Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Degrassi, just the plot and any originals that you may come across
Encore
And I know you're not asleep
I can feel you moving over there
You've been playing with the seams
In your worn out underwear
And my lips are raw as hell
From biting on 'em just to stay awake
But its not like I'm gonna need 'em,
Cause you won't be around
To see them bleed and break -Marvelous 3 / Cigarette Lighter Love Song
Didn't someone once mutter something about breaking up being hard to do? Yeah, well taking a break is harder…
Ellie looked up from her cafeteria tray and her eyes drifted across the lunch room. There was Sean, her empty seat filled by Amy closing in the space, cozying herself next to him, trying to play the part of his arm candy. Ellie rolled her eyes. About a week after the awkward dinner at the Cameron home Ellie's seat in the cafeteria changed. She returned to her seat between Marco and Ashley, trying to keep her heart intact while staying friends with Sean. It was easier just to put some extra distance between them. But the sight in front of her was making her ill, even though Ellie knew that Sean had no attraction towards Amy, at least not that she knew of.
"So Mark was going to take me to Chez Dominique last night, but they lost our reservations, so he took me to the McDonald's down the street and ordered everything in French, trying to make up for it" Ashley gushed, trying to regain Ellie's attention. But Ellie was unfocused, and out of her element of being a good friend, "and then Sean showed up with Amy…and they were totally making out…" Ellie's head spun and flushed red, scowling at Ashley for her last remark. Ashley sighed and looked at the redhead with sympathy, "sorry Els, but you were in another dimension."
Ellie nodded, "it's okay, I really don't care…"
Marco rolled his eyes, "Sure you don't Ellie, that's why your eyes have been burning into the back of his head…you haven't even touched Shelia's meatloaf…" he said poking his fork at the lump of mysterious meat, "can you even call this meat?"
"I'm not hungry anyway…I think Shelia's turned me into a vegetarian." Ellie pushed her tray away, and folded her arms on the table and placing her forehead on her folded arms.
"Ellie, hon, it's just a break, you'll be back sucking face before the month is over," Paige said in between bites of her salad.
Ellie sat up, "thanks Paige, because all I wanted was to suck face with him…"
"you mean the dog has other tricks?"
"you should know how easy they are to train…you've got one on a leash…" Ellie retorted, offended by Paige's comment about her and comparing Sean to a dog … 'what am I supposed to call him?' she asked herself, Sean?...that boy?...that dog?
Paige scowled at comment about Spinner. Who was completely clueless to the fact that the insult was directed at him, "at least he's still around…?" Paige said rolling her eyes.
"Way to be sensitive Paige" Jimmy said looking comfortingly at Ellie.
"Well it's true," she said as she rested her purse on her lap, "besides, I dunno why you're being so mopey, you were going to do the same thing Ellie, he just beat you to the punch."
"It wasn't an easy decision on my end Paige; I was only doing what's best…" Ellie was getting frustrated and stood up, grabbing her bag, "I'm gunna go to the library, I'll see you guys in MI"
Ellie stalked out of the cafeteria, making her way to the library. Everyone at the table turned to glare at Paige, "nice one…you made the vampire upset…" Spinner muttered. Paige glared at him softly.
"Well maybe she shouldn't be so easily offended by what I say…" Paige said applying lip gloss to her lips.
"Maybe you should learn to be more sensitive towards other people's feelings" Hazel said, after remaining quiet through most of the lunch period. The table remained quiet after that, all giving Paige disappointed glances; Paige felt herself turning red under the glare of everyone's gaze.
"Fine…I'll go apologize or something…" she said standing up, clutching her purse and walking towards the library.
Ellie sat in the library, a pile of books open in front of her, as she would jot down notes on the subjects she was reading. Paige walked into the library unnoticed, and picked up the book Ellie was looking at, "Personality Disorders and Coping…?" Paige asked. Ellie looked up at the blonde girl and glared, while taking the book back fiercely.
"I'm doing research for a short segment for Caitlin's new project in the making…" Ellie explained.
"Didn't your Co-Op end like…two weeks ago?" Paige asked confused.
"Yea, but Caitlin gave me a part-time job, helping out at the studio whenever I'm free," she answered, as she regained focus on jotting down notes.
"That's cool Nash, totally just putting yourself in the spot light, aren't you?" Paige answered, her voice laced with jealousy.
"Not just me, Paige, there are others, I'm just trying to educate people more…" Ellie said, hoping that the other girl would get the hint and just leave.
"Look Ellie, I'm sorry about what happened in the caf…" Paige said sitting down at the table, directly across from Ellie.
"Forget it Paige…"
"No really, Ellie, I was insensitive and it was wrong of me to point out the fact that you and Sean just aren't the couple Spinner and I are…" Paige said, continuing with what she was saying, not really noticing that she was making the situation worse.
"You know Paige, I think someone should give you lessons on how to apologize to someone…"
"What do you mean, that's what I'm doing Ellie…"
" I know Paige, but you're doing a bad job of it" Ellie said closing the book and placing it on top of her notebook before sliding them both into her bags, "thank you for trying Paige, really" she said sarcastically, as she rolled her eyes and walked out of the library. Paige sat in the library alone for a moment, taken aghast by Ellie's behavior, "ungrateful bitch," she muttered under her breath.
Sean pulled his arm away from Amy's grasp, "wow, have you been working out?" Amy asked. Sean rolled his eyes. Alex and Jay watched on amused, but felt the need to rescue Sean from Amy's sexually transmitted diseased clutches.
"bad Amy, bad, sit…" Jay said, talking to her like a dog.
Amy looked over at Jay and gave him the nastiest glare she could fathom.
Jay caught sight of the glare, "whoa Amy…I didn't know you could spread syphilis through such a loving gaze."
"Shut up Jay" Amy said fiercely, while Alex tried to stifle a laugh.
"Oh leave her go Jay…it's just Amy, Sean can handle her just fine."
"I think anyone can handle her just fine, all you need is a dog collar and a leash"
The table erupted into laughter at Jay's joke, everyone except for Amy, who just glared and turned back to her lunch.
"So man, what are we doing tonight?" Sean asked.
"Well it is Wednesday, don't you have like a meeting or something?" Alex asked.
"oh yea…"Sean said, slowly remembering about his Al-Anon meeting at the rec-center.
"So how is that goin' man?" Jay asked.
"You know, we just … sit around and talk about our feelings…it's let's sit around and talk about how our parents drinking hurt us…" Sean said rolling his eyes.
"Oh you love it…" Jay said, " You get to be Mr. Sensitive…I bet it gets you all the ladies"
"It's not a dating service, Jay…"Sean answered.
"That's what you think…" Jay said smirking.
Amy turned her focus back to the conversation, "who gave you the stupid idea to go to those things, anyways?" Amy asked, "bet it was Princess Vamp."
Sean turned angrily towards Amy, "actually…it was MY idea…"
Amy felt a rash of embarrassment rush across her face and she quickly shut her mouth, but not before grumbling obscenities under her breath.
"So…what are you doing this weekend?" Jay asked, " you comin' to the ravine with me and Lexxi?" as he threw his arm around Alex who grinned and bit his shoulder.
Sean thought for a moment, "who all is going to be there?"
"Me…Lexxi…the Montreal Crew…"
" I'll see what I can do…" Sean answered, "I think I'm going with Tracker to visit my parents…I think it's their anniversary or something.
Jay nodded, "cool…sounds like fun…"
Sean rolled his eyes, "not really, but they are my parents, whether they suck or not."
Ellie laid across her bed, staring at her geometry homework, wondering what she had done wrong, because all her answers just didn't make sense. She was slowly failing again. She had every intention of calling Sean for help, but she really wasn't intent on seeing him at the moment. She was swamped with work tonight, geometry homework, she had to finish up her literature paper on Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead! And it's connection with Hamlet. She had a biology project due the next week and everything was piling up. She felt useless down at the station because she was barely there to do work, she was always working on her school assignments.
Stress was building up, and Ellie was desperately trying to find outlets for how to handle it all. And nothing was working. She felt completely helpless as she started all of a sudden breaking down over her school work. Ellie lost it and climbed over to the edge of her bed and dangled herself over it, her hands fumbling around until they fell upon the familiar feel of her wooden box. With shaking hands she slid the box out from under the bed and pulled it with her as she sat up on her bed. She pulled back the lid carefully and her eyes stumbled upon the sheen of the multiple sharp objects in the box. And then they fell upon one that made her lip twitch with excitement. It was a small metal box cutter.
Now Ellie didn't have any intention of actually cutting. She just closed her eyes and just grazed the blade across the inside of her forearm, shivering as the cold metal touched her skin. The forbidden feel of doing what she had told herself not to, drew her in, like a drug. She touched the edge of the blade to her skin…
"ELEANOR!" her mother shrieked just outside her door, causing her to jump slightly, and the blade ran hard and deep against her forearm. She looked down, her heart beating quickly as she realized she had cut herself. "Eleanor!" her mother continued to call out. Ellie was panicking, she looked down at her arm, she'd cut so deep and clean that she wasn't even bleeding, at least not yet. She was scared out of her mind, "Eleanor, can you come here for a moment?" Judy asked.
The door opened, and Ellie was crying out of fright. The blood had begun to pour out of her arm, and it was rushing out like a rising river, spilling over the banks, leaking onto her geometry homework, and the comforter of her bed. "Eleanor?" her mother asked, the sight of her daughter struggling frantically to stop the blood from flowing causing her to sober up, and causing her to completely forget why she had come upstairs to speak to Ellie in the first place. "Eleanor! What are you doing…" Judy slowly made her way over to her daughter, and for some reason she was more angry than she was worried.
"Mom…it won't stop…" Ellie said between tears.
"Well that's what happens when you cut yourself, Eleanor" Judy answered unsympathetic. Some part of her that was sober had told her that she should help her daughter, but she just couldn't see how she could help her after she hurt herself. Ellie should be punished. "Get up Ellie…" She said simply, and suddenly remembered why she'd come to fetch her daughter, " you need to wash the dishes."
Ellie looked at her mother with a confused look drawn across her face, "Mom, I'm bleeding…"
"Don't look to me for sympathy Ellie, it's your turn to wash the dishes tonight."
"Fine, I'll walk myself to the hospital," she said standing up as she applied pressure to the cut, blood still pouring out of her arm, and dripping onto the floor.
"You're getting blood on the floor Ellie, clean it up before it stains…"
"Mom, you're insane…" she answered, wishing for possibly the millionth time in her life that she had a sober mother. Ellie pushed past her mom and made her way into the hall. Judy Nash grabbed her daughter just as she reached the top of the stairs.
"Eleanor, you get back there and clean up your mess, damnit Ellie, you got blood everywhere, why do you have to be so stupid and melodramatic?"
"Get your hand off me mother" Ellie said simply.
"Eleanor…" Judy said shaking her daughter fiercely with her arms, "listen to me, I'm your mother."
"Yea…and a bad one at that, I wish I were never born!" Ellie said, and with those words Judy stopped shaking and pulled away fiercely, causing Ellie to lose her balance and tumble down the stairs. Tears fell from Judy's eyes as she watched her only daughter appear at the bottom of the stair crumpled into a ball, bleeding. Her hands flew to cover her mouth in fright, before she tripped down the hall to her bedroom, her fingers stumbling to find the cordless phone. And did possibly the best thing she's ever done sober or drunk for her daughter.
"Hello…My daughter…My Ellie…she's…bleeding..." she said to the emergency operator in between sobs, "she cut herself…and she…fell…" Judy continued to cry openly on the phone, "she's not moving…"
A/N: So I started on the sequel, the title is a reference to the Jay Z Linkin Park collaborations, I find that they compliment each other much like Sean and Ellie compliment each other. You may hate me for this story, You may love me. There will be a lot more drama going on in this one than the last. A lot more angst, and a couple of pairings that I may be strangled for even thinking off, but I'm large and in charge so it back and enjoy the ride. I have chapter two already written, it's just a matter of are you going to take the first chapter well? and are you willing embrace the angst?
I hope you all enjoy, I think I actually proofread this one as well...
Read/Review (give me some good crit here, I'm not a noob, I can handle it)
incase you are all feeling that the end of the chapter moved a bit weird (speed wise) I completely agree, but I had to get it done, and even I feel like it turned out a bit odd, I'm not sure if I really like it...so please let me know?