Chapter Five

For once in her life, Jordan wasn't sure how to deal. Not with this situation…it was unlike any she had encountered.

Lily. One of her best friends…had to make the gut-wrenching decision to take her mother off life-support. Jordan could only imagine how hard that was…to have to make that kind of choice. She had no clue how that must feel. Or how Lily did it.

But she did know how much it hurt to lose your mom. She had dealt with that feeling since she was 10 years-old. So had Nigel. Woody was only four when he had to learn to cope. And more recently, Garret had been faced with the same situation. They all had unknowingly formed an alliance together….a sort of a club….though the initiation into the group was a high price to pay and one Jordan didn't wish on anyone. They would support each other now through birthdays, holidays, and most of all Mother's Day.

Glancing over at Woody, she wondered how he was doing…seeing a friend's mother die was like reliving your own private hell. Woody had experienced the agony of watching his mother die a long, painful death through cancer…he had told Jordan how excruciating it was to see his mother die a little each day. "Everyday that passed, there was just a little less of her than the day before," he said, when finally breaking down and telling Jordan about his parents. "Until finally, one day, there wasn't anything left…and she died."

They were driving back from Pennsylvania. Lily had her mother cremated and had decided to carry her mother's ashes back to her hometown and inter them in the family plot. Woody, Jordan, Bug, Garret, Nigel, Matt…even Rene', went to support the grief counselor. A quick look over at Woody told Jordan he was tired….and on the edge. "Hey," she said softly…"We're almost home…"

His fingers gripped the steering wheel a little tighter and Jordan could see his knuckles turning white. "It never gets easier, you know?" was all he said. She understood. She reached out and gently rubbed his leg.

"I know. Believe me, I know."

He sighed. "Yeah, you do. I just feel so sorry for Lily. There's so much she's going to have to cope with now. Her mom's death. Did she make the right decision…Jordan, how is she going to deal with being a grief counselor at the morgue now…seeing someone come in to claim their mother's body…it's going to be so hard on her.

Jordan squeezed his leg. "It will be. And I'm going to have to be there for her. But time will help. It took me a while…autopsying someone's mother….thinking about my own. I learned the hard way, you have to let go of the obsession…of thinking did I do all I could do? Was it enough? The fact is, Lily did the best she could under horrible circumstances and she made the right decision for her mother. And that was what was important. Eventually, I learned that I had to let go of my mother's murder for her sake. She wouldn't want me living the way I was…so wrapped up in her death that I couldn't live my life. I will always be curious. And if the opportunity comes up, I'll try to solve her murder. I owe her that. I don't owe her the disrespect of being so consumed with finding her killer that I lose sight of everything and everybody else in my life that I love."

Woody grinned and relaxed his grip on the steering wheel. "Lose sight of everyone you love…does that group include me, Dr. Cavanaugh?"

"You're at the top of the list, detective." Jordan grinned back and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

Woody cleared his throat. "I think Lily has a line of men that will help her get through this."

Jordan chuckled. "Yeah. Garret's protectiveness was borderline ugly almost, although I'd never tell him that. He's never spoken to anyone like he did Matt. Well, except maybe a DA or two. I nearly felt sorry for Matt."

"Well, Matt called Garret a few things behind his back, too. Do you think Lily realizes all the jockeying that is going on…for a place by her side?"

"Lily's still grieving too hard to see anything."

"Did you notice Matt's, Bug's, and Garret's reaction when she said she'd ride back with Nigel?"

"That's because she feels safe with Nigel. With Nigel, you can be yourself. He's the least judgmental person I know. She knew she could cry her eyes out or just sit there and be quiet and Nige would be fine with it. She wouldn't have to pretend, or hold up a conversation, or answer questions. She could just…be."

"She's going to have to make a decision when she gets back…."

"And if those men are wise, they'll leave her alone. But I'll tell you what I think will happen…"

Woody turned to her with a curious look in his eyes. Jordan had talked to him plenty about their relationship, but rarely, if ever, mentioned anyone else's. Of all the women Woody had known, Jordan Cavanaugh was the least gossipy one out there. That was one of the things he had come to admire about the lady long before he had ever come to love her. "Okay…I'll bite…what's going to happen?"

"Garret and Rene' will get back together."

"Jordan, are you sure? I mean Walcott has a baby now…by another man."

"So she says. Have you seen her son?"

"No…no, I haven't."

"He has brown eyes….like Garret's. I don't think she's told him everything, yet."

"Jordan…are you sure? And why wouldn't she tell Garret that he was the father of her baby. That just doesn't make sense."

"Trust issue. Garret was still getting over his fling with Maggie… I think Rene' wanted to make sure he had plenty of time to know what he really wanted….that he wouldn't just stay with her because of the baby."

Woody thought for a minute. "So Garret's reaction with Matt and Lily…."

"Was pure male testosterone talking. At one time, he had considered Lily his, and now Matt was moving in on his territory. It raised his hackles."

"Are you sure?"

"I think so. Did you notice the way Garret kept looking at Rene' these past two days…and how he took advantage of every opportunity he could to be with her? When he wasn't trying to keep Matt away from Lily?"

Woody grinned. "Yeah." He was thoughtful for a moment. "Jordan, but if you were pregnant with my child…"

"You'd be the first to know…right after I threw up on your shoes, I'm sure."

They both chuckled for a minute. "So that leaves Bug and Matt in the running….between the two of them, who do you think Lily will turn to?"

"Matt."

"Matt?"

"Matt. For two reasons. Bug has had more than enough opportunities to make his feelings known, if he truly has them, and he hasn't. I think he will always consider Lily special and will always look out for her…but I think if he had any feelings for her at all, they died out long ago. Bug's far too involved with his work to deal with a woman right now. His work is his mistress.

"Matt, on the other hand…there's something there. Call it chemistry…Lily would call it karma, I'm sure….but he really tries for her….tries to be the man that he feels she wants…and doesn't flinch when she calls him a lizard or anything else. He wants to be there for her as much as he wants that next breath. Did you see the way he fell all over himself the past two days doing anything she needed done? And did you notice her reaction?"

Woody slowly nodded. "Yeah. She wanted him by her side nearly the whole time."

"Wouldn't let go of his hand. Mark my words, there's something there. I think he'll teach Lily how to get out of her scented-candle comfort zone and she'll put him in touch with his feminine side."

"So why didn't she ride back to Boston with him?"

"Because Matt is riding with Bug…and that would have been too weird even for Lily's liberal standards."

"So Nigel's the safe bet."

"Nige is always safe."

Woody was silent for a beat. "But what about Lily and Nigel? Anything there?"

"Nothing there. No one knows a whole lot about Nige's social life. We just know he never dates anyone he works with."

They both were silent for a while. Woody noticed Jordan was almost nodding off. He took one hand off the steering wheel and gently pulled her over to him. "I'm glad Rene's shot Emmett."

"In a twisted way, so am I. That man gave me the creeps."

"That man worried me…I saw the way he looked at you at the trial. You and Rene' both. He was gunning for both of you." Woody looked over at Jordan. "You know I would have killed him if he touched a hair on your head."

"He couldn't hurt me."

"Really…what makes you say that?"

"Because…you had me ….you took me with you. I was safe."

Woody swallowed hard. She felt safe with him…she trusted him. She may never know what a precious gift she just gave him. Jordan Cavanaugh did not trust easily. For her to have that emotion towards him meant as much to him as her love. And like her love, he would guard it jealously and carefully. Softly kissing the top of her head before she dozed off, Woody said. "You're always safe with me, Jordan. Always."