Hams and Eggs
AN: I realized that I hadn't written anything for DBZ (which I don't own) in a long time. I also realized that it was almost Easter. Then I remember this little thing that's been collecting dust on my computer! This was back in my really long chapters day, if you didn't notice. Also, there are some rather odd crossovers in here, and I don't own any of those shows. And yes, I subjected myself to hours of torture so I could write this. One of these shows is simply terrifying. It is a little heavy on the crossover, but since this was originally a DBZ story I thought I should put it here.
Important Pre-fic Info: Candyland and I were planning to do a joint fic a few years ago called "Dragonball A through Y." We had done a lot of planning, and had figured out where they would find the dragonballs and who would write which parts and such. I had finished writing the first chapter and this little section of a later one before we kind of stopped working on it. She had some really good stuff written for it, too. I hope she posts some day. Like the chapter where they're digging through Master Roshi's magazines :snickers:.
Anyway, among the chapters, we had decided that everyone was to find one of the dragonballs and that Goten and Trunks would find theirs on an Easter egg hunt. Since I never got the first part of the chapter written, basically they went there, the boys started looking for eggs and the dragonball with Trunks holding the radar, and Vegeta was crying because he wanted his very own bunny. We begin right after they've found the three star ball...
"Let's take this back to the others!" exclaimed Trunks.
"Yeah," Goten answered. "And then we can eat the eggs!" A large bead of sweat began forming on Trunks' forehead.
Just then, they heard a voice exclaim "Oopah!" and were knocked over from behind. It wasn't a very big force, but whatever it was, it was something to be reckoned with. When Trunks and Goten managed to lift their heads up, they realized that the eggs and the dragonball were gone!
"Ah!" Trunks exclaimed, as they began freaking out. "Where is it?"
"We have to find it!" Goten replied. "I'm really hungry." Trunks stared at him.
Just then, they heard a voice behind them."Finally, our plan has begun to take effect. The first stage is almost completed!" They turned to see who the voice had come from, and were shocked at what they saw.
It was a large group of hamsters. There were at least 15 there, and if there were any others, they were hiding somewhere. A small orange and white one appeared to be leading them. Trunks and Goten listened as they tried to find their lower jaws.
"We all know what comes next," the head hamster continued. "We ransom these eggs from the Easter Bunny. Our demands: to rule the world! We Ham Hams will finally be respected!"
"Of course we all know that, Hamtaro," said a large black and white one with a hard hat. "Why did you even bother telling us?"
"Well... You might have forgotten, Boss. I almost did," Hamtaro answered meekly.
"What a pitiful leader," Boss mumbled. "Why don't you put me in charge? I taught you guys everything you know."
"Yez, but do you theenk you can lead uz?" said a female one with a French accent. This seemed to silence the one called Boss.
"Come on you guys," Hamtaro said. "We have to work together. Anyway, who were the ones who thought this up? This wasn't all my idea, so you shouldn't complain. Penelope and Snoozer came up the with plan."
"Okyoo!" replied the smallest one, who was wearing what appeared to be a yellow ghost costume, probably this 'Penelope'. Next to her was one sleeping in a sock, probably the one they called Snoozer due to his present state.
"Well, who's doing all the leading?" Boss retorted.
"Stop fighting!" one with glasses exclaimed. "We'll never get anything done if we keep arguing."
"Yes," one with a very small book added. "We need to start working together or our plan will never work."
"Oh, will you goody two-paws just shut up!" Boss yelled.
"Well," the one with glasses began, "I..."
"Dexter!" a girl one with a pink scarf exclaimed. "Down!"
"Yes, Pashmina, whatever you say, your royalness!" Dexter suddenly replied.
"Good," she responded. "Now you and Howdy come over here and start pampering me." The one with glasses and another one wearing an apron came over and started acting like she was queen of the world.
"Can we just get everything together?" Hamtaro exclaimed. "Dexter and Maxwell both had very good points. We have to..."
"Well, I think we should have someone more suited be the leader," Boss interrupted. "We can't even understand Penelope, all Snoozer does is sleep, and you can't even remember what you had for breakfast this morning! I should be in charge! I'm not called 'Boss' for nothing."
"Weel you juzt be quiet!" the French one exclaimed. "All you ever do eez complain about everyzeeng."
"But," Boss stuttered, "...Bijou, I..."
"Not anozer word," Bijou replied.
"Could we figure this out soon?" a large gray and white one said. "I'm getting hungry."
"Like, is that all you ever think about, Oxnard?" a girl one who look almost exactly like another hamster said. "We've got some important stuff to take care of and junk."
"Hey, go easy on him, sis," the one who looked like her answered, who was obviously a boy. "I'm gettin' pretty hungry too, so if you just zip it and pick me to be the leader, we can eat, dig it?"
"Like, what's that supposed to mean, Stan?" the girl responded.
"Yeah," Boss added. "Since when did you become Mr. Important Ham?"
"Everyone's always known I've got that old black magic," Stan replied, cooly. "We could get all the chicks in the world to follow us if you put me in charge, so if you and Sandy are done, I can..."
"You're not gonna be in charge and that's that!" Sandy exclaimed.
"STOP FIGHTING!" Hamtaro screamed. "Nothing will work if we keep bickering like this. Things have been going okay as is, so I should just stay in charge."
"Firstly, I'm surprised you even know what 'bickering' means," Boss retorted. "And secondly, I will not let a Ham like you rule the world!"
"I theenk he would be wonderfool at eet," Bijou responded, looking up at Hamtaro adoringly. He began turning red. Boss began to look extremely angry.
"Hey, cool it, my fellow Hams," Stan said. "If we gotta choose a leader why don't we listen to what everybody has to say and then figure out that I'm the best. I'm mean, Panda and Cappy over there haven't said a word yet." He was obviously referring to one that looked just like the Chinese mammal and one under a frying pan.
"Why would it be you?" Pashmina replied. "I already have power. See?" She somehow snapped and Dexter and Howdy came rushing beside her, ready to do her bidding. "I already have loyal followers. Now start pampering me again!"
"Yes, your loveliness!" Dexter and Howdy responded and began fanning her, kissing her feet, etc.
"That is, like, so disgusting," Sandy answered. "I mean, it's not like you'd be able to get everyone to do that. If anyone should be in charge, it should, like, be me, 'cause if someone weren't listening to me, I could just whack them with my ribbon!" She produced the gymnastic accessory out of no where and began twirling it.
"Hey!" Panda said. "I could build us Ham Cities. I should be in charge!"
"Well, I would get sunflower seeds for everyone!" Oxnard replied.
"Wait," said the one hamster who had remained nameless for all of this. "I can solve your dilemma."
"It's about time you started talking, Jingle!" Hamtaro replied.
Jingle started strumming his hamster-sized guitar. "The one who can get inside these treasure chests will find golden riches. That is the one who will rule the world, for money is the key in conquering you and me."
The others seemed a little worried by him. Hamtaro, though, managed to get himself together and exclaim, "You mean there's gold inside the eggs? We could get a lot more from the Easter Bunny now!"
"That is correct, Ham Radio," Jingle answered. "Find a way to open the box and the gold is yours."
"It's Hamtaro."
"If you'd quit changing your name, I'd know it better."
Trunks and Goten had managed to find and reattach their jaws by this point and were making very strange faces.
"Uh," Trunks began, "is it me, or is their something wrong with this picture?"
"Yeah," Goten responded. "I couldn't understand what that Jingle guy was saying either."
"No, you idiot! I mean about the situation!" Trunks exclaimed.
"Oh," Goten said, "well, I never knew that eggs had gold in them. Who could have known that we've been eating it this whole time. He may be confusing, but he's sure smart!"
"NO!" Trunks screamed at him. "What I'm trying to say is that hamsters shouldn't be talking, much less having human materials and be plotting to take over the world!"
"Oh, really?"
"Yes!"
In the meantime, the Ham Hams (as they called themselves) were still too busy arguing over which one of them would be controlling the world to notice Goten and Trunks.
"Everybody listen to me for just a minute!" Hamtaro managed to get out over all the noise. "Stan had a good idea. We'll listen to everybody and then decided which one of us will be the ruler."
"Well, I theenk eet shood be you, 'Amtaro," Bijou said. "You wood do such a good job at eet."
"Um, okay," Hamtaro replied with confusion while Bijou continued to stare at him. "Anybody else?"
"Of course there's 'anybody else!'" Boss screamed. "What have we been doing this whole time, smelling daisies?"
"Huh?"
"Never mind. What I want to say that I should be the one ruling over all you Hams. After all, was I not the one who used my home for the Ham Ham Club House? And did I not teach you everything that you know about taking care of yourselves? Who was the one who knew all about the Emeralds of Sugar? Obviously, I am the Ham for the job."
"Uh, Boss," Oxnard interrupted.
"What?"
"Aren't they called Diamonds of Sugar?"
"I thought I told you we called them 'emeralds' where I come from," he answered as a large bead of sweat began forming on his head.
"Okay."
"Well," Pashmina decided to begin, "you already know why I should be the one in charge
around here, right boys?"
"Yes, your majesty!" Dexter and Howdy immediatly replied, continuing to treat her like a queen.
"Your what?" Hamtaro asked.
"See?" Boss exclaimed. "He doesn't even know what 'majesty' means!"
"Oh, and A'll bet you do?" Bijou retorted.
"Well... of course I do. I just want you guys to be able to figure something out for yourselves for once."
"Well, the term 'majesty' actually comes from the word 'majestic', which means 'large' or 'beautiful'," Maxwell said. "This term is normally used to describe royalty, like kings and queens."
"Hey, like, I have a great idea," Sandy said. "Why don't we, like, put Maxwell in charge? He, like, knows a lot of stuff and junk."
"Oh really?" Cappy retorted. "And then who would that put in second in command, huh, Sandy?"
"Well, um..."
"Come on," Stan said. "We all know that if Maxwell were in charge it'd give you just as much power."
"No it wouldn't!" she screamed, beginning to turn red.
"Oh, yeah right, little miss 'I can't even hang out with my own brother cause I'm busy.' Yeah, like, we all know what your busy doing, sis," Stan replied, starting to making kissing sounds.
"I am not!"
"Yeah, whatever. Like I already said, put me in charge. I'm so cool we'd have all the Hams on our side in minutes."
"Yeah, and they'd, like, be gone in, like, seconds!" Sandy retorted.
"Hey, you, like, take that back!"
"You take back what you said about me first!"
"No way, you first!"
"No, you!"
"No, you!"
"You started it!"
"No I didn't, you did!"
"No I didn't, you did!"
"You always start it!"
"Nuh uh, you do!"
"No, you do!"
"STOP!" Hamtaro screamed. "WE AREN'T GETTING ANYWHERE! Just calm down and let's listen to what the others have to..."
"AHHHHHHH!"
"What is it?"
Bijou and Pashmina looked terrified. "One of eez eggs, eet moved!" Dexter and Howdy had moved into their 'Secret Service' positions.
The others looked, and, sure enough, one of the eggs was moving by itself.
"What are you, you evil creature?" Boss exclaimed. The egg suddenly stopped and Cappy's head poked out from behind it.
"Cappy?" Panda exclaimed. "What are you doing?"
"Um, I snuck out from under my frying pan during the fight and went to find the gold."
"Heke?"
"Hey, that's a good idea," Oxnard said. "Maybe we should get the gold out first and then decided who we're gonna put in charge and how we'll get the other Hams to join us."
"Okyoo! Okyoo! OKYOO!" Penelope exclaimed.
"Penelope's right," Snoozer said, half awake. "We thought up the plan... Just put us in charge... Then we can worry about... (yawn) everything else... Zu... zu...zu..."
"I will not let two hamsters with brains almost as small as Hamtaro's be in charge!" Boss screamed.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"See?"
"Zat eez not very nice, Boss," Bijou retorted. "'Amtaro would be ten times better zan
you at leeding uz. With a little 'elp from me, we coold..."
"Oh, so that's it's," Boss exclaimed. "You just want Hamtaro to be in charge for your benefit. Well, fine! I know when I'm not wanted..."
"How will me being in charge help out Bijou?" Hamtaro asked.
"See," Boss said, seeming like he was going to cry, "he doesn't even care! However, if you put me in charge, Bijou, I would make sure you..."
"Like, no way, man!" Stan interrupted. "If anyone can give her a position of power, it's me. Come on, Bijou, baby, don't you want a cool Ham like me in charge of the world?"
"Ew, no! Geet away from me!"
"See, Stan, like, what did I say, nobody would want you to be in charge," Sandy replied.
"Now if Maxwell were..."
"Come on!" Pashmina exclaimed. "I already have experience with being a supreme ruler, right boys?"
"Yes, your loveliness!" Dexter and Howdy quickly replied.
"Hey, I could at least build us cities," Panda responded. "Put me in charge, and we'll have an organized..."
"My name's Boss! Can't I live up to it?"
"If I were in charge, I could buy all the sunflower seeds I wanted," Oxnard said to himself. "And then maybe Pepper would come and..."
"What if I get to the gold inside the eggs first?" Cappy said in the midst of all the commotion. "Then I'd be in charge! Hats for everyone!"
"Did you know that in some ancient cultures, eggs used to be revered as..." Maxwell began.
"OKYOO!" Penelope screamed. "Okyoo! Okyoo! Okyoo, okyoo! OKYOO!"
"Who... thought this up?... Zu...zu...zu...zu...zu..." Snoozer said.
"Like, Boss, man, you couldn't rule a sunflower, ya know what I mean," Stan said.
"Do you wanna fight me like a Ham?" he retorted and began charging for Stan. "Bada bada bada bada bada!"
"Woh, man, like, calm down, I was just kidding!" Stan replied, beginning to run away. "Bada bada bada bada bada!"
"Yeah, like, go get him, Boss!" Sandy cheered. "My stupid bro deserves it!"
"Well, I'm gonna get the gold from the eggs!" Cappy said, beginning to walk off with one. "Tiki tiki tiki..."
"No you don't!" Oxnard said. "We're gonna figure this out first!"
Panda began brushing all the dust from his face. "Koosh koosh. We could have this done by now if you just let me be in charge and then we could build cities for all the Hams and..."
"I all ready have power!" Pashmina exclaimed. "It pointless not to put me in charge!"
"Okyoo!" Penelope retorted.
"You watch your language! Now boys, clean my fur; all this dust is making it yucky!"
"Wait a minute," Maxwell began, "it says here that..."
"QUIET!" Hamtaro screamed. "We are farther behind than we were when we started! Now, if we start working together, we can easily decide..."
"You are right, my good friend, Ham Hock," Jingle said.
"Hamtaro."
"Right again. No world has ever been ruled without team work from all the members of the group. Things will fail if we don't join forces. Cross the bridge when you get there, otherwise you'll have wet fur."
The hamsters were silenced by this.
"So, this shouldn't be going on?" Goten asked.
"Exactly," Trunks replied.
"You know," Hamtaro said once they were all done thinking, "Jingle's right. We need to work together! We haven't even ransomed the eggs yet."
"You're right, Hamtaro," Boss said. "I'm sorry." Everyone began a stupid-prime-time-drama- show-esk apology to everybody else.
"Let's go get the note for the Easter Bunny!" Hamtaro said happily as everyone else cheered him on. "We've wasted enough time here! There's a world we have to take over!" (evil manaical laughter goes here)
"That is correct," a voice said from the shadows of the nearby trees. "You have wasted enough time here. Enough time for me to arrive. You dirty, no good scum! Nobody messes with the Easter Bunny while I'm around!"
"Oh, cats!" Hamtaro exclaimed. "Who are you?"
"I'm your worst nightmare." The shadowy figure suddenly began throwing roses out at all of the hamsters. They began running around in pure panic. Trunks and Goten had lost their jaws again but were too busy staring to find them.
"Bada bada bada bada bada bada!" they screamed as they ran from him.
However, the Ham Hams were not fast enough to dodge the mystery man's roses and were soon all lying dead on the ground, impaled by them.
"Well, I'm gonna need some more therapy now," Goten said.
"Yeah. First talking hamsters, and now this."
"Sorry you had to see that, boys," the man said. He stepped out of the shadows, revealing that he was wearing a ridiculous costume with a tuxedo, a large top hat, a small white mask, and a cane. "Those evil Negaverse scum, trying to attack the Easter Bunny."
"Who are you?" Trunks exclaimed.
"Should that thing be talking?" Goten asked.
"I think so."
"Okay."
"You don't recognize me?" the man said. "Why, I'm Tuxedo Mask, loyal assissant to Sailor Moon! I was sent here to destroy the evil ones who were trying to ruin Easter. These eggs are all yours now. I'd be carefull with that one with the stars, though. It looks like it's been here since last year!"
"Um, right. But what you just said about, Sailor Moon?" Trunks replied. "Uh, I think you trailed these guys onto the wrong show. This is Dragonball Z and I have no idea what show those guys were from. It's probably one of those weird plot mix ups."
"Oh," Tuxedo said. "I see. Whoops. I thought I had gone quiet a distance. At least I stopped these ruffians. See ya, boys! I'm coming, Serena!" With that, he ran off into the shadow and disappeared as quickly as he had come.
"Wow," Goten said after he had vanished. "I didn't know there was water on the moon! Wait a minute, what is the moon?"
"Just shut up and come with me," Trunks said, picking up the eggs and the dragonball and trying not to step on the dead hamsters.
"What's a moon?"
"Uh, my mom said it was this big rock that used to circle the earth but Piccolo had to blow it up so we wouldn't turn into monkeys."
"Oh. Well, shouldn't we tell that guy that his Navy friend was blown up?'
"Nah, I think he knows what he's doing."
"Okay. Hey, Trunks?"
"What, Goten?"
"Why will we turn into monkeys?"
"I don't know; ask your mom."
"She scares me. Why do you think I have therapy in the first place?"
"Well, then, ask my mom."
"I don't think she likes me."
"Then ask Gohan! He probably knows. My mom says that he used to hang out with Piccolo a lot."
"So does my mom."
"Then ask him!"
"Wow, Trunks, your mom sure knows a lot."
"Duh. Where do you think I got it?"
"But why did she marry your dad? He's weird. Like that time we..."
"Wait a minute? What's 'marry'?"
"Huh?"
"What's that mean?"
"I thought you were supposed to know more than me, Trunks."
"Well, um, so that's the one thing I don't know. What's it mean, Goten?"
"Uh, I don't know."
"WHAT?"
"I know my mom and dad are that. I thought your mom and dad were too."
"Well, I've never heard of it."
"So, let's ask our dads!"
"Our dads?"
"Yeah, Trunks, we never ask them anything!"
He sighed. "Well, go ahead, Goten, we're back."
"Back where?"
"ERGH!"
"Oh! Hi, Mom!"
AN: And that's all I wrote! Yeah, I watched Hamtaro just so I could do this. Seriously. And I do think those little guys are evil. :shudders: They really scare me. So, of course, another show that I could barely standing watching had to be thrown in! lol, I remember that I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope you enjoyed it. Maybe I'll get back to writing for DBZ again one of these days. I really do wanna start over on The Adventures of the Incredible Fighting Candy. My muse just isn't working on that fic for the time being. See ya later!