Certifiably Frightening
Midnight Meetings and Stupid Plots

"Remus Lupin?" Zoe repeated, her brow furrowing slightly. The name sounded familiar to her, though she couldn't place it.

"Yes," Remus said, wincing as he attempted to get to his feet. Zoe shot out a hand to help him up, her nerves tingling pleasantly when the handsome boy grasped her wrist.

Remus Lupin…where have I heard that name before?

"Thanks a lot," he said, giving her a gorgeous smile and releasing her wrist once he had steadied himself.

With that face, who cares?

"So, um," she blurted out, suddenly afraid to stand in silence in case he left. "How…how did you come to drop in?"

She winced in embarrassment at the stupid pun, but Remus smiled. The smile melted away as he considered her question, a look of confusion stealing over his face as he did so.

"I can't really remember," he replied at last, looking surprised. "I know it was the summer holidays – I mean, I'm not wearing the school robes – and…I was with my friends. I think Prongs had a Time Turner for some reason, though I can't really remember why. I don't know how he would have come by one – they're kept in the Ministry of Magic, and are only given out with special permission. Come to think of it, I don't know how all of us were even together: we live all over England and we usually only communicate by owl over the summer. None of this makes sense – it's like a really badly-written story."

He frowned, pondering this apparent oddity. Zoe, although she had been a little lost (Remus seemed to have been talking to himself more than to her), was struck by his last sentence.

A badly-written story…

Also, the word "Prongs" was jogging her memory for some reason as well. As Remus pondered the mystery of the events that had led to his arrival, Zoe strained her mind trying to figure out why her memory was twitching like a nearly-dead fish.

Oh! She slapped her forehead suddenly as the pieces fell into place. Remus looked at her bemusedly, tipping his head to the side, but even that breathtaking sight didn't distract Zoe. Remus Lupin was a teacher at Hogwarts! She remembered that from the movie. No wonder she hadn't gotten it straight off – the actor playing Remus Lupin certainly wasn't as amazing-looking as the boy standing before her.

Boy…Zoe frowned. In the movie, Remus Lupin was an adult. Why, then, was a teenager standing with her and not a man? Zoe had her suspicions: someone this perfect had to be the product of some unknown author's imagination. After all, Roger Davies was certainly nicer to look at than the average student at Hogwarts, but it was obvious that he was a normal person…as far as fictional characters went. The question, therefore, was this: was the boy standing before her an insert like Zoe and Bella, or was he like Tansy, a non-insert who could have all kinds of powers?

"Who's Prongs?" she asked suddenly, as she still couldn't recall where she had heard that name.

"One of my best friends," Remus answered. "His real name is James – Prongs is just a nickname we gave him since…well," he broke off abruptly, looking uncomfortable. Zoe waved it away; she remembered who Prongs was now: Harry's dad. From what she had gleaned from the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (which wasn't much, as she was normally much too busy staring at the more attractive male actors), Harry's dad could transform into an animal. There was a name for that…but she couldn't remember that, either. Surprise.

Remus coughed politely, drawing her attention away from her thoughts and back to him. "Listen, would you mind going with me to see Dumbledore?" he asked. "He might have an idea as to what's going on, but he'll probably think I'm a lunatic if I tell him I fell into the castle from nowhere I can remember."

"Sure," Zoe agreed. "Er…do you know the way?"

Remus nodded and the two of them set off in the direction of the headmaster's office. Zoe glanced around nervously in case Filch or his cat were hanging around – her wandering the school at night with a boy couldn't possibly look good.

"Do you know the password?" Remus asked as they approached the stone gargoyle that guarded the way to Dumbledore's office.

"Cockroach Cluster," Zoe said, and the gargoyle sprang to the side. The two of them stepped onto the moving staircase and started the slow ascent.

"So you really can't remember how you got here?" Zoe asked, just to be sure. If he couldn't, it probably meant he was the same kind of character as Tansy, since Zoe could remember very clearly how she came to be at Hogwarts. Being sucked into your computer and dropped into the castle was hard to forget.

"No," Remus said, his brow furrowing again as he strained his mind. "I don't know why. I can remember what was going on before, as nonsensical as things were, and I remember suddenly falling into the entrance hall, but nothing in between the two. I'm glad you were there," he said suddenly, smiling at her. "I probably would have had a panic attack if no one else was around."

Zoe felt the heat rising to her face and looked down.

"It's lucky," she managed to say, "I had just gotten out of detention."

"Detention? That's too bad. What for?"

"Er, arguing with my partner in Potions and letting our potion explode," she said, suddenly embarrassed. What if he thought she was too stupid for words, not even able to keep a potion under control? But Remus made a face and said sympathetically, "That's hardly fair. People mess up their potions all the time. Worm – Peter once melted his cauldron and a section of the floor."

Zoe laughed in mixed relief and amusement. "No kidding?"

Remus laughed with her. "The rest of us were in fits. Of course we had points taken away because of it, but still, it was hilarious."

The staircase suddenly came to a halt, and Zoe looked up and saw that they had reached the door of Dumbledore's office.

"I hope he's here," Zoe said, suddenly realizing that it was well after midnight. "It's really late."

But as they approached to knock, they heard the headmaster speaking to someone. Zoe and Remus frowned at each other, confused, and pressed their ears against the wooden surface of the door to listen in.

"…And the new girl makes six in the past two weeks. There have never been so many here at the same time."

"Professor McGonagall?" Zoe mouthed to Remus questioningly. He nodded, shrugged, and they turned their attention back to eavesdropping.

"I agree, Minerva," Dumbledore said, his voice grave. "It is most irregular. But what do you think it signifies?"

"I had hoped you would be able to answer that," McGonagall responded, sounding tense. "It can't mean anything good, Albus. You know what kind of things can happen when there are too many in one place. They're harmless enough if there's one, maybe two, but once they form groups…"

The Transfiguration professor's voice trailed off ominously.

"You do recall what happened last year," she continued after a moment. "If we hadn't acted so quickly the results could have been catastrophic."

"I know," Dumbledore said thoughtfully. "However, so far there is only one who could be truly dangerous, as the others will probably be gone in a matter of weeks. Would you like a lemon drop?"

"Really, Albus," McGonagall said, sounding exasperated. "This is hardly the time for–"

Although Zoe was perfectly content to stay and listen the rest of the conversation, Remus seemed to decide that they'd heard enough; he knocked on the door and the voices quieted instantly.

"Enter," Dumbledore's voice rang out pleasantly, as though it was the middle of the afternoon rather than the middle of the night. Remus pushed the door open and walked in, Zoe right behind him. With the adults' words still in mind, she watched McGonagall interestedly, and sure enough there was a flicker of something close to panic in the professor's eyes as she took in Remus's appearance. McGonagall seemed to feel Zoe's gaze and looked over, composing herself in the split second before she met Zoe's eyes.

Meanwhile, Remus had been explaining what had happened to Dumbledore, whom Zoe realized with a start was wearing a fuzzy yellow dressing gown that matched the color of the lemon drops in a crystal jar on his desk. She had to stifle her amused reaction.

"There's no need to worry," the headmaster was reassuring Remus kindly. "I assure you that this kind of thing is quite ordinary as of late. You will remain with the sixth-year Gryffindors and continue your classes normally. I'm sure you'll have no trouble settling back into a normal routine."

"Thank you, sir."

"So Miss Walker found you," Professor McGonagall said, apparently having been listening to every word although her gaze had been on Zoe. "What were you doing out so late?"

This question was directed at Zoe, who said, "Er, I had just gotten out of detention with S – Professor Snape. I was headed across the entrance hall and he kind of…fell in."

McGonagall seemed to accept the story, and Dumbledore said, "If there are no other problems, you two should be off to bed so you're alert for your classes tomorrow. Slow reflexes could be dangerous," he added, eyes twinkling.

"No kidding," Zoe agreed, fingering her left eye, which was still bruised due to her Summoning accident in Charms. Dumbledore smiled at her and Remus thanked him once more before turning to leave. Zoe followed, and as she turned to close the door she saw that the headmaster's smile had faded and he and McGonagall were exchanging dark looks. Zoe shut the door and followed Remus down the stairs, which were now moving down.

"This shouldn't be a problem, then," Remus said, sounding like he was trying to convince himself as much as Zoe. "I'm sure I'll figure out what happened soon, and in the meanwhile I still remember all the stuff I've learned in classes so far."

"Yes, I'm sure you'll be fine," Zoe said faintly, her thoughts still on the conversation between McGonagall and Dumbledore. "Remus, what do you think they were talking about before we went in?"

"I have no clue," Remus confessed, and stifled a yawn. He didn't seem worried at all. Zoe, however, couldn't shake the feeling that the two adults were talking about something related to them.

Six in the last two weeks…only one that could be truly dangerous…what did that mean? She should probably discuss it with Bella in the morning; she'd have some insights. With this decision made, Zoe realized for the first time that she was exhausted. She gave the password to the Fat Lady once they reached the portrait hole, and after saying goodnight to Remus headed towards the doorway that would lead to her dormitory. She could almost feel the mattress…

"Zoe?"

She turned at the sound of Remus's voice. "Yeah?"

"Just…er…thanks again for helping me out," Remus said. Was it the dying firelight, or was he blushing? Zoe smiled, pleased by this possibility.

"Anytime. Well, not that you'll be falling into the entrance hall again, but you know…"

"Yeah." Remus grinned back. "I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow."

"Okay. 'Night."

"Good night."

Zoe's smile widened as she went up the stairs, thinking that Remus dropping in was the best thing that had happened since she came to Hogwarts. She changed quickly into pajamas and sank gratefully onto her bed, drawing the hangings closed to block out the bright moonlight streaming in through the window. Full moon…

Something wasn't right about that, Zoe realized, but her mind was already sinking into a dream. The troubled feeling carried over into her sleep, and she was plagued with vaguely disturbing dreams until morning.

-

Zoe overslept the next morning; all of the canon characters were gone by the time she wrenched open her hangings in a fit of panic. Bella's hangings were drawn, and Zoe heard the rustling of clothing behind them. Bella was very self-conscious about changing clothes in front of any of the other girls – even when she and Zoe were alone, the pale-haired insert never emerged from behind the curtains on her bed until she was fully dressed. Zoe changed swiftly into her uniform and jerked her robes on, dragging her fingers through her hair all the while (which did nothing but throw it into further disarray).

Zoe was tugging a brush through it hopelessly when Bella emerged from behind her hangings. Zoe immediately froze in place, her brush halfway through a section of her hair. She stared at Bella's sheepish-looking reflection in the mirror.

"Your hair," she said, unable to come up with something more articulate. Bella's long, thick, white hair now stopped at her chin, was much thinner, and dark brown. Bella fingered it, looking self-conscious but pleased all the same. "Ginny did it when I asked her. I got so sick of struggling with it every day. It looks much more normal now, doesn't it?"

Bella's expression was eager. Zoe nodded dumbly, still shocked by the change. Her friend's features were still painfully pretty, but she looked much more...well, human…now that her most distinguishing feature was gone. An unexpected sensation of being abandoned swept through Zoe; she felt like she would stand out twice as much as she already did without Bella drawing half of the negative attention away from her.

She was just starting to sink into a satisfying state of self-pity when Bella said, "I'm sure Ginny would change your hair too, if you wanted."

"Oh!" Zoe started and fingered a long lock of hair. She remembered that she had been thrilled when she first discovered that she had these curls, but by now she would have traded them for her old hair in an instant. "You think she would?"

"I don't see why not – she was happy enough to do it for me," Bella said encouragingly. "The other girls even sat with me in the common room. We all went over Transfiguration notes."

"Yeah," Zoe nodded, the thought seeming more appealing by the second. Not being treated with derision by the canon characters would improve life around Hogwarts considerably. "I like this idea. I'll ask her in Charms."

"If we don't go now, we're going to be late!" Bella gasped, checking her watch, and the two girls sprinted out of the dormitory.

-

"Well?"

Zoe turned her head from one side to another, marveling at how much lighter her head felt with all that hair gone. Her hair was now only vaguely wavy rather than curled and stopped just below her shoulders. Bella clapped her hands, grinning widely. "It's great, Zoe!"

"Yeah, it didn't turn out too bad," Emily agreed, studying Zoe's hair critically. "It looks a lot better now."

"Thanks. Ginny, you're too sweet," Zoe said, smiling warmly at the redhead, who grinned back and shrugged.

"It's not a big deal," she said nonchalantly. "Should we go down to the common room now? I want to finish our Potions homework."

"Snape's a git," Emily said with a shake of her head. "Let's go."

Zoe was extremely pleased when Emily turned to her and Bella and asked if they were coming.

"In a minute," Zoe said, and glanced at Bella, trying to convey that she wanted to discuss something. She hadn't yet gotten the chance to tell her friend about the conversation she and Remus had overheard, although she had explained briefly how he had dropped into the castle after he had come up to them between classes. She got a fluttery feeling in her stomach thinking about it…but she pushed it to the back of her mind as Bella caught the hint and hung back as the other girls left.

"What's the matter, Zoe?" she asked, looking worried.

"Um, nothing really. I just wanted to tell you something that happened after detention yesterday."

And Zoe launched into as detailed a retelling of what she had heard as possible. Bella's eyes darkened as she listened, and when Zoe finished she said, "It sounds like they were discussing us. The inserts."

"That's what I thought, too," Zoe said nervously. "And they think that we're dangerous. Or at least, that one of us is dangerous." Zoe frowned as she recalled this particular detail. "Who do you think they were talking about there?"

"I don't know," Bella murmured, sinking down onto the edge of one of the beds. "And now Remus has come too. McGonagall actually looked scared?"

"Not scared, really," Zoe explained. "More like…alarmed."

"Hmm. Maybe we should talk to Remus about it," Bella suggested. "He might have some insights."

"Yesterday he didn't seem to think much of it," Zoe told her. "And besides, I don't think he really gets what's going on – you know, that he's not really Remus Lupin."

"That's very strange," Bella pointed out. "After all, Tansy knows that she's part of someone else's story."

"He couldn't seem to remember much of anything. I wonder why not."

"It might have something to do with the fact that he's someone's interpretation of a canon character…" Bella shook her head, looking frustrated. "I just don't know. I don't even understand how all of this works."

Silence descended between them. Finally Zoe said, "Well, I don't think we're going to figure anything out without more to go on, but I certainly am not going to sit around knowing that something serious involves me but I'm being kept in the dark about it. We're going to figure out what's going on."

"I seriously doubt Dumbledore or McGonagall would tell you what was going on, Zoe."

"I don't mean ask them. I mean keep our ears open for more discussions like that one."

"You're not saying we should spy on the professors!"

"Not spy, exactly," Zoe said. "It'll be more like passing by at a very convenient time."

Bella buried her face in her hands. "Zoe…you just might be crazy. What are you going to do, hide in the staff room wardrobe and wait until you hear something interesting?"

Zoe brightened. "Good idea."

Bella sighed and murmured, "I meant that as a joke."

"But not safe enough," Zoe continued thoughtfully. "They might open the wardrobe and see me. Ah – I know."

The color drained out of Bella's face. "You'd better not be thinking what I think you are."

"I'm just going to borrow it," Zoe said hastily. "One night, maybe two, and then I'll never touch it again."

"How do you expect to get your hands on it?" Bella whispered fiercely, sliding off the edge of the bed and looking around suddenly as if worried that someone might be listening.

"I'll…say I need to go to the Hospital Wing during one of our classes and sneak back up here then," Zoe said decisively. "Last class, that way I won't miss much."

"What if he needs it?"

"You're the one who's read the book. Will he?"

"I don't…well…no. But Zoe!" for Zoe had smirked triumphantly. "Think about it for two seconds. You can't possibly steal Harry Potter's Invisibility Cloak!"

"Why not? Don't you want to know what's going on?"

"Yes, but not that much!"

"Liar."

The two girls stared at each other for a minute as if trying to force the other to back down with sheer will. Finally Bella sighed and looked away.

"All right, I am curious," she said softly. "It does sound like something bad is on the brink of happening. Maybe…" Bella drew a deep breath and went on reluctantly, "Maybe you should try to find out what it is and we'll prevent it if we can."

"That's the spirit," Zoe said enthusiastically. "So. We'll start our observations tomorrow night."

"…We?"

"Obviously," Zoe snorted. "I'm not hiding out in the staff room alone. Both of us can fit under the Cloak – don't Harry, Ron, and Hermione do it all the time?"

"Yes, but…" Bella must have seen in Zoe's face that she had no intention of backing down, for she relented. "Fine. But only a couple nights, all right? I want to leave, yes, but that doesn't mean I want to get expelled."

"That'll work," Zoe said. "And I'll even get the Cloak on my own," she added, knowing Bella would refuse to participate in thievery. Hopefully if they overheard something else, Bella would at least be curious enough to want to continue on eavesdropping. And eventually Remus might want to get in on it. He had to have a bit of troublemaker in him, right? Hopefully.

"Let's go down to the common room," Bella said, grabbing her books. "If we're going to be spying after school, I want to get our homework done ahead of time."

As the two headed for the door, Zoe suddenly stopped. For no reason at all she had remembered that Dumbledore had been wearing a dressing gown, and she had just realized…

"Zoe? What is it?"

"Bella," Zoe said matter-of-factly. "Dumbledore and McGonagall were both in their nightclothes."

The two girls looked at each other, mild disgust and amusement descending upon them both as the implications of that sank in. They burst into hysterical giggling and descended the stairs.

-

Author's Note: Because AD/MM is COOL, damn it.

This chapter has been sitting on my computer for ages, but I kept putting off posting it because, frankly, I don't really like it. I rewrote it a couple times, but with no real improvement. The best I can say for it is that it moves things along in its own clumsy way. The next chapter should be more interesting: Zoe has to rob Harry, Bella and Zoe will be involved in low-class espionage, etc. Excuse the delay (but it was mostly for a good reason this time: I was trying to make the chapter the best it could be!), and review if you're feeling kind. Thanks.