romance Debate
A Different Fanfic by YamchaOtaku
Scene: The posh fanfic writing office of Miss YamchaOtaku, or Miss Otaku for short.
Miss Otaku is hard at work trying to finish chapter four of her Gundam Wing fanfic, meanwhile, Duo and Quatre are bickering over why Chapter Four is all about Quatre.
Duo: Hey, I'm the star of this fanfic, aren't I? I should be in this chapter somehow!!
Quatre: Well it is Chapter Four, and Quatre means four, so therefore this chapter should be all about me!
Miss Otaku: I see your point Duo, but Quatre did me a little favor so that's why Chapter Four is all about him. You're in all the rest of the chapters.
Duo: So that's why the stupid thing is called "Returning Favors"? What did he do for you anyway?
Miss Otaku: Well he let me have Rasid to be my butler and make me coffee. Rasid makes the best coffee in the world. (yells) Hey Rasid, let's have another pot of that coffee on the double and bring four mugs!
Duo: Yeah, I can't top that. Rasid does make great coffee.
Linnea Lang (my fanfic character): You bet, we sure drink a lot of coffee together in Chapter Four, don't we Quatre. I'm in every chapter and I get to get my hands on lots of Gundams, I'm loving it!
Quatre (smiling happily): Yep!
Suddenly, someone bursts into the office, nearly knocking over poor Rasid and his pot of delicious coffee.
Hilde: Look at this, I have proof!! (She is holding out a computer printout)
Miss Otaku: Oh, hello Hilde. Proof of what?
Hilde: This person wants me to be in the fic with Duo, not her (points to Linnea).
Linnea: Why you little . . .
Hilde: Don't start with me you non-existent little . . .
Duo: Now girls, girls, you don't have to fight. Miss Otaku is right, the God of Death is so fabulous he needs more than one love interest. Shinigami is too much man for any one woman to handle.
Hilde and Linnea look at him with their mouths hanging open. Then they look at each other and roll their eyes.
On hearing Duo's comment, someone new enters the office, it's HEERO YUY!
Heero: Duo's right, no mere woman can handle him. He's all mine! Eat your hearts out girls. (Heero makes goo-goo eyes at Duo.)
Miss Otaku: There'll be none of that going on in my office Heero. I'll fix you! (She picks up her phone and dials the Cinq Kingdom). Hello, is this Pagan? Yes, this is Miss Otaku calling for Miss Relena, please tell her that a certain Gundam pilot is here at my office. I promised to let her know if I saw him.
Pagan: Excuse me Miss, but could I ask you a question?
Miss Otaku: Shoot!
Pagan: Why isn't Miss Relena in your fanfic?
Miss Otaku: Be patient, she'll be in there. Hell, Hilde will be in there too, just keep reading. Bye now.
In the distance we hear Relena shouting: HEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOO Heero turns pale and tries to hide.
Relena: HEEROOOOOOOO, where are you???
Hilde and Linnea point behind the couch and Relena drags Heero out and starts molesting him. Everybody laughs.
Quatre: How come no one ever does that to me?
Miss Otaku thinks fast and suddenly Lt. Noin pops into the office. Her eyes light up at the sight of Quatre.
Lt. Noin: Come with me little boy to my disco for young and restless pilots. I'll make a man out of you. I just can't resist blondes. . .
She drags him off and we hear Quatre say: Me and my big mouth.
Duo and Heero: Lucky bastard!
Rasid enters with an engraved invitation for Miss Otaku on a silver plate.
Miss Otaku reads aloud: You are cordially invited to a hot tub party with T. Khushrenada and Z. Merquise. We would like to discuss why we should be the stars of your fanfic. Feel free to bring along some friends, the hot tub seats five. No Gundam Pilots please.
Miss Otaku: Woohoo, I am there! Now the mystery of whether Treize is wearing swim trunks in there or not can finally be solved.
Hilde and Linnea: Bring us, bring us!!! Zechs and Treize are real men, I bet they shave and everything!
Duo and Heero: Hey, we heard that!
Hilde: I have a big bottle of rose bubble bath in my purse.
Linnea: We can stop on the way and I'll steal a bottle or two of champagne. Duo showed me how you know!
Miss Otaku: Sure why not. (Hilde and Linnea high five each other, forgetting all about the unfortunate Duo)
Duo: Hey, that's not why I showed you how to steal champagne!!
Heero: We can't let those girls go to a hot tub party with Zechs and Treize. They'll tell them all our secrets and betray the rebellion and stuff like that! I say, let's shoot 'em! Besides they want my Duo. He's my Duo I tell you, not theirs!
Relena: Now Heero, the only one you should be threatening to shoot is me. You know I get jealous when you threaten to shoot other girls!!
Heero: Gulp!
The girls, except Relena, leave for Treize's hot tub temple.
Duo: How come I had two girls and now I don't have any???? (He sulks)
Wufei and Trowa enter the office.
Wufei: Where's that weak fanfic woman?? I want to know why Nataku and I aren't in this story yet!
Trowa: That was my question almost exactly, except the part about Nataku.
Duo: Oh yeah, she mentioned something about that. Trowa, you have a small, but pivotal role in this story and Wufei, dude, she just can't figure you out, so we'll have to see. I bet you just get a cameo role.
Trowa: Small, but pivotal. Cool. Well I'm going back to fanfic.net to read that Circus story, I'm the star of that one y'know! (he leaves)
Duo and Wufei look at each other, bored. Relena continues molesting Heero.
Wufei: I know we can go out and wash, wax and detail our Gundams. It's been awhile since I gave Nataku any special attention!!
Duo: Eh, I guess DeathScythe could do with a wash. By the way Wufie, it's just plain weird that you call your Gundam Nataku. You don't here any of the rest of us calling our Gundams pet names. What's with you???
Wufei: (scowls menacingly at Duo) Don't diss Nataku!
Relena: I think the relationship between Wufei and Nataku is sweet! Heero, from now on I want you to call your Gundam RELENA!!!!! It'll be so romantic!
Heero: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Will we ever find out what Treize is wearing in the hot tub? Did Lt. Noin make a man out of Quatre? Will Heero call the Gundam Wing the Gundam Relena from now on? Find out the next time characters start talking to me when I'm trying to write serious stuff!
THE END