Definitely not my 'normal' story type!

Set post TBO, Steph stayed at her parents until she moved back into her apartment. Morelli and Steph have been off-again for several months.

Disclaimer: Not making any profits, and the characters aren't my own (except Maria and Carlos) – I just love to play with Ranger. Rated PG, nothing too smutty or gory here.

Consciousness returned slowly and confusedly, asking the age old question – what happened?

But even as I asked myself that question, the past few hours flooded back – I'd been kidnapped, again.

Now, some people would see the 'again' as something to be worried about, but the truth is, the more bad things happen to you, the more blasé you get about them. And as soon as I got out of the land of grogginess, I was sure I was going straight to the land of blasé. But I was wrong. I went straight to the land of pain. What? I wanted to yell in outrage, this isn't on my map! Owww!

My name's Stephanie Plum, and I'm a bounty hunter - a fugitive apprehension agent, whatever you wanna call it. I haul people who've Failed To Appear at court, to the pokey. They don't tend to like this, and bad things happen to me a lot. Hence blasé.

I gathered my courage and pried one eye open, so far so good, then the other eye…hey presto, vision! And I was looking straight into a pair of familiar concerned Cuban eyes.

'Ranger?' I groaned in pain. Then I stared a little more and realised, 'you're not Ranger.' It was hard to concentrate, I was dog-tired and I was in a great deal of pain.

'I'm his father.' Said Cuban eyes.

Really? I wanted to say, But you look so young. Instead I said something along the lines of 'ulnk.'

Senor Manoso took out his cell phone, 'what's your name Querida?'

Aww, he called me Querida, just like Ranger did when we were together that night, I wonder what it means? 'Babe.' I managed to say to Senor. Why was it so hard to talk? It's not like I'm not thinking these things!

'Ric? I've got a woman here, brunette, blue eyed, gorgeous, says her name's Babe. Si. I think she's hurt, and she's in pain. She seems to be finding it hard to speak. Her arms and legs were tied up. Si, she was just dumped out by the security gate. About five minutes ago, she's only just come around. Si.' Senor turned to me, 'he wants to speak to you.'

I nodded, but my movements were slow and laborious. Senor held the phone to my ear.

'Babe?' relief flooded through me at the sound of his voice.

'Ranger.' I managed to say, but Gods, I'm so tired.

'I'm on my way. I'm in Miami anyway, I'll be here in ten, max.'

Miami? I wanted to yell. WTF am I doing in Miami? This comment would closely be followed by, 'You can talk!' I mean he said nearly twenty words - all in one go!

I could feel my lose grip on my consciousness loosen further, and I spiralled down into the un-chartered land of dreams.

'Babe. You need to wake up. Babe.'

Sheesh. I'm awake already. Keep your hair on. But you could take your clothes off if you wanted…

'Babe. I need you to open your eyes.'

But it's hard!

'Please babe. Open your eyes for me.'

I'm trying dammit!

'I need to see those beautiful big blue eyes, please Babe.'

He thinks my eyes are beautiful? Well ok…I dragged my eyes open slowly, blinking rapidly against the sudden light. It took me a few moments to realise I was staring up at the ceiling. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Ranger kneeling next to me.

'Can you turn your head to look at me?' Ranger asked.

I flicked my eyes to my right so that I could see him properly.

'Not your eyes, Babe, your neck. Can you move your neck?'

I tried, but honest to God I couldn't for the life of me move my neck, hell I couldn't move anything, except my eyes. I flicked my eyes up to meet Ranger's. Esp don't fail me now!

'Blink once for yes, twice for no.' Ranger said. 'Can you move your neck?'

If I could move it, don't you think I would've done already? I rolled my eyes, and then I blinked firmly twice.

'Can you move anything except your eyes?' Ranger asked.

Blink blink.

Ranger conferred with Bobby in low voices for a moment, and then he turned back to me.

'Ok. We think you've been given a drug called Benazine Triophlorate Sisculpide, or BTS. It's a paralysing agent, but its effects are only temporary. You understand?'

Blink. Yes, I fricking understand, I'm temporarily paralysed, not brain dead.

Ranger didn't say anything else and my eyes were so heavy, and they started drifting closed.

'BABE! Eyes open! NOW!'

Jeez. No need to yell, I thought miserably.

I'm so tired, and I hurt so damn much. Ranger's Esp must finally be working because he said, 'are you in pain Babe?'

Blink.

'Bobby,' Ranger said, 'can we give her anything?'

'If it is BTS we can't give her shit. Sorry. Pain killers will slow her neuro impulses down, which we can't allow right now. Her heart's beating too slow right now anyway.'

Way to reassure me Bobby.

'Just because she can't move, doesn't mean she can't hear Bobby.' Said someone – I think it was Lester.

'Oh, right. Sorry Steph. You're doing fine - really. Just don't go to sleep ok? In fact, Ranger, that's your job – keep her awake, keep her alert.'

Keep me sane.

'How am I supposed to do that?'

'I don't know, you're the boss, you think of something.'

'Great.' Ranger muttered. 'What should I do Babe?'

Hmm…take off your shirt and do a slow and delicious strip tease?

'You want me to tell you how I got a job at Vinnie's?'

Hell Blink!

'Well I was just starting out in the FTA business, and I wanted to learn the ropes on someone else's time before I built my own security company. So I walked into the Plum Bail Bonds, but there was no one manning the front desk, and there were these weird noises coming from the office.'

Uh oh. I know where this story goes. Please let there not be a duck in this story – Vinnie and I are related.

'I was twenty-seven, and I had myself pretty pegged for world wise, or at least street wise. And I'd been quite a lad growing up, and well, my sexual repertoire wasn't very limited, but even I was shocked at what I walked in on. I've been blackmailing Vinnie with it ever since.'

OMG! Did every one who worked for Vinnie blackmail him? Maybe it's just me and Ranger. I wonder what it was Ranger saw?

'No you don't.' said Ranger. 'I know you, and I know your curiosity, but believe me, you don't want to know! Do you remember madam Zaretsky and her trained dogs?'

Blink.

'And you've heard the duck rumours?'

Blink.

'Then that's all you ever need to know!' Ranger said, shuddering.

I burst into laughter, not externally, cos of the whole paralysis thing, but internally I was having hysterics.

'You're laughing.' Ranger said flatly.

I blinked once firmly.

'What now?' Ranger muttered.

Tell me another story!

'I'm not telling you another story, they'll come back and bite me on the ass when you can talk!' Ranger paused, looking thoughtful. Then he looked down at me, 'I know what'll you keep you entertained.' He said with a sexy grin. Then he pulled off his painted-on top.

YES!

He sat down on the couch, next to me, and my eyes devoured him, admiring the lines of his manly body. Oh YUM!

I did nothing but stare at his body for what was probably hours.

But the pain was increasing and I was thankful my vocal cords stopped working; it stopped the pathetic whimpering too.

Ranger was stroking my hair and I could see that he knew I was in a great deal of pain. I felt a tear well up and slide down my cheek.

'Don't cry Querida.' Ranger said softly, he leaned forward and kissed away my lone tear. 'I'll tell you a story, just don't cry, please Babe?'

Blink.

'How about what made me sign up to the army?'

Blink.

'Ok. Well, I was eighteen, and I was a street punk – a real fucking idiot. I fell in with the wrong crowd when I was mid-teen. My older brothers were really academic, but I just didn't have the patience for it. I couldn't be bothered to concentrate, to work; I just wanted my grades to fall in my lap. So I'd always do the bare minimum at school and still get pretty decent grades. But I wasn't matching up to my brothers, and I knew it was because I was too lazy to work, but eventually I started worrying that even if I did work my best, I still wouldn't match up – so it was better to choose to flunk, than to try and to not succeed.'

I could relate to that 100, it was Saint Valerie and me all the way - but Wonder Woman had had Mary Lou to keep her on the straight and narrow.

'I got in with a gang, we didn't do much at first, just hanging on street corners, normal teenage stuff. Remember when I said I used to do everything?'

Blink.

'Well, I wasn't exaggerating a lot. By the time I was eighteen I was hooked on crack cocaine. My gang and me were doing a little B&E to pay for our habits, as well as stealing some fast cars and selling the parts. We never stole off anyone that didn't have insurance – everything we stole got paid back by the state, and we figured it was morally ok. Legally black, but morally ok. That's how we reassured ourselves, how we rationalised it. What the other boys didn't know was that I was just as rich as the poor SOBs we were ripping off – I didn't need the money, I needed the fucking thrill.' Ranger paused, jaw clenched, 'I'm not proud of any of this Babe.'

Blink. I understand; you made some bad choices. Tell me more!

'We robbed a corner store. I was driving the get away car, but things got FUBAR. Eventually I got hauled in for questioning, but they had nothing on me; I wasn't on any of the security tapes. At this point I was virtually living on the streets, I knew things with my gang were getting more serious, and I didn't want my family finding out; didn't want them to know what shit I was in, or how much drugs I'd been taking. The cops threw me in a cell for a night. Threw me in with all the junkies. I remember thinking 'why have they put me in with these guys? I'm not a fucking junkie! I'm recreational user.' Come morning time I was rocking back and forth, God I remember needing a hit so bad.' Ranger paused, shaking his head slightly.

'I'd spent the night talking to the other junkies, come dawn I knew what I was going to do. I didn't want to end up like them. When the police released me I checked into rehab. The morning I checked out of rehab I signed up to join the army. The army straightened my father out, figured it could do the same for me. I didn't have great grades, but I'd been working out since I was twelve, I had muscles and I was vaguely sure that I must have brains somewhere; enough to ensure maybe I'd get to be an officer one day. Maybe my mom could look at a photo of me and be proud – not see a junkie son she was ashamed of. So that's why I joined up.'

I stared at him. That is SO not the end of the story!

'You want me to tell more?'

Blink. Damn straight! I'm learning some Ranger facts here! Don't stop!

'Ok. Well, when I passed basic training I sent my family a picture of me in my uniform, but I hadn't really seen or spoken to any of them since I was about seventeen. A year or so passed and I got into the Rangers. I sent them a picture of me and my team; but I still didn't visit. Then when I was about twenty, Tank told me to get my act together, drove me to my parents house, and all but threw me out of the car. Then he drove off. It was Sunday lunchtime; I rang the door and Elsie, our housekeeper, answered. She opened the door and smiled at me and said 'well Mr Ricardo, you've grown into a fine man.' Then she gave me a hug and a kiss and told me to get my ass in here. The she took me to the dining room. We paused outside and I was real nervous and then Elsie said 'Get on with you now, they set a place for you at the table. Like they have everyday since you left.' So I walked in and sat down on my mom's right, in my usual seat, then I asked my mom to pass the potatoes, and she burst into tears.'

His mom wasn't the only one – I was bawling bucket loads!

'Babe? Are you ok? Has the pain gotten worse?'

Blink blink.

'It hasn't gotten worse?'

Blink Blink.

'Then why are you crying? Cos of the story? Please stop crying Babe.'

Ranger kicked off his boots and lay down on the couch next to me, wrapping his arms around me and holding me whilst I cried. He stroked my hair out of my face and kissed my tears from my cheek.

'Everything's going to be ok Babe.' Ranger said, and for a split second, I could believe him. But hell, bad things always happen to me. Like the kidnapping.

Which started me panicking – Ranger still didn't know about the kidnapping.

Ranger saw the panic in my eyes. 'Relax, it's ok, you're safe now.'

Yes, I wanted to scream, but you're not!

I looked into his gorgeous eyes and desperately tried to communicate that he was in danger.

'There's something you want to tell me isn't there?'

Blink.

'Ok. I'm going to recite the alphabet and you can blink at the letter you want and we'll spell out a word or something. Will that work?'

Blink.

'Ok. A B C D E F G-'

Blink.

'G?'

Blink.

'Ok. G. A B C D E…'

It was a painstaking process, but eventually we'd spelt it out: Giovachi. If I never heard the alphabet song again then it would be too soon.

'G-I-O-V-A-C-H-I? I don't get it Babe. SHIT! Giovacci? That was who did this to you? Shit Babe, I'm so sorry. This is my fault. You were kidnapped as a lesson to me?'

Blink.

'I'm so sorry.'

Quit apologising! It's not your fault psycho boy decided to kidnap me! And it was only for a couple of hours. Of course this poison's being a real bitch, but the actual kidnapping itself wasn't too bad. And hey, I've been learning Ranger facts!

Hmm, maybe I should thank psycho boy. A bolt of pain raced through me. Maybe not.

I needed donuts.

'Got it!' Bobby said.

Donuts?

'I'm going to inject the antidote into your arm, ok Steph?'

Well, it's not donuts, but ok. Blink. I felt a sharp momentary pain in my right arm as he slid the needle into my arm; I closed my eyes tightly – not wanting to see.

'All done Babe.'

I opened my eyes cautiously, and found myself looking into Ranger's liquid chocolate eyes, I would smile if I could, but I can't. So Ranger smiled for me, then he leaned over and kissed me lightly on my forehead.

'You'll get the use of your limbs back in a few hours. That couch can't be that comfortable, so I'm going to carry you to my bed ok?'

Blink.

Ranger's arms enfolded me and gently lifted me up, I was pressed against his naked chest and any other time I would be having hot flashes, but right now I'm so damn tired, and I hurt so much, I just want to be well again.

Ranger carried me into a bedroom just off the sitting room - well I assumed I had been in the sitting room, I couldn't really be sure. He laid me down on the bed, and closed the curtains, plunging the room into relative darkness. Ranger put my arms next to my body and straightened my legs into a comfortable position.

'That ok Babe?'

Blink.

'Good. You can go to sleep now that you've had the antidote. I'll stay with you for a while, then I've got some business.'

Ranger's voice turned grim when he said 'business.' Not sure I wanted to be in Giovacci's shoes right now.

Ranger kissed me lightly on the lips. 'Don't worry, just get some sleep.'

Finally I could close my aching eyes, and, with an internal sigh, I did just that.

Once again I woke feeling disorientated and confused. Where was I? Oh yes, Miami. I stretched out and realised abruptly that I was naked under the silk sheets. I didn't go to sleep that way did I? OMG, did Ranger undress me?

Eventually I dismissed the mystery of who-saw-me-naked and slid out of the crisp sheets to have a shower.

Guess what shower gel I used?

God help me, I'm a shower gel junkie!

I wrapped myself in a big fluffy towel and hunted for some clothes. I found my jeans neatly folded, as well as a black shirt of Ranger's. Guess that was what I get to wear. I pulled on my jeans, sans panties, and searched for my bra – hey, when you're 34B you need all the help you can get! I tugged on Ranger's shirt and did up some of the buttons. The shirt hung to mid thigh, I could probably wear it as a dress and still be 'decently covered'.

I tied back my mass of curls, which some people call hair. I checked my appearance in a mirror, I wasn't going to win any beauty pageants, but I looked ok.

I stretched out again, enjoying the feel of my muscles moving – you really didn't appreciate something properly until it was gone.

I hesitated a split second and then walked out the door. A woman and a man were talking in the sitting room; they looked to be about sixty, definitely not older than that. The man was Ranger's father, so I'm going out on a limb here and guessing that the woman is Ranger's mother.

'Hi.' I said, feeling awkward.

'Hola Querida.' Said Ranger's father. Uh oh, they're not going to expect me to speak Spanish, right?

'Hello dear.' Said the woman. 'I'm Maria, Ric's mother, and this is Carlos, Ric's father.'

'Nice to meet you.' I said, Burg manners kicking in, 'Where's Range…uh…Ric?'

'Business.' Said Carlos, looking serious.

'How long has he been gone?'

'Just a few minutes Querida. He stayed by your side until Bobby was sure you were going to be 100 ok.' Carlos said.

'Oh.' My stomach was churning, and not in a good way. Giovacci knew that kidnapping me was going to get a reaction from Ranger, he was expecting Ranger; he was prepared. You know the phrase, 'sick with worry'? I hate that phrase.

I had the sudden urge to bake bread, a clear indication to anyone who knows me that things are very very bad.

'Could I cook some bread in your kitchen?' I asked Maria.

'Of course dear, I'll help you.'

Maria kissed Carlos goodbye as she left the room and led me to her kitchen. It was huge; my mom would turn aluminous green if she ever saw it.

'Wow.' I said.

'I like it.' Maria agreed with a smile. Maria had silver hair, and skin a shade paler than Ranger's, she was surprisingly short; only 5ft 5", with startling green eyes. She had laughter lines around her eyes and lips that seemed predisposed to turn upwards.

She talked about small things whilst we cooked together: the weather, cooking techniques, flowers, anything to keep my mind off worrying about Ranger. Then she started telling me stories about Ranger's childhood. He'd gotten lost in a supermarket when he was three, and he'd cried for two hours because he thought mommy didn't want him anymore. And when he was five he went fishing with his dad and got three leaches stuck on his leg – he'd wanted to keep them as pets. When he was twelve he got in trouble at school because he picked a fight with three fifteen year olds. It turned out the older kids had insulted Ranger's older brother, calling him names, and Ranger had fought to protect his brother's honour. The older kids had three broken noses, two black eyes and a fractured rib between them. Ranger didn't have a single bruise.

I could hear a hint of pride in Maria's voice that she tried to hide; mother's weren't supposed to approve of their kids beating up other kids.

We cleaned the kitchen whilst we waited for the bread to rise. Ranger had been gone for an hour, and my tummy felt squishy.

'He has his men with him, don't worry.' Maria said. I nodded, we hadn't discussed our fear for Ranger's safety, but I could tell she was as worried as me. We changed the subject again, back to shoes. It was a safe topic.

We kneaded the bread and separated out the dough into three loaves. We put them in the oven. What to do now?

'Shall we make some cookies?' Maria asked.

'Works for me.' I said with a smile.

She pulled out a cookbook; Mary Berry's fast cakes. We flicked through the recipe book until we found a recipe for cookies.

Several hours later and our bread and cookies were done, the kitchen was sparkly clean, and I'm a mess; my hair's fallen out of my hair tie, I'm covered in flour and I think I'm going to be sick.

What if Ranger's been hurt? What if he's dead?

Maria took one look at my face and gripped my wrist, dragging me to the bathroom. She held my hair out of my face whilst I threw up, and stroked a reassuring hand up and down my back.

'He'll be ok.' She said. I nodded and threw up again. 'They never understood what it's like, the worry, the way it eats inside of you. Worrying that they're not going to come back. But Ric's smart, he's strong, he'll be ok.' Maria said.

You don't have to be stupid to get hit with a bullet, I wanted to say, but I held my silence. I wiped the vomit from my mouth and stood up shakily. I flushed the sick down the toilet and washed my hands. Maria pulled me into her arms and I burst into tears.

I'm blaming the poison – it's made me emotional. Yeah, that's it.

Eventually Maria and I retuned to the sitting room. Carlos glanced at me and sighed softly, 'he'll be ok.' He said to me. I nodded. Maria and I sat down on the couch next to Carlos. Maria wrapped her arm round my shoulders and I rested my head on her shoulder, taking comfort from her warmth. Her hand gently stroked my hair out of my face, much like her son had been doing some hours before. Sheer exhaustion overtook my body, and I fell asleep against Maria.

'Babe?'

My eyes fluttered open.

'Ranger?' I said, still sleepy, then a moment later, 'Ranger!' I all but threw myself at him. He caught me easily; I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.

All in one breath I said: 'are you ok? Are you hurt? What happened? What took you so long? Would it have killed you to use your cell to let me know you were alive?'

'Yes. No. It got complicated. Ditto. No, sorry.'

'Huh?' Miss eloquence, that's me.

'Yes, I'm ok. No, I'm not hurt. What happened was it got complicated. It took us so long because it was complicated, and no, it wouldn't have killed me to use my cell, I'm sorry I didn't call. Ok?'

'You're sorry! Jeez you're such a man!' I said, then I started muttering under my breath, 'throwing up with worry and he 'could've called, sorry' Jeez. Crying and throwing up and he's 'sorry'. Uh!' Mental head slap. 'Men are so stupid, I'm going to be a lesbian. It's so much easier.' I slid down Ranger's body and tried to walk to Ranger's bedroom, but someone was holding my wrist securely. I'll give you one guess who.

'Ranger, let go of my wrist.'

'No.' Ranger said. Then he picked me up and slung me over his shoulder.

'What are you DOING? Put me DOWN! Now! RAAAAN-GER!'

But Ranger ignored my protestations and carried on walking. He carried me up some stairs and climbed out of a window. Then he set me down; we were on the roof. He lay down, looking up at the stars. I paused a moment, then I joined him. We lay there in silence staring up at the stars.

'When I was little I'd come up here when I was worried about my Dad while he was away on an Op. I forgot what it was like to be the one left behind, worrying. I'm sorry, I just didn't think you'd care that much.'

'Excuse me? You don't think I care about you? I'll have you know that I care a whole lot about you, I might even love you if you weren't such an asshole sometimes!' I tried to get up, but Ranger's arm shot out and held me down, he rolled so that his legs were either side of my body.

'When am I an asshole?'

'When you handcuff me and try and force me into a safe house, when you left your car keys in the dish in your apartment because you knew I wouldn't leave, when you told me to go back to Joe. If you didn't want me, then fine! But to tell me to go back to Joe? That's asshole behaviour! To not phone cos you think I don't care, that's asshole like! I was so scared for you, and you don't even think I care about you? Jesus. Just let me up Ranger.'

'No.' he said. He took a deep breath, 'I'm sorry.'

'Whoopie doo! You're sorry; someone call the Guiness Book of Records – Ranger's apologising!'

'Babe.' Ranger said.

'What? What the hell does that mean?'

He leaned down and kissed me, tongue and all, and I clean forgot what I was saying. I kissed him back, leaning up into him, needing more, wanting more.

'Babe.' Ranger repeated, but this time his voice was husky with desire.

'So what?' I said. 'You enjoy kissing me, I get it. But there's no emotional price for what we give each other, right? So I shouldn't care about you and you shouldn't care about me. But you've just killed someone cos they hurt me, and you killed Abruzzi too. Your words say you don't care, but your actions do, and I'm so fucking confused Ranger. This isn't fair to me.'

'I'm sorry.' Ranger said.

'You've been saying that a lot recently.'

'I know. You confuse me too.'

'Well it's not intentional.' I said.

Ranger laughed quietly, 'I know Babe.' He leaned down and kissed me again, then he kissed my shoulder, kissed my neck. He sucked at the spot on my neck, lathing it with his tongue, and then he bit down. I moaned and writhed against him. I don't have a clue what's going on, but Ranger just gave me one hell of a love bite. Ranger drew back and kissed me lightly on my lips.

'I'm definitely confused now.' I said.

Ranger laughed, but it wasn't a nice sound. 'Me too Babe, me too.' Then he picked me up and carried me back down to his bed, ignoring everyone else.

He laid me down on his bed and crawled in next to me.

'Sleep Babe. We'll talk in morning.'

I woke knowing someone was watching me.

'Stop staring Ranger.' I said.

He laughed softly. I opened my eyes and found myself looking into his warm eyes, he looked tired.

'You didn't sleep so well huh?'

'Thinking.'

'Back to one word answers are we?'

'No.'

I rolled my eyes. Might as well get stuckin with the inquisition. 'Why did you kill Giovacci?'

'I had to.'

'Why?'

'Because otherwise the street would think I was weak, and the weak don't survive.'

'Why would the street think you're weak?'

'Because they think you're my woman, and if I let your kidnapping go unpunished then that would be like saying that it's ok to kidnap you, it's ok to kidnap my woman. And that would make me weak.'

'What does it mean that I'm your woman?'

'It means you're under my protection, it means you belong to me.'

'But what does it make me? Your girlfriend? What?'

'It means you're my woman.'

'Ranger, I'm a white girl from Trenton; I don't understand these things - you have to explain to me.'

'It means you're my girlfriend, it means you're my fiancé, it means you're my wife, legally or not, – it means you're the only woman important in my life, it means no one else is as important as you. Basically.'

'Huh.' My turn to hesitate, 'And is it true?'

Ranger didn't answer for a long minute, then he looked in my eyes and said, 'yes.'

'I'm your woman?'

Ranger paused again, eventually he said, 'If you want to be.'

'I'm your woman.' I said firmly.

Ranger smiled, a slow sensual smile, 'I'm your man.' He said. Then he kissed me, and my world, as I know it, disappeared forever.