SHURYU: More than Rivals

A/N: Restless seas ahead, folks. This chapter and its themes were not really planned to be a major part of this story, but after some personal events taking place recently, I felt inspired to explore this aspect a little deeper.

Chapter 28: Learning about Letting Go

Tatsuha stared at the receiver in his hand as if it were a the key to set off a bomb capable of ending the world. In a way, it was. It was the bomb capable of blowing away his entire universe- a universe centered on one Ryuichi Sakuma. For so long the brunette had been the apex of his world, for so long Tatsuha had wanted to stand by his idol and be allowed to see what no one else was allowed to. The teen wasn't stupid enough to believe that the image he saw on TV was the man's true self, although he often played the love-struck fool, but he still wasn't really prepared to see what he had been shown.

There had been so many nights when he had prayed, to any god listening, to be given even a single glance by his idol. To his eternal surprise, eventually, that prayer was answered and then some. However, upon further inspection, not all was as it seemed. He had gotten what he wanted- to know Ryuichi Sakuma- and he didn't like what he had found.

Dark eyes locked onto equally dark plastic as he made his choice and his other hand pressed the coin into the slot.

"Hello? Ryuichi?" His brother-in-law's voice sounded tired, so very tired, but there was an undercurrent to the question that made Tatsuha a touch anxious. Tohma rarely- if ever- let such emotion bleed into his voice. Hearing it struck a chord within himself, and for the briefest of seconds, he debated hanging up the phone.

Deep inside, there was still something very raw in Tatsuha, but he refused to let it get the better of him. He would sort things out when he got home, when he could have some time to himself. Until then, he would push his own feelings- whatever they were- to the back of his mind, and focus on the present. He would focus on what was best for him.

He wanted to go home.

"They're at a pit stop west of Kanagawa, just off Route 15. Come get them," he said, before he hung up. Tatsuha knew that in a very short time things would come to a head. He had known, as soon as he saw the payphone, how the night would likely end: his brother beating the ever loving shit out of his one time idol.

However, at that moment, he really couldn't find it in himself to care. He was tired, no, drained. He was done, just done. The only other time he had felt the same was a little after his mother had passed, after all of the anger and tears had been released. This time, though, there would be no tears shed.

He turned to go inside to wait for what was no doubt going to be one hell of a fight, followed by a masterfully orchestrated clean-up, the likes of which were only made possible by Tohma Seguchi's hand. Tatsuha shivered, not from the thought, but from his lack of a jacket. He could do with something warm to drink.

Entering the squat building, which served as the main complex of the pit stop, Tatsuha didn't even spare a glance at the two vocalists behind him. Instead, he headed directly to what looked like a miniature convenience store, situated between a closed takeout stand and an even smaller gift shop. He made a beeline towards the hot drink dispenser.

"Welcome in," Tatsuha ignored the voice of the old woman behind the register, in favor of deciding which warm drink he would get. Digging through his pockets, he came up with 680 yen, in small coins. It was more than enough for a hot can of milk coffee and a little something to eat.

Grabbing the can from the heated case, Tatsuha gave a quick glance around at the other offerings, eventually settling on a small baked good supposedly made with Okinawan brown sugar. Anything else would put him over his budget. He brought his purchases to the register.

"I'll take these, Gran," he said, dropping everything on the counter.

"You look like you can use a little rest. Have you been traveling long?" she asked, her aged fingers flying over the keys.

"Something like that," Tatsuha mumbled, fishing out the coins in his pocket, Glancing quickly at the total, Tatsuha placed the exact amount on the counter. "Just waiting for someone to come pick me up. Then, I'm going home to sleep."

"I hope that they arrive soon, then," she said simply, handing him a plastic bag. "You have a good night now, you hear? Stay out of trouble and let me know if you need anything else."

Taking it, he nodded as he left the shop, heading towards the closed takeout shop. It felt a little heavier than would be expected for a canned coffee and pastry. Confused, Tatsuha looked inside. In addition to his purchase, there was an additional pastry, likely slipped in when he was fumbling with his change. The addition made him smile. At least someone was looking out for him.

Tohma sighed and rubbed his forehead. This was going to end badly, he just knew it. Well, he knew it since the beginning that no good could ever come from Ryuichi's feelings. He knew his friend well enough to know that the man would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. But at the same time, he hoped to any deity listening, that this time- just this time- he would be wrong. He had hoped that Ryuichi would see enough sense to just leave things be, but that ended up not being the case.

Ryuichi was not a stupid man, regardless of how well he played the part, and he knew what he wanted, just as he knew the consequences for his actions. The man was a genius, after all, and always had been. But at the same time, he was a damaged man- a damaged man with a lot of power- who was very used to getting what he wanted. It was only a matter of time and it looked like this was it.

Tohma's eyes glanced back at the mobile phone sitting in the passenger's seat of his car. It had been only moments ago since he received a call from Tatsuha. He hadn't even hung up on the younger man, before he was behind the wheel, and driving into the night.

He had tried several times since then to reach his brother-in-law, to no avail. The line had been busy each time, which was odd. So instead, he left a couple of voicemail messages, and even sent a text while waiting at a red light. However, he had yet to hear back from the blonde. That made him worry.

'Relax,' he told himself, 'He might still be on the phone. Though, I am curious, who could he be speaking to?'

When he came to another light, he picked up his phone again to dial a different number.

You've reached the voicemail of Hiroshi Nakano. I can't pick up the phone right now, but feel free to leave a message- especially if it's you, Ayaka!- and I will get back to you as soon as I can.

Tohma was surprised the redhead didn't pick up. As he left a message, similar to the one he left Eiri, his worry only intensified. He was all but speeding toward Kanagawa, hoping that he would arrive in time to quell whatever bloodshed his dear brother-in-law inflicted unto his former-best-friend- maybe telling the blonde the other man's location wasn't the best idea after all- and to pick up the pieces that remained of said former-but-not-really-best-friend.

Tohma did not look forward to cleaning up this particular mess at all.

'Maybe I shouldn't,' came a voice from deep within his mind, 'Maybe I should stand back and just watch things unfold; let Ryuichi clean up his own mess for once.'

He shook his head to dispel the thought, but it was stubborn, 'I've been at this for years! I'm tired of it. Eiri can handle himself, Ryuichi's really not much of a threat physically- provided there are no glass tables around- so what if I' a little late?'

Tohma flicked on his right signal, preparing to make a turn. He hoped he would make it to the corner before the turned red. The last thing he needed was to be pulled over. He wasn't sure he was in the right mind to talk his way out of it.

'No, no. That won't do at all. Heaven forbid someone sees them brawling it out on the side of the street like two punks, what then? God help us if that someone's a journalist!'

He wanted to smack himself. Some time to be thinking as the president of NG, he chastised himself. Still, examining the events and filtering his feelings through the Presidential Lens did help to calm his mind somewhat. Someone would have to be the calm one, he acknowledged solemnly.

'I don't know how tonight's going to play out, all I can do is watch from the sidelines and straighten out the mess afterwards, but I will not get involved anymore than that,' he promised himself, 'This is between Eiri, Ryuichi, and to some extent Shindo.'

"I'm- against my better judgement- still your friend, Ryuichi but I'm not your keeper anymore." he said to the empty air besides him. There was just too much history between them to simply walk away. That didn't mean, however, he would continue to coddle the brunette as he had in the past. The bond between them was damaged, severely, if Tohma was honest to himself. Yet, he also knew that he was doing no one any favors should he continue on as though nothing had happened. That was assuming that he could hide his hurt and anger behind his ever present mask. Tohma was unsure if he could, if he wanted to really.

It hurt to be thrown away so roughly, as Ryuichi had. Although Tohma had known for sometime that Ryuichi desired some form of independence- hell, he was even aware of his own overbearing nature and need for control- the way in which Ryuichi had parted tore at something within the blonde. He couldn't help but feel that Ryuichi's actions and subsequent departure were an affront to their years of friendship. Tohma felt almost certain that Ryuichi had raised his middle finger in his general direction as he walked off towards Tatsuha's motorbike.

To think they had been friends since middle school. It seemed like another lifetime now, a foggy half-dream that could only be remembered in the minutes just before bed or in the solace of an empty office and a blank schedule. Ryuichi had changed from the goofy Ryuichi Ueda, who simply wanted to sing regardless if there was someone there to hear him or not, into the star-studded and jaded Ryuichi Sakuma. Tohma had also changed. Gone was the quiet-but-thoughtful little boy, who started playing the keyboard only to please his mother. In his place stood a grown man with a dangerous intelligence and the gall to rule over Japan's music scene with an iron fist and deceptively coy smile. Tohma wondered when things had gone so wrong.

'Are you this way because of something I did? Did I push you into this?' Tohma remembered days where their only ambition was to have fun creating music. It was a sad though that left a hollow pain in the center of Tohma's chest.

He reached out for the dashboard lighter, but brought his hand up short. He hadn't smoked in years, not since that short stint during college. A memory floated up from the depths: a memory of burnt red material in a plain envelope. Kumatan, a toy rabbit, torn to shreds, burnt nearly black, and sent not-so-anonymously to the Uesugi household at the end of that horrible, terrible summer.

'No, you were always capable of this, I just turned a blind eye to it.'

At the time, Tohma took the gesture as a slight directed against Eiri, whom had been still crying his eyes out over Kitazawa and in need of Tohma's support. He had thought Ryuichi was angry at the boy for stealing his best friend, for keeping Tohma from helping Ryuichi- much in the same way- though a difficult period in his life. He had been so concerned with Eiri, he had given very little thought to Ryuichi, whom he had thought could fend for himself.

'I wasn't there when you needed me.' He had left Ryuichi to deal with an increasingly drunken mother, along with her gambling and shopping debts. Over that summer, while he attended to a child he was fond of but barely knew, he had left his best friend to drop out of high school and take several part-time jobs to pay off the debt collectors pounding on his door.

'I felt too guilty over what I was certain were my own shortcomings that I mollycoddled you, and for years you let me believe that I had failed you that summer,' he thought, the anger resurfacing again. For years, that thought had driven Tohma to protect the singer, and for the most part cater to his often outrageous whims.

'I thought that was what drove you away: the need to live your life the way you want to. But that's not it, is it?' Tohma signaled to merge lanes, before coming to a stop before the onramp. His eyes locked on the burning red tail lights of the cars in front of him. Even at this hour the streets were busy.

'That message was meant for me, not Eiri, wasn't it? That was you ending our friendship.' He pulled on to the highway easily, but didn't press into the gas pedal any harder. He would get there when he got there.

'Since then, have you ever seen me as your friend? Or have I been just another asset to you? You've always been an amazing actor, Ryuichi. You even had me fooled.'

Sad eyes flickering between the rear view mirror and the road. It would be some time before he reached the pit-stop the younger Uesugi brother had told him about, but in the meantime, he would make his plans as he always did.

A/N 2: Did you know that it's illegal to make a right on red in Japan? Lefts too, actually.

I really wanted to explore the feelings Tatsuha and Tohma might have in regards to Ryuichi, having gone through something similar myself. There comes a point, when dealing with someone who has messed up too many times where you just have to let go. Sometimes that might be by cutting a person out of your life. It's not easy, it isn't pleasant, and it makes you reevaluate every moment you spent with that person. The questions of 'did you ever really love me' and 'what was I to you' circle your mind over and over. They sour your memories of that person. I think that's what's happening with Tohma. That isn't to say that his interpretation of Ryuichi is right or wrong, just that if a person is left to think long enough, they can convince themselves of anything. That influences how they see the world and act in it.