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This chapter is dedicated to LilManiac for first reviewer. I'm not counting Anifan1 because she beta-d it and therefore knew when I was putting it up. Plus Anifan1's had the dedication for several chapters running and I thought it was time to dedicate to someone else.
Jenny's POV
I could tell that something was wrong with Terran. He was never this quiet.
(What's wrong, Terran?) I asked tentatively.
(Nothing,) he said, rather too quickly. (Nothing at all. Why do you ask?)
(You're quiet. Quieter than usual.)
(I'm… um… tired,) he said hesitantly.
I sighed. (I might not be the bravest host you've had, but that doesn't mean I'm a fool. When you say something with that amount of hesitation, I can tell something's wrong. What is it you aren't telling me?)
Now, it was his turn to sigh. (You are correct, of course. I am not telling you something. But trust me, it is for your own good that I cannot tell you. It would upset you and frighten you if I was to tell you.)
(I can't keep any secrets from you!) I whined. (What gives you the right to keep things from me?)
Terran stayed calm. (I am pleased to see that you now have the confidence to make demands, but rest assured that I will not look at memories without your permission and will try my best not to spy on your emotions, although I cannot help picking them up. Please, I cannot tell you. I have explained why.)
(It's worse not knowing.)
(It will be worse for you to know. Please, let it go!) He sounded desperate.
(Okay. You've never hurt me before,) I found myself replying. (I will trust your judgement.)
Terran sent me a mental smile. (Thank you. I swear I will never do anything to betray your trust.)
(Do you trust me?) I blurted suddenly.
(Yes, I do. But why would I have any reason not to trust you?) He asked, confused.
(I- I don't know.) Why had I asked him that? It was a stupid question. I seemed to be saying a lot of stupid things lately.
(What other stupid things have you said?)
(Will you quit reading my thoughts!) I snapped in embarrassment.
Terran seemed hurt by my sudden outburst. (I am sorry, I cannot help it while I remain attached,) he said simply, before withdrawing completely from my mind.
Great! I thought sarcastically. Now I can't even apologise for snapping at him, even though I am sorry. He can't even hear the thoughts I direct at him now! I am an idiot!
Why did I care if Terran was angry with me? I could always apologise later.
You care because he's been kind to you, said the annoying voice in my head. I wished my conscience would shut up. There was nothing I could do about it now.
Far from shutting up, it offered another opinion. You care because you feel something more than gratitude. What was really annoying about this voice was that it was right. I did feel something more than just gratitude and friendship towards Terran, no matter how much I wanted to deny it. But I couldn't seem to understand my own emotions. What I felt was far more complex than everything I had felt for a long time. Fear and pain are simple. Friendship, gratitude and affection are more complex. Every animal can feel fear or pain, but only sentient creatures understand the more complex emotions. In a way, I had been reduced to a mere animal under Braunan's rule: I had lost what made me individual, what made me human. I was only just beginning to come out of this state, and the 'new' emotions that I felt were difficult for me to comprehend.
Terran stayed unattached to my mind for hours, allowing me to get very concerned and nervous. Finally, he reached out and made contact with my brain again.
(Jenny?)
(I'm sorry,) I replied quickly.
(You are forgiven. I am sorry I left you like that. It was irresponsible.)
(How?)
(You are not fully secure in controlling your own body. You could have been hurt.)
(I'm not as helpless as you think I am,) I retorted.
He seemed to realise that he had hurt my feelings. (I didn't mean it like that. I simply prefer to be cautious.)
(Okay. Don't worry about it.)
(You seem to be recovering,) Terran noted sounding pleased.
(From Braunan?)
(Yes.)
(A little.)
The mention of Braunan, though, triggered me to think back on those days of almost no hope. Braunan had hated the leaders of the peace movement with a passion. For some reason, he did not hate its members, only the leaders and the concept of the movement. I never knew why.
FlashbackMy head was forced down into the dark brown sludge of the Yeerk pool. I did not thrash. Braunan had punished me harshly before for resisting and making it difficult for him to enter my ear.
I felt myself being slowly paralysed as my tormentor took control of my mind, of functions that I could not control myself as well as those that I could.
When Braunan had attached himself fully, I could sense him boiling with anger and hatred; towards whom, I did not know. I knew only that it was not towards me. If it had been, he would already have been torturing me.
(What...) I stammered nervously. I rarely spoke more than one or two word sentences.
(She's a disgrace to Yeerks!)
(Who...)
(Visser Three has found the leader of a band of rebels. She's been tricking poor, ordinary Yeerks to rebel against the Empire. Then they get killed, and for what? For her insane, sadistic ideas.)
I thought Braunan was the last Yeerk to be calling another Yeerk sadistic, but I masked these thoughts from him, so he wouldn't hear them unless he wanted to deliberately look for them.
I didn't quite understand how anyone could be tricked into rebelling against the Empire. (How...)
(Silence! You will not become insolent.)
I fell silent instantly, mentally trembling. I could not understand why Braunan was so angry. I would have thought he'd be pleased that they had caught a rebel.
(I am!) He replied, reading my thoughts. (I just hate her for what she's done to my…) He suddenly stopped mid-sentence.
(To your what?) I asked, with a little more confidence due to his anger being diverted to someone else.
He suddenly became really angry with me. (Mind your own business, human!) He yelled, and began to 'punish' me, more harshlythan he ever had before that point. He replayed my worst memoeries, combining it with sensations of pain and making me feel ill by raising my body temperature and my pulse rate until I thought my veins would burst. I cried out desperately, but Braunan soon stopped. He could not keep up with this kind of torture for long without damaging my body.
End flashback(Jenny?) Terran called, concerned. His voice sounded faint, as though he was calling from far away.
(I'm OK,) I managed to choke out, still feeling the pain from my memory.
(Rest,) Terran whispered affectionately. (You're safe now.)
I realised that, while I had been absorbed in memories, Terran had led me home and got me ready for bed. He returned control to me. I curled up on my side beneath the covers and slept.
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