No I don't Own Kain. Do you?
Edios: We Do!
Good for you! XD
Um.. That applies to all chapters, k?
Something I have always done is contemplate Kain's reactions to various situations, and determine what I would have done differently, so here it is! Excuse if not word for word, but if I get bored with it, I'll make it go faster.
Everything is the same, except Kain has my personality!
Kain, and all who care for his reputation: Oh God! No!
(mad laughter)
Oh yes!
note: italics is monologue. And stuff.
Legacy of Kainy-poos! Blood Omen 2Chapter I: Waking up at the wrong side of the wrong bed!
From the shards of tattered dreams I rose, unwilling, tossed upon tides of pain that flowed and ebbed, and left me searingly awake and, revoltingly, alive. It was then I saw her for the first time.
"Good evening. We did not expect you to awaken so soon. Already you surprise us." She said sultrily.
My mind was in fragments. Despite my best efforts to remember what happened to me, my only reward was my splitting headache became a little worse. I must have drunken way too much at whatever party I attended.
"Whose room is this? Oh please," Kain begged in a slurred voice as he stumbled off the luxurious bed, "tell me we did not do it."
The female vampire furrowed her brow. She shrugged off this confusing question. "I am Umah, and I am here to"
"—bother me. Yes I know." Kain cringed, for he knew what was to come.
Umah eyed Kain curiously. "…help you. Know that you are Kain, and you were once a power in the land. But you were defeated, struck down by a more powerful foe."
"Woop-tee-doo. Who beat the snot out of me?" Kain demanded.
Umah led Kain out to the balcony to better illustrate what she was about to explain. "The Sarafan, a fanatic group of humans bend on the eradication of the vampires, led by the Sarafan Lord." While she rambles on about those idiots, her hand creeps very close to Kain's backside.
Kain pulled away from Umah with a look of annoyance. "Did you just totally try to touch my ass?"
"NO!" Umah shrieked, shocked. She then continued rambling on about the Cabal and stuff, yadda, yadda, yadda… and Kain having to face unsurmountable dangers!
Kain rushed his face very close to hers menacingly. "I don't care for any dangers! See? I am totally in your face! I could contract MONO! But I don't care! Direct me to the Sarafan Lord; I shall have him traumatized within the hour."
Umah pushed Kain out of her face. "Such arrogance. And psychosis." Once again, she ranted on and on about stuff no one really cares about.
Finally, Kain and the authoress had enough. "Silence, woman! I don't care who you are or what you do as long as I get to screw up that Sarafan Lord loser guy! Aaakkk!" Kain doubled forward gripping his abdomen as Umah caught him, to keep him on his feet.
My head spun; my body ached; weakness overcame me.
Kain looked up furiously at the female vampire. "See, look what you did!" he roared. "You got me so mad, you gave me gas!"
Umah shook her head. "You have the Thirst upon you. Vampires don't get gas." She led Kain to the door. "Come Vampire, it is time for you to feed."
"YAY!"
Hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it.
Kain: (sniffle) you make me sad.
Take it like a man!