A/N: This is a challenge put forth to me by the glorious HerHighness33 in which I write a story at least three posts long about Han, Leia and Lando stuck on a deserted planet. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what came from this challenge. Enjoy!
A/N: Yes, yes, I know. "Pink Nails" is still not finished. Maybe I could wager a deal with LimeLight: when she updates TNQLL and I'll update Pink Nails? Ha-ha!
I'm just kidding, of course. Without further ado . . .
Three's Company
KnightedRogue
Part One: Han
It's not my fault.
Really. For once no one can blame it on me. It's not my fault the ship crashed – not my ship, either, let me add – I didn't invite the Imps along, I didn't disable the tracker chip before we started this blasted trip.
It's absolutely not my fault.
I'm not sure, but I think this is a first for me.
Concentration's coming tough today. My mind's wandering when I should be paying attention. Really, though, I never have to pay attention, so it's not like I do this a lot. Except for the occasional debrief where I zone out – maybe not so occasional, but the euphemism makes me sound like a better guy – I hardly ever miss something anyone says or does.
That's another first for me, too.
Okay, so this is not my fault. I'm trudging through this warped-out jungle telling myself that, and it's not helping because all I can see is my wife trudging up ahead of me and the guilt is driving me crazy. Irrational guilt. It's not my fault. But see, there's this part of me, the secret part that just a couple of people know about, and it's going nuts seeing my pregnant wife slashing through brush and debris and crap like that.
Yeah, okay. I'm a bit protective. So what? I got a lot to lose if I'm not.
Well, I can't get the voice at the back of my head to shut up. Weird thoughts keep popping up: she'll hurt herself, she'll hurt our child, she'll fall, she'll get hit, bit, poisoned, shot, stabbed. The possibilities are endless and I'm sure as hell not comfortable with any of them. But once I start thinking like that, I realize that she wouldn't let me coddle her even if she were being choked by Darth Vader. The woman is tenacious, if stubborn and hell to live with sometimes.
Well, I'm having a hard time with this whole situation. My pregnant wife is hiking with me up this real sharp ravine as we're scouting out the basic area as I try to fix the stupid tracking device. She volunteered us, and I told her it was a bad idea, but she seems to think my bad feelings have nothing to do with our current situation.
If I didn't love her so much, I'd strangle her with the nearest vine.
We've got another three kilometers to go, and I'm real worried. She's starting to slow down.
"Hey, Sweetheart, you wanna stop?"
She sighed and looked over her shoulder at me. "Will you stop it? You're driving me crazy."
"Who, me?"
She had turned back. "Don't give me that. If we have to keep stopping every ten minutes because you think I'm suddenly incapable of doing anything, we're never going to get anywhere. Lando's probably already there."
"I doubt it."
"Yeah, me, too, but you still need to shut up."
Her comment makes me grin as I watch her shake her head and continue walking.
"Memumphe. Ti malgo et sprulphra. Idio!"
"Did you hear that?"
She looks back at me and nods her head. I put my finger to my lips and drop the pack full of water canisters and rations on the ground, moving towards the right. Pushing through the branches, I can see barely four meters into the jungle and I'm pretty sure I heard something big. Big and carnivorous and hungry for pregnant women.
Leia's crouching right next to me. "What?"
"Get back, Leia."
She pushes herself closer to the opening into the bush. "What do think it was?"
"I dunno. Something not jungley."
"Jungley?"
"You know what I mean."
She nods once. "Yep, I know what you mean." And with that she's moving past the opening and into the jungle.
Damn her. "Wait, Leia! What're you doing?"
She looks back at me. "Exploring. What else?" She turns back and moves forward again. "Aren't you coming?"
"Of course I'm coming," I grumble. "I'm babysitting my very pregnant wife."
"I'm two weeks along. That isn't long enough for you to demand bed rest for the next nine months." She paused. "And I think I've found the source of that noise."
I creep up to where she crouched. "Where?"
A shaky hand pointed directly forward. "Um, try there, Han."
And, staring at the plethora of old fashioned arrows pointing our way, I begin to get a very bad feeling about this.
"This feels real familiar."
She glances sidewise at me. "What does?"
"Forest, natives, capture. This is like our thing, sweetheart."
"Our thing?"
"Yeah. Some people do the dinner date thing, some do the lingerie thing. We do the risk of life and limb thing." I nod towards the leader of the procession. "Wonder if they'll serenade us or anything. The Ewoks at least provided music."
She laughed and grabbed my hand. "Trust you to make it all a joke." She gets quiet and stares straight ahead of us as we continue the climb up behind, ahead and to the sides of the natives, stumbling a bit the further we get. We're being pushed around on all sides by natives and up ahead I can see some big leader. Well, not really see, per se. I can tell that he's there and that he's obviously the big guest of honor.
We, unfortunately, are not.
"Hey, you okay?"
Her jaw clenches and I know she's angry. "I'm fine, Han! Just let me walk, okay?" She pushes herself forward, but I keep my hand on her forearm and bring her back next to me. She's not going nowhere without me right there to protect her and my baby.
"Solo, I swear – "
"Look, sweetheart, I can't help it, okay? It makes me nervous. You make me nervous." I slide my hand up her arm, over her shoulder and back behind her head. I push her against my side as we continue walking. "I've got my two most important people with me here and I'm not letting them out of my sight. So stay close, huh?"
She quiets down as we continue along the trail and doesn't say anything more, just pushes herself away from me and holds my hand. That's fine with me; the less I have to fight with her, the more I feel like I'm doing the right thing. And in this situation, I'm just hoping that I'm doing it right enough that I can get my child and wife out of here alive.
But, hey. It's me.
I'll figure it out.
But whatever happens, just remember: this is not my fault.
Okay, so this is my fault.
The dry leaves of the dry trees I can't take credit for. I'm really not responsible for the enormous stack of those dry leaves lying smack dab in the native village. And I can't claim possession of the large torches that line the center of the huts.
The fire that's burning a huge swath through the village center?
Yeah, that's mine.
Before I know what's happening, I'm rushing down the torch-lined path, trying real hard to remember which hut it was I was supposed to be sleeping in. The one with the guard asleep at the entrance?
Well, he used to be asleep.
Right now he's got his bow and arrow lined right up my way, chittering at me like I should understand what he's saying and motioning for me to move out of the way. All I'm really concerned about at this moment is getting Leia and my child away from my little pyrotechnic genius as it hurls itself this way, but the guy's got a pointy stick and there's not a whole hell of a lot I can do without my blaster.
That's when I realize how much I love my combat-trained, ruthless wife.
I'm thinking about what to do to the guy with the pointy stick when she pokes her head and one arm out of the hut, grabs the guy, and rams his head into one of the support beams of the hut she's hiding in. Then she takes the pointy stick and comes up to me.
She must have caught a glance at my creation because her mouth drops a little. "For the first time in your life, tell me this was deliberate and that you have a plan."
I love my combat-trained, ruthless wife when she's not being a smartass.
"Okay, let's say that for right now." And with that, I grab her hand and make an open break for the river on the north end of the village.
"No supplies. No direction. No weapons." Leia glances behind her as I work the oars of the boat we've stolen. "You know, if it was anyone but us, I'd be concerned."
"I told you it was our thing."
"Stop saying that. I can't decide whether that's a compliment or an insult."
"Compliment. Definitely a compliment." Why can't I find that tracking device? It was in my pocket before, wasn't it?
"That must be relative." She glances my way as I pat my vest. "Han, can I ask you a question?"
"I dunno. Are you going to compliment or insult me?"
"Seriously." She looks up at me. "Are you mad that I didn't want to tell Lando on the ship?"
Ah. That. "No. Not really." Sometimes it's real hard to lie to her face. "He'll be real happy. You know that."
"I know. It's just that Luke and he need to hear it at the same time. It's not fair otherwise. Luke will be the uncle."
"And Lando's pretty damn close."
"Han." Her voice gets real quiet. "You said you weren't mad."
"Look, you sat on the guy's ship and lied to him and told him nothing was up. He knows you're lying." Yelling at her isn't going to get me anywhere, and I hate it when she looks like she's going to start crying. "I'm just excited, that's all."
Her eyes look kind of red but she smiles big at me. "Excited, huh?"
"Knowing you have my baby in there? That's quite enough to get me excited, Princess. Quite enough."