Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or anything connected with it, etc, etc…
Author's notes: Well, this is a very bad first attempt at a humour fic, and will be co-written with my younger brother (he asked if we could write something together). I hope it will get better, and it won't all be written as diary entries, I promise. Please be kind and review. Please?
Diary of Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Estel, E-
Day 1
How much of a bad start is this? I couldn't even fit my name in the box on the front page. I have too many names.
I have volunteered to go on the quest. Well, I say volunteered, but really Elrond manipulated me. That council was so boring that I was half asleep, so when he prodded my arm I jumped out of my seat and that was that. Great. And here I was thinking my life couldn't get any more complicated.
Ah well, at least I'm not alone; Legolas was tricked too! I suspect his father put Elrond up to it, trying to get his son out of the palace for a while. There are also four hobbits, a dwarf (Legolas was not amused), Gandalf, and a creepy, creepy man. He's only here because Elrond thought it would get him out of the way quicker. The creepy man (I think his name is Boromir, but I can't be sure, I've been trying to tune him out ever since he started telling people that Gondor should have the ring) keeps telling me that I'm not worthy of being king. Well, I'll show him! I had to spend ages trying to resist the urge to stick my tongue out at him.
Oh, got to go, Gandalf seems to think that I should actually spend my watch, well, watching, for danger and suchlike. Well too bad beardy-I am way ahead of you. Already spotted danger. It's round and gold and it's hanging around Frodo's neck. That thing's more dangerous than anything we're likely to encounter. Well, save Sauron, though I don't expect we'll be seeing him for quite a while.
Gandalf's glare is becoming disturbing, so I'll write tomorrow. Bye.
Elrond's diary
Dear diary, I have finally found some peace and quiet! I have sent off the noisiest people at the council on a quest to destroy the ring of power. It really is remarkable how much mess a council leaves, but luckily I managed to disappear into my study before someone asked me to help tidy up.
Arwen is sulking, because I sent her boyfriend on the quest. When will she realise that Aragorn isn't the right man for her? She's just attracted by the air of power he's had ever since he knew he was going to be king of Gondor.
Unfortunately, my sons didn't arrive in time for the council; otherwise I would have sent them on the quest as well. If he wasn't so old and frail, I would have suggested that Bilbo tag along as well. The little hobbit came up to me yesterday, and do you know what he started talking about? The "good old days"! It took an awful lot of restraint to tell him that "the good old days" were thousands of years before he was born. Must go now, to try and stop Glorfindel killing my daughter for stealing his horse.
Gandalf's diary
Day 1
Already beginning to get annoyed with the hobbits. They keep trying to consume all of our food rations when they think I'm not looking. Sam is trailing behind Frodo like a pet, and he insisted on bringing Bill the pony along. How secret will this quest be if we leave a trail of pony poo behind us?
Embarrassing moment for me today, I almost set my beard on fire with my pipe. Fortunately, I don't think anyone noticed. I never wanted to come on this quest on the first place, I prefer leaving other people to do what they want and turning up in unexpected places to help. I'm good at that. Oh well, perhaps I will get a chance to do that later on.
Goodbye diary, I will write tomorrow. If I don't though, then you should know that I'm not late. A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.
Frodo's diary
Day 1
What possessed me to agree to take the ring? Apart from getting away from uncle Bilbo of course. He kept insisting on telling me about his adventure again. I have heard it far too many times. He tells it on his birthday (which happens to be the same as mine, lucky me), at every other celebration, at random intervals, and he expects me to listen each time. I feel impolite if I don't but I could repeat it word for word now, without a single mistake.
Well, I'd better go, Sam wants to talk to me.
Author's notes: Well, aren't you glad the first chapter's over? The next will be better, really. Please review, it doesn't take long. But please, no flames-they aren't nice, and I don't need people telling me how crap this is, because I already know.