Note 1: I do not own Kim Possible or any of its affiliated content. This story is purely for the purposes of joy and laughter and...you know...whatever else it may cause in you.

Note 2: This story ignores STD

Note 3: I forgot what this note was supposed to be, so for now, it is a placeholder.

Ron Stoppable: Man or Monster?

Chapter 1: Blood Moon Rising

"Hey KP, wait up!" yelled a blond senior as he raced down the street to catch up with his best friend. Achieving his goal, he bent double with his hands on his knees and struggled to catch his breath. His friend smiled.

"Jeez Ron, need to run a little more, huh?" She tossed her silky, auburn tresses over her shoulder as Ron looked up from his knees, his heart still thudding from his previous cardio-based efforts.

"Easy for you to say, you're a cheerleader. You're built for athletic-ness, Kim."

"Ron, is that even a word?"

Ron looked up.

"Huh?"

Kim Possible draped a hand over her eyes dramatically as her best friend, Ron Stoppable, stood up. His heart rate had finally reached something that could be considered normal (considering his high-fat, high-naco diet).

"Never mind," Kim sighed .

Ron seemed to think for a minute, then realization flashed behind his chocolate eyes.

"Oh yeah KP, I forgot to tell you…I can't come to the movies this weekend with you and Monique."

Kim raised an eyebrow.

"Why not?"

Ron did his trademark scratch-behind-his-when-he-is-nervous thing and mumbled.

"What was that?" Kim asked in an aggravated tone while Ron avoided her gaze.

"My dad is taking me hunting."

Kim raised both her eyebrows this time.

"You, hunting?"

"That's just what I said KP! But he said that I needed to toughen up some, so he's going to take me hunting. He went on and on about the 'Great Outdoors' and the bonds between man and nature…" Ron ranted as he began his slightly humorous tirade against the evils and oppressions of Nature and its creatures (specifically the kind with tails and a tendency to toss their own waste).

Kim groaned and decided to stop his whining in its tracks before Ron got out of hand.

"Alright then. I'll see you when you get back from your 'nature hike.'"

"Um, ok KP. See ya later!"

With that, he turned around and walked back to his house to pack. Kim sighed again. She'd gotten the tickets for the movie he'd wanted to see too, Speed Racer. She continued on to her own house deep in thought.

Maybe, I could exchange them for tickets to PS: I Love You. Mmmm…Gerard Butler.

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"Dad, we've been out here for hours," Ron whined, struggling with both his pack and his pants, which got caught on every nearby twig, branch, and limb. "When are we going back to camp?"

After hiking nearly three and a half miles in a nearly perfect circle, Ron had managed to lose not only his own map, but his compass, his left sock (how?), the battle between his pants and gravity at least twice and a bag of trail mix to a squirrel the size of a dachshund.

Ron's father put his finger to his lips and bent low to the ground, running a hand over the soft soil of the forest floor.

"What is it dad?" Ron asked, his nervousness palpable in the suddenly silent forest.

His father stared at the ground intensely, and then back up at Ron, pointing to the ground.

"Wolf tracks…and they're fresh." Ron swallowed audibly. His father had warned him about the wolves in this forest. They hunted in packs upwards of five to six and were large even compared to the bigger dogs back in Middleton. They normally left humans alone, but years of game hunting in these woods had desensitized them to the human scent. And if one was injured or felt threatened…well, it was best just to avoid them at all costs.

In the corner of his eye, Ron noticed a flash of gray. He whirled around to find nothing but trees and a squirrel stealing the other bag of trail mix from the pocket of his pack. His father poked him in the ribs, making him jump.

"Come on. Let's go back to camp." Ron sighed in relief; these woods creeped him out.

Back at camp, Ron couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched, but when he turned, he found nothing there. His father, on the other hand, seemed ecstatic about the whole trip and hummed off-key to himself as he tossed random pieces of tree bark and limb onto the fire. At his insistence, his dad had only brought essentials for the trip, so Bueno Nacho had been nixed as well any other acceptable (to Ron Stoppable) form of decent snackage.

Hmph, lousy squirrel…taking my trail mix…we should make some squirrel stew.

Ron began to fantasize about preparing squirrel cuisine (which he had one day seen on Cajun Cuisine and You) and felt a little better. However, between the several hours hiking and hauling his pack, the physical and psychological attacks from Nature and the emotional toll from the loss of both bags of trail mix, he was exhausted.

"Hey dad, I'm turning in early, ok?"

Mr. Stoppable smiled at his son from the campfire.

"Early to bed, early to rise huh? Good thinking. I'll be in shortly."

Ron shrugged and crawled into his tent. After peeling his slightly smelly clothing from hi body and putting on his pajamas, he slid into his sleeping bag…

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Ron awoke with a start to the call of nature…or more like the slap-in-the-face of nature. 'Whoa…I've never had to pee so bad in my life. Sweet Nacos…' he thought, struggling out of his sleeping bag and trying to find his shoes. After several tense moments of effort and more than a few victories for his sleeping pallet, he managed to break free.

Finding a pair of slippers, he put them on quick and exited the tent as fast as humanly possible, nearly killing himself in the process. Finally freed of the Polymer Menace, he trudged to the toiletry section of the camp, a.k.a. a hole in the ground outside the camp radius. The glowing embers of the fire did nothing to alleviate the creepiness of the dark dank woods in the wee hours of the morning.

"It's like a horror movie or something…wait a second," Ron thought aloud, "I'm Ron Stoppable, teen hero extraordinaire…uh, sidekick to teen hero extraordinaire! I'm not scared of these little woods. And why? Cause I'm the Ron-Dog!" Ron struck a triumphant pose, blissfully ignorant of the hilarity that his one-piece pajamas and bunny slippers would have cause to any witnesses.

Upon reaching his destination, he quickly unzipped himself to the waist, getting the zipper stuck and struggling with it for about five minutes. Defeating his metallic foe, he commenced the act of emptying his bladder of its contents upon the forest dirt, sighing with relief.

Until the crackling caught his attention.

His eyes wide and his fight-or-flight responses firing off, he finished quickly and zipped himself back up to the waist, looking around franticly for the source of the noise. Another crackle below him brought his attention to…a squirrel. Ron sighed with relief again.

Whoa, now that was all kinds of freaky.

He bent down to look at the squirrel before noticing the squirrel was not looking up at Ron, but rather, over Ron's shoulder. Then, Ron felt hot air blow over his neck and turned slowly to find a pair of yellow eyes staring into his own. His heart pounding, Ron's last thought was, I bet that's the same squirrel that stole my trail mix…

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Kim Possible and another girl were walking out of the movie theater, chatting excitedly. The other girl was African-American with long ebony hair tied in a large braid down her back. This of course was none other then Kim's best friend of the female gender, Monique. They had just finished seeing PS: I Love You and were discussing the best qualities of the film…which may or may not have involved a complete discussion with how much of a hottie Gerard Butler was.

"Seriously, Kim, that was hands down the most romantic thing I've ever seen. He was totally TSFWaaHTB!"

Kim racked her brain attempting to decipher Monique-speak.

"Too Sexy For Work and…?" she said questioningly.

"Too Sweet For Words and a Hottie To Boot!" Monique said with a squeal as she led Kim over to club banana to check out the latest fashions. "Speaking of which…" she continued, eyeing the skirt adorning the mannequin in the window, "any news from the front lines?"

Kim's face remained impassive as she checked out the mannequin as well, but instead eyeing the purple blouse the figure advertised rather than the skirt. After a few moments she continued into the store, Monique hot on her trail waiting for the latest juicy gossip concerning the Middleton High dating scene.

"Well Brick and Bonnie are back together again, what a shocker, Jeanette and Liz are still on the prowl for team captains and Marcella hooked up with Tim Pataloy earlier this week."

Monique let out a low whistle at that.

"Isn't he the guy who's father owns Middleton's Steel and Upperton's International?"

Kim nodded as she pulled a top to her torso to get Monique's opinion. Monique made a face which Kim mirrored as she put the blouse back and continued to browse. After a moment of silence, Monique spoke up again, this time in her conspirator voice.

"Girl, did you hear about Tara? Latest news is she's crushin' bad."

Kim's interest was piqued as she pulled Monique over to the sanctity of the dressing rooms, each carrying a single article to try on while they spoke.

"Anyone interesting?" Kim called to Monique in a stage whisper through the thin stall door. She could almost hear Monique's smile in her voice.

"Oh, I'd say so…"

Kim thought for a moment.

"Do we know him personally or just through the gossip chain?"

"Oh, definitely personally."

Kim struggled with both her new top and her mental search for a Tara-date candidate. At least she won the battle with her shirt.

"I give up Monique, who is it?"

She heard Monique's door open and she stepped outside of her own room to check out Monique's new jeans and get an opinion on her shirt. She found Monique with her arms fanned wide and above her head, turning slowly to let Kim admire how the pants clung in all the right places. At Kim's thumbs up and Monique's nodding approval of her new blouse, a baby blue tube top, they wandered back over to the counter to ring up. Kim was about to burst for an answer but, as Monique opened her mouth, the Kimmunicator chirped.

Beep beep be doop!

Sighing, Kim reached to answer it. Ever since the iPhone and other smartphones became the next new thing, Wade had upgraded the Kimmunicator to double as her cell phone. Her mother's voice rang out from the powerful, yet miniature speakers.

"Kim?"

"Hey Mom, what's up?"

"Kimberley…something happened to Ron…he's here in the hospital."